EPISODE 2: MY MOM'S KIND OF A BITCH
"Good morning, NES!"
Yeah, that's enough of that, then. Mum said I had to go get a job today. Applying in Viridian City's PokeMart seems wise enough.
Grab a potion before I go to hock for some cash, maybe grab a lemonade while I'm in town.
Cakewalk. Now, downstairs!
My mother has horrible taste.
"Wait, I'm just getting a job right now! I can't afford to move out yet!"
"Well, it's too late now. We only own one bed, and I'm tired of sleeping on the rug down here. You're on your own from this point on, boy."
"Thanks for the message."
"Oh, and give me your keys before you leave- No sense leaving any chance of you coming back!"
My mom's kind of a bitch.
Let's see what oak wanted from me..."
"Hey, I have an idea, let's never become rivals and constantly surprise each other with random fights, okay? Like, never ever. I don't ever want to challenge you in any way. If you want to be the greatest pokemon master of all time, I won't fuck with you. Deal?"
Well, Oak isn't home, so I may as well just head to Viridian City to try and get a job.
"What the hell?"
"What the fuck? Where were you hiding?"
"That's not important, you could be mugged by WILD POKEMON."
[Also, for the purposes of this post, every time you see "Pokemon" read it as "Pedophile".]
"Uh, isn't that like buying a dog to chase off other dogs? Wouldn't the other dogs be MORE attracted because I have a dog with me?"
"I'm homeless anyway, I might as well."
"Actually yeah, me too. Fill us in already, what's going on?"
"I don't think he told you to stay, so you're probably a lot more loyal then I am, right here."
Oak: "I'm sending you boys on an errand or two. To accompany you so you're safe in the grass..."
"Just three?"
Oak: "I only have 3."
Fenris: "...Gramps, aren't you a pokemon professor? have you just been doing all your research from these three pokemon?"
Oak: "We're on a tight budget. It's not like other labs get a bunch of extra rats or cats!"
"You want to give me one of your pseudo-lab rats? What kind of gene therapy have you run on these poor bastards?"
"You'd think he'd reward your patience but apparently not."
Fenris: "He gets this way sometimes, forgetting names and such. At least he remembered my name today."
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD WHICH ONE DO I PICK
[Hint: Charmander]