Cullenism: Scientology Squared!

Tev · 12-24-2009, 06:18 PM

So I was wasting time at work today skimming through a never ending steam of TV Tropes tabs When I can across their page on Twilight. Things were going swell and I was enjoying the read until I came across this:

Quote:

Creator Worship - Both figurative and literal. While many hardcore fans will state outright that Meyer is the best author ever (and react with literal violence to disagreement, as noted under Fan Dumb), there is a sect of them that claims to have an actual religion based around them, "Cullenism". The religion states that the characters are real people, Stephanie Meyer is the greatest author ever, and that the Twilight books are their Bible.

And I was like "Wait, no.....really?" So I sent Google to retrieve a list on links that might make this phenomenon clearer to me. Sadly many of them were blocked out by the company's internet filter, but the listing in the Urban Dictionary was available and it didn't help make things better for me.

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1. cullenism 386 up, 74 down
A new religion based off the sappy Mormon-written Twilight series. It has no tax exempt status, very few members, a prayer ripped off from the Lord's Prayer, and the majority of the congregation are virginal girls (not of the hot kind, either).

Basically, cullenism is basically the Church Of Scientology except, would you believe it - their members are far more insane, you have to replace aliens with "sexeh vampires OMG TEAM EDWARD YAAAY!" and instead of being founded by a failure of a science-fiction writer, it's based off the masturbation fodder of a Mormon homemaker.
Girl 1: What religion do you believe in?
Girl 2: I'M A BELIEVE IN CULLENISM

So, what do you all think? I know Twilight is an easy dead horse to beat around here but what if it begins to grow into a Scientology-esque monster? What then!?

Krylo · 12-24-2009, 06:35 PM

Can't say I'm surprised.

Corel · 12-24-2009, 09:23 PM

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Originally Posted by Krylo

Can't say I'm surprised.

"Predominantly, we're secularised as a society, and when pushed, most people will write Jedi." - Bill Bailey on the English

Tev · 12-24-2009, 06:39 PM

Oh come on, when have the Jedi ever been a problem? They're like the nicest fake religion there ever was.

Krylo · 12-24-2009, 06:43 PM

You say that now, but just wait until one gets greedy or horny and we end up with the sith.

Melfice · 12-24-2009, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krylo

You say that now, but just wait until one gets greedy or horny and we end up with the sith.

At least the Sith have a straightforward goal.
Twilight fans are just... insane.

Gimme an angry Sith with a personal grudge against me over a Twilight fan.

Krylo · 12-24-2009, 07:38 PM

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Originally Posted by Melfice

At least the Sith have a straightforward goal.
Twilight fans are just... insane.

Gimme an angry Sith with a personal grudge against me over a Twilight fan.

This may be true, but the Sith are ALSO insane about their goals, and they have lightsabers and force lightning. Twilight fans have... uh... a kinda heavish book?

I'm jus' sayin' I'm pretty sure I could take the average Twilight fan in a straight fight. Sith, though? Just a tad more uncertain on that one.

Dracorion · 12-24-2009, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krylo

This may be true, but the Sith are ALSO insane about their goals, and they have lightsabers and force lightning. Twilight fans have... uh... a kinda heavish book?

I'm jus' sayin' I'm pretty sure I could take the average Twilight fan in a straight fight. Sith, though? Just a tad more uncertain on that one.

Ancient weapons and hokey religions are no match for a good blaster in your hand.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Archbio

I've got nothing against non-fiction novels, but doesn't the characters being real people kind of take the focus away from the "greatest author ever" aspect? I mean it's a vampire novel aimed at teenagers, featuring a (at least superficially) novel take on vampires, so I always imaged that the praise of fans would center on how creative it's all is.

No, see, Stephanie Meyer made Twilight real while writing the books. She's God, man.

Jagos · 12-24-2009, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melfice

At least the Sith have a straightforward goal.
Twilight fans are just... insane.

How are they different from Anne Rice fans, back in the day...?

Fuck... I just realized I can remember two vampire movements in America.

*chalks this up to the "getting old" thread*

Tev · 12-24-2009, 06:50 PM

I'll take Sith over fake vampires anointed in glitter any day.

12-24-2009, 06:35 PM	#2
Krylo The Straightest Shota Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: It's a secret to everybody. Posts: 17,789	Can't say I'm surprised. __________________ I am very tired.

12-24-2009, 06:43 PM	#5
Krylo The Straightest Shota Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: It's a secret to everybody. Posts: 17,789	You say that now, but just wait until one gets greedy or horny and we end up with the sith. __________________ I am very tired.