Stupid People and Making Love: Sex Defeats Common Sense
 

When in doubt, put it in Off Topic, I suppose.
Some o' this stuff's kinda freaky, so I'll post the weird things in black so you can skip 'em. Of course, if you're the uptight type, it may bet better to just leave this thread alone.
Okay:

(March 1998, Tennessee) A teenage Knoxville boy read in an adult magazine that you could hook a cow heart up to a battery and create an organic sex toy. Thinking to improve on the original model, he hooked it up to the household current, electrocuting himself and setting fire to his house.

That was the first demented one. Read at your own risk. The short version: Things that are meant for low-power batteries are not to be connected to the household electrical current.

The next one's quite technical, so translations have been inserted in brackets:

(23 December 1991, Florida) This account of an aircraft accident is quoted directly from the National Transportation Safety Board report.
Aircraft: PIPER PA-34-200T, Registration: N47506

Injuries: 2 Fatal.

The private pilot and a pilot rated passenger [two pilots] were going to practice simulated instrument flight. Witnesses observed the airplane's right wing fail in a dive and crash. Examination of the wreckage and bodies revealed that both occupants were partially clothed and the front right seat was in the full aft reclining position. [The pilots had converted the co-pilot seat to a bed.] Neither body showed evidence of seatbelts or shoulder harnesses being worn. [They were lying on the bed.] Examination of the individuals' clothing revealed no evidence of ripping or distress to the zippers and belts. [Their lack of clothing seemed to be voluntary.]

The National Transportation Safety Board determines the probable cause(s) of this accident as follows:

The pilot in command's improper in-flight decision to divert her attention to other activities not related to the conduct of the flight. [The pilot and co-pilot were, as the saying goes, 'stuffing the beaver', and nobody was flying the plane.] Contributing to the accident was the exceeding of the design limits of the airplane leading to a wing failure. [The lack of a pilot caused the plane to fly erratically, over-stressing the wing and leading to a crash.]

Okay, if you're going to screw around in an airplane, either get someone else to pilot, or at least use an autopilot system, blast it!
Seriously these people must've had about zero self-control.

Okay, okay. What gets me about this last one is that it happened in England. This is not the behaviour I'm used to seeing from England. Now, I could understand some of my fellow Americans doing this, but not English types. I hope they're as glad to have these people out of the gene pool as I am:

(3 March 2002, Sheffield, England) As Kim Fontana, 32, and Paul Cowley, 40, left the pub, they noticed that a streetlight was burned out, creating an attractive pool of darkness on the road. Unable to rein in their passion, they began to canoodle on the asphalt outside the pub.

Witnesses said the couple was lying right on the white line, kissing and cuddling. The passionate pair were warned of the danger of their chosen position not once, not twice, but three times -- by a car driver, a bus driver, and a pedestrian.

An off-duty paramedic honked three times and shouted, "You want to get up, or otherwise you’ll be run over." The man simply said "Cheers, mate," and the paramedic heard a female voice laughing. A bus driver swerved to avoid them, and drove past with wheels on the curb. A concerned pedestrian shouted to warn them that another bus was headed their way.

Despite these disruptions, Kim and Paul continued, oblivious to the approach of a small, single-decker Nipper bus. The bus driver mistook the undulating shape for a bag of rubbish in the poorly lit street, and was unable to stop in time. There was a dull thud...

Kim and Paul were struck and killed at midnight. Paramedics found Kim lying on her back with her jumper pulled up, and Paul between her legs with his trousers pulled down.

The only downside to this timely removal of lunacy from the gene pool is the fate of the bus driver. Despite the couple's own actions, and a police investigator's statement that "one can expect a pedestrian walking or running in the road, but to expect a driver to anticipate a pedestrian lying in the road is out of the ordinary" -- a judge felt that "his driving fell below the standard one would reasonably expect of a prudent, competent driver."

The bus driver was fined for careless driving and his license was revoked for six months. Fortunately, his employers consider him an excellent employee, and plan to give him other duties for six months. Relatives of the victims said they were glad the driver had kept his job.

You can tell it really happened in England because the reletives of the idiots didn't sue the bus driver, his company, and the British Government for shocking amounts of money, and they wouldn't have won if they'd tried.
So, the moral of these stories is: Some things are best kept at home.
Also, if you want to see more examples of people killing themselves in stupid ways, go to the Darwin Awards site.

Okay, that's my ranting and raving for the time being.
--The Jaded Falcon
"Well, that's it. People are stupid"
Edit: Okay, I guess there was only one freaky one. But it's not for the faint of heart!

God... I mean... people are REALLY -this- stupid when it comes to sex?

Jaded Falcon, you could have said all that without having to make fun of americans at the same time. I mean, the 'witty' pokes at america kinda undermined the whole thing for me. Now I'm left with a bad taste in my mouth. I don't know how they do things in Idaho or whatever, but we try to keep things fairly neutral around here. Or at least I do.

Except when it comes to Finland. There's just...just something about those stab-crazy maniacs that I can't justify.
Hi Oster! :D!

I agree completely. I like the humour of your stories, but the blatant disrespect for your country is rather upsetting to me. So by the end of your post I was no longer smiling. Not that I take it too seiously, it's just kind of makes me uncomfortable.

And the Finnish are maniacs. Chronic masturbators too.

It's a crazy world. That's all I have to say.

America sucks, america sucks, america sucks. World Cup of Hockey. Shiney sucks the most. And I suck WA. And Finland is THE coolest country in the world. Also I am very cool. And stab crazy.

Tch, everyone know Americans are crazy, wacky sonsofbitches.And I love them all anyway =3

people are crazy when it comes to sex...thats all i have to say

Hey, I grew up in rural upstate New York (y'know, the part no one hears about) I was surrounded by drug addicts, Neo-Nazis, and at least one KKK branch. And all around me were examples of blatent stupidity. Then, I moved out here to Idaho, and found that so many people here, while more racially tolerent, have little religious tolerence. Now, I belong to the same religion, and I know that one of our founding principals is the idea that we must let others believe (or disbelieve) whatever they choose. And yet here, so close to our church's center, there are so many people who purposefully misinterpret our teachings to justify whatever actions they wish.
Meanwhile, we're all suing each other for our own rampant stupidity.
Case in point: Some chainsaws now come with warnings telling you not to try and stop the saw with your genitals.
Most of those idiotic warnings are there because someone tried to do what the label says not to, hurt themselves, and sued the company because there wasn't a label.
I'm sorry, my fellow Americans, but when we need signs to tell us to keep our wangs away from running chainsaws, I feel that we all need to realize that most of us are pretty dumb. At least you guys all seem to have some sense.
--The Jaded Falcon
"Yeah... I'm just bitter"

You don't need to support your earlier offenses with supposed proof of american stupidity, Jaded Falcon.
The whole freedom of speech thing kinda protects you there.
You know, being one of the greatest things about america, in my opinion.

But we digress...
In a certain country(I forget which...Ireland?)
Cows have been driven into public places to turn off those who would engage in sexual intercourse there.
Tell me that isn't a creative solution.

Then do be so kind as to not bring your bitterness here. As we are sensible, we don't need it.