Cyber Wars: Chapter 6, "Are we there yet?"

[Wolf99x]

Wolf decided that rather than wait for Beowulf to return, he'd check up on Monk, see how he was handling things now. He got up and headed towards Monk's hospital room.

***

Beowulf thought 2:00 left on the bomb...maybe.... He turned to J2. "We only need to hold out for 2 minutes. If we can survive till the bomb goes off, then their programs will crash and be knocked out."

Beowulf stared down the Agents. "Hope you think you can take us out." he said as he started charging at Smith.

Smith opened fire with his Desert Eagle. Beowulf moved fast. he dodged two shots before Smith's pistol clicked empty.

Damn...forgot to reload... Smith said just as Beowulf caught him in the face with a flying kick. Smith rolled to his feet and countered with a right hook that Beowulf barely managed to block. He managed to evad Jackson's roundhouse kick...and the battle began in full swing as he threw two jabs to the second Agent's chest. All the while, Beowulf counted down the seconds in his head.

[MC43]

He could feel a reassuraing hand come upon his shoulder. He wanted to open his eyes and see who it was... but his body just wouldn't follow his commands. He could feel himself drifting off into space.

It was a while until Monk could once again feel control come over his body. He moved his arm, just a sliver. His leg, just an inch. He twist his head over so slightly. Everything was forced. That's when he heard the knock as his door. "Huh? Hello? Who is it?"

"It's Jade." Came the voice from the other side.

Monk's eyes shot open. It hurt, but they were now open. "Ja... C'mon in... please..." He said, through weak lips. Taking advantage of open eyes, he saw that he was now in another hospital room. Man... I think I've spent more time in this room than I have at my monestary.

[Wolf99x]

Wolf had turned the corner in time to see Jade enter Monk's room. He stopped. I'll let her talk to him alone. It's a good bet that Monk will not be fully recovered yet, and talking to more than 1 person at once will probably be to tiring for him.

[batgirl]

Jade walked into the room. Monk had been hooked up to all sorts of tubes and machinery and seeing him like that almost amde her cringe. "I know that you might not be up for a talk, but that never stopped me before. I wanted to see how you're doing. Do you want to talk about what happened? I know it must have been agonizing for you."

[MC43]

"Agonizing can't begin to describe what it was like..." He took several deep breaths. It was hard pushing out words for some reason, but he wanted to try anyway, despite the fact he couldn't feel half of his body. At first he smiled, "No... that has never stopped you before. It has actually gotten us into many troubles before." He chuckled. He looked down to her legs, particually her knee, "Hey... I don't think that's very fair. How come you get to walk again... and I'm stuck here with all this wires and hoses attached to me, huh? It's Agonizing!" He smile soon faded into a stright mouth, then to a frown. The truth had struck him once again.

"It was awful... Everything I learned in there... Everything I thought I knew was a lie... I... I don't know how to react to that. I don't know what to feel anymore!" He could now feel something swell up in his eyes.

"The fact that I'm not a Monk... That I have killed many innocent people before... That there was a personality living inside my head that was taking control of me, no... suggesting that I do all those awful things. He was right, I did everything... He had no control over my body." The tears started to fall, "I had full control... I enjoyed killing so much, it was... awful the feelings I had. And you!" He forced eye contact, "When I had the gun in my hand, you in front of me, the feelings... were unbareable!" He killed eye contact by dropping his head, "That was me! I was the one who shot you! I pulled that damn trigger! I forced all that pain onto you... and I don't know how to forgive you... I don't know how to forgive any of you..."

He took another deep breath. "I'm... so sorry. I'm sorry that you all had to witness that. You all had to go through that. You shouldn't have to. It was all my fault. I shouldn't have gone. I was the cause of all that trouble!" He sniffed and paused, "No... Someone needed to go. So I should have, by myself. None of you should have been there, to be put through what I have been put through! It's not fair!" He forced his knees up to his chest, and surrounded his head with his hands. "None of you should have felt, or seen what has happened to me. I am embarassed, and ashamed of what I am. I'm surprised you are so compassionate towards me."

Me? What am I? Who am I? Is there no one on this earth that can answer that question? Is there no one in a greater power that can answer my question? Is there no one anywhere that can answer!? WHO!? Who will tell me who I am!?" He looked up at Jade, ready to shout out all the feelings, when he noticed something. He wasn't sure what it was at first, but there was something. You... Why are you helping me? Why have you been such a good friend to me. I have betrayed you twice, and still you stand by my side...

"Jade..." He dropped his head again. "There's... there's something I need to ask you." There was a very long pause before words started to come out again. "Why?" He looked up, "Why? Why have you been there for me? Why are you here now? Why do you insist to be my ally and friend, even though you now know my history, and maybe my future?"

He took one more breath, and cut her off from answering. "But first... I have one more thing I need to tell you." He took a deep breath, then paused. Then took another one, "Do you remember, when he took the file of you. There was a reason he did that. He told me during our battle. Wolf was wrong. You were not going to die, simply because you were in my brain, you would have not been harmed at all, but I would have been put through a hell worse than I already have. I would have... forgotten... you..." He tiled his head just so the tops of his eyes could see her. "My memories would have been erased, and I would have lost you, in a worse way than death." Another load of oxygen was brought in. "I would have lost you... and I couldn't have had that happen. I don't know why he dropped the folder when he did, but I thank God he did." He now moved his head to the full upright position. "I've... fallen for you Jade."

He dropped his head once more. "I have said a lot, and I do not know what you are thinking. I have said what I wanted to say. Now I pass it unto you. If you leave this room, I will not be offended. If you never speak to me again, no grudge will be held. If you were to pull the plug on me right now... I would be forever in your debt. The choice is now yours. What is it you decide?"

[Zephie]

Wraith stands back, silent. (( Yes, he actually is in the room. ;-; )) After hearing all of what Monk said, he isn't quite sure what to think or say. He hardly knows the guy -- heck, he just met him a few hours ago -- and yet still, he feels that after what they've all been through, they're now connected somehow. He looks between him and her, unsure of what to do and just staring blankly, standing back in the shadows.

[batgirl]

Jade didn't know what to say really. His words had hit her like a ton of bricks. She had never really confronted her feelings at all, she had always pushed them to the side because of her work. She was forced into becoming a hardened soldier, not bothering to think about the people, only the mission when she was dispatched. She looked away from Monk for a second, trying to collect her thoughts. "I...I'm not sure exactly what to say. When I first met you and the others, I thought only of trying to get to know you because maybe we'd work better as a team. I pushed all of my emotions aside in favor of being your commander. But that's not what I wanted. I was only fooling myself into thinking that I wouldn't have to feel anything towards you ro the others. But, when we were in the building and I was shot the first time, I understood that you were bring controlled. It could have happened to the best of us. That's why I forgave you. Then, I realized that there was something deeper inside of you. You wanted out so quickly that I knew you didn't want to face yourself in the end for fear of what you might find out. But I wanted to know...about you. I couldn't imagine what it was like to not know about your past. I was just as curious as you were I think..."

She paused for a second, trying to find the right words. She felt awkward standing there, her silver hair falling around her face. Brushing i away, she sat down next to his bed.

"When we were inside your mind and you were seeing yourself shooting me, I almost lost it. I thought that it might have been my fault that you were going through all of that pain. If I hadn't made friends with you...if I didn't have...feelings for you, then maybe you shooting me wouldn't have weighed so heavy on your soul. I'm sorry for that. I wanted to help you because...well...I don't even know. Maybe it's because I'm nice, maybe it's because I feel bad, maybe its because..." She looked him in the eye, "maybe it's because I've fallen for you too, but I wanted to help you." There, it was all out in the open, and for once, Jade felt good about her decision to tell him. She took him hand into hers, "you're going to be ok."

[MC43]

Monk smiled at the words spoken from her mouth. As soon as their hands connected, he could feel a new energy flow through him. His entire body was now fully funtional, although still painful to move. The words were still hard to find, but not hard to force out anymore. His heart had come from the slow pulse to a beating race... All this, because of her kind words.

Help me... I am me. There is someone on this earth that may be able to answer my questions. There is a greater power watching over me. You... you have helped me for the same reasons I shot you.

His eyes shot open, and he pulled his hand away, looking towards the floor opposite her. "No... I had control back there. Those were my own decisions! I do not deserve you! I do not deserve any kind of compassion from anyone. Especially someone as special as you." He forced his head to look at her face, "Someone who was so willing to help a wretched soul such as myself. Someone so... twisted and confusing such as I. Sadistic and murderous are the only adjectives that can be used to describe the soul that now lays within my heart. If it had been before, there would be no trouble, but the soul, the Monk you know does not exist. He never did! The entire thing was a story. A beautiful, well thought out story that would please anyone, everyone, epsecially myself. You have been brainwashed of the true soul living within this body, this heart." He placed his hand on his chest, where he could feel his heart slow back down to a crawl.

"I do not deserve such a pure-of-heart such as yourself. You fight for others, so that they might not know oppression. I fight for the enjoyment of killing. You defend the weak and the low, because you have pity on them. I attack the weak and the low, for I have no pity towards anyone. Only those that have already fallen to gun, my fist, whatever instrument that was used to rip the life out of the poor soul, simply because they were to weak to stand up against me." He could feel his body fading once more as he slumped down in the bed, looking at the wall, "You deserve better. Not the soul that is currently inhabiting this body. This one is... black, cursed, not fit for any human emotion." He could feel his eyelids become heavy, lead shades that would soon cover his eyes.

"I'm just sorry... I'm not really the man you think you know..."

[batgirl]

Jade's hand came down with unnatural force. The slap was quick but left a red welt on Monk's face. "Stop beating yourself up for the things that you couldn't control! Snap out of it! Yes, you did some horrible things in your past, but what's done is done. Your past is of no concern to me anymore. Why do you think I've never told anyone about my past? Because it doens't matter. You can't change the past, only the future. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and actually live for once. All your life you've been trying to connect to your past, and when you do you find out it's not what you expected. So what? Shit happens and then we move on. Everyone here has some sort of thing they regret doing one time or another in their pasts. But we don't let it get to us. We focus on the fact that we can prevent it from happening again. Being in your mind and defeating Myst proved that whatever you did in the past won't happen again. You're stronger now, so stop wallowing in self pity and be happy for once!" Jade's face was flushed as she almost yelled at Monk. "And another thing: I think I know what I deserve, so if I say it's you then it's you!"

Jade stopped and blinked. "Wow, I do sound like a commanding bitch when I yell. Guess Andy was right all this time..."

[MC43]

Monk snapped his eyes open as he could feel a slap of reality hit him. "Literally," He said, slowing moving his eyes to the now angered Jade. But she had every right, in fact, she was right. He was too connected to the past, and the truth of it really hurt him. But the past is the past, and that can never change, but the future is the future, and that can change. It will change! Monk sat himself up and took both of Jade's hands, "You... You're right! Everything that you have spoken is truth. I was too connected, but it wasn't the connection that I wanted. But I am still me. I am still Monk! I can change, I have changed! For the better!! Oh Jade... I..." His smile faded as a serious look came upon his face. His eyes were making direct contact with Jade's as he leaned in a little closer. Something was forcing him. He tried his best to pull back, but some force was pushing him, nay, pulling him towards her.