What is a Dorf? A miserable little pile of booze!

[Thadius]

But enough talk, have at-

Okay that's enough of that.

Yes indeed, NPF, the time has come once more for the insanity, the fun, and the downright awesome Dwarf Fortress!

Didn't you do something like this before? What happened to it?

Yes, I did. The fort died to inactivity, and I never got around to killing it off properly by releasing the demons on us.

How do we know that won't happen this time?

Because I'm in charge of the story this time! Me and me alone. And come hell or high water, I will see this story to its end!

What's different this time?

Oh, LOTS of things! The last fortress was in DF 40d, which was a version that, while nice and allowed you to train up champion wrestlers who could tear apart armies with their bare hands in a year, cannot compare to the version I'm using. DF 2012, as it's somewhat known by, includes loads of new features. I'm actually scared by the amount of depth this game has now. It's not exploitable by any real means, there are a few terrible bugs that hide in the woodwork, and ending up dead is a real, frequent problem. Plus I never got around to learning how to do half the stuff!

Sounds fun. Can I jo-

NO.

Lemme stop you right there. NO. You cannot join in on the fun. You may not play this fortress with me. I and I alone control the fate of this fortress.

I am not, however, a cruel person. If you so desire, I will 'dorf' you. I will name a dorf whatever you desire, in whatever profession you desire, and every so often, when the update is running slim, I'll pan the game window over to you to see what's up with your dorf.

Plus, if you ask REAL NICE, I might consider any ideas you throw at me for story development. Also, should the fortress reach a critical juncture, I will ask for input on the best plan you have, and see how it goes.

The final decision is mine, though. Respect that, and we'll all get along fine.

__________________________________________________

Might as well start trying to keep a journal, if only so everyone else will believe me when I say this: I did not ask for this. At all.

I suppose the real story begins a year before the founding of our home. Back in MY home, I had just completed work on an ¤idol¤, and my relatives were throwing a party for me. Some fool cousin of mine opened up a cask of wine, and it had gone off. Badly. The reports I found said that I walked up to the fortress overseer and said I could run a fortress better than him, and he took me up on my offer. A mad dash through the fort later, me and some undesirables were sent off to the ass end of nowhere, and I couldn't remember a damn thing.

At least he wasn't stingy, he gave us all the supplies we could need. Apparently this sort of thing happens often, and he sections off portions of the fortress supplies into 'starter kits for assholes.'

Armok help us all, but this is going to be a slog.
Ilral Satlikot, craftdwarf and leader of the expedition.



"Are we there YET?"

Ilral sighed and looked over his shoulder at Erib Atírlibad, the woodworker and carpenter he'd been assigned with. Erib had been assigned to the expedition because she asked one too many questions, particularly about 'why there were no such things as wooden anvils.'

"I have a map, Erib. You could just ask how far away we are, and when we'll get there."

Erib sighed and waved her hands around. "Yeah, but I'm impatient. No matter what answer you give me, it'll be worse than a 'yes, we're there now.'"

Ilral resumed looking at the beasts pulling the cart. "At least then you'd know how long a game of blackjack you could play with the miners in back."

Erib shuddered. "No thanks, those guys give me the creeps. Normally you're not supposed to see them, especially at work. Having three along, not digging? Kinda eerie."

Up ahead, Ilral saw the colors begin to shift from green to white. "We're getting close, I think this is almost it. Go wake up Solon and Nil, I want everyone ready to get off."



Erib nodded. "Gotta say, though, the name of the place we're founding? Not dwarven at all."

Ilral grimaced. A city of honesty? Yeah, right. "I know, I know, but orders are orders. I think it's a punishment for some of the words I used."

Erib grinned. "Which ones? That he was a human-loving scum-sucker, or that one of his ancestors must have been a-"

"ERIB! Please. Let's NOT relive that night any more than needed."

Erib, cowed, went into the back of the wagon and began rousing the sleeping dwarves.



Ilral steered the cart close to some of the ledges, and struck a bolder. The wheel broke instantly, and the cart was stuck. The dwarves in back tumbled out, skidding to a stop in the snow. Nil and Solon, who had only recently awoken from a short slumber, were now wide awake. The three miners merely grunted and stood up, not even bothering to shake off the snow. Erib had the worst of it, she was tossed a good twenty feet and came to a rest, barely before hitting the rock face.



One of the miners spoke up. Kumil, if Ilral recalled correctly. "Nobody said anything about snow."

Ilral sighed again. "It's supposed to warm up in a few months. Then again, it was also supposed to be a fertile valley here, so I wouldn't hold my breath. If you would be so kind as to-"

"We don't take orders from you."

Ilral visibly twitched. "What. Did you just say."

"You're not a miner. We only listen to miners and overseers."

Ilral took a deep breath. He had to take control, and take it now, before everyone thought they could do their own things. He turned on Kumil and began his speech.

"Now you listen here. I may not be the most qualified leader, but Armok-damn-it, I am your leader. I may not have asked for this, but the burden of taking care of this outpost we are going to make falls squarely on my shoulders. Which means that if I'm going to be responsible for all of the things you do, you had better listen to me and make sure you only do the things I tell you to! Otherwise I will take that pickaxe from you and jam it in your own skull! Sure, I'll be left with two miners, but I'm pretty sure Alåth and Ïteb will be more than capable of picking up the slack!"

All the other dwarves were silent as Ilral had his moment, and the three miners were tense through all of it. When he finished, the miners relaxed, and Alåth and Ïteb looked at Kumil, who nodded briefly at both of them.

"We take orders from you now."

Ilral smiled. "Of course you do. Erib, how are the animals?"



"Eh, they all look fine to me."

"We didn't lose any?"



"Not that I can tell."

Suddenly, on the wind, there rose a howl, long and lonely. And hungry.



Very, very hungry.

[Flarecobra]

Dorf tymes.

And can I be a speardworf eventually?

[Ryong]

I ask to be a doctor AND a hammerdorf. I'm sure nothing terrible will happen.

...Also can you get a tileset, please?

[Shyria Dracnoir]

If possible, can I get dorfed as the next available ranger or huntsdorf?

[Krylo]

Originally Posted by Thadius

I am not, however, a cruel person. If you so desire, I will 'dorf' you. I will name a dorf whatever you desire, in whatever profession you desire, and every so often, when the update is running slim, I'll pan the game window over to you to see what's up with your dorf.

Originally Posted by Thadius

I am not, however, a cruel person. If you so desire, I will 'dorf' you.

Originally Posted by Thadius

not a cruel person.

Originally Posted by Thadius

I will 'dorf' you.

[Loyal]

Hit me. Anything but surgery, mining, or politics.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Surprise me. Anything but farming.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Hmm, if you ever get comfortable enough with the mechanics and manage to get something set up, I wouldn't mind ending up as a beekeeper dorf. Maybe the first replacement once rangerdorf bites it.

[Aldurin]

Throw me into whatever you think fits, or whatever the dart hits on the impromptu dartboard that you made while drunk.

[Menarker]

Would be amusing if I was a recurring figure who dies every time you test out a new feature or explore a new territory for the sake of demonstrating what happens (at your discretion).