Why the fuck are you calling me at 4 in the morning: The Thread: The Movie

POS Industries · 01-08-2011, 04:32 AM

So I'm sitting here on my throne of lies, as I do every night, eating a bowl of cereal before going to bed (or so I planned), to rest up for a full day of birfday shenanigans because I don't know if you've noticed but today is my birthday.

*awaits applause*

So suddenly the phone rings. It's for me. There is no goddamn good reason for either of these occurrences to ever happen, much less for both to happen at the same time. Usually, that's the signal that someone in my family has suddenly died. So, bracing myself for Uncle Mike's suicide or some shit, I look at the caller ID.

"Cell Phone NC"

North Carolina. An old friend? But my friends aren't rude as fuck jackasses that make calls in the dead of night. Something is amiss! So, bracing myself for my friend Amy's suicide or some shit, I answer the phone.

Suddenly I find myself spending the next couple minutes with some (I can only assume here) drunk chick forcing me to guess her identity. We graduated together? No goddamn way. I never would have figured that out, what with you calling from my home state. Oh, we're friends on facebook? Well, obviously, since a good deal of you fuckers looked me up on there and bugged the hell out of me over the reunion because I got elected to some phony baloney class office a decade ago on the slogan "Brewed by real hippies!" Who would have thought that three hundred 17 year olds don't have good collective judgment, amirite?

Anyway, turns out it was some girl I had an english class with who then told me all about how she was traveling all over the country with her trucker boyfriend and started bugging me with questions about relationships and my sex life and all sorts of other shit I don't want to be talking about with some weirdass stranger in the middle of the night. I politely thank her for her call and wish her a good night before hanging up.

The phone rings again. It's her, because two people calling me at this hour would just be odd. I am less polite this time.

"FOUR. IN. THE. MORNING." *click*

The phone rings again. I'd play some sarcastic fucking guessing game with all y'alls about who it possibly could be but let's just cut to the chase here: It's her. Fucking duhhhh.

"WHAT."

"I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

"Thank you."

"That's why I called."

"Okay. Good night."

*click*

THE END. Thank you, good night, don't forget to tip your waitress. Also share some of your own stories about retards with no sense of common decency vis a vis calling you in the middle of the night.

01-08-2011, 04:32 AM	#1
POS Industries Argus Agony Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Gotta go fishing! Posts: 10,483	Why the fuck are you calling me at 4 in the morning: The Thread: The Movie So I'm sitting here on my throne of lies, as I do every night, eating a bowl of cereal before going to bed (or so I planned), to rest up for a full day of birfday shenanigans because I don't know if you've noticed but today is my birthday. awaits applause So suddenly the phone rings. It's for me. There is no goddamn good reason for either of these occurrences to ever happen, much less for both to happen at the same time. Usually, that's the signal that someone in my family has suddenly died. So, bracing myself for Uncle Mike's suicide or some shit, I look at the caller ID. "Cell Phone NC" North Carolina. An old friend? But my friends aren't rude as fuck jackasses that make calls in the dead of night. Something is amiss! So, bracing myself for my friend Amy's suicide or some shit, I answer the phone. Suddenly I find myself spending the next couple minutes with some (I can only assume here) drunk chick forcing me to guess her identity. We graduated together? No goddamn way. I never would have figured that out, what with you calling from my home state. Oh, we're friends on facebook? Well, obviously, since a good deal of you fuckers looked me up on there and bugged the hell out of me over the reunion because I got elected to some phony baloney class office a decade ago on the slogan "Brewed by real hippies!" Who would have thought that three hundred 17 year olds don't have good collective judgment, amirite? Anyway, turns out it was some girl I had an english class with who then told me all about how she was traveling all over the country with her trucker boyfriend and started bugging me with questions about relationships and my sex life and all sorts of other shit I don't want to be talking about with some weirdass stranger in the middle of the night. I politely thank her for her call and wish her a good night before hanging up. The phone rings again. It's her, because two people calling me at this hour would just be odd. I am less polite this time. "FOUR. IN. THE. MORNING." click The phone rings again. I'd play some sarcastic fucking guessing game with all y'alls about who it possibly could be but let's just cut to the chase here: It's her. Fucking duhhhh. "WHAT." "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday." "Thank you." "That's why I called." "Okay. Good night." click THE END. Thank you, good night, don't forget to tip your waitress. Also share some of your own stories about retards with no sense of common decency vis a vis calling you in the middle of the night. __________________ Either you're dead or my watch has stopped.