27. When a common guardsman refuses me access to anything that I want access to, I will remind him that my goal is to save his life and the lives of his family. If he continues to just do his job -- I mean, refuse me access, I will consider him an obstruction sent by the enemy and slay him.

28. If I'm up against someone who has a much better weapon than I do, that I might could be able to use, I will make sure to loot it after killing him. The same goes for his armor and anything else.

29. I will not face my enemies in single combat if at all possible; instead, I will invest in a sniper rifle (or the genre equivalent) and use it. If for some reason I cannot, I will get someone else will do it for me.

30. I will not allow personal reasons to outweigh common sense. For instance, if any all-powerful supervillian kills my primary love interest, and I don't stand a chance against him, I will report it to the authorities and let them take care of it, rather than get myself killed trying to destroy him. Suicide doesn't really do much for vengeance.

31.) I will not fail to pork a random hot babe because of some moral trauma of my past or some cold fish shy-girl that hangs around in my posse. All hot babes will fall to the might of my giant porking steam roller of love.

32.) Explosives. Lots. No more going into dungeons and castles. I fill the place with gas, light a cigar, and, when I'm almost done smokin' it, I toss it all cool and slow-motion into the giant gas-filled cavern.

33.) I will do every drug imaginable, and nobody will question my morals. I'll tell them I have to because of a medical condition, or something.

34.) No errands (*cough*Morrowindcangetdeesenutsinitsmouth*cough*) .

35.) If I'm starving, and a baby is within walking distance, I will eat it.

36) I will do the exact opposite of rules #32-35.

I am going to assume these are sarcastic and shall proceed as such. (Although 32.) isn't that bad at all. I shall preserve it!)

31.) I will conduct every meaningful sidequest possible. I will gain as much exp. and gold as possible in order to further crush the powers of darkness.

32.) Explosives. Lots. No more going into dungeons and castles. I fill the place with gas, light a cigar, and, when I'm almost done smokin' it, I toss it all cool and slow-motion into the giant gas-filled cavern. (As I said, this one actually works in this thread)

33.) I will conduct battles in the soundest tactical sense possible. If it means being the gallant knight on a white horse leading the cavalry over the hill, cool for me. If it means being a common foot soldier, so be it.

I agree with IHMN's rule number 36, and here's my reasoning.
32-If you blow up all the dungeons, how are you ever going to get the magic items from the dungeons?
33-A hero on drugs is no threat to anyone, unless the person is a slack-jawed, mouth breathing retard with no legs or arms, since those are the only people who would be unable to see the hero's moves coming, or even dodge them if they, for some reason couldn't see it coming. Besides, if you have every drug imaginable in your system, you are probably dead already.
34-With no errands, there can be no side-quests, and with no side-quests, you lose a large percent of your exp, and uber magic items.
35-If you are starving and a baby is within walking distance, chances are, there are plenty of normal things to eat that are both healthier for you, and healthier for your image.

To add to the list:
37: Travel only in small groups, because statistics show that the more enemies in relation to your party, the less you'll actually be hit. Citing the Stormtrooper Effect as primary evidence in this case.

38. Unless I have specific reasons to go there, I will never, under any circumstances, enter any areas that have been labeled "Dangerous" or "Forbidden".

39. Screw chivalry. If I have an unfair advantage over the evil enemy, I will use it to it's full extent.

40. Worst Case Scenario Handbooks: I will read them, know them, and carry them because chances are I will be in said situations.

41. Anything Duck tape cannot fix should be taken to a local shop that I have used before to get it fixed.

42. If I ever saved the villians life I will remind him, repeatedly. 99.9% when a villian hears this they will let you go.

44. Always have a back-up plan

45. After stopping my greatest foe from using his sacred relic to open up a portal, I will destroy said relic instead of trying to use it for good. If my foe was positive that the relic would be used for evil, the best case scenario is that some greater evil force would enter my foe. At worst, I'd start Doomsday.

46. If the laws of physics are preventing your heroic escape, screw 'em. Deus ex Machina always wins

47. after explaining some complicated concept behind a spell or weapon, but just before you demonstrate, always be sure to say "and that means I can do shit like this!!" (works best with, when size is considered disproportianately powerful, guns)

48. always keep a small metal box hanging on a platinum chain around your neck. The box must be carved with wierd glowing symbols and runes. When you're backed into a corner, point the box at your enemies and threaten to open it. Just in case they don't run away in fear, it's a good idea to imprison a demon lord or some such in said box before undertaking heroic quests. A stuffed snake on a spring works too.

49. Don't touch the shiny buttons on the evil fortress' control panel.

50. Get some kid who doesn't talk to follow you around. Trust me on this one. It will turn out he can blow things up with his mind or something equally destructive.

51. If villains are duking it out for control of whatever, I will not leap headfirst into the battle. Doing that would lead to my imminent death. Instead, I will wait until one finishes the others off, so as to ensure fighting one weakened enemy instead of multiple full power ones.

52. If I am ever captured by a villain, I will always attempt to be placed in a cell with a fellow party member if at all possible, so as to facilitate escape planning.

53. If we have defeated what seems to be the main villain, but all the minions escape, I will not hold a party. Instead, I'll send a posse after the minions.