Calvinball XXVII: Mostly harmful

[Bailey]

Newb unexpectadly grabbed TB and threw him at the mirror, but rather than breaking it, TB went through it.

********************
Inside the mirror
********************
"hey, you're just in time to join us, we're finally escaping, we found a way back into the real world. It is the real world out there, right?"
********************
Outside the mirror
********************
"that was probably a bad thing, wasn't it?"

[Jadarendir]

"Arhra..." Jada smirked evilly, pearl in hand. "I am not Chaos. I am Lord of Hell. I am Evil itself.

"And I am far more terrible than you will ever be."

Jada threw the pearl at the mirror, and once it went through Jada's form turned to a great shadow that enveloped everything and everyone still in the Calvinball field. Upon contact, everyone fell completely unconscious... forever, if Jada wished. But he had other plans.

Jada returned to his normal form, Arhra's spell lifted. There was another problem to take care of. Jada walked over to the sleeping TB, and pried the Calvinball from his cold fingers.

"When you wake up," Jada said, "your soul will be missing, Arhra. You may find it in another place... but be warned, without it you will be dead by midnight. You must get it before the end of the game, and you haven't the time or power now to get the Calvinball as well. Make your choice: victory or life."

Jada hovered over the field. Dark clouds filled the sky as, slowly, everyone began to stir.

[StabbityMage]

StabbityMage collapsed into a dream. Like in most dreams, travels in time & space could be accomplished under the veil of invisiblility. He saw a pearl held by a power-hungry...um...thingy, a mirror bent on escaping itself, and a Calvinballer that had lost his/her soul.

"Wait...If he/she has no soul, doesn't she dive into the depths of the illusion that is hell?"

Down the soulless one went.

SM awoke face-to-face with the pearl-weilding object. Realizing he had no choice, he started chanting.
"Nama yo rinki kyo..." Over and over he chanted as the rest of the Cballers rubbed the sleeps from their eyes. SM started glowing a cadmium red & slowly faded away into invisibility.
He snuck off, once again, to find the Cball.

"HI HO, SILVERRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

[Toastburner B]

"Hi, Jada."

Jada turned to see Toastburner hovering next to him.

Jada looked back to where Toastburner was sleeping, mere moments before...and he was still there.

Jada looked back and forth a few times. Then he looked at Toastburner.

Toastburner could only shrug. "Hey. Makes no sense to me, either. I guess it's the random field."

"But I'm immune to the random field." Jada said.

"Yeah, but I'm not. As such, when you put everyone to sleep, I expected to be down, just as you did. Next thing I know, I'm hovering over here with me sleeping over there. I must admit, I didn't see that one coming."

Before Jada could answer, Toastburner hit him in the face with a pumpkin pie.

"Dagnabit! That was suppose to be the techno-reaper!" Toastburner yelled. "I don't suppose you're allegric to pumpkin, are you?"

[Jadarendir]

"Hmm..." Jada thought slowly, then started laughing. "I have you now, TB."

Before TB could question him, Jada pointed down. As TB looked, the ground grew larger extremely quickly. Then he realized, it wasn't growing. He was falling.

He stopped just before he hit the ground, however. Not knowing what to think, and unable to take in a breath without inhaling dirt, he simply waited for his punishment for attacking Jada. But punishment did not come.

Jada landed softly on the ground, and TB was flipped over onto his back, smacking the ground hard. As he tried to clutch for his back, he instead waved his arms everywhere. Jada smirked as he watched the poor TB flail about on the ground. Then he laughed. It was a long time before the laughter faded.

"TB," he finally chuckled. "Consider this: you do not expect things to happen, and then they happen. You are using this to your advantage, if I am right, by expecting the worst to happen. But now, as was displayed by your pathetic--and quite bothersome--pumpkin pie attack, you have become conscious of your anti-efforts.

"I submit to you, that since you expect that what you DON'T expect to happen WILL happen, that you are expecting it. Therefore, I hereby declare that you cannot control your actions!"

TB flailed more and more, trying to stand by not expecting to stand, then expecting to stand, then not expecting it again. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get Jada's hypothesis out of his head. He hoped to find something that would work, but nothing would.

"I, however," Jada continued, "have a different case. I am not IMMUNE to the random field, I am simply using it against itself perfectly. Although I act as if I am expecting what happens, only half of my brain actually is. The random field is reading signals from my CEO brain section, which are broadcasting opposite signals to what my actual brain broadcasts. Therefore, the part of my brain that controls ME is reading regularly. The part that controls the random field is reading opposite."

TB lifted in the air rapidly, then hung 300 feet up.

Then he fell.

"Twenty seconds 'til you hit the ground, TB!" Jada shouted. "Better think quick!"

[Toastburner B]

As he was falling, Toastburner sighed. Poor Jada. He thought he had everything figured out. Well, Toastburner thought, At least they didn't underestimate me this time.

The true fact of the matter is that Jadarendir had overestimated Toastburner in this case. Toastburner was just as surprised that he was popped up next to Jada as he was, and he had fully expected the techno-reaper to be in his hand, not a pumpkin pie.

I can't even walk in a straight line in this place! Toastburner mentally thought to himself, How the heck does he think I can do the...whatever the heck he was talking about?

Well...might as well try to avoid pain. Toastburner thought.

He tried his jets. As a result, he fell faster. He turned off his jets. As a result, he fell faster. He tried to pull out the techno-reaper so he could slice a rift to avoid the fall...he pulled out a broomstick with a rubber chicken taped to it.

Toastburner sighed. Oh, well. At least I'm used to respawning like this. Shouldn't hurt to much.

As Toastburner hit the ground...it hurt. A lot.

"Ow." Toastburner groaned.

Toastburner turned his head, and saw Jada smiling at him.

"You know that there's a flaw in your logic with the CEO...right?" Toastburner asked.

[Bailey]

"but then again, one would expect a flaw to cause it to fail, would they not?"
Newb asked as he got up, stretched, and fluttered up to a chair hanging in the air from a thread attached to the ground.
"In any case, this will soon be a moot point. Look."
Newb pointed to where Adrian Monk was reorganizing things, and where he passed, improbability was decreasing, and things were returning to normal range. beyond it, in fact, towards the range of the definite, but nobody knew this yet.
"He's collapsing the field simply by being here, he has OCD, he can't help it."

[Toastburner B]

A pie came out of nowhere and hit Newb in the head.

"Apparently he hasn't been over there yet." Toastburner said, pointing in the direction the pie came from.

[Bailey]

Newb covered his face with his hands.

"why, and I realize that I might not like the answer, are you pointing at your, and I am putting this delicately, rear? There is only one kind of pie that comes from there, and it does not smell of raspberries and cream, like this one does."

he wiped off the pie and glared at TB, waiting for an answer

[Jadarendir]

"Well," Jada said, "I'd best make the necessary adjustments."

Slipping into a trance for a second, Jada added a few more lines to the code to his CEO's Improbability Field file.

Run IF IN RANGE OF Random Field AND/OR Improbability Field

AUTO END IF OUT OF RANGE

AVOID Broom(s) AND/OR Rubber Chicken(s)

Then Jada waited for them to indulge him in the flaw in his CEO's system.