Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to be the Dovahkiin... DRAGONBORN! -- A Skyrim LP --

[Revising Ocelot]

'Two deadly caves in two days is more than enough for me. I'm going back the other way. That Palesprint place can't be far...'





'...oh for the love of... that's MILES away. No way am I walking that far.'





'I can either walk miles upon miles and get mauled by whatever foul beasties and bears roam the wilds here, or I can take a leisurely stroll up to the cave of dragons and demons and, possibly, a bandit or two. Certain death either way, but at least this isn't quite so tiring.'





'Snowing up here? Maybe I will go back the other way... and then there'll be a rain of frogs. I hate this country.'





'Least I can keep warm up here.'





'And keep others warm, too! For the rest of their lives, even. You're too generous, Blinky.'





'Awful lot of snow in the tower. Better make sure the inhabitants are OK.'





"I would have told you about stairs bro, but I'm too busy dodging your attempts to fall onto my head!"





Blinky levies a fee for violation of handrail conventions.





'Can't see a damn thing up here. My eyes are accustomed to peering through murky grey swamps, not fluffy bedsheet whiteness. Who decided this climate was a good idea?'





The barrow almost looks enticing at this point.





The local residents are just as unruly as the tower dwellers.
'Why must this country be so violent?'





'And so much stabbing and blood! Uncouth ruffians. Black Marsh is a much more civilised region. Instead of killing each other, the residents are too busy trying to not be eaten. A far more progressive approach.'





'Well, it can hardly be worse in there than outside. Better finish off the rest of these bandits, get back down the mountain, collect my pay and GET OUT OF THIS DAMN COUNTRY. Priority number one.'





'...nope, just as chilly in here.'





'You know, I think I'm getting better at this whole "zap, burn and stab" routine that seems to be all the rage these days. I could get used to this.'






The Invisible Barbarian Chorus agrees with Blinky.







"What was all that? I'm starting to see things. I badly need a drink."





"Finally, someone with some sense around here. Saves me doing the work. Thanks!"






None of this makes any sense to you.





It takes a few hours, but eventually you exhaust the trap system of it's arrow supply and the exit door opens out of sheer bewilderment.





The spider supply has barely been tapped, however.





'Black Marsh definitely has bigger spiders than this. Ah, nostalgia.'





'Still though, I bet this elf isn't used to them. He's probably grateful he isn't obeying the tenets of the food chain. Shouldn't I be exploiting this, somehow?'

[Aldurin]

Blinky has the best approach to puzzles.

[Thadius]

No he doesn't.

The ruin is still standing and not on fire.

[Locke cole]

Look, man. You can't be the Easter Bunny if you're not willing to leave a few eggs intact.

[Revising Ocelot]

Plagued with indecision, Blinky decides by himself to do the right thing. What he presumes to be the right thing, anyway. Arvel's name sounds familiar, though.





Was somebody talking about him?
'Eh, forget it. I'm doing The Right Thing. Always help an innocent in peril!'





'Just have to remember to aim to the left. Not straight ahead. Otherwise I'll have done The Wrong Thing. Been doing a surprising amount of Wrong Things lately. Perhaps I should cut down on them.





'Heh. Cut. Blinky, you glorious master of the Pungeon. If only someone was around to hear that. Apart from that guy. Is he scouting ahead?'





Blinky hears a short yelp ahead, followed by a loud thud. Similar to a spike trap impacting against a wall while carrying an elven load. Arvel must be disabling some cunningly hidden mechanisms for you. Good guy, that Arvel.





'Well, he missed some strange zombie types, but the elf can't be expected to do everything, after all. These types of ruins always carry a few hundred zombies, and I did just save him. It's OK for him to miss a few, he needs a break.'





"Oh no! A tragic break upon a wall of spikes! Tragedy!"





'What was the point of all this? I go to the heroic effort of saving someone, only for them to perform such a sacrifice for my sake just minutes later. What a senseless waste of a good life.'





'This just goes to prove that good deeds get you nowhere. I'll never perform any again. Except... aren't I in this tomb for someone's sake already? Can't remember. It was only a few hours ago I was speaking to... er... some shopkeeper, maybe? Feels like I've been in here for a month. I think someone wanted this claw. May as well hang onto it... and everything else Arvel had.'





'Such a waste of a good life. Tragic, tragic, tragic.'
Blinky has no time for tears however, as he's pretty sure that to get out of the tomb he must press on ahead, and not backtrack. The entrance lies that way. You're looking for the exit. That's how the world works.





The Invisible Barbarian Chorus strikes up again for Blinky's expert Draugr incineration, but is surprisingly lacking when it comes to advising Blinky on his horoscope. Blinky himself is completely clueless as to what other constellations he should light up in the universe of his vast, if mostly empty, mind. He can't "breathe" enough fire to light a star by himself. Give it a few more years.





'Elaborate! They must keep some of those zombies in the wall to swing the blades between each other for sport. Maybe there's something else valuable down here? Maybe even more valuable than the exit - Draugr dueling is dull drudgery. Entire continent is mostly tombs and undead, you can find this sort of stuff anywhere if you're sufficiently drunk on a Fredas night.'





'And most of these are asleep in the walls! Appalling negligence. Will be reporting these tired fools to their local necromancer.'






'His workforce is slacking off on the job big-time.'





'Least they could do is clean up after themselves.'







Another damp, soggy cave. Second time in as many days that the architects just threw the plans into a fire and abandoned the concept of such petty concepts like walls and floors. Blinky vents his frustrations on a nearby rock.





Or stairs. What you would give for a decent set of stairs to exit out the convenient aperture above. Actually, you'd give a few dozen swords and axes looted from the various Draugr in the previous rooms.





And the rooms ahead.





'Just how much tomb can you fit into one mountain, anyway?'







Not wishing to waste more time on complicated puzzles, Blinky takes the obvious course of action and spends a few hours scraping a large enough hole in the ramshackle door with the Golden Claw.





'Ah. Giant tomb chamber. I know how this bit goes.'





'A bigger Draugr is going to pop out of the casket and I'll have to spend 5 minutes being chased around in circles while I kill it very slowly. I did something like this somewhere in Cyrodiil. Not too exciting.'





'The Invisible Barbarian Chorus sure is getting rowdy, though. That's new. Why do they keep hounding me since I went in this tomb?'





'Better go check what they want. Hopefully I don't owe them anything...'











A singular word of an ancient language suddenly fills Blinky's mind. Clarity and understanding are bestowed upon him.











".....FUS!"





"FUS!"





"FUUUUUuuuuck you I'm going back to flaming stuff."

[Revising Ocelot]

Everyone ignored my post yesterday and I cut it off early by accident, anyway. So here's another with the screenshots I had left over.

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'Dragonstone? The imagery on this doesn't make sense. You'd think that, as the only legitimate dragon for hundreds of years, someone would have made a bust of me by now. But noooo.'





'Another passage! Hopefully this one will lead to another huge chamber with a freaky wall and a coffin containing some kind of undead bear. I think I'm due a bear.'





'Perhaps there's one hiding in this pedestal which'll chow down on my hand when I activate this suspicious device?'





'Or... nope, another passage. At this point I must have walked into another mountain range. This can't be the same damn mountain I've been walking around in circles for a whole day.'





'At least the loot haul has been hefty. I've not had this many swords and hammers weighing down my stomach for years. And this helmet! It's practically compelling me to wear it. Can't think why.'






'...eh, not my style. I'll stick to the hood. More comfy.'





'Warmer, too. That's one nasty cold wind blowing in from ahead. Logically, that must mean there's some mean old ice elemental lurking around. Obviously.'





'Oh, right. Outside. Forgot that existed. This is why it pays off to always find the exit. Going back to the entrance would have achieved nothing.'






'...where is this, anyway? I don't recognise any of this scenery. Well, apart from the trees. And mountains. Snow, too. Just like EVERYWHERE in Skyrim. Well, I'm sure I left a map somewhere in my gullet a week ago. It might give a rough guide as to which of the several million mountains I'm standing on.'





'This map is... PERFECT. Astonishingly high detail of Skyrim - nothing but mountains and clouds! I forgot the clouds. Lots of them in Skyrim. Couldn't the cartographer have used some artistic license? Maybe show what all these icons mean and draw some squiggly towns in-between each mountain? Where the hell am I meant to go?'


'...where the hell was I meant to go, anyway? There was something I needed to do to save myself from... what was it? A dragon? Psh, I'm my own best friend, NOT my worst enemy, no matter what the jailers keep saying. Eh, it was probably nothing. May as well go to that... Blackjog... Greendash... WHITERUN place. Damn good memory. Never lets me down.'



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In case it wasn't obvious from the last post, I'd like some more levelling pointers. So many trees!