Well, I'll start by killing Drac's dreams of turning airship battles into a mile-high destruction derby. PATCA does have access to a single battleship, and because it's the only one and hella expensive, you'll be Dinner'd to hell if you say anything close to "ram".
Pierce: "Hey, could you pass the strawberry jam?"
Rayleen: "Incarcerate that motherf-!"
And there will be no court-martials. I'll give the Watchmen Burkmont, but you're going to have to kill him in a very unofficial way. 'Cause god knows he won't give you the chance to take him so you can play judge, jury, and executioner. You're gonna hafta skip all the way to the really good part.
Besides, I can already imagine you guys playing military court...
Impact: "Is the prosecution ready?"
Charlotte: "Hell to the fuck yeah!"
Impact: "Is the defense ready?"
*crickets chirping*
Impact: "I said 'Is the goddamn defense ready?'"
Renny: "Yeah...question. Why am I involved in this at all?"
Impact: "Well, we're using this to torture Burkmont before we fry that fucker. And the way I figure it, we can use this to kinda torture you as well, Renny. Two birds with one stone, or is that Pidgeys? Anyways, I'm going to go ahead and assume you're ready, so Pierce, would you kindly bring in the defendant?"
Pierce: "'Would you kindly?' What is this, Bioshock?"
*Pierce leaves and brings in Burkmont. Burkmont has been brutally beaten repeatedly and is covered in bruises and cuts, which is probably a step up from his usual appearance.*
Impact: "Does the defendant understand the crime he's being charged for?"
Renny: "How the hell could he, Your Honor? The defendant is ready to pass out and swallow his tongue, not answer for his crimes. Actually, you know what? Nevermind. You've all taken turns beating him within an inch of his life, and then you put him in court? I should think it's the other way around."
Charlotte: "Objection!"
Renny: "For what?"
Charlotte: "Yo' momma!"
Pierce: "You tell him, Charlotte!"
Renny: "Well fine, far be it for me to tell the truth and then you call me out on it. Y'know what? Screw you guys, I'm going home!"
Pierce: "Sure, go have fun with your Livejournal or letting Mollesk ass-ram you or whatever it is you do on your time off."
Renny: "I'm not even going to indignify myself by responding to that."
And then it just gets worse. I imagine you three fuckers trying to get Burkmont to say anything by slathering peanut butter on his lips like he's a goddamn horse.
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