Should I pursue this girl? (garenteed 100% emo free)

Aerozord · 08-22-2011, 01:28 PM

Just to get this out of the way, this is good stuff thats happened. I do know that she likes me, and if circumstances were different we would be dating without a second thought. I am asking for opinions on if I should date her given the circumstances.

Well I went to a convention a good 6 hours (by car) from my house. And during the con I of course met her friends from the area that were also going. Me and one of her friends really hit it off. Mushy stuff here. Of course we are keeping in touchy.

The issue is whether or not to pursue a relationship. Neither of us really has the money to travel. Even if we did we both still live at home so it would make staying with each other during those visits hard. On her side specifically she is rather introverted and doesn't get out much, going to the con in the first place was her trying to push herself to be more outgoing so she isn't really ready to travel that kind of distance on her own. Probably be another year before I can manage visiting there again.

Just not sure if its practical to attempt this right now in our lives, or wait until we are in a better place to attempt it.

pochercoaster · 08-22-2011, 01:53 PM

All I know is to make a long distance relationship work you have to be a little insane. I wish I had some better advice but it all seems too dependent on the individuals that it's really hard to say one way or the other... Generally it's harder the more stuff you have going on in your lives (school, etc.) And it's expensive (moreso if you have to take a plane, but that's not the case here) and there's no way around that. Sometimes circumstances just plain suck.

Moreover, interacting with someone through msn and even on the phone, while not an entirely inaccurate depiction of them, is not the same as interacting with them face to face. You don't get to see all the different sides of someone until you a good chunk of time with them IRL. So if it's a whole year before you get to see her again, you'll only get to know each other as much as those limited forms of interaction will allow. Even if you hit it off well with her, once you get a chance to spend more time with her IRL you might be disappointed with each other.

All relationships are risks, whether or not they're long distance. I don't want to necessarily discourage them, either- I mean, I've been in a LDR for nearly four years and now I'm getting married- but it takes a certain kind of person, and a certain kind of resolve (and craziness) to dedicate yourself like that. It messes up your priorities and you have to be a very levelheaded person so it doesn't get to you. I want to also note that I think a large part of the reason my LDR worked was because I didn't have too many obligations at the time.

Even if you try to take it slow in a LDR there's always the question of where you're going- because you will pine for each other and after awhile the distance will feel unbearable. But, if you're both, for example, doing four year programs at universities on opposite ends of the province, you're left with this dilemma... People who have "regular" relationships can progress without worrying about moving in together or getting married or whatever because they can take it slowly. Entering a long distance relationship demands more dedication than a "regular" relationship while you simultaneously don't know the person as well as you would in a "regular" relationship. It's a little blind. And you can't resent the other person for how it changes your life and inconveniences you, although sometimes you might feel that way.

So it just comes down to your expectations, because to make a LDR work you have to want to make it work. Do you have realistic expectations? Are you levelheaded? Are you okay with not getting laid for long stretches of time? (I mean that seriously- assuming you're doing a monogamous thing here) Are you prepared to travel through shitty weather in the winter? Are you prepared to spend money? Are you good enough to not cheat on her when you feel lonely?

Edit: For some reason I mixed you up with Azisien and thought you lived in Ottawa. >_>

Professor Smarmiarty · 08-22-2011, 01:55 PM

The great scholar Ludacris has many thoughts on this. They are too complex to spell out here so I suggest you go to the source- I suggest starting out with his treatise "Area codes"

Krylo · 08-22-2011, 02:16 PM

No.

shiney · 08-22-2011, 02:30 PM

Wait did you get mushy with her or her friend?!

I made a long distance relationship work across the goddamn ocean but then Rai and I are the exception to the rule.

6 hours is a lot less than an ocean. But it's still something that is amazingly difficult to deal with.

Professor Smarmiarty · 08-22-2011, 02:48 PM

Oceans are full of merpeople who can carry your love across the waves however.

Aerozord · 08-22-2011, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shiney

Wait did you get mushy with her or her friend?!

stupid gender reliant pronouns.

I was staying with a friend whom I am completely platonic with. My friend's friend is the one I was being mushy with and whom I am talking about

BloodyMage · 08-22-2011, 03:09 PM

Sure, go for it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but if it does then that's great. You can wait until you're both in a better place, but you might meet someone closer before that happens, or it might happen to her. I'd suggest at least giving it chance.

Specterbane · 08-22-2011, 03:24 PM

I don't want to say 'No'...but...it's not going to be easy on you. On either of you. I've tried long distance before and Pocheros is right about it, it takes dedication. But that doesn't just count for you: when my ex and I tried we both knew she wasn't great at phone conversations, but I didn't think it would be as hard as it was. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried to make it work and keep things how they had been it was an up hill battle that I had no help with. So you can't do this without her, how does she feel about doing it?

Now to be fair, she and I had about a 12 hour FLIGHT between us. But a six hour drive is not easy, nor cheep. If you're serious about this think of the gas it'll take and the wear and tear on your car, as well as the time loss from being exhausted after that long of a drive.

The short of it, if you're both dedicated to this it might just work. But it will be extremely hard on both of you to do it.

Azisien · 08-22-2011, 04:08 PM

Long distance relationships are fucking bullshit. But as others have said, there can be exceptions that work.

Aerozord, I think you might just be an exception if I ever heard of one, so I implore you to give it a shot.

08-22-2011, 01:28 PM	#1
Aerozord So we are clear Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Former murder capital of the world Posts: 13,824	Should I pursue this girl? (garenteed 100% emo free) Just to get this out of the way, this is good stuff thats happened. I do know that she likes me, and if circumstances were different we would be dating without a second thought. I am asking for opinions on if I should date her given the circumstances. Well I went to a convention a good 6 hours (by car) from my house. And during the con I of course met her friends from the area that were also going. Me and one of her friends really hit it off. Mushy stuff here. Of course we are keeping in touchy. The issue is whether or not to pursue a relationship. Neither of us really has the money to travel. Even if we did we both still live at home so it would make staying with each other during those visits hard. On her side specifically she is rather introverted and doesn't get out much, going to the con in the first place was her trying to push herself to be more outgoing so she isn't really ready to travel that kind of distance on her own. Probably be another year before I can manage visiting there again. Just not sure if its practical to attempt this right now in our lives, or wait until we are in a better place to attempt it. __________________ "don't hate me for being a heterosexual white guy disparaging slacktivism, hate me for all those murders I've done."

08-22-2011, 01:53 PM	#2
pochercoaster rollerpocher tycoon Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 1,808	All I know is to make a long distance relationship work you have to be a little insane. I wish I had some better advice but it all seems too dependent on the individuals that it's really hard to say one way or the other... Generally it's harder the more stuff you have going on in your lives (school, etc.) And it's expensive (moreso if you have to take a plane, but that's not the case here) and there's no way around that. Sometimes circumstances just plain suck. Moreover, interacting with someone through msn and even on the phone, while not an entirely inaccurate depiction of them, is not the same as interacting with them face to face. You don't get to see all the different sides of someone until you a good chunk of time with them IRL. So if it's a whole year before you get to see her again, you'll only get to know each other as much as those limited forms of interaction will allow. Even if you hit it off well with her, once you get a chance to spend more time with her IRL you might be disappointed with each other. All relationships are risks, whether or not they're long distance. I don't want to necessarily discourage them, either- I mean, I've been in a LDR for nearly four years and now I'm getting married- but it takes a certain kind of person, and a certain kind of resolve (and craziness) to dedicate yourself like that. It messes up your priorities and you have to be a very levelheaded person so it doesn't get to you. I want to also note that I think a large part of the reason my LDR worked was because I didn't have too many obligations at the time. Even if you try to take it slow in a LDR there's always the question of where you're going- because you will pine for each other and after awhile the distance will feel unbearable. But, if you're both, for example, doing four year programs at universities on opposite ends of the province, you're left with this dilemma... People who have "regular" relationships can progress without worrying about moving in together or getting married or whatever because they can take it slowly. Entering a long distance relationship demands more dedication than a "regular" relationship while you simultaneously don't know the person as well as you would in a "regular" relationship. It's a little blind. And you can't resent the other person for how it changes your life and inconveniences you, although sometimes you might feel that way. So it just comes down to your expectations, because to make a LDR work you have to want to make it work. Do you have realistic expectations? Are you levelheaded? Are you okay with not getting laid for long stretches of time? (I mean that seriously- assuming you're doing a monogamous thing here) Are you prepared to travel through shitty weather in the winter? Are you prepared to spend money? Are you good enough to not cheat on her when you feel lonely? Edit: For some reason I mixed you up with Azisien and thought you lived in Ottawa. >_> Last edited by pochercoaster; 08-22-2011 at 03:06 PM.

08-22-2011, 02:16 PM	#4
Krylo The Straightest Shota Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: It's a secret to everybody. Posts: 17,789	No. __________________ I am very tired.

08-22-2011, 02:30 PM	#5
shiney Derrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: The land of fartz and buttz Posts: 8,266	Wait did you get mushy with her or her friend?! I made a long distance relationship work across the goddamn ocean but then Rai and I are the exception to the rule. 6 hours is a lot less than an ocean. But it's still something that is amazingly difficult to deal with. __________________ boop

08-22-2011, 03:09 PM	#8
BloodyMage I'm not even in the highscore. Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 667	Sure, go for it. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but if it does then that's great. You can wait until you're both in a better place, but you might meet someone closer before that happens, or it might happen to her. I'd suggest at least giving it chance. __________________ Read my blog: http://preposterousprose.wordpress.com/ A Visual Novel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMPXrfdZ-vo&feature=plcp Buy my book http://www.amazon.co.uk/I-Plagiarize...dp/1629890081/

08-22-2011, 01:55 PM	#3
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	The great scholar Ludacris has many thoughts on this. They are too complex to spell out here so I suggest you go to the source- I suggest starting out with his treatise "Area codes"

08-22-2011, 02:48 PM	#6
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	Oceans are full of merpeople who can carry your love across the waves however.

08-22-2011, 03:24 PM	#9
Specterbane Safety First Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Land of Gumdrops and Ice-cream Posts: 746	I don't want to say 'No'...but...it's not going to be easy on you. On either of you. I've tried long distance before and Pocheros is right about it, it takes dedication. But that doesn't just count for you: when my ex and I tried we both knew she wasn't great at phone conversations, but I didn't think it would be as hard as it was. It seemed like no matter how hard I tried to make it work and keep things how they had been it was an up hill battle that I had no help with. So you can't do this without her, how does she feel about doing it? Now to be fair, she and I had about a 12 hour FLIGHT between us. But a six hour drive is not easy, nor cheep. If you're serious about this think of the gas it'll take and the wear and tear on your car, as well as the time loss from being exhausted after that long of a drive. The short of it, if you're both dedicated to this it might just work. But it will be extremely hard on both of you to do it. __________________ http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpos...ostcount=10436

08-22-2011, 04:08 PM	#10
Azisien wat Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,177	Long distance relationships are fucking bullshit. But as others have said, there can be exceptions that work. Aerozord, I think you might just be an exception if I ever heard of one, so I implore you to give it a shot.