Thread: This is me not giving a gosh-god-darn
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Unread 03-07-2010, 06:52 AM   #1
Nique
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Default This is me not giving a gosh-god-darn
At the risk of sounding overly emotional or introspective (I'm so far past this point that not only am I everything-you-are-about-to-read, but I am also confounded by the sheer inability of the term 'emo' both as a means of insulting someone or as any kind of self-descriptor whatsoever) but it's 3:09am and I am at once awaken and confronted by the endless gravity of mundane everyday life and the sick weightless feeling of floating in a vast inky void that is absolute meaninglessness.

Help?

Everything about life is revolving around my head and no matter what kind of importance or end goal I try to imbue anything with, it all feels exactly pointless. How exactly does one cope with the feeling that the world or all the parts of it significant to me can and may very well implode. How does one push through everyday life when suddenly my choices are 'take a lunch break at home, eat out, or quit my job, sell all my worldly possessions and just go somewhere, anywhere, in an effort to escape either suicidal depression or outrun a collapsing world economy. (I am not, to my knowledge, suicidal, and one or two doctors agreeing with my self-diagnosis at age 17 is not enough for me to throw in with anyone who is actually suffering from clinical depression. Should I invest some time to find out? Maybe.)

My day started on an incredible high too. I was well rested, got up and actually went to the gym. THE GYM. You have to understand how big that is for me. I have no idea where this is coming from. Am I just now being hit by a shockwave of social stress about the economy? Have I been pursuing a lifestyle that I don't want? What on earth do you do when your own internal ranting on meaninglessness in life slingshots back as also incredibly meaningless whining which get's tossed over to the other side ad infinitum.

NPF has never felt like a place to hide crazy, so please feel free to share your own existential crisis (Crisi? What is the plural of that supposed to be?) humorous or otherwise.

I have no delusions that these are somehow unique feelings or 'realizations' that are accurate in anyway, but even knowing that... Well, damn. It's a lonely feeling. It's 3:41am, and I guess I just felt like I needed to tell somebody.
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