The desire to help out of kindness
 

For a while now, I've noticed something. Everyone I know these days only help others because they feel an obligation to. Hardly anybody helps anymore just to help. I noticed this recently when someone made the familiar statement, "I owe you one". It got me thinking, the only times I recieve help is when I convince the person that he/she owes me. Has anyone else noticed this?

I'm guilty of it too, but it looks different to others because my motives are uncommon. But, I still only help to aide my own agenda.

What would be the problem for us to try and help others just because. Everytime I'm asked to do something, I reactively think, "What's in it for me". Are we, as living things, incappable of thinking entirely of another's well-being?

The problem is people may seek to abuse the compassion of others. If your the kind of person that always loans others money it will become expected of you to do so, and you can be punished in some way by not maintaining the standard. Also opportunity costs sometimes by helping another person you have to give up a chance to gain something. For example someone drops a 100-dollar bill; you can do the helpful thing and return it, or keep it for yourself. I make a point of doing at least on good deed a day, but that is because I believe in Karma.

Generaly speaking, whenever someone helps an other person out, it is because they are looking to gain something. Even saintly people, like Mother Terisa were helpful because they expected their reward to come in heavan or just because that is what makes them happy. A person will always, always, do what either pleasures most or hurts least.

Even if your helping for your own agenda your still helping, which is better than pushing people in the mud for no real reason. Not as funny, but much kinder.

There is nothing wrong with your thought process. You are doing what you would expect them to do if the situation was reversed, and if the situation was reversed and they don't ante up it doesn't seem fair to you. Thats not being selfish, thats sense of morality clashing.

Geez, and I thought I was a cynic.

I would like to think I'm not guilty of this. I hold doors for people, tell them the time, let them borrow books, etc. Perhaps I gain emotional stability or moral superiority from it subconsciously, but I would like to think that I do it for the benefit of others. Maybe it's b/c I'm just 16.

I don't perform these acts because of a reward in Heaven. I believe that God would never punish someone forever, even in the name of justice, for a mortal life. I don't know if there even is an afterlife, and frankly whether it does exist or not does not affect my morality. If there is, awesome. If there isn't, I won't be around to complain. I think that our actions would affect our relationship with God in the afterlife, but I don't think it's either all happiness or all badness. I think that afterlife would be similar to life now on the subject of good and evil and whatever. Thus, I don't gain particularly from that. I like to think that my actions encourage others to be better people.

And... we're stepping away from the religion now. Stepping... stepping... stepping... Good.

We're now away from religion, with that paragraph out of our minds.

Keep it that way.

Sorry, I had to address the "religious people are nice cuz they want an eternal reward" post. It was a complex thought that I thought needed validation. Would it have been better if I had just said "I don't follow my morals for my own personal gain, religious or otherwise?"

Yeah. Pretty much.

Basically saying religion is a motivator, or something very general is ok. Going into your beliefs on religion isn't, because then other people do... and then people with differing beliefs start to argue, and then we have ethnic cleansing and jihads and crusades. Or just flaming. Probably the flaming.

Also, the school of thought that people do things purely for themselves is part of modern psychology. Basically it isn't a 'physical' reward, but rather you validate yourself through living by your own honor code. You make yourself feel good by doing so. It's subconcious. Chemicals are released that make you feel better when you validate your philosophy.

I don't think that people always do something nice to further themselves. If you do something nice for someone else, most likely, you can't help but feel good about it. It's not because you were like "Oh, my best friend is crying, I bet she'll think I'm a good person if I comfort her, and I'll feel good about myself" but because you cared for your friend and wanted them to be happy again, and the good feeling you get from your good deed is just an extra bonus to making your friend feel better. So in situations like that, it wasn't for that boost that you did the good deed, it was just to make your friend feel better.

I guess there could be some people who would only comfort others for their own sake, but I think it would be much more common to help a friend because they're your friend, not because you want something in return.

And plus there's the "no thought" good deeds. Such as when a person does something nice out of instinct or without even thinking of the harm that may befall the person giving the good deed. Such as when police officers risk their lives for others, or firefighters rush into a burning building. Or even something like pushing someone out of the way of a car. In situations like those, as rare as they may be you don't have a chance to even comprehend "oh, if I save him I'll be a big hero!" or anything like that, you just do what you do.

So I don't think people do a lot of good deeds with only their own interests at mind. Even if they are giving to charity, their prime motive is "help others", of course, "feel better about myself" may be a secondhand factor in them giving, but if all they wanted to do was feel better about themselves, there's many more ways to do that other than sacrificing your funds.

I don't think we can ever really know a human being's true motivations. Most of the time we can't even define our own motivations, we simply adopt a philosophy onto ourselves.