Asshat's Spectacular Shenanigans!

[Token]

I won't really have a chance to say this in the update, but the city is one of the things that bugs me about Topaz because it's really clever and shows how good the designs and whatnot could have been. But then, as soon as I think hey, maybe the game gets less shitty as it goes on, chavs everywhere.

[Token]

Underground, huh? Might be interesting.

Or. It could just be a typical town full of dumbasses.

Yep. Town full of fuckstains. Great.

Because really, Contests aren't gay enough.

Don't worry. I'm working on burying the others under oceans of rubble.

What, you don't wanna stay underground?

Note to self. Come back to this shithole if I find some Slugma or Koffing.

Sup.

Executive, thank you very much.

Welp. It sure is useful how he's not here. Mewdammit.

Time to find the den, I suppose.

This TM?

Doo-doo-doo-roar!

Meh.

Okay then.

O...kay then.

Yeah, sure.

Thank you, kind ma'am.

Doo-doo-doo-Dig!

Fuck off, Weasley.

Oh, fantastic. Another pirate. This must be karma.

Like hell.

Let's get showy.

Or let's just break everything with a drill.

Damn right.

I can't help that my body's so bootylicious.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

I am so tired of you guys.

Luckily, you go down faster than a freshman at homecoming.

Yup.

Yeah, that tends to happen around mountains.

...do you just wander around the region hoping you'll find metal to weld together? Is that a thing?

Okay, fine. Sorry for questioning your way of life.

But not that sorry.

I... I honestly have no response to that.

Fair enough.

Bring it, you walking cock cozy.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK AM I LOOKING AT HERE.

SERIOUSLY, I WANT AN ANSWER AND A GODDAMN APOLOGY.

THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.


The more I explore this place, the more I hate everything in it.

Didn't say you were.

Alright. Have fun. I'll just be on my way.

Well fuck you too.

Nothing too tough though.

Yeah, I'm sure.

Smussy.

Yeah, okay. I guess.

I guess it might be a fun place to make a base.

Still, these things are even more atrocious than Creepers, so eh.

Hahaha, puns.

Bring it.

Only two again? You guys are pretty easy.

Yup.

In a manner of speaking.

Different strokes.

I have the feeling that somewhere a half-black british nerd is embarrassed by a distressingly accurate line from a horrible hack of a video game.

Um, okay?

I just hope it's nothing like Wii Tennis, or I'll shove my remote through your TV. (Hint, fuckass, "remote" means "fist," and "TV" means "face." (I'm saying i will punch you.))

That thing will never stop giving me the creeps.

It happens.

So does that.

Finally. Time to find that Chazz jackass.

Oh, godDAMMIT.

Whoops.

No, I'm Zubatman.

I'll agree to the outnumbered part. Still gonna kick your asses though.

Fuck. "Backup."

Honestly, I think they'd have a harder time if you didn't show up, Giovanni.

No shit.

You have an operation going at Mt. Fissure? Good to know.

I'll be sure to head there next.

Yeah, bye. See you soon, shitheads.

Stop trying to speak English, and speak English!

Mewdammit Chazz.

Good to know, I suppose.

Less good.

Figured that was the plan anyway.

Brilliant. Saves me the trouble.

I got that, yeah. Bye.

Don't remind me...

Yup. That's accurate. Good going, Chazz, you stupid queefstain.

You never fail to disappoint.

And I'm probably not even gonna get a promotion for it.

Yeah, I know.

Whatever. More importantly: POWERLEVELING AND ATROCITY CAPTURING.

For a dragon, this thing is pretty weak.

Finally caught one of these. Best nickname ever. Everything else can just give up.

Well fuck. These exist.

Yeah, you're never coming out of the Box.

Ugliest bird I have ever seen.

Touche, universe.

Spectacular. Tarantulas has a new friend who will hopefully teach him not to murder small children.

Two friends. I am so nice.

Oh, great. It has limbs and a giant dicktail now.

Let's just move right the hell along.

[Token]

Legitimate reason for the waitLike I said a few posts ago, photobucket is fucking up for me. Its bulk uploader keeps making my computer freeze, and then it only works some of the time. What this amounts to is taking about an hour and a half just to get one folder's worth of images uploaded, and, frankly, I don't have anywhere near the patience to deal with that right now. My life hasn't gotten any less Tokeny, so I'm not in the mood to put up with that. After I've posted this, I'm going to try reinstalling java and see if that helps at all. If not, I'm gonna need to find a new image hosting site.


And right the hell along we shall move!

Let me be blunt. I have to go prove my superiority to the largest crime syndicate in the world as well as this region's police force. What's more, I'm fully confident in my ability to do so. Unless you want a firsthand demonstration of why, you will move.

Thank you.

Right. This shouldn't be too tough.

Time to get those plans for myself.

That's like what's going to happen.

That, however, is not.

Way to be prepared, fucknuts.

Probably not.

Fuck the gods for me being here, but whatever.

I'm sure you do.

...What? I'm done talking to you. Gonna go get the plans now.

Noted. And you will refer to me as Executive, or I will barbecue your intestines and feed them to Squick.

Fuck that.

I fail to see how you're going to arrest me when I've knocked out all of your monsters.

Case in point.

Of course you did, you pathetic waste of space.

Naturally. In the grand scheme of things, your defeat won't even merit a sentence in the whispered legends Topaz citizens will tell their children at night.

Heh. We'll see. Moving on.

Hadn't noticed. Move.

Kinky. Not my style though.

If I'm doing the whole power play thing, you can be damn sure that you and everyone else will be calling me Master.

Sir, that's the gospel truth.

Perhaps. But I won't be among them.

This is pathetic. The code is 0-1-2-3-4-5, dumbass.

Yeah. I know. Same code you have on your briefcase, I'm sure.

*sigh* Of course you did. Can we hurry this up?

That explains a lot, actually.

They're my friends now? Fuck that.

I don't think you have the first grade education you'd need to read them.

What's the phrase I'm looking for?

Ah, yes. "Fuck the police."

You think that'll intimidate me when I have one of my own?

Just who the hell do you think I am?

Oh, wow, that's so much more terrifying.

At this right I might just die from EXP overdose.

Okay, that one is mildly creepy. BUT.

It'll melt just like everything else.

Yup.

Pretty damn.

Yes? That's basically what just happened?

Oh, please. I don't need you to. I can get myself off.

Of the hook, I mean. Get myself off of the hook.

Goddammit I'm trying to stop the innuendos here! Fuck off!

Oh what the cocks! I thought this thing didn't have a phone!

Giovanni, you just ruined a perfectly fine delusion. Fuck you.

Eh. Screw that. I haven't even gotten minions yet, no way in hell am I running messages to that fuckup. Do it yourself.

I hope not.

Cannot believe this thing has a phone. That's so fucking dangerous. What if Joey finds a way to bug me?

I should ask Dialga to smite him or something. It seems like much less of an asshole than Palkia.

Welp. This seems safe.

Huh. Actually pretty nice. I don't hate this.

Can't argue with that. Lava's a bitch.

Okay, Eric?, let's go.

Holy shit that thing is creepy.

Hope you brought a bucket of water...

...Yesssss. I train my Pokemon a lot. Not... mining or crafting or anything like that. Why would anyone think that?

I will never get over how fucking disturbing the Psychics here are.

And still nothing that can really justify Iron Tail.

What?

What?

I've caught one Pokemon here! With an actual Pokeball! Stop being an ass!

Jerk.

Who. Who in the entire fucking MULTIVERSE would be willing to buy any of these abominations? Do you know them? Can I get their number? Because dammit, anyone that stupid could make me a fucking mint. Not because I'd sell them things, but because I could sell them to a fucking museum as the missing link! No one in the history of humanity is that buttfuck retarded!

Oh, go swim in it.

Congratulations on not mentioning welding though!

Less congratulations on getting slaughtered so easily.

You know this boogie is for real.

That... actually sounds like something a reasonably competent criminal organization might do as part of an evil scheme or some shit. I'll look into it once I've taken over the Rockets...

...Fuck it.

Okay, should be close to the next town holy shit that is a lot of lava.

Can't fault them on that name...

...The sad thing is that I can't decide if that's black humor or an actual public service announcement.

[Aerozord]

is it just me or are the trainers starting to sound less obsessive and more unsettling

[Aldurin]

Each pokemon that appears looks like the result of eating paint and laxatives, there are no words to describe the thought process of the people that made Topaz.

Speaking of which, will you ever play any of the official Gen III games or will you just count Topaz as that (rather unfairly) and move on to a different generation?

[Loyal]

I have difficulty believing it could be the work of more than one very dedicated but very awful person.

[Token]

”Stuff” No, not dead. I think I've found the catalyst to actually work on this again. We'll see.


This seems safe.


Extra safe. Why live here?


…


…Whatever. Ghosts, hm?


Nothing Shake-Wow! shouldn’t be able to handle.


It sort of is, but whatever. Token. Nice to meet you, ma’am.


Once again: why live here?


I guess that makes sense, but…


I still don’t see the fucking appeal!


How special.


I remember my first egg. Think I might actually raise that Togepi once I make it back to Johto.


Yeah. Hence the outfit. :I


Nah…okay you can stop pushing the egg into my arms now.


What.


Just…turn and walk away.


To the furnace!


Holy Mother Meloetta, it’s fucking HOT in here.


You crazy sack of tepigshit.


Oh, cool. Thanks.


Basic knowledge, but I appreciate the gesture, crazy furnace dude.


Okay, I’m thirteen and I know I just captured a living, fiery, dildo.


Yes, I just used the “d-word.”


Sucks for you.


Why do so many people in Topaz live in caves? What the hell?


Wow. That actually was a PSA back there.


Anyway, enough dicking around. Time for Shake-Wow! to obliterate everything in here.


Sup.


*Legitimately beat.


I’m quaking.


That’s the plan. The problem with you Topazians is that you just walk it in.


Oh, this douche isn’t even TRYING not to mimic Morty.


Not even remotely. Done this puzzle before. Really simple.


... If you must.


Doubt you'll be able to show me anything I haven't seen before.


...I stand corrected.


Jubilation.


Alright, that's actually mildly helpful.


Although it did lead me directly to another asshole...


Nothing challenging though!


Don't care, I'll walk.


Why on earth would I be lost? This is so simple that you could do it. I don't have any reason to worry.


I really don't need your help.


You close, but so not grammar.


And so not worth time, apparently. Moving on!


Oh, thank Arceus on high. No more.


Shake-Wow!'s jaws were starting to get tired.


That'd be me, Ghost boy.


That's what I said.


Bring it on, Danny Phantom.


...bitch, I just said that.


This is gonna be unfairly easy.


I love it when I'm right.


Your defeat could feed Shake-Wow! and I for weeks.


...I thought you were ripping off Morty, and now your handing out Fuchsia's Badge?


Thought it let me use Surf, but whatever. I'll take it.


Take this too-too-too-too!


Well, that was needlessly annoying!


Speak of the devil, and she will make you want to shove her chav ass into the lava.


Please be orders for a post-natal abortion.


Prodigious.


It's... it's a thing. From an entirely not nerdy thing. Don't worry about it.


Oh, cool. I've been looking forward to kicking his smug ass.


I outrank you, and you've never beaten me.


Later, slag.

[Locke cole]

Did the guy who made this not even look up previous badges to see if his "clever" badge name had been used before?

[akaSM]

It's nice to have more Asshat shenanigans :3. Which reminds me I should really get back to playing Soul Silver o_o

[PCD]

I'm always excited to see more of Asshat. Even if Topaz is inhabited by nothing but barf demons.