This barista is so beautiful it's not even funny. How can I win her heart?!?

[Krylo]

I hope so!

[Amake]

Has this been linked yet? (http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1205) I just came across it in my marathon QC re-read.

So rest assured Snake, whatever you may do, you probably won't end up accidentally spraying poems about your dong on your coffee girl like Wil here.

[BloodyMage]

I dunno, Will and Penelope are an item in the comic, so maybe 'accidentally' tossing poems about his penis at her could work in his favour.

[Amake]

I was getting to that, even the most cataclysmic first impressions can be salvaged. So there's really nothing to be worried about.

[Solid Snake]

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH

I'm not even getting the opportunity to use one of Nikose's infamous pick-up lines, here.

I went to the coffeeship again today and there were five employees there -- and only one of those five was even a familiar face from my previous visits (unfortunately, not the girl I'm interested in.) Exactly how many employees does a small coffeeshop hire again, anyways? I mean I spent the better part of a good forty hour work week there last week, and even then I've barely had the opportunity to speak with Ms. Beautiful Barista.

I return to the District in less than two weeks, so my window of opportunity is disappearing faster than you could say "Boo."

[shiney]

So you want to ask this girl out, but you're skipping town in 2 weeks?

[Solid Snake]

So you want to ask this girl out, but you're skipping town in 2 weeks?

I think this girl is drop-dead gorgeous enough to want to ask out even if I was leaving tomorrow; but yeah, that's where things pretty much stand.

[Amake]

Two weeks is plenty. You can have a whirlwind romance and stuff. They had only a week together, but the memories would last them the rest of their lives.

[Jagos]

Now we gotta make sure SS's balls drop to ask her out. Ya know?

We could just start calling him Densha Otoko.

[Solid Snake]

Now we gotta make sure SS's balls drop to ask her out. Ya know?

Jeez it's kind of hard to ask a woman out when she's not there.
It's also expensive when every time I walk in and she's not there I feel obligated to buy a coffee so I don't look foolish.

[BloodyMage]

Doesn't this shop have windows? You should totally check out if she's there through the window before walking in.

[Seil]

Y'know Snake, send us a picture. if she's as hot as you say she is, I'll go flirt with her for you.

[Solid Snake]

Doesn't this shop have windows? You should totally check out if she's there through the window before walking in.

Yeah, because that won't come off as totally creepy to all the employees. "Hey, it's that guy, he's staring into the window again."

But no this idea would work slightly better if there were windows anywhere close to where the baristas work, but that really isn't the case: I'd have to squint and stare next to the window for more than just a few seconds to determine whether she was present.

(Plus, wouldn't that cost a heck of a lot in gas? Driving back and forth a couple times a day to determine if she's there?)

[BloodyMage]

Staring through a window is marginally less creepy than facebook stalking.

I apologise, I assumed that you were walking.

[Solid Snake]

Staring through a window is marginally less creepy than facebook stalking.

Maybe! But she and/or her fellow employees would be aware of the former, and blissfully unaware of the latter.
It's her perceptions that I'm worried about.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

See you need dudes to stake out the shop and work out her movements

[Seil]

...Snake, maybe you should just... um... stop? This is getting out of hand. (http://questionablecontent.net/comics/1542.png) I don't think we want this thread admissible as evidence in your trial.

[Solid Snake]

...Snake, maybe you should just... um... stop? This is getting out of hand. (http://questionablecontent.net/comics/1542.png) I don't think we want this thread admissible as evidence in your trial.

Hey man, everyone else is responsible for recommending me to stalk her through windows / have friends stalk her / rely on cheesy pickup lines / humiliate myself. When I'm sober, I'm the one who's keeping things realistic. No harm in admiring her beauty while expressing my exaggerated id here, fully cognizant that I never will actually man up and ask her (or any other girl like her) out, let alone engage in any unethical activity beyond merely saying hello to her and ordering coffee. =(

Also it seems you're taking this thread far more seriously than you should be? Although I will confess, while drunk I was far closer to sending out that half-assed poem than I had any right to be. But who doesn't make terrible decisions when drunk?

[Seil]

Why is it that no one realizes when I'm joking? I thought linking a comic might accentuate that fact.

[Solid Snake]

Why is it that no one realizes when I'm joking? I thought linking a comic might accentuate that fact.

Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, you and I suffer from identical complexes of "everyone else taking us too seriously." (In fact, my response was pretty much dictated by the assumption that you were taking me seriously.)

[Professor Smarmiarty]

But who doesn't make terrible decisions when drunk?

Clearly me, most of my posts are fairly boozed. And we all know that they are all genius.

[Solid Snake]

Clearly me, most of my posts are fairly boozed. And we all know that they are all genius.

Except you're an avowed communist, so you may want to rethink that theory!

(Just like Marx should have rethought everything he ever wrote! Zing!)

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Little known fact: Marx was actually the Messiah but when he tried to write the Bible publishers turned him down becausethey wee worried the market was played out and they might get sued for copyright.

[Krylo]

Man that's a lot of words that aren't Snake's poem right there.

Why are there so many words that aren't Snake's poem?

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Man that's a lot of words that aren't Snake's poem right there.

Why are there so many words that aren't Snake's poem?



Because there are no words in all the english language like Snakes poem!

[Solid Snake]

Because there are no words in all the english language like Snakes poem!

Literally!! Some of the "words" in my poem do not appear in any dictionaries.
While I did save the poem onto my hard drive for sheer grins and giggles, if you think there's any chance in hell I'd share it with the masses of NPF (and with krylo of all people), you must be crazy.

Seriously, krylo's the guy in the back alley wearing the black trenchcoat who whispers "Pst. Come here buddy. I have something to show ya." (And that something is a knife. And perhaps one of your kidneys.)

[Seil]

Seriously, krylo's the guy in the back alley wearing the black trenchcoat who whispers "Pst. Come here buddy. I have something to show ya." (And that something is a knife. And perhaps one of your kidneys.)

http://i165.photobucket.com/albums/u59/Poetisch/kidneys.jpg

[Mr.Bookworm]

I vote we ban Seil.

To help Solid Snake get laid.

[krogothwolf]

You should just walk in there and go
"Baby my snake is solid, are you limber enough to CQC with me?"

[Aldurin]

This is what I'm talking about with Seil and his image problem. Solid, hurry and get laid now!!

[Flarecobra]

Seil... that is disturbing.

Anyway, back on topic.. Solid, should at the very least start off small. Compliment her, see if she's on break anytime, see if you two have any common intrests, that sorta thing.

Though gotta be careful... sometimes they don't really like it when someone talks to them while they're putting in orders.

[Krylo]

Literally!! Some of the "words" in my poem do not appear in any dictionaries.
While I did save the poem onto my hard drive for sheer grins and giggles, if you think there's any chance in hell I'd share it with the masses of NPF (and with krylo of all people), you must be crazy.

Seriously, krylo's the guy in the back alley wearing the black trenchcoat who whispers "Pst. Come here buddy. I have something to show ya." (And that something is a knife. And perhaps one of your kidneys.)

Snake, if you are too scared to deal with some mild ribbing over your poem, how can you ever expect to have the courage to talk to a beautiful woman?

[Nikose Tyris]

Snake. Give us the poem. Or just give me the poem. I can help you touch it up and make it (better?) before you give it to her.


Or totally backstab you and post it here. Regardless, totally give it to me.

[Green Spanner]

"Hey hey I love you
Especially your left shoe
One and one makes two
Nonny nonny noo."

There, it can't be worse than that poem I just wrote, so you can post yours now Snake. Kthx.

[Funka Genocide]

You can't write poetry with an intent. Poetry written to achieve a goal is hollow, all its breath taken by your avarice.

Poetry is a byproduct, poetry becomes not from the wanting, but from the losing.

At best it can be accidentally revealed at a later date that you wrote a poem inspired by her, after you've all ready... you know.

[Amake]

Re. poetry with intent, Dante's Divine Comedy was written on commission. As for longing vs. losing, we can compare The Sorrows of Young Werther by Goethe with Crawling by Linkin Park, not that reciting either of them is likely get you on the fast track into any ladypants. . .

[Seil]

Why would you choose Sorrows and not Faust?

That being said, I've always been a Shakespeare fan. Pity kids today aren't interested in old english.

[Amake]

To me Werther symbolizes the whole Sturm und Drang movement. Never thought about Faust, but of course it's the epitome of stories where someone wants something.

Hey, didn't Shakespeare write like 500 sonnets people have been using ever since to charm ladies? There's some inspiration for ya Snake.

[Funka Genocide]

well ok EPIC poems with an intent are ok. But if the Divine Comedy got Dante laid then... well I guess women were just different back then.

[rpgdemon]

"Hey hey I love you
Especially your left shoe
One and one makes two
Nonny nonny noo."

There, it can't be worse than that poem I just wrote, so you can post yours now Snake. Kthx.

I literally started cracking up in middle the library I'm chilling in because of the thousand degree weather and lack of AC that I've been dealing with. Thanks for making me look crazy.

Re. poetry with intent, Dante's Divine Comedy was written on commission.

And everyone knows that game was pretty much just a God of War rip off. DUH.

[Seil]

...I need someone to make me an image. It's the balcony scene, what with SS speaking from the garden to his lady love, while NPF whispers to him what to say from the bushes.

[BloodyMage]

To me Werther symbolizes the whole Sturm und Drang movement. Never thought about Faust, but of course it's the epitome of stories where someone wants something.

Hey, didn't Shakespeare write like 500 sonnets people have been using ever since to charm ladies? There's some inspiration for ya Snake.

It probably doesn't help that most of them are about a man, especially the early ones, so reciting them might have unfortunate implications.

I've always liked Yeats' He wishes for the cloths of Heaven. For a real kick, recite Swift's A Gentle Echo on Woman.

[Funka Genocide]

Look, reciting poetry is lame.

What you need to do is write a kick ass rock song and do some 3-chord magic. Just make sure the coffee shop has an outlet you can use for your amp, because the only thing you can do with an acoustic is folk music... I don't think I need to tell you how lame that would be.

Almost as lame as reciting poetry.

(Now electric funk-folk-rock on the other hand might work. Just make sure you have a jaunty hat.)

[Seil]

What you need to do is write a kick ass rock song and do some 3-chord magic. Just make sure the coffee shop has an outlet you can use for your amp, because the only thing you can do with an acoustic is folk music... I don't think I need to tell you how lame that would be.

http://www.morethings.com/fan/south_park/photo_gallery/raisins/pics-714-2.jpg

[BloodyMage]

Tell that to the Irish.

[Funka Genocide]

I saw Flogging Molly live once.

They had shit plugged in. It still counts as rock.

(Also the lead singer's hat was jaunty as fuck)

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

From what i've heard, you don't even need to learn to play the guitar to have chicks fawning all over you. You can just carry it around with you and it will do the job.

Snake, next time you go to the coffee shop, take a guitar with you. It's guaranteed to make you look 10 times more awesome.

[Si Civa]

What you need to do is write a kick ass rock song and do some 3-chord magic. Just make sure the coffee shop has an outlet you can use for your amp, because the only thing you can do with an acoustic is folk music... I don't think I need to tell you how lame that would be.

Dylan get laid.

And all you need to do is to play Sunshine of your love ("http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osalLZDo_SQ)

[Seil]

From what i've heard, you don't even need to learn to play the guitar to have chicks fawning all over you. You can just carry it around with you and it will do the job.

I have a comic exactly like that. But SS hasn't even posted his poem here.

[Funka Genocide]

you don't really need to learn to play guitar to play guitar.

Classical guitar instruction is kind of brutal. You can just memorize tablature of certain songs and fat finger everything, most people won't notice or care.

[shiney]

There once was a forumer Snake.
His intentions? Decidedly fake.
He stalks through the net,
to hopefully get,
baristas, or failing that: cake.

[mauve]

Pity kids today aren't interested in old english.

Shakespeare is actually modern English, not old English.

Beowulf is old english:

"Hwaet! We gar-dena in gear denum,

theod-cynninga, thrym gefrunon,

hu tha aethlingas ellen fremedon."

Chaucer is middle english.

Shakespeare is Elizabethan modern English.

At least as far as I remember.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

There once was a forumer Snake.
His intentions? Decidedly fake.
He stalks through the net,
to hopefully get,
baristas, or failing that: cake.

There was once an admin named Shiney
who thought he could speak some rhymey
So Mac said with a sigh
and he wondered why
nobody would silence the limey! :cool:

[shiney]

There once was a forumer Mac
who tried a poetic attack
but wait! turns out shiney,
he isn't a limey!
Big Mac Attack must be on crack.

[Kim]

There once was a terrible thread.
Every member wished it was dead.
Yet the thread wouldn't die.
NonCon started to cry.
Fuck this shit I'm going to bed.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

There once was a forumer Mac
who tried a poetic attack
but wait! turns out shiney,
he isn't a limey!
Big Mac Attack must be on crack.

For it seems that Mac is wrong
when he thought he was right all along
For it seems admin shiney
is not even a limey
Maybe I should stay off the bong.

[krogothwolf]

Mac should stop using crack
His life might finally get on track
But he is a giant fool
will drown in a pool
I think he'll even break his back

[Kim]

Mac's syllable count is a mess.
It's all over the place at best.
He repeats parts of lines,
but even I sometimes
fuck my limericks up I confess.

[Solid Snake]

Mac's syllable count is a mess.
It's all over the place at best.
He repeats parts of lines,
but even I sometimes
fuck my limericks up I confess.

I can't believe you (subconsciously, I hope) stole the gimmick of my poem I wrote last January.

[Kim]

I can't believe you (subconsciously, I hope) stole the gimmick of my poem I wrote last January.

This is a limerick. It's totally different.

[Flarecobra]

Wow... I was just reminded of Hoedowns from Whose Line...

[shiney]

Mo like you're reminded of hoedowns from your mom last night!!

[krogothwolf]

Your mom won the Hoedown and all she got as a prize was a bad back!

[Flarecobra]

Mo like you're reminded of hoedowns from your mom last night!!

My mother's dead.

[krogothwolf]

She could have come back as a zombie.

[shiney]

Stranger things have happened. Like, I heard once, a guy asked for help on the internet on how to ask out a girl.

[Solid Snake]

Stranger things have happened. Like, I heard once, a guy asked for help on the internet on how to ask out a girl.

*sigh*
...I'm going to show up at the coffeeshop again tomorrow though. Hopefully she'll be there and I can work my magic.
...Or not work my magic, then pop up in this thread and complain about it!

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

There once was an impromtu limerick fight
That broke out suddenly one night
It was a sight to have witnessed
But I'm pissed cos I missed it
So I'm making this off-topic post, alright?!

[Seil]

Stranger things have happened. Like, I heard once, a guy asked for help on the internet on how to ask out a girl.

Why I never! (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showpost.php?p=101640&postcount=1)

(click the link it's shiney's poem.)

(for serious, shiney wrote a poem.)

(what kind of lame guy of lamey lameness writes poetry?)

[shiney]

The REAL question is how/when was I the jerk mod?!

e: 6 years ago actually, looking at it. Six years? Damn that's a long time. DAAAAAAAMN.

[BitVyper]

There once was a bunch of rhyming posts
Everyone thought they were clever
I can't rhyme
Or count syllables for Haiku
Or lines
Now this is just way out of hand
What the fuck?

you don't really need to learn to play guitar to play guitar.

Classical guitar instruction is kind of brutal. You can just memorize tablature of certain songs and fat finger everything, most people won't notice or care.

How right you are. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5QCs3PnQBc)

[Seil]

e: 6 years ago actually, looking at it. Six years? Damn that's a long time. DAAAAAAAMN.

I was hit by logic. I know you and Rai have a few threads up about... well, you and Rai, so I just typed in "Rai," and put "shiney" in poster name. I saw a sappy title and I went for it.

You lame-o.

[shiney]

I don't think that's quite as lame as someone who digs up threads from 6 years ago. :P

OT: SNAKE. WHAR IS POEM? WHAR??

[Lithp]

Well, since someone dug this up & I don't want to read through 32 pages, how did this shit work out?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Fuelled by tremendous quantites of boozed Snake rolled out a bombastic rap on how he was going to rescue her from her menial barista life (through the benefits of industrial collectivisation) followed by running out of the coffee shop before he could get an answer and is now hiding under his bed too afraid to go back into the world.

Also only 9 pages if you are a rocking cool kid.

[shiney]

A noteable person, this Seil.
His posts are continuous fail.
He links to old threads,
to mess with our heads,
and posts pics 'til he winds up in jail.

Jail, of course, being the image-linking restriction "I don't think so, Tim" deal.

[Seil]

I am a rocking cool kid.

Snake meets girl, Snake likes girl, girl - did she reject Snake here? - tells Snake something, Snake falls into alcohol induced coma while telling us all about his poem he wrote her, we rib snake.

[Lithp]

Fuelled by tremendous quantites of boozed Snake rolled out a bombastic rap on how he was going to rescue her from her menial barista life (through the benefits of industrial collectivisation) followed by running out of the coffee shop before he could get an answer and is now hiding under his bed too afraid to go back into the world.

Also only 9 pages if you are a rocking cool kid.

Dude, really? I'm sorry, Snake, but if that's true, that's the funniest damn thing I've ever read.

[shiney]

But yeah seriously did anything happen Snake or did you slink back to DC tail firmly planted betwixt yon legs?

One would hope something else was firmly planted betwixt yonder legs but I guess we'll have to wait to find out.

[POS Industries]

You're gonna be waiting for a while unless Snake's whole sudden quitting of the forums forever for no apparent reason turns out to have been no big deal and he got over it.

[shiney]

Oh? I hadn't realized he suddenly quit the forums forever for no apparent reason. I mean if the forums were down I'd understand but it's just rude of him to lead us on like this and then vanish for 3 straight weeks.

[POS Industries]

Yeah, apparently he quit like the day before they went down and them posted something like "Oh man, I hope they don't think I had something to do with it due to that weirdass coincidence."

And I was like, "Wait, you quit?"

Mirai did a similar thing where I guess they just sort of expected everyone to immediately notice that they'd left despite not actually telling anyone.

[shiney]

Probably got tired of being referenced to female genitalia or some such. Or maybe we steal too much of his time and are ruthless. Or something.

[Nikose Tyris]

I can update that he attempted and was shut down by the lady.

He is sulking FOREVER.

[POS Industries]

Welp, that was a bit anticlimactic.

[Bells]

But only because it happened off screen.

Ok... now what?

[Julford Hajime]

Close the thread, pretend it never happened?

Alternatively, keep the thread going forever with attempts at recreating the poem SS wrote/halfwrote/whatever.

[shiney]

Aw, poor SS. Hey rejection hurts but at least he manned up and TRIED. Good on him.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

God damnit, this won't do as an ending for my sitcom! This won't do at all. I demand a re-write!!

Or at the very least we'll retcon the season finale and then start over again next season with a new lead actor and actress and hope nobody questions it!

[Seil]

I agree. Congrats to SS - I probably wouldn't have gone for it.

[Nikose Tyris]

Yeah, the rejection was almost flawless. She was polite, smiling, and said "No" with a big smile on her face, handed him his drink and that was that.

He's currently hopeful that when he comes up to Canada, I'll take him bar-hopping and introduce him to some ladies.

As it turns out he's actually not unattractive so it shouldn't be THAT hard.

[Seil]

Who knows? With Snake taking some time off from NPF, with a bit of rehab and some encouragement from Nikose, Snake could once again become a functioning member of society!

[Fenris]

Who knows? With Snake taking some time off from NPF, with a bit of rehab and some encouragement from Nikose, Snake could once again become a functioning member of society!
Dude.
encouragement from Nikose
He is boned so hard.

Probably literally.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I say he grows a moustache, pretends he is from Italy and tries again.

[Azisien]

Or he could grow an Italy and pretend to be a moustache and try again. It's a much more impressive feat after all.

[Nikose Tyris]

Dude.

He is boned so hard.

Probably literally.

Nah. There's a very good chance that there's a redhead who's already interested in him up here.

*Not setting up blind date*

[mauve]

He could've said goodbye; I was getting worried when I saw him delete all his camwhore pics and user information.


Well, best of luck to him. Say hi to him for us, Nik!

[Nikose Tyris]

I shall do so for you all. :) I'll see if I can't drag him back here for one last goodbye. I have his cell phone number somewhere!

[Kim]

Probably got tired of being referenced to female genitalia or some such. Or maybe we steal too much of his time and are ruthless. Or something.

Somebody lied to him on the internet and he went through this whole deal where OH NO I CAN'T TRUST ANYONE SO MY INTERNET FRIENDSHIPS AREN'T EVEN REAL RARGHLBLARGHLFLERGH

Nice kid, but he really needs a lesson in chilling out.

[Bob The Mercenary]

He's just doing what I did a long time ago. Taking a little time off because he's been wasting too much time here and not on his love life and/or career. Trust me, it had nothing to do with the badgering. He kinda hinted at that while we were at the bar. He said he needed a hiatus and may or may not return and he had been planning on doing that for a while.

He'll be back.

[Geminex]

The above post is so much better if you read it with Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice.

Also, yeah, hoping he'll be back as well.

[Rejected Again]

So wait. Solid went to the bar with Bob. Please tell me you did not bother to change out of the Ash Ketchum costume.

Edit: Now I am thinking of Snake trying to kill Ash over his choice of beer. Don't ask why, but I am.

[Lithp]

DELAYED REACTION!

Yeah, the rejection was almost flawless. She was polite, smiling, and said "No" with a big smile on her face, handed him his drink and that was that.

Ahh, that'd suck. Oh well, better him than me.

[Bob The Mercenary]

So wait. Solid went to the bar with Bob. Please tell me you did not bother to change out of the Ash Ketchum costume.

Edit: Now I am thinking of Snake trying to kill Ash over his choice of beer. Don't ask why, but I am.

We were going to West Hartford to pick up women, you bet your ass I changed out of that shit.

Though we still both came up empty handed.

I masturbate. :(

[shiney]

Thanks, Bob.

Someone LIED to him over the INTERNET???

SHUT. DOWN. EVERYTHING.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Wait, don't we all have to sign honesty contracts before signing up for the internet?
I sure did.

[POS Industries]

Come on, guys. I know that I, for one, have lied to you all about everything.

I mean, "POS Industries" isn't even my real name!

[Amake]

To be fair I've never tried to hide the fact that I'm an imaginary (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=37917) person (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=6442), I just don't call much attention to it. I think Snake was just surprised to learn people you know and love may put on Internet personas. And with what Bob said I don't think it's my fault at all really.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Come on, guys. I know that I, for one, have lied to you all about everything.

I mean, "POS Industries" isn't even my real name!

Outrageous! Next you'll be telling me you aren't that lovely young woman in your avatar!

[Liquid Snake]

All right, I get the picture: I'm going to have to type some sort of explanatory goodbye message or you're all going to assume the worst from me.

Also: I by no means have any interest in using this Alt Account, it's not a purposeful attempt to cloak my identity or anything (this alt name isn't exactly the most useful to pretend I'm someone else with), but I stupidly forced my own hand on that one: I changed the password of my original account way back when to some random gibberish of letters that I mashed into an MSWord file, copied and then deleted forever, because HULK SMASH or something.

Actually, I'll give you the details in my inevitable "Goodbye" post I'll put here, but just to confirm one thing BobTheMerc said earlier: this is "Goodbye for a brief indeterminate duration," not really "Goodbye forever."

[krogothwolf]

Oh man, you're leaving? Now I'm gonna cry :(

You better make us a goodbye poem, or else I'll hunt you down and force you to write one!

[Magic_Marker]

See ya Solid.

Stay...Solid.

I'm motivational as FUCK!

[tacticslion]

Go thy way in peace, and be aware that ye are welcome back here!

[Liquid Snake]

To be fair I've never tried to hide the fact that I'm an imaginary (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=37917) person (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=6442), I just don't call much attention to it. I think Snake was just surprised to learn people you know and love may put on Internet personas. And with what Bob said I don't think it's my fault at all really.

It's not "your fault" at all and I don't think anything I said during our conversation should have given you that impression.
Really if this message accomplishes one thing it'll be that it'll stress unequivocally that the circumstances behind my departure are entirely my fault and there's no one to blame but myself.

He's just doing what I did a long time ago. Taking a little time off because he's been wasting too much time here and not on his love life and/or career. Trust me, it had nothing to do with the badgering. He kinda hinted at that while we were at the bar. He said he needed a hiatus and may or may not return and he had been planning on doing that for a while.

He'll be back.

Pretty much.

The mere incident of deceit on the interwebs, while certainly discouraging, wasn't a big enough issue to merit me reacting like a douchebag and leaving. I can understand why a few people got that impression, (but that was just because I did in fact act like a douchebag, in part because I was grasping for straws to find a "legitimate reason" to depart.)

The real issue was that those events essentially revealed that I had reached a point where I was so "addicted" to the NPF community (for lack of a better way to put it) that I was treating conversations with you all as substitutes for IRL opportunities.

I'm all for developing online friendships and I like a heck of a lot of you too much to believe otherwise, but the bottom line is it's healthy so long as it's casual. I'm also all for spending time writing up fun little projects on NPF so long as they're diversions and not taking up too much time (and not impacting IRL responsibilities.)

The minute you start treating online friendships with an implicit degree of trust and you start to "care" too much for online personalities, and the minute you start investing time in an online community at the expense of pursuing friendships "in the real world" or even fulfilling basic career / academic obligations, that's when you have to take a step back. The most frightening thing about IQ's "deception" wasn't anything she did, but moreso that my reaction was as if I had lost a good friend, and I really under no circumstances should have put myself in a position where I believed IQ was a good friend.

And around that time I realized that folks like NonCon and BobTheMercenary were literally people I would have placed on a "Top Ten Friends List" and yet I had never even met them in person (that did change when I saw Bob at the bar recently, although that wasn't true when I left.) A similar list of "Top Ten Most Attractive Female Personalities I Know" would have included NPF "ladies" and I have no proof they're not all forty-five year old male computer technicians. I was waking up in the morning in a mood where I was more excited to update the History topic on NPF and/or exchange the next PM with Mauve Mage / IQ / Bob / Nikose / etc. than to accomplish tasks for the firm I'm interning with, involve myself in a local church community or interact with close friends or family I've known for years. That's just not quite right. (To put things in perspective, each of the two updates in the History topic took about six hours total to research and write, and that's just way too much time to spend on trivial stuff like that.)

I can understand why you might read this and think I'm attacking your credibility, but I'm not: I'm much more concerned with my own priorities. Most of you are good people, and NPF is a great place to hang out, but I can't reach a point where I've invested so much into NPF that revelations that "people online aren't who they seem to be" legitimately upset me. I can't become complacent enough to rely on conversing with NonCon and Bob online and acting as if their friendships are meaningful substitutes for finding friends in the "real world." When I'm not sacrificing other opportunities you guys are great friends to have, but when I am spending obsessive amounts of time on NPF at the expense of fulfilling other obligations, I'm setting myself up for crashing and burning.

The best solution from my perspective appeared to be to take a hiatus from the forums, find new social opportunities now that I've moved back to DC, recommit myself to my summer internship obligations and rely on AIM to keep in touch with a few NPF personalities I "knew I could trust" while avoiding the kinds of time-drains that led me to invest too much time and thoughts here.
Then I could (theoretically) come back a few months later with a better head on my shoulders and treat NPF as more the fun, light, commitment-free diversion it should be.

He could've said goodbye; I was getting worried when I saw him delete all his camwhore pics and user information.


This is more or less what I did wrong; I had the right reasons for leaving but handled the process inappropriately and melodramatically.
I think I subconsciously wanted to blow up the IQ issue into a melodramatic reason for leaving because I didn't entirely trust myself to actually leave NPF otherwise. Like, if I just started a "Goodbye" thread and explained myself rationally and "left" on "good terms," I'm not sure if I actually would have left. I'd probably have felt compelled to stay after wasting another several hours typing away in the "goodbye" topic. You and NonCon and Bob and others would have all typed something to the effect of "We'll miss you" or something and that would've broken my resolve.

I mean basically I had been telling myself that I needed to take a hiatus for at least a week before the IQ incident but I kept delaying it because I was having too much fun. And instead of actually finding the right moment to cut back, I kept investing more and more into new ideas (like the NPF History topic) and I invested more and more into the community (posting the pics into the Camwhore thread, et al.)

In that sense, highlighting the (mostly nonexistent) terror of deceit on the interwebs was a way to make absolutely certain I'd do what was best for me. It also, however, offended at least a few people and was a stupid, irrational and immature way to handle the situation. All I can do in that regard is apologize.

I guess that's kind of the TL;DR version of this: I don't regret the fact that I am going on hiatus, because my priorities were skewed and I need to take some time to rebalance my life. But I do regret the way I've handled this insofar as I've likely offended or upset a couple people and/or lost a couple friendships. I'm sure I'll come back in some capacity in the next few months and hopefully by then this will have all blown over and I'll go back to only making occasional political insights in Discussion threads as I always have.

Anyway, I'll stay on today for a couple more hours to answer any questions y'all have and/or apologize to specific people who feel slighted because you all deserve a proper farewell before I jump back down into the abyss.

...Oh! And the Barista Girl. Yeah, Nikose summed that one up. I manned up and asked her out on a date a couple weeks back or so, after I had ordered a coffee from her and while she was in the process of making said expresso drink. She was very courteous at the time but she said "No, thank you." (In fact, she was so courteous and beaming a smile while she made the drink that I initially thought she had actually just said "Thank you" and had accepted my offer. But as she handed me the drink she said "Thanks anyway, and I hope you have a nice day," or something similar, and at that point I realized I lost out.)

I found out two days later (when I returned to said coffeehouse in an attempt to ensure she didn't think I was devastated over the rejection or anything) from a male coworker who happened to overhear the exchange that she's in a serious relationship with a boyfriend. So, she's probably just a pleasant, thoroughly likable person who wasn't the least bit offended (and possibly even a bit flattered) by my gesture but who's already found that special someone. (At least that's what I'm telling myself, anyway.)

It hurt for a few days, but I've gotten over it.

EDIT: Oh man, how fitting is it that I've left a WALL OF TEXT as a goodbye message? I can think of nothing more quintessentially "Solid Snake"-esque than that!

[Amake]

Well, thanks for the good times and all. I've enjoyed your walls of text and our riveting conversations.

And it's good you're not leaving with any SOLID feelings.

[krogothwolf]

You know what you need Snake? a Kid! If you can't make one, adopt one. That way you'll have IRL interaction to go with Interwebs fun! Then that kid can take your nice Blackberry, shove it in their mouth when you aren't paying attention then vomit all over it and look at you with this big goofy smile on her face and then giggle likes its funny she just ruined the phone.

Poor phone :(

[RickZarber]

Well, Snake, good luck sorting things out in the interim. I got all set to do the same thing a few years back, but I somehow lucked out and my life got back on track before I actually went through with leaving.

But hey, since you're back in DC, if you ever feel like grabbing a drink some night, let me know. (I can be reached via my screen name at gmail.)

[bluestarultor]

Well, goodbye for now and good luck, Snake.

Also, you know you can do a password reset, right? I'm pretty sure you can just reset your password and pick up the temp from your email, if the address associated with the account still exists.

[Bob The Mercenary]

May I be the first to do this?

Snake? Snake?! Snaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!

[Krylo]

Snake: Get the hell out of here before you end up fucking up this whole hiatus thing and sticking around like you were afraid of in the first place. I'll look forward to seeing you again, IN A FEW MONTHS.

Later, pal.

Krogo: No one else needs a child. We get all the doting father posts we can handle from you, already, thanks.

Edit 1: Good job on the manning up. Sorry it didn't work out with the hottie.

Edit 2: Someone explain this IQ shit to me. Probably in private or whatever to limit dramaz, but I'd still like to know 'cause if she's a fake person it would actually be a relief to me.

[krogothwolf]

Man, I'm just trying to spread out the love for you Krylo, since I know how much you love to hear from doting fathers. Besides you think you have it bad? Just think of how my co-workers feel! HAHAHAHA I swear they want to kill me.

And Isn't IQ just a bot in the darkest areas of the internet? Though Krylo does have a point, I'm curious about all this IQ stuff too.

I'm pretty sure Snake is still going to be lurking here even when he's "gone".

[mauve]

NPF: You can log out any time you like.

BUT YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE.

(guitar interlude)



Well, good to hear you're okay, Snake. Good luck to you, and tell us all about your adventures if/when you come back for a visit.

[RickZarber]

Just think of how my co-workers feel! HAHAHAHA I swear they want to kill me.And we never heard from him again.

[Krylo]

And we never heard from him again.

Don't get my hopes up like that.

[synkr0nized]

In case you are still reading this thread for a little, best of luck, Snake. It sounds like you are doing what's best for you, and I support that decision. NPF will [probably?] be here down the road, so there's always that.

[Seil]

Snake's wall of text can also translate to: You people scary. I need time to find proper therapist. Gimme a minute.

[Fenris]

PS Snake if you need one of the admins to change your password we can do that

[Rejected Again]

Snake, good luck in your future endeavors. Hope you come back with tales about drunken law student parties.

[Aldurin]

So Snake is leaving . . .

Strange, the only feeling is that of joy. Joy because his chair was always more comfortable than mine. That it is my chair now.

Rep to the person who knows that quote.

[h4x.m4g3]

Strange, the only feeling is that of joy. Joy because his chair was always more comfortable than mine. That it is my chair now.
Borderlands, one of Tannis's recordings. That was easy.

Seriously though, take it easy, hope you enjoy the Real World Snake, I hear it has good graphics. See ya when you get back.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Seriously though, take it easy, hope you enjoy the Real World Snake, I hear it has good graphics. See ya when you get back.

I believe it is Zizek who questions this- quantum uncertainity is the pixellation of the universe.

[POS Industries]

Snake, listen to me.

Snake.

You were supposed to be my teammate in Nuklear Wright! Now I'm stuck with Mac! Mac!!

Why you do this to me, bro?

[The SSB Intern]

Oh. Oh! So, what does that make me then, bro?

[Jagos]

Snake...

SNAAAAKE!

[I just wanted to do that...]

Damn. You've been a good guy to read and listen to on various topics. I actually liked your sesquipedalian loquacious walls of texts (and yes, I read them and find them highly enlightening)

Come back when you can. Enjoy the time gone. Peace out yo.

[POS Industries]

Oh. Oh! So, what does that make me then, bro?
Some guy that signed up when I wasn't paying attention.

But man I coulda had a real law guy on my team. :(

[Funka Genocide]

In general, I think the more of an asshole someone is on the internet the more likely they are to be representing themselves truthfully.

I mean come on, how many of your real life buddies are just totally awesome dudes who always have something nice to say, or how many girls have you dated that were always supportive and agreeable?

Honestly most people on the intarwebs aren't completely representing themselves, they're leaving out vital portions of their personality in an effort to appear more idealized. The danger you run into there is that eventually you reach a point where your internet persona is so far removed from your real life persona that the two would be completely unrecognizable in regards to each other. Once this barrier is encountered you're left with either throwing away any recourse to real life interaction and becoming a soulless internet "face", or dropping the facade and trying to reclaim some of your original personality.

The more integrated your disparate personalities (online and real life) the more likely you are to engender meaningful relationships online. You just have to know when to cut your losses and call out the bullshit.

[Loyal]

Some guy that signed up when I wasn't paying attention.

But man I coulda had a real law guy on my team. :(Probably would have worked against your advantage. We all know that AA law is nothing like real law.

[01d55]

Holy damn Snake, you are still crushing on strangers?
I thought everyone learned in high school that the crush model of "love," wherein you spend more time imagining the fantastic qualities of a person and/or your hypothetical future relationship with that person, whose name you barely know, than actually socially interacting with that person, is bullshit that can only end in suffering. Specifically your suffering.

AND THE REST OF YOU, egging him on! Have you forgotten how fucking awful it is to have a crush? I will remind you now: It is totally fucking awful!

[POS Industries]

Have you forgotten how fucking awful it is to have a crush?
Yes.

I've forgotten how to feel much of anything anymore.

[Grimpond]

Yes.

I've forgotten how to feel much of anything anymore.

WHAT!? you motherfucker! You said you'd remember last night forever!!!!

[RickZarber]

AND THE REST OF YOU, egging him on! Have you forgotten how fucking awful it is to have a crush? I will remind you now: It is totally fucking awful!I just never learned any better. :(

[Green Spanner]

AND THE REST OF YOU, egging him on! Have you forgotten how fucking awful it is to have a crush? I will remind you now: It is totally fucking awful!

Hey, I just wanted him to post his poem. It's what my entire life has been building up to.

[Bob The Mercenary]

Snake just texted me saying he was just asked out by the most assertive girl he'd ever met. That is all.

[Kim]

It was me. Don't tell him.

[Fifthfiend]

I think we all knew on some level that one day some nice young lady was going to come along and club Snake over the head, throw him over her shoulder, and carry him back to her cave.

[Premmy]

MAN, that takes me back.

[Wigmund]

I think we all knew on some level that one day some nice young lady was going to come along and club Snake over the head, throw him over her shoulder, and carry him back to her cave.

I wish that would happen to me.

Damn you social anxieties and absolute cluelessness.

[Nikose Tyris]

Full story in AIM convo with Snake.



Solid Snake 10:53 pm
Hahahaha
It's a fairly hysterical story
Solid Snake 10:54 pm
But I basically met and got asked out by the single most assertive woman I've ever seen
Nikose 10:54 pm
awesome!
Solid Snake 10:54 pm
Okay, so on Monday nights our church hosts a little social event
Nikose 10:55 pm
okay
Solid Snake 10:55 pm
Anyway I show up and I'm thrust into a leadership position out of nowhere because they needed more guy leaders or something, so I'm asked to stand outside and welcome people
This girl who I noticed was lookin' my way when I first walked into the event, she immediately -- upon witnessing me receiving the assignment -- volunteers herself to do the same job with me because they could always use an extra hand or something
We then proceed to talk inbetween saying hi to people and whatnot
Solid Snake 10:56 pm
She constantly asks me questions
I answer them and ask a few back, start to get the impression she might possibly like me
Every time I bring up an interest, she immediately responds positively and compares me to her
Then she asks me -- this was funny -- "What my greatest hope or dream" was, in the most blunt way possible, I was caught-off guard by that
So anyway, fast-forward until after it's all over
Solid Snake 10:58 pm
Okay, next part goes like this: I'm in a group talking with three guys and two girls who I vaguely know
Just small talk stuff, but it's like a circle. One of the guys there with us is an overweight, thoroughly unattractive thirty-something guy and the others are twentysomethings like me
Nikose 10:58 pm
*reading to keep up*
Solid Snake 10:59 pm
She actually walks up from the other side of the room (I notice this out of the corner of my eye because I've been keeping tabs on her)
Starts a conversation with the ugly guy she clearly is not interested in
But is now standing literally three feet away from me
Nikose 10:59 pm
oh my
Solid Snake 11:00 pm
Oh, one more thing
Solid Snake 11:00 pm
During said conversation I happened to announce to the others in my group of three or four people where I live
Okay, so now I'm about to leave, I announce I'm starving and have to get going
I turn towards her and I plan on saying goodbye to her and thanking her / saying we should meet again or something cheesy and passive
She immediately blocks my exit (and does like a quick-turn to make sure she's blocking it) and announces "Oh! You're leaving? It was so great to meet you. By the way, I happen to work nearby where you live."
SHE HANDS ME HER BUSINESS CARD.
"We should totally grab coffee and catch up this week."
Solid Snake 11:02 pm
At this point I am literally -- literally -- incapable of saying anything
Nikose 11:02 pm
XD
Solid Snake 11:03 pm
So she just keeps going.
"Oh, I have to get going now, but does Friday work?"
So suddenly SHE'S the one who's going somewhere
That was really fucking clever of her in retrospect.
Solid Snake 11:04 pm
No I actually studdered out an "Oh. Okay. Uhh. Umm. Great! Nice meeting you. ...Yeah. Umm. Heh."
Nikose 11:05 pm
haha
dude that's awesome
Solid Snake 11:05 pm
Still she's actually fairly attractive -- not drop-dead gorgeous, but more than cute enough -- and uhh, she apparently is also the single most assertive woman I've ever met
Oh she also told me that she wanted me to call her on Wednesday to confirm an exact time and place on Friday, and she even threw out
Nikose 11:06 pm
trust me, the girl you get is the hottest woman ever.
Solid Snake 11:06 pm
"Don't call tomorrow, it'd look too desperate. Wait a day so I'm in suspense." SHE SAID THAT. Like why the fuck would she even say that to me, I didn't look desperate or anything. She's just...really freakin' assertive.
Nikose 11:07 pm
XDDD
Solid Snake 11:07 pm
So yes, that is the full extent of my HOLY CRAP MOST ASSERTIVE GIRL IN THE WORLD story
Like seriously should I actually be wondering whether she's too assertive or should I just be thanking God, that's literally what I'm wondering

[Tev]

Man....Snake's gunna get raped isn't he?

[RickZarber]

Man, good for Snake and all, but I'm kinda getting the impression he doesn't know many assertive women.

[Premmy]

Man....Snake's gunna get raped isn't he? "Assertively" raped
I wish that would happen to me.

Damn you social anxieties and absolute cluelessness.
I'm pretty sure that's where baby nerds come from.

[bluestarultor]

Man, I wish Snake was here so I could give him a pat on the back. That woman is a keeper. :D

[Tev]

Man, I wish Snake was here so I could give him a pat on the back. That woman is his keeper. :DThere, I fixed that for you.

[Terex4]

Considering how difficult it is for Snake to ask women out I think this one just may be his soul mate.

Way to go Snake!

[A Zarkin' Frood]

This thread turned out not to be horrible after all.
I'd say close it before something bad happens, but I don't want to jinx it.
So instead I'd say close it before it gets too good, but I'm not really in a position to demand the closing of threads.

[Fenris]

I still think it was NonCon.

[Kim]

Given Snake's fanaticism for the Metal Gear Solid games, I figured he would appreciate me seducing him by going on a stealth (gender) mission.

[synkr0nized]

Snake should come back and make his own updates. Regardless, I don't think we need to worry about "this barista" anymore.