I Will Match You To A Comic/Youtube Video/LOLCAT

[POS Industries]

Once again, to clarify, you need to link to a post for him to work with.

Like this!

[BitVyper]

If you wanted a quote you should have damn well put that at the top of your post, not the ass end. It's like you actually expect me to read the things you say. Sorry. I shoulda read more carefully.

Originally Posted by me

What the hell, Snake? Did I not provide you with a positively foolproof method for picking up girls in Germany? You should be swimming in beautiful German stalkers by now. How did you fuck it up?

Anyway, if you absolutely must have this woman, without further information, I know of only one particular blind spots in the human barista's defenses. You must find the legendary Bloodwood, said in myth to be hidden in the rainforests of Brazil, beyond the reach of man's world. Adventurers have spent years wandering the jungles only to return empty handed, if they returned at all, but it is said that an old Aztec witch knows the secret paths, and I'm pretty sure she's listed on Google maps, but I can't spell her name. Anyway, you need to find the mightiest of the Bloodwood trees and take some of its sap in exchange for a bit of your own blood splashed on its roots (lest the forest close around and trap you forever). Distill the sap into a perfume and wear when next you meet your barista, and she will be helpless against your charms.

Failing that, you could simply overpower her senses with the well documented abilities of the Three Wolf Moon. But beware its power. Many have worn the shirt, seduced by the (very true) stories of its properties, but few ever imagined how dangerously subversive its power could be. Brimming with raw masculinity, they found themselves spent out, wasted away within weeks or even days. Yet still they invoked it until at last there was nothing left of them. You may have the recklessness to put the Three Wolf Moon on, but will you have the will to take it off?

Failing THAT, just tell her you're friends with BitVyper. All baristas owe me their fealty.

[Seil]

Originally Posted by One Shot Wonder

Try me, Mr. Broseph Stalin.

Erectile Dysfunction it is!



So now Fenris gets two for the price of one!

Originally Posted by Fenris

Mine's because I don't like you.

Everybody remember's Recess, right?

Dear Loser, [Brian]~~~~!!!!!
I thought you liked me you said it yourself I hate you .People only say you asked me out because you needed a date for the dance and that after the dance you would dump me well guess what bastert I dumped you cause you were thnking that I cheated on you i didn't so like that you guys are and so marty that you are you called me a slut.I hung up on you cause you tol me it on the phone because I guess werent man enough to tell me it in my face!I hate you and also guess what my mother hates you to that she the one who put me to do this ,you come to breakfast every morning and I aint stupid you try to sit next to me and my lil bro who only 7YRs old hates you to and dont even know what you did and it always blocking your chair.haha!I went out with another boy after you and after we were over you an idiot dared you even tried to ask me out again I didnt break up with him for you OK! I hate you ive always hated you spreading to everyone that i cheated on you when you just got jealouse that i used to talk to your friends to your so jealouse you automatically think I like them well guess maybe i do maybe i dont gotta problem you aint my boyfriend anymore I dont have to tell you who i like or who iam with and why got it i dont like you anymore the other day you told me that I have to who I like or who Iam thinking of going out with its none of your buisness got that to you loser!I hate you and I know you but i dont like you i dont care what your stupid freinds say you make me touch your hands for stupid reasons u accidentally say you hugged me i will never like you again I HATE YOU I HATE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS DAMN WORLDDDDDDDDDD id rather date a spider or rat den u ur soooo ugly and fat !!!!!!!!!!And then saying that i loooooooved you pleasssse!!!!!!!!!!!Your such n ass wipe n bastert!! I HATE YOOOOOOOOOO

Well bi you piece of shit i have more things to do right now then remember YOU
__________________

Let's see if I have anything in a messy angst-ridden, homo-erotically charged break-up. I do! But I'll post something funny, too.

Something not funny.
QC is funny.

[Satan's Onion]

Okay, you can work your magic on any of these that take your fancy (which means that no, you don't have to do them all). Surprise me!

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Originally Posted by Seil

I'm gonna be honest, I didn't look at your quote. I just saw that you had, like, five edits, and thought "That seems like a giant-lizard ridin' dude."

That was the point of all the edits. Well done. It was meant to make you focus on the "insane" part of my handle. But I rarely show anything that would make you believe I'm a genius anyway.
Though, we didn't even get into non-linear editing yet. (No, I don't expect you to match that up to something)

[Aldurin]

I have no single post that sums up myself, all I can give is quotes of other people trying to scientifically analyze me.

Originally Posted by InsaneGenius

Don't think too hard about posts EvilEarl made. I wouldn't go as far as saying they are completely devoid of any logic, sometimes they make some sense, but his mind certainly doesn't use a logic that makes much sense in our universe. It's best to just discard an EE post that isn't very clear to you at first glance as a fun little interlude between two posts.

Originally Posted by Geminex

No, seriously though, I do not think anyone here could be Evilearl except for Evilearl,, because just as nobody can emulate Seil the way Seil does, EE is an entity in and of himself and nobody and I mean nobody could be as evilearl as evilearl even if they tried really hard and had, like, a 7-year apprenticeship in making Earlposts because goddammit, have you read what he writes he is either genuine and unique and comes from the bottom of his shrivelled-up heart or he is the best fucking actor on the planet.

I mean, Fifth is unique as well, but Earl has a distinctive signature of... well, of earl-ness. Not a very good signature, more the kind shaky X that you find on the bottom of documents signed by illiterate drunks during an earthquake, but a signature nonetheless!
Sorta like Foul Ole Ron, only instead of smell, it's really interesting posts.

That is to say, unmistakable, unique, and it'd show through no matter what he called himself.

EDIT: If one of the ladies here didn't provide a quote, would you do the same thing to them too?

[Seil]

Originally Posted by POS

Once again, to clarify, you need to link to a post for him to work with.

Y'know, I already posted that Family Guy clip for this one, but I guess I can...

KABLAM!

I was actually kinda hopin' you'd go for this quote, though.

EDIT: Just so I could use this comic:

Originally Posted by BitVyper

If you wanted a quote you should have damn well put that at the top of your post, not the ass end. It's like you actually expect me to read the things you say.

Well, I guess we're talking about baristas now, but let's go for something more... travel-worn:

In retrospect, this is what SS should've done.

As for Mr. Onion, let's go with...

But...but...without Serious Science Research Studies of Science like this one, however shall we reassure ourselves that men are all like this and do things this way, and women are all like that and do things a totally opposite and different way? The classic family sitcom as we know it might die out completely without this vital information!

Okay, okay. Let's go with... lesse here:

Also, because I fucking well can, I ought to remind all the other Whovians here that Rose Tyler almost destroyed Earth with her own impulsive stupidity in "Father's Day" but got away with it because of her highly convenient daddy angst. Anyway, what the fuck would a hyperintelligent Time Lord see in a nineteen-year-old chav whose only special abilities amount to "Russell T. Davies' Overweening Affection" and "Tight Union Jack T-Shirt"? Sweet and sour Jesus Horatio Christ with bagels and a creamy nougat center, that woman was so useless.

So Rose... what, got trapped in a burning room, fixed a Dalek accidentally, toured WWII stricken England via barrage balloon, convinced the Doctor to take on whatsisface who nearly ruins everything during that Hyper... Jagrafess... thing episode.... And this was all in the first season.

Though she isn't entirely useless in the end. (Spoiler for Season 1 Doctor Who) Even though there are much better companions about.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Hmm. Hard to come up with something considering most of my defining posts come in comic form. If I had to pick something, maybe this first post in the Avatar request thread I made a few months ago, or the first quote in my signature:

Originally Posted by ShyriaDracnoir

I think the NPF is the only place where you can go from a guy wearing a croccodile for pants to discussing unrealistic depections of the social services in Pokemon. In the same thread.

[Seil]

Alright, I gotta get to work. Back in a few hours to do Mr. Whatsisface, Whosits and that person who posted that thing that one time.

[Terisse]

Something Like This. Or Maybe Like This. It's up to you, I don't have many... interesting posts.