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Unread 12-29-2010, 08:35 PM   #1
Nique
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TV Nique Reviews Janurary 2011 Television Progrums

It has occurred to me that, like much of our generation, I know WAY too much about television. Of course, having worked in the industry doesn't hurt (and when I say 'worked in the industry', I mean 'cashier at Blockbuster'). In any case, after a while I've started to become something of an armchair-tv critic. So pop in a microwave dinner, sit yourself down 3 inches away from the screen and enjoy my review of up-and-coming network and cable television coming your way next year!

Shameless
Showtime, January 9th
Did you enjoy fun shows about dysfunctional family life like Malcolm in the Middle, or Raising Hope but always wished that it was more depressing? Or that there were even MORE obnoxious children, or that the Dad was dumber/ drunker/ more useless? Well, I guess this is the show for you then. This probably-depressingly-true-to-life American remake of the BBC's long running Shameless aims to make you laugh at a bunch of neglected children picking up the scraps of their father's addiction-riddled life. Truly in this show will beat the heart of American comedy, which is of course laughing at caricatures of the poor.


Episodes
Showtime, January 9th
Actor Matt LeBlanc stars in this tv show about actor Matt LeBlanc in a tv show about... uh. Hm. I'm not sure how many iterations this show contains so we'll stop there. But I mean, hey ok way to be clever! Just don't strain yourself Hollywood - it's not everyday we get to see a tv show about a tv show, especially not one starring former Friends cast members!


Lights Out
FX, January 11th
Boxing blah blah blah fighting blah blah blah drama blah blah blah. Hey, here's an idea. Instead of watching a tv-drama about boxing, why don't I just watch an HBO Boxing match? Is it even possible for a show to miss the point that much? But I mean, I guess I can understand FX's commitment to airing shows that no one watches or cares about. Not even wikipedia.


Bob's Burgers
FOX, January 9th
Fox's latest Simpson's knockoff is coming straight at you on Fox's Sunday Night Animation Holocaust. The sad thing is that even if, by some outrageous mIrAcLe, this show is actually good, Fox will still cancel it.

But seriously this show is sure to join the pantheon of terrible animated shows that were given horrible life and a painful humiliating death by the Fox network.


Being Human
SciFi SyFy, January 17th
I guess it makes sense that SyFy would slowly evolve into the crappy American version of BBC America, but the minute they cash in on an American version of Doctor Who, I am going to kill myself. I am going to literally turn into a ghost and haunt anyone and everyone associated with the SyFy network.


Fairly Legal
USA, January 20th
There's just a ton of faux pas happening here. For one, you can't just completely lift a character for a TV show like this. The 'single female lawyer' character isnít exactly a classic trope to base your totally original idea on. Also, isn't there something kind of ironic about a legal drama that is literally stealing the entire concept of another legal drama? Lead actress Sarah Shahi tells us that her character is "unconventional", "cheeky" and "flirty" and that this won't be your 'normal' legal drama. No shit it's not a 'normal' show! It is instead, apparently, a huge metaphor for copyright infringement! Either that or it's a pretty elaborate nod to Futurama.

Single Female Lawyer!


Spartacus: Gods of the Arena
Starz, January 21st
I was going to talk about how maybe this show ignores the homoeroticism of the era (among other things). But with so many men walking around with waxed nipples I guess there's not much more to say.


The Cape
NBC, January 9th
Not to be confused with the 1996 series about Astronauts (actually kind of an interesting idea), The Cape looks to give us a lame Batman-Clone. Can NBC jump the shark for an entire genre? Find out, this January on NBC!

Source: Channel Guide Magazine
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Last edited by Nique; 12-29-2010 at 11:31 PM.
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Unread 12-31-2010, 02:28 PM   #2
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This thread is literally the worst idea in the world and you should feel bad.
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Unread 12-31-2010, 06:08 PM   #3
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Hey you forgot about:

V: January 4, 2011, ABC
Will the Visitors lay down the smack, and conquer Earth's sorry ass? Find out next time on the next V!
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Unread 12-31-2010, 06:34 PM   #4
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Quote:
This thread is literally the worst idea in the world and you should feel bad.
The people need to know!

That is, they need to know how sarcastic I am about television.

EDIT: Just for clarity, is it the worst idea because these are all terrible tv shows and you dont want to know about them, or becuase I am kill the very concept of humor with these my ill-concieved rants?

Quote:
Will the Visitors lay down the smack, and conquer Earth's sorry ass? Find out next time on the next V!
Man shouldn't they have done that like, the first episode? Wasn't that the point of the show? I'm sick of all this Lost-esque beating-around-the-bush.
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Last edited by Nique; 12-31-2010 at 09:43 PM.
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Unread 01-01-2011, 11:49 AM   #5
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Why would Spartacus Gods of the Arena not be homoerotic, the first season had a subplot of the gay gladiator falling in love with the gay slave servant guy but then having to choose between spending the money he won on paying for his own freedom or staying behind with the slave because he didn't have enough for both. he chooses to leave and the slave is raped by this other gladiator guy and commits suicide It was really sad and really homoerotic at the same time.

I will probably watch The Cape, but seeing as how it's like "circus performer gets magic cape to fight bad guys with" I have the feeling it is either already attempting to be somewhat satirical, in which case it might be alright, or else it's totally serious and will be such a horrible trainwreck that it will have to be funny for at least one episode.
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Unread 01-01-2011, 11:52 AM   #6
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I suppose if you don't count the opener movie, Young Justice will be starting in January.

SWB
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Unread 01-01-2011, 11:56 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Nique View Post
EDIT: Just for clarity, is it the worst idea because these are all terrible tv shows and you dont want to know about them, or becuase I am kill the very concept of humor with these my ill-concieved rants?
It's because Lumen is second only to Smarty in terrible taste (Seil is third), and thinks all of these shows are actually fantastic.
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Unread 01-01-2011, 12:32 PM   #8
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You're just sad that you secretely love Twilight but are afraid to admit it.
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Unread 01-01-2011, 12:57 PM   #9
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You're just sad that you secretely love Twilight but are afraid to admit it.
I used to, but then she chose Edward.
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Unread 01-01-2011, 07:15 PM   #10
Nique
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SWB
I suppose if you don't count the opener movie, Young Justice will be starting in January.
This was probably the best idea for a new cartoon I've seen in the last year, but the worst executed. In addition to totally ruining Superboy's backstory and also (once again) turning Superman into a huge dickhead, they can't even get Aqualad right in this one.

I mean, how do you go from awkward vaguely anti-semetic depiction of a pre-pubescent fish mutant ...


His name is Garth

...to this urbanized mer-man version of Dennis Rodman


Not even joking, his name is Jackson

Now, I'm not complaining that they wanted to make 'Young Justice' 'ethnically diverse' but that just straight up isn't Aqualad. They couldn't just throw in Static Shock or someone who was actually concieved as a Black Superhero? 'No, no, let's pick the least significant sidekick and make him mexican or something.'

Quote:
Originally Posted by Magus
Why would Spartacus Gods of the Arena not be homoerotic, the first season had a subplot of the gay gladiator falling in love with the gay slave servant guy but then having
Yeah like I had this idea that the show was really geared towards straight-male viewers and stuff becuase basically any guy I talked to who ever liked the show was like 'this show has like just the right amount of tits and violence its great' but then I realized that enjoying a show about bare chested men wrestling and RESPECTING EACH OTHER LIKE BROS was pretty clearly not just your average boobs and bloodlust show. The show is still trash though, either way.
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Last edited by Nique; 01-01-2011 at 07:24 PM.
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