A Beowulf Fanfic

[Kim]

Source

Recently an additional and unexpected fragment of the poem Beowulf was discovered in a box of old newspapers in an attic in Frederick, Maryland. While it is clear that this fragment takes place after Beowulf's funeral, the correct position of this fragment in the codex is still debated by scholars. A translation follows.

Up then came / a worthy warrior,
Oak-tall, oak-strong / shorn-locked, short-shaven,
Dark as leather / dyed in walnut;
Clad in canvas / white as moonlight.
Up he strode / fearless, noble,
where Geatlings gathered. / Scorning arms
He spoke these words: / "Look upon me.
Now upon yourselves. / Again upon me.
You are not me." / Deep his voice
Like thunder's cry / or breath of God.
Woe to the warriors! / How they trembled!
Then again spoke / the white-garbed warrior:
"Nor have your coats / the smell of me,
For rather smell you / of maidens' nosegays
Or worse, of dead fish / silver fish hand-caught."
Shame befell / the men of Geatland.
And one man spoke: / "Woe to the dragon
That slew great Beowulf! / Were he living,
This great shame / would not now haunt us."
Once more spoke / the white-garbed warrior:
"But this I say: / bathe in Gamol-léac,
The old and noble herb / and you will be men
Who smell like me." / He raised his hand
And wonder seized / the men of Geatland,
For now they stood / on deck of ship,
On mighty ocean. / "What is in your hands?"
Asked the warrior / the white-clad warrior.
"They are in my hands: / twenty swords
Of noble lineage / given by kings,
Wielded by warriors / slayers of monsters.
If you bathed / in Gamol-léac,
You would then smell / like the warrior,
The comely warrior / bearing these swords.
I am on a horse." / And in a leap
That shook the ship / the white-clad warrior
On milk-white horse / spanned the strait
And rode away. / Then rowed the men,
The men of Geatland /to the shore,
And followed the track / of the white horse
And the white-clad warrior / a man of men.
By his scent / they followed his path.
Three days and three nights / they tracked the warrior,
Meatless, sleepless / ever racing.
Dawn the fourth day / found the clearing
Where the warrior / sat at a table
Built with his own axe / wielded with skill.
Then the Geatings / bowed and praised him,
Honored him / and begged the boon
Of Gamol-léac / for their own bodies.
The white-garbed warrior / valiant and merciful,
Giver of gifts / and bringer of boons,
Gave them cake / on golden platters
Served them mead / in green glass tankards.
Full the bellies / of the Geatlings!
To each man / he gave a sword
Of cunning craft / and great renown.
Then the warrior / Raised a shell
An oyster shell / a forearm's breadth
And out he poured / upon the Geatlings
The musk of manhood / the Gamol-léac.
Full of mirth / the men of Geatland
Praised the warrior / clad in canvas,
Raised him up / and crowned him king.
Hail the bringer / of Gamol-léac!

This may be the single best thing I have read, rivaling even the BROSPECTFUL MGS fanfic I read a while back in awesomeness. And so to you, NPF, I pose a challenge. Post a better fanfic. I dare you.

[Token]

Checkmate, bitch.

[Bard The 5th LW]

http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/chapters122.htm

edit: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucc cccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk you token!

[Token]

Great minds think alike.

EDIT: And I guess you do too, for some reason.

[Bard The 5th LW]

You mean terrible minds think alike.

[Wigmund]

You two dare try to tarnish the majesty of the Gamol-léac Man. Truly his tale is one worthy of the ages.

Besides, if you want to see a terrible fanfic - I'm currently in the middle of a series which is the Princess Bride using Homestuck characters over on the MSPA forums.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Originally Posted by Wigmund

Besides, if you want to see a terrible fanfic - I'm currently in the middle of a series which is the Princess Bride using Homestuck characters over on the MSPA forums.

As a lurker I am aware of this and several other fics you write.

I think its 0k, but at times it feels like I'm just reading the same story with different names.

[Wigmund]

Originally Posted by BardTheFifthLightWarrior

As a lurker I am aware of this and several other fics you write.

I think its 0k, but at times it feels like I'm just reading the same story with different names.

That's all it is. Well, it's Karkat doing it as he reads the story.

[Magus]

I wrote part of the fan fiction article on uncyclopedia many years ago. I believe someone else edited tense errors into it, but it is mostly the same:

The following is an excerpted fan fiction:

Hogwarts Angst! Summary: [SELF INSERT] What happens when a rambunctious teenager gets thrown into the [CROSSOVER] Fullmetal Alchemist/Harry Potter world and Snape kills Dumbledore AND Maes Hughes? [EDXAL, ELRICEST] Hilarity ensues!

Chapter 1

The train pulls up to station 9 3/4, and Ed and Alphonse Elric jumped aboard! The two eyes each other hungrily and began groping each other. Suddenly, Harry Potter pulled open their cabin door and gasped. "What is all this tomfoolery?!" He cried. Ed and Al quickly extricate themselves from one another and shook Harry's hand. "We're new students, looking for the man who murder our beloved friend, Maes Hughes!" Harry shook his head. "Well, I know someone who's been murdered around here! Dumbledore! By none other than Snape!" The two brothers gasped collectedly as Harry sat down and described Snape as being pale and black haired. "A homoncoloss!" cried Al, his voice muffled by Ed's throbbing phallus. "We must investigate, bwatha!"

Further story can be read at Fanfiction.net

[Wigmund]

Originally Posted by Magus

I wrote part of the fan fiction article on uncyclopedia many years ago. I believe someone else edited tense errors into it, but it is mostly the same:

There's no way that if completed, that fic won't be the greatest thing ever.