Let's Play Dwarf Fortress - Skeletal WHAT?!

[Geminex]

You know, I actually support that plan more than mine. You see, in my plans, the best-case scenario was interesting. But the worst-case scenario was that we put in huge effort and do not achieve very much at all.

With Hawk's, the ultimate worst-case scenario is awesome. And probably, fun.

[Wigmund]

A foul being recounts that which has led to today...
For many years I have plotted for these coming events...
Many years of scheming and betraying all who would put their trust in me...

Oh dread Lord Erane Severangel, how have I worked to free you from the infernal prison you were seal within so many generations ago...

Did I not set the dread beasts upon the great civilization of Besmar Tarmid so that their foolish queen who set out settlers to the locations in which adamantine may be found along with the pits that seal you and your kindred?

How much amusement was wrought as I myself unlocked many of the seals and gates that allowed the dragons, titans and other beasts to approach that which my former kindred called the Mountainhomes and how much panic and despair was unleashed as the knights and defenders of that decadent fortress found that their gates and other fortifications had been compromised to allow death in those hallowed halls?

Did you not reveal all of this to me my Lord? Did you not say that there would be settlers that ended up above the very pit in which you have been sealed? Did you not reveal to me that you would release an artifact of your own craftmanship, to be manufactured in ways most unholy, to be found in within the settlement? And did you not intend for me to hear of this artifact so that I may seek out the wretched site and work at corrupting all who would reside there so that they may unseal your pit?

You did and it has come to pass...
...
...
...
And then it went wrong...
I have failed you my Lord. But I have not forsaken my task of unsealing you so that the world may know the true terror of your reign.

When you released your artifact, it was received by the leader of the outpost known as 'Workgill', truly a wretched place. But I quickly arrived and hid amongst the wilds that surrounded the place - satisfying my urges with the innocent beings that resided in the lands below the place and recruiting in the lands above.

The one who received your gift was known as 'Thadius'. He has not deciphered the true intentions of your work and he regards it as little more than an enchanted inventory. The fool! But I have seen him become twisted by the presence of the gift - what he and the others of Workgill call the 'Economicon' - such a pitiful name for so powerful an artifact created by the true lord of all the lands. They deserve far worse than anything I can torment them with, how I will delight in seeing this place be the first to burn when you stride the lands!

But fear not, all has not fallen through my Lord. I have twisted the thoughts of many at the fort. The second overseer of the outpost, a corpulent carpenter, had listened to the dark dreamings I sent and moved the fort closer to your pit. Then he listened further - without ever suspecting a thing! - and sent miners out to probe the deepest reaches of the earth to find your tomb.

And how I rejoiced when they found you my Lord, but my joy quickly turned to anger as they presumed to reseal your enclosure with a mere stone floor! How dare they! But they still found you my Lord, and even know, your power leaks into the fortress, twisting the thoughts of all that reside there - including the Queen who arrived not long after they found you...she presumed to come here because of the treasures they discovered. What treasures shall she soon reveal in when you can finally be set free my Lord!

Do not think I have done nothing but use my dark arts on this miserable place my Lord. I have resumed my favorite tricks of baiting the dark races and other foul beasts into seeking out this place for blood and conquest. The goblins have been uncessing in their attempts to break the will of the lost souls, but they have proven to be resilient and blood now soaks the grounds around this land...so much more sacrifices for your honor than even I could have anticipated. The fat carpenter even had his eye sacrificed - how delicious...I wish I could have found the arrow that took it so I could enjoy that feast.

There has also been a lost Knight of Besmar Tarmid who ran the outpost, then left in a fruitless attempt to find other survivors of the kingdom...let's just say he provided many days feast and an appropriate sacrifice and a new totem so that I may communicate with you better my Lord.

Now...now...there seems to be a dark undercurrent in the fortress my Lord. They grow restless from the constant fighting with the goblin raiders and the undead that populate the lands above you. I have received word that some discuss plans to unseal your pits so that they may try to defeat whatever demons crawl out - the foolish bravado! How they will weep as your glorious presence is revealed and how they will tear out their own tongues and gouge out their own eyes in reverence of you my Lord.

But fear not my Lord, I have not forsaken your gift...even now I watch over it and through it twist the mind of its holder.

How I long to strangle him in his sleep so that I may have possession of what should have been gifted unto me...

[Bob The Mercenary]

Jesus. The tension. Can't wait to hear what happened next.

Also, remind me never to add an addition on to my basement.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

What.

The.

Fuck?!?!

No really, what just happened here?? By the Gods Wigmund!! What have you done?!!

[Thadius]

He put life back in this thread is what he did.

Oy! Overseer! Either you get on it, or you get tossed into the river of undead and Gregness becomes the next overseer!

[Kerensky287]

Originally Posted by Thadius

He put life back in this thread is what he did.

Oy! Overseer! Either you get on it, or you get tossed into the river of undead and Gregness becomes the next overseer!

GAAH FUCK okay fine. I'll get right on it.

I mean, I knew university would kinda kill my life for a while but I didn't expect it to get this harsh. I'll split my focus for a while then between Uni, Paradox, a flash movie I've been making with these guys for over a year that I've put off far too long, and this DF playthrough.

EDIT: Done.

__________________________________________________ ______________



WIGMUND: Still chopping wood, huh? Even as an overseer you can't stop doing your real job too, I guess.

KERENSKY: Well, I'm starting to think that this whole overseer thing is all work and no play. I mean, I don't get any special privileges. I've still gotta do my job. I don't even get a bigger room than anybody else.

WIGMUND: Huh? What do you mean?

KERENSKY: I mean... well, y'know, Thadius has his 3-storey living complex, Queen Mauve has a massive set of rooms to herself, even you and Loyal have some pretty nifty setups! I'm stuck with my little 2 by 2 room in the apartments.

WIGMUND: ...You DO know that as overseer, you're allowed to designate areas for whoever you want, including yourself, right?

KERENSKY: ...Huh?

WIGMUND: Well, who the hell do you think built my "nifty setup"?

KERENSKY: *pause*

*Kerensky stops cutting wood, seeks out a nearby mason.*

KERENSKY: Hello, I'm the overseer! I have a proposal...

__________________________________________________ ___________________________

7th GRANITE



These are the blueprints for my new home - a two-storey tower in the courtyard of Workgill itself. When it's finished it'll even have a staircase into the fortress so I don't have to go outside to get there.



I think I'm getting the hang of noticing what needs doing, as well. I'm really surprised that none of the previous overseers have done anything about this friggin' underground river of undead.



My tentative plan is to dig out a giant hole above the river.



Once it's reached the surface, Hawk's squad can fire downward into it with their crossbows. They'll be completely safe from harm, too, as skeletal water monsters can't climb. It'll be like shooting fish in a barrel! Ahahaha, I crack myself up.


10TH GRANITE



Elves.

I despise them.

No appreciation for proper carpentry techniques. They think that taking an axe to a tree "hurts it" or something - bullpocky, in my opinion. Trees don't bleed. Except for sap, of course. But that doesn't count because it's delicious.

Honestly, someone should teach these guys how to properly smooth wood. They're always coming along with their "natural" wood products - you know an elf once tried to sell me a wooden mug? It was a goddamn bird's nest.



Now, dwarves know how to properly work with wood! This guy's a farmer and he's apparently decided to make himself a little project without even having any carpentry skill! Now that's initiative.


11TH GRANITE

Elves finally made it to the entrance of Workgill.



I hope nobody minds that they made it no further.


12TH GRANITE



We're apparently under attack by goblins again. Normally I'd be moderately concerned, but for one thing, they're also getting rid of the surviving elves, and for another, this is goddamn WORKGILL. As long as we stay inside the front gate they can't freakin' touch us.


16TH GRANITE

...Oh, fuck me. Why did I have to write that?



So, the goblins apparently mustered the courage to charge the gates again. Maybe they didn't see all the clothes the previous army left behind - everything of value was claimed already. I guess the prospect of watching some goblins explode drew a bit of a crowd. I should've seen a problem with that, but I was busy overseeing the creation of my tower.



Apparently it was a good show, actually. There was this one goblin who I guess went through the same weapon trap multiple times - an iron maul smashed off one arm, then the other, then his leg at the knee. Mauls aren't the kind of thing you'd usually think of when it comes to limb-severing either, so I guess it would've been pretty kickass to watch.

Somebody threw up.



I have no idea what happened next. Maybe the onlookers decided to head out and pick the corpses clean. Maybe they had work to do outside the fort. Either way, NOBODY thought to check for more goblins.



Needless to say, the results were a little gruesome.

Luckily all but one of the onlookers escaped. The last one apparently had some pressing matter to attend to in the middle of the goblin horde.



I have NO idea what was running through everyone's heads at this point but apparently running was out of the question, as was HIDING BEHIND THE FUCKING GUARD-WOLVES. The goblin army started massing on the outermost side of the traps, though, and enough had been set off that they could have made it through with a few goblins still standing. A few dwarves had the presence of mind to alert the guards. One guy finally told me.

I immediately gave an emergency order for all non-military personnel to remain inside the fort until further notice.



I still don't know what the hell took Hawk's squad so long. They were stationed right near the entrance and I actually ordered them to the fortifications immediately after ordering everyone else inside. Luckily, a Swordsdwarf - I think he was from Melfice's squad - was close enough that he took it upon himself to act as a forward guard. Those goblin corpses behind him? HE MADE THOSE.



I'd have pinned a medal on the guy if some bastard hadn't hit him with a lucky crossbow shot.

The goblins were forced to retreat shortly after Hawk's squad arrived. Hawk himself is unconscious again - seems to have broken his arm somehow, too. Can't imagine how. But now all the dwarves have gone out, buried their dead (we lost something like 5 pets in the attack) and picked the goblins clean. I've kept some dwarves on watch just in case the goblins come back, but I'm not worried anymore. They're less than a quarter of their original strength and thus no longer a threat.

And now to start resetting the traps.


26TH GRANITE

Goblins haven't been seen in a while. I'm not sure where they've gone, and if it was any other race I'd be worried... but they're probably stuck wandering in some forest somewhere, trying to find the fortress again.

That farmer finally finished his construction - it was a damn fine hatch cover. I'd have rubbed it in the Elves' faces if any survived.



The masons also finished a ton of statues and Queen Mauve is satisfied with how much she now owns. I guess nobles really DO like statues.



I threw some of the leftovers in my newly completed tower, which I've taken to calling The Tor.

Naturally, right after I put them there, Thadius came running over to me and in some sort of "me-too" frenzy apparently decided his office, bedroom and dining room needed some sprucing up as well. I've put another 12 statues on order. The masons are now experienced enough that masterpieces are almost common though so Thads should be satisfied with less as long as I don't tell him how many have been made.

Who knows? Maybe those things will grow on me, too. I can always put up another floor on my house for the sole purpose of statue ownership. I just hope I don't end up going mad with power.


27TH GRANITE

Those miner cowards won't finish the Undead Killing Hole thanks to some scary noises from below. Will write more once I've spoken to them.

__________________________________________________ ___

I honestly don't know what happened with that goblin attack. The dwarves seemed obsessed with running right into danger. I'm just glad that redshirt arrived when he/she did because there were a good number of forumites in that crowd and I didn't want to have to rename other people before anyone knew what happened tell you guys I couldn't save your dudes.

I'm also not sure at all why Hawk's squad took so fucking long to arrive. They were in the barracks right next to the bridge and I sent them to the fortifications the moment the goblins showed up. I'll probably end up using both that and the broken arm thing (which I ALSO don't know the origin of) later in the story, though.

[Wigmund]

7th of Granite, 60
...
...
I wonder if Kerensky knew about the empty three level suite just down from Thadius' suites off of the main stairwells?

I actually wonder if anyone's been using my old rooms after I moved down to fucking fine suites I built for myself near the jails?

11th of Granite, 60

FINALLY! Finally someone has listened to my warnings about those damn elves and did something about it!

Let us craft some elf bone jewelry to sell to the next caravan.

-------

Hell yeah! Now we get to worry about Elf Sieges if they were pissed off enough by the massacre of their entire caravan.

Also, someone left the 'Be Drunken Vultures' option on didn't they? :p
I was in that crowd of scavengers in the front gate - What the Hell! I don't have many more body parts to lose!

[Geminex]

Can we handle an elf siege? We don't have any big cannons yet...

[Yumil]

Diary of a Captured Goblin, 10th Granite, 60
Stubby come to me today. He not like other stubbies, he not poke, he tell story. I no know, but Stubby say I free soon. Stubby no like other Stubbies, say sum lord fix it. Me no know 'bout Stubby, but dead Stubbies good.

12th Granite, 60
Gobs come. Gobs show. Stubbies die.

16th Granite, 60
Gobs no rescue. Me sad. Gobs need me. I spy now. Cage need open...
Some sort of plan is drawn, but is too badly done to understand what it means.

[Loyal]

I dunno, I think it might take a few more years before we go to sieges.

Me, I like to keep the elves happy because they bring animals, and because their equipment is absolutely worthless and I have enough problems dealing with excess stone and goblin gear.