"Mister I'll Make A Man Out Of You" or "Teach Seil How To Be More Manly"

[Seil]

I have a penis.

This is not news to me, I've had it for a while now. It's only in the last two decades that we've gotten to know each other, but we're fairly well acquainted. That being said, having a penis does not make me a man.

...Technically it does - biologically speaking.

But here's the thing - I don't know how to be manly. I cannae grow a full beard. I don't own a car where the engine goes "BRAAAAHNNNVROOMVROOMVROOM!" and I've never had sex. I like pretty things, my favorite color is pink and my chest hair is nowhere near Robin Williams lustrous mane. I like pretty dresses and sexy fashion. I like high heels and bending at the waist. Show tunes, guys, show tunes and musicals!

I can chop wood, build a fire and cook a steak over it, though. Scotch is delicious. I can smoke a cigar.

The thing being that I don't have any of the stereotypical masculine qualities that "real men (TM)" have, and with the gender revolution that has (arguably) been going on since before the suffragettes, traditional gender roles are changing. I hate change. But this change is good. It's hard, and trans people and cisgendered people and gay people and gender fluid people are really suffering - like Oh My God, guys, do they have it bad - but with traditional gender roles changing, I feel that the traditional definition of masculinity is going to disappear. Which is good. But I don't get to be a part of men - I want a piece of that man sandwich.

I grew up with the idea of macho men and girly girls and Knights In Shining Armor rescuing Damsels In Distress, and that's what I want. And I know I can have that and not be an ass or douchebag or mean or rude like a lot of Real Men (TM) are, and that I can be whoever I want to be, and I shouldn't let society define who I am, but I am absolutely batshit crazy and I can't change nearly three decades of learning gender stereotypes go.

So here's the post for sober people:

Seil wants to be a manly man, but likes things that are girly girly. Seil understands that gender roles are changing, and that's good, they need to change, but Seil still wants to adhere to those roles, but he wants to be a good man. How can Seil become a manly man quickly, to show off to adoring girly girls?



Because you were going to Google the song anyway - and I'm fairly certain it's genderally insensitive, and Disney is not manly.

[Aerozord]

To be a man you must have honor. Honor, and a penis

[Bard The 5th LW]

Gender Roles are overrated just be whatever makes you happy.

[Overcast]

First. Be a man. Second, if any other person claims you are not being a man punch them in the dick and take their manhood from them. If it is a woman then realize you are a man and thus do not need to consider their opinion on manhood as any true test of your manhood.

[Grandmaster_Skweeb]

Step 1: Get beach Muscles.
Step 2: Show off your beach Muscles on the beach.
Step 3: Kick sand in the eyes of anyone who doesn't appreciate your beach Muscles.
Step 4: See Step 5
Step 5: Flex your beach Muscles.
Step 6: See Step 4.

[BB]

I'll show you how, but I'll need $500 to get set up. Can you sub me?

[Flarecobra]

We all know that a man is a miserable pile of secrets.

[tacticslion]

Originally Posted by Seil

Seil wants to be a manly man, but likes things that are girly girly. Seil understands that gender roles are changing, and that's good, they need to change, but Seil still wants to adhere to those roles, but he wants to be a good man. How can Seil become a manly man quickly, to show off to adoring girly girls?

So, from what I'm understanding, you want to be "manly" in the (quasi-)"stereotypical" manner, ala Schwarzenegger, Stalone, etc., only without the negative elements that are often associated with it?

I'm not a "manly" man in that regard - I lack many of the supposed prerequisites - but the thing is, mostly it's a combination of being tough, healthy, and somewhat moderately skilled at self-defense/combat in some manner or another (I'd recommend the self-defense).

Frankly, getting into a self-defense course, exercising regularly, and learning how to master your emotions (in a general sort of way*).

* This does not mean shutting your emotions off, or becoming super-stoic, or whatever. This merely means learning to react emotionally appropriately, to the best of your ability. More "self-control", and less "suffer in silence".

What is more important, however, is to note that there are several different ways of achieving the "ideal" of "manliness" - James Dean and Marlon Brando may look nothing like Sly or Arnold, but they're both considered manly; as is Harrison Ford (who has a distinct and varied image that ranges between all four of them). Here are a few other recommendations, if you like.

Effectively, there's more than one way to "be manly" - and it's up to you to find that way, relative to yourself. If I had to reduce it to a word, it would be "strength" - with many of the literal and metaphorical meanings that can imply - and displaying that to others.

That is the best and most direct method of answering your actual question.

But you've been given far, far better advice by most of the people here. That is, effectively: be who you are, like what you like, and don't fear others, if you can help that. That is far, far better than twisting yourself uncomfortably to measure up to some outside metric that doesn't well-apply to you*.

* I am not saying that it does not apply to you. I don't know you enough to know for sure. I am inferring from the apparent implication of your words, but you could be perfectly 'manly'.

Find what makes you happy, and live in that in a manner that is as clean, relatively healthy, and within-your-means as possible that also helps contribute, where possible, to the betterment of others. That's, ultimately, what being a human is about: finding your way to live life in a satisfying manner that benefits yourself and others around you as much as possible*.

* This is a statement that lacks lots of nuance and misses many important elements, but it's a fairly decent summary. Just bear in mind that "contributing" does not necessarily mean "doing a thing that provides typical benefits as most people understand it" but rather "doing something that, in some way, improves other peoples' lives" - point in fact, you posting at NPF does exactly that, so you're well on your way to being a "manly man" and awesome human being simply by being yourself.

EDIT: I added the link to Manly Guys Doing Manly Things on Marlon Brando, because it crossed my mind, and seemed to fit.

[Seil]

"A [man] should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly.

Specialization is for insects."

Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988)

[Bum Bill Bee]

Have muscles, drink lots, play football or hockey, own an absurd amount of guns, live in a forest "off the grid", wrestle grizzly bears with your bear hands, etc.