Thou dost profane my thread! Let's Play Nethack!

[Thadius]

Ah, Nethack. A game released in 1987, back before the Internet was the Internet, and was in fact the USENET. Based on an earlier game, Hack, which was based on Rogue, which explains a bit where the term Roguelike comes from, this game has one of the greatest cruelty potentials to the player out there. For new players playing this game, the experience is akin to butting your head against the wall. And even when you start learning what to do, the experience does not fade. It morphs into one of butting your head against multiple differing walls in rapid succession!

I will be playing this game, exercising my creative writing muscles at the time, and when need be, commenting on some of the many, MANY ways this game can screw over new players.



First thing, our character needs a name. And it also needs to not be something offensive, because I am not typing the word DONGS twenty thousand times as our character's name. I inserted one of my own making to get me to the next screen:



The REAL character generator. Allow me to list the options so that you can't complain when I tell you what I can and cannot do later:

Elves are basically, in this game, prime forces of chaos. They may only be chaotically aligned, they may be of either gender, and they may only take the classes of Priest, Ranger, or Wizard.

Orcs are another force of chaos, but then again, we already knew that. They may only be chaotically aligned, they may be of either gender, and they may only take the classes of Barbarian, Rogue, Ranger, or Wizard.

Gnomes are in it for the money. They may only be neutrally aligned, they may be of either gender, and they may only take the classes of Archeologist, Caveman, Healer, Ranger, or Wizard.

Dwarves are forces for good and justice. They may only be Lawfully aligned, the may be of either gender, and they can only take the classes of Archeologist, Caveman, or Valkyrie. Note, though, that Valkyries may ONLY be female.

Humans. Ah, humans. What ISN'T there to love about humans? Humans may be of either gender, and ALL the classes are open to them. However, some of them have alignment restrictions, so I will list them:

Archeologist - Lawful, Neutral
Barbarian - Neutral, Chaotic
Caveman - Lawful, Neutral
Healer - Neutral
Knight - Lawful
Monk - No restrictions
Priest - No restrictions
Rogue - Chaotic
Ranger - Neutral, Chaotic
Samurai - Lawful
Tourist - Neutral
Valkyrie - Lawful, Neutral, must be female
Wizard - Neutral, Chaotic

I will not be taking the suggestion that people VOTE for most. I will be taking the suggestion with the best CASE behind it, the best REASON why I should play it. Because then it will be marginally easier for me to write said story behind said character. And that's what's important.

Said cases may be made now, and I will pick one sometime during the weekend.

[Flarecobra]

Just leave everything random. Surprises are fun!

[Menarker]

If you have trouble deciding, I'd be curious to see a human chaotic rogue. Hoarding items, being sneaky, backstabby sort of guy with a heart of tin. =P Is he clever enough to survive the dungeon's deathtraps with the few tools he has? Will he fall prey to his darker natures? It's all up to you!

I never played the game though, so I don't know what you can do though or start out with. *Shrug*

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Wellington C. Picklebottom III, Esq.

Race: Gnome

Sex: Male

Class: Archaeologist

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Wellington C. Picklebottom III, Esq. (he insists on using his full name and titles at all times) is a gentlegnome of fortune. He enjoys the finer pleasures of life; the theatre, the arts, the hunt, and the endless quest to pry the riches of the past from Father Time's cold dead hands. He sees the quest for the amulet of Yendor as a prime opportunity to advance his reputation and line his coin purse (which is often plundered to support a nasty dwarven wine addiction on the part of its owner).

Reason to play: Because it's too silly not to.

[greed]

Male Human Tourist!

Suffer for Greed!

[Thadius]

This battered tome is not blank, but is in fact a journal! Would you like to read it? Y/N/Q (N) Y

You begin to read...

My name is Wellington C. Picklebottom the third, esquire. If you are reading this, then I must warn you that the events contained herein, while fantastical and unbelievable, did in fact happen unto my personage. Hearken now to my tale, and be warned of what lies within this dungeon.

My tale begins unlike many others. My father's father, the noble Wellington C. Picklebottom, began life as a simple tradergnome. He dealt in small goods, trading them between towns for small profit. One day, he became dreadfully lost on his way to the capital to sell some fine pickled beets. Confused, low on food, and with no chance of getting back to the road, he was nonetheless saved by a tribe of kobolds. In exchange for a few jars of beets, they put him on the correct path, along with a small gray stone as a token of the meeting. Feeling the dull throb of dormant magic within the stone, and knowing he had coinage to spare, he resolved to get a powerful enough mage to test this rock once the rest of the beets were sold.

It was unlike anything anyone had seen before. The stone was capable of distinguishing between glass and gems with but a touch. Fake gold couldn't fool it either. Wellington called it a touchstone, and with it, went into the business of fraud detection. Nearly overnight, he made enough to live comfortably. Soon, all the false gems and gold were pulled off the market, and they that produced them silently sharpened their blades.

My father, Wellington C. Picklebottom the second, was put in the unenviable position of being capable to inherit the largest fortune known to gnomekind. However, for him, it was never good enough. He wanted to find a new business that he could dominate, to make his own fortune. I suspect that he and grandfather never got along very well. When grandfather was on his deathbed, he called my father to him, and gave the directions to the kobold encampment, with a plea: 'Don't hurt them.'

And if anyone were to ask my father, he would say that he held up grandfather's plea. He did not harm the kobolds. He did, however, find the nearby hill which had the touchstone mother load, mine it all out, dump the contaminants from the mining process into the nearby stream, and force them to leave or die of sickness. But according to father, not a one of the kobolds was harmed as he sold Genuine Picklebottom Touchstones to all the corners of the world.

Myself? I was placed in a very hard position for any gnome to be in. I was born after two successful generations of gnomes had already made vast fortunes. Everything had been done for me already. And gnomes are very greedy creatures. We like fine things, yes, but we also like to feel like we've earned those things. As I grew up and the boredom began seeping into my very bones, I realized that the touchstones my father had exported to the world did not in fact weed out all the fakes in the world. Looking at a few of the finer pieces of art in the mansion, I realized that quite a few of them could in fact be fake, and I would never know. I resolved to solve this issue.

I went to Orksford to become an Archeologist. I believed that the best way to determine if something was fake or not would be to pry it from the ground yourself, and hold it close, reveling in the rediscovery of ancient artifacts. In my time there I went on a few digs with some of the professors, learning various tips. One of the tips imparted to me was to bring some other living creature with you, to let it go first. Why was never really made clear to me.

And thus my decision was made. Peabody P. Picklebottom, my beloved kitten, began to come with me on my explorations. And yet, together, in the past year alone, we have disarmed more trap-ridden tombs than any other archeologist can claim. In fact, Peabody single-handly, or should that be single-pawedly, managed to disarm all the traps in the first Elf King's final resting place!

One day, a kobold came to the front door of the mansion as I was between trips. "Sir, we find very big ancient place for you to explore. Said to be very much treasure, very many traps, very good for person like you to go to."

I had been in the middle of cleaning my whip, so I turned to the door. "Oh? Where is it?"

"Is north of former home, three days journey by foot. Hole in side of mountain with stairs leading into large room. We not sure what in there, but we sure you person to go."

I donned my fedora, and Peabody climbed up on top of it, as ready for adventure as I was. "The past calls, and I shall answer!"



Three days later, I arrived here in this dungeon. As I turned to try and get some answers about this place out of my guide, the kobold grabbed his head and fell to the ground moaning. Peabody jumped off my hat to look at the kobold while I looked around the room. It was small, with only one way to go. From behind me, there was a snarl.

I was shoved off the stairs out of the dungeon, and the kobold took a hostile stance. Peabody hissed and swiped at the kobold, and I stood dumbfounded. A moment ago, he had been my guide! What madness had happened here?!



This image should terrify you.



Wait, no, that's not enough emphasis.



THERE we go. Starting on a New Moon is VERY ill advised. Same goes for starting on a Full Moon. Or is it only a New Moon? Point is, if the game is telling you to be careful of the moon phases, which, by the way, it keeps very good track of, then odds are, you picked a BAD time to start. Nonetheless, I did! Tune in later when Wellington has to take a kobold life, and begins exploring the DUNGEON OF DOOM!

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Originally Posted by Nethack Wiki

During a full moon:

Your base Luck is increased by one. ("You are lucky! Full moon tonight.")
Werecreatures, especially at night, will usually be in their animal form.
Dogs will howl at night when #chatted to.
You have a chance of not being able to tame dogs at night.

During a new moon:

You get the message "Be careful! New moon tonight."
Contrary to popular belief, Luck is not decreased.[6]
If a cockatrice uses its hissing attack and you have no lizard corpse, you will always start turning into stone, rather than having a 1-in-10 chance.[7]

Hope we don't run into any cockatrices then.

[Flarecobra]

>Wave hi to the readers.

[Aldurin]

I've tried a variant of Nethack before. Currently have Vulture's Claw installed (mostly graphical variation, though with some extra races). And I can attest to the butting your head into a wall. The main thing I learned from that game is that Vampires do NOT eat standard rations, no matter how many times you may click on the rations.

>Strangle Kobold with his own intestines, time-travel to when there is no significant lunar activity.

[Thadius]

What fun would NOT having lunar activity be?

You continue to read...

I knew not what overcame the kobold or me in that instance, dear reader. But my body acted on reflex. My hand came up and down, bringing my whip with it. And with but a stroke, my former guide fell. It might have been that I was just that mighty, but as I look back, I realize the three day's journey to the dungeon had probably weakened him quite a bit. "Foul magics must be at work here. I begin to wonder if we should journey onwards."

A scratching noise came from behind me. Turning, I saw Peabody clawing at the door, then turning around and looking back at me imploringly. I laughed then. "Oh very well, Peabody. For you, then."



The hallway abruptly came to an end not long after we had traveled down it. Knowing that all paths lead somewhere, if one just knows where to look, I began to search the surroundings.



Behind a not-very-well hidden door, I found a room with treasure inside it! However, it clearly had been a while since any living soul had been in here, for some of the plant life had grown to monstrous size! Had I given it time, I fully believed it could have moved towards me! Quickly I went over and uprooted the foul thing, before seeing what was within the chest. A few scrolls, which I could not make out the writing on, an amulet which I dare not put on, a ring, and a false gem, trivially separated from the genuine article by my touchstone. The stairs down lay nearby, but I wished to explore the rest of the floor before going down them.

Lichens. Most famously known for their corpses never going bad. A new player is thankful when he runs into these, because it means he won't starve quite as quickly as he thought he would. And really, I should have gone down those stairs the moment I FOUND them, because doing so generates the monsters on the next floor based on your experience level. By hanging around on this floor, I increased my odds that level 2 would hold worse things for me.



The only other thing of interest on the floor was a statue of a kobold. Had they been here before? Or was this merely a monument from another race? I may never know.

Were I any other class, statues would be fun. Break them open like pinatas and get the delicious prizes inside! However, because I'm an archeologist, it's an alignment penalty if I do.



I prepared to descend to the next floor, awaiting Peabody to be done with...whatever he was doing. At this point, I noticed that the fur around his face was considerably more matted and red than usual. However, at the time, I was sure it was nothing.



The second floor was very dull, not much occurred on it at all. And yet, I felt as though there could have been secrets lying in wait for me.

Yup. Just as dull as that. Sometimes you can search for turns and never find the secret door that you just KNOW has to be there, and other times, it happens right off the bat. In this case, I called it quits after only so long. Onwards, we don't need to be here anyways.



The third floor was very odd to me at the time. I discovered not one but two sets of stairs downwards. Puzzled as I was, I decided against proceeding at the moment.



Instead, I decided to visit a sight for sore eyes. A store of many varying potions! Some of them might be fine dwarven wine...

"Greetings to you, fine sir, and welcome to my humble potion shop! I must ask you to leave your pick axe by the door before you may proceed. Many people attempt to dig their way out of my shop with merchandise they have not paid for, so I take precautions."

Dropping my pick axe just outside the door, I nodded my head. "Indeed, I understand. I see you have quite a variety of potions on sale. Do you know what they all do?"

"Oh but of course! However, I am bound by regulations not to put a label on any potion beyond its price unless you yourself know what a given potion does."

"Hmm. Could you then tell me how much you would pay for either of these potions, good man?"

I pulled a brilliant blue potion and a pink potion from my bag. "For the blue one, I would give you 150 zorkmids. For the pink one, merely 38. I do wish I could help you more than that, sir."

Quickly I applied a few mental calculations to determine their actual price, that of 300 for the blue and 100 for the pink. I replaced them within my bag, after taking careful note that he had a few of these potions around. "Well perhaps you can still. I require information about this particular level. Do you know what it means when I find two sets of stairs to continue downwards?"

The merchant nodded. "Yes, very much so. One goes down into the dwarven mines. They are very deep, very dangerous. Many a gem and corpse of former adventurers may be found down there. The other continues onwards into the dungeon itself. It is no less dangerous down there, especially with a new moon on the rise."

As we conversed, the shopkeep and I, we heard the sounds of a guard on patrol, along with somebody counting money. "Blasted guards!" the shopkeep exclaimed. "They ruin my concentration, patrolling like that!"

"Guards?" I inquired. "What are they guarding?"

The shopkeep grunted. "Here in this dungeon are several vaults filled to the brim with coin. The guards are from some security company or other, claiming that this dungeon is the best place for rich people to hide their coin."

My brain spun with possibilities. "If you will pardon me, good sir. I must go find my beloved companion. I haven't see him for a little while now, and I am beginning to become worried."

As I left the shop, I grabbed my pickaxe. I had, of course, blatantly lied to the merchant. I knew my companion was in fact in the shop, he had snuck in, to what purpose I could not then imagine. But as I left, I hear a meowing noise from behind me not long after. Peabody had taken a potion from the shop, a brilliant blue one like I myself had. I rubbed his head and placed it within my bag.



Applying basic reasoning skills, the vault was easy to find. It had to be near the shopkeeper's place of business for us to hear it, and I knew that the shopkeep would never allow me to dig from the inside to find it. So I would have to dig towards his place of business from some direction or another, and the largest blank space on my map was the first place to start. I came out a few zorkmids richer, and considered buying some potions from the shopkeep.



However, before I could properly return, Peabody and I encountered a floating eyeball, the likes of which I had never seen before. Peabody did what he did best, and attacked the unfamiliar thing. In hindsight, this was probably a very bad move, for it turned its gaze on him, and my poor companion could no longer move! Taking things from my bag, I began throwing them at the eyeball before the same could befall me. The thing eventually fell, battered and bruised, though my companion could still not move. I waited for him to recover before proceeding down a staircase...

So a few things real fast. Floating eyes are a hurdle for new players. Namely, the hurdle of 'Do you have a ranged weapon/know how to throw things?' Attacking the eye in melee is a BAD idea. A VERY BAD IDEA. Sadly, this one didn't leave a corpse for use, and those tend to be fun. Fountains can do a number of things. However, seeing as how our luck is neutral, and so are we, I'm leaving them alone for now. Vaults are fun, if you don't get teleported into them and don't have a way out. Archeologists come with a pickaxe, though, so point = moot. If you get teleported in and don't have a way out? A guard comes by and tells you to leave your money so that he can lead you out. If you don't, you starve to death eventually, and he gets your money anyways. Pets can always steal from a shop, and there are better ways to do it than I can. However, free potion = free potion, so thanks for that one Peabody!

Now I'm having a small dilemma here. Archeologists should go into the mines first, while I tend to go down in the dungeon first for...other reasons. I actually cannot make up my mind on this issue, so tell me:

Where do you want to go today?