Things You Have Learned Playing Video Games

[RobinStarwing]

This is kind of like a Video Gamer's All I Needed To Know I Learned In Kindergarten type of thing. Just tell things you learned from playing video games. Just a kind of list of ideas or situations that if they ever could...have a real life side to them. I will give a set of examples.


I learned that if anyone ever decides to build a two-barreled tank...that superpower is probably going to kick much butt.

I learned that the very same tank can be taken out with a hell of a lot of firepower and a willingness to throw units at it to die.

I learned that there is no weapon worth getting that involves going through hours of game play looking for regular looking chests to not open and avoid.

I learned that a simple fish can do more damage to a whole team than any superpowered creature.

I learned that two guns are always better than one!

I learned the only exception to the above is sniper rifles and rocket launchers.

I learned that tanks are your friend.

I learned that Drow and Avariel are pretty damn hot and sexy! Not to mention good in bed.

I learned that Androids look hot in swimsuits.

I learned that superweapons are both your worst nightmare and best friend.

and finally....

I learned that no matter how much one can complain, spellcasters can always unleash more hell than a raging Barbarian.

[Krylo]

I learned that two guns are always better than one!

I learned the only exception to the above is sniper rifles and rocket launchers.http://media.giantbomb.com/uploads/0/6087/260767-954825156_00_super.jpeg

Bullshit.

And I learned that I can do better than all your fancy weapons up there with nothing but my bare hands, so long as my kung fu is powerful enough.

But a lead pipe never hurts.

[Loyal]

I've learned that no matter how high-velocity your non-hitscan projectile is, you still need to lead your targets.

I've learned that there's no such thing as an "emergency" or "holdout" weapon that's neither too weak to use, nor made redundant by your inability to run out of ammo for better weapons.

Not to mention good in bed.Rhetorical question: Where the hell would you get that information?

[RobinStarwing]

Rhetorical question: Where the hell would you get that information?

Play Baldur's Gate 2 and Neverwinter Nights: Hordes Of The Underdark

Viconia, Aerie, and Nathyrra are you answers.

[Wigmund]

I learned that police have a short attention span and that if you hide from them long enough they'll forget all about you crashing a helicopter in a crowded area, setting half the nearby pedestrians on fire, throwing grenades at the rest, then carjacking someone, running the former driver over along with twenty other people on the sidewalks, barreling into the city park where you run around gunning anything that moves before leading a major chase around the entire city that results in hundreds more dead, millions of dollars worth in damage to other cars, and countless police wounded.

I learned that a nuclear apocalypse just means that cool shit is gonna happen afterwards. Same with alien and interdimensional invaders.

I learned that while lobbing one tactical nuclear warhead with a slingshot is fun. Lobbing EIGHT at once is not considered overkill.

I learned that even if you are a six foot tall bald white man with a barcode tattooed on the back of his head, that doesn't mean you can't disguise yourself as anyone. Anyone.

I learned that while running in a medieval city is a capital offense when spotted by the city guard, walking around with more cutlery than the Crusades isn't.

[RobinStarwing]

I learned that while lobbing one tactical nuclear warhead with a slingshot is fun. Lobbing EIGHT at once is not considered overkill.



I learned there is no such thing as overkill. If it's worth doing right...it's worth blowing to the Afterlife's Afterlife. *Cue lauching 26 Nuke Missiles at the enemy base*

[bluestarultor]

I learned that arranging your pack by turning items is for pussies if you're working with regular shapes and an adult, but that it takes the creativity of a child to play pentominoes with the same space.

In short, kids are theoretically WAY better at packing than adults and make many fewer assumptions about the shape of a hammer.

[Jagos]

I learned that there is a such thing as a double jump, even if physics says otherwise.

Setting people on fire never gets old.

If you ever have to save the world, be sure that others can read your emotions because you may be too busy to talk.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

I learned that:

The Princess is always in another castle.

I can survive a 100 story fall if I roll into a somersault or a do a hip drop.

Any stab wounds, poisons, blindness or mute can be cured by a good night sleep.

Similarly, if I pay a couple hundred dollars, I can resurrect an ally.

Nothing is true, everything is permitted.

and most importantly...

The location of Mankriks Wife.

[phil_]

I learned to multiply from Sonic! Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety, one up!

Wait, that's not what this thread is for, is it...

[RobinStarwing]

I learned to multiply from Sonic! Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety, one up!

Wait, that's not what this thread is for, is it...

Yes it is actually.

I learned that if you focus your mind hard enough...you will never need to pay anything at spaceports when you dock. Just wave your hand and say "I don't need to pay anything to you for docking my ship. I will spend that money here at the settlement."

There is always at least one gal in nearly every game that even gravity and Newton would approve of defying the laws of physics up top.

[Aldurin]

This will be my part 1 post as I have a shitload of stuff to express:

You don't have to bury the bodies as they incinerate/disintegrate/melt/explode or you just leave them on the sidewalk to scare the shit out of pedestrians.

A shotgun to the face of a robot can sometimes work better than a rocket launcher to the body.

Headshots can apply to anything, even if they don't have heads. If you aren't getting criticals, then you haven't found the head yet.

Epic can work both in the way of two giant monsters fighting it out on the remains of a city or Bowser fighting a dark version of himself while his most powerful attack is washing a dog.

Zombies are only scary if they don't make noise. Chimera Grim compound this with an inconsistent proximity hatch that leaves you getting more and more tense with each cocoon that doesn't hatch.

People think it's best to stay in their car when in danger, even if you're using that car as a projectile.

Pedestrians have almost no self defense beyond throwing rocks. Not even a gun or pepper spray.

You can avoid a medieval APB by sitting on a bench and avoiding eye contact.

Elves are real in anytime period except the present. Usually.

Certain humans can somehow take more bullets than others without special powers, and regenerate their health.

Even if you are using a Jakobs it might take more than one shot.

Heroes and villains are immune to wedgies.

The only thing better than being blue and fast is being yellow, flying and invincible.

[mauve]

Pistols never run out of ammo. Ever.

Uzi's/submachine guns are useless, unless you're Gordon Freeman or a member of the Left 4 Dead cast.

Shotguns > Zombies, always.

You can carry ninety-nine potions, twelve swords, several maps, several full suits of armor, and enough loot to purchase a small country at any given time. You don't need a backpack, caravan, or pack mule to do so-- heck, you don't even need pockets. The items just sort of float around in an interdimensional "inventory" until you decide to remove them.

You can also swim and jump six feet in the air without any effort, while carrying the aforementioned goods.

It's perfectly acceptable to walk into random people's houses, rummage through and break all their stuff, and then walk out with all their valuables. Unless you're a villain. Then it's bad.

[Kim]

I learned that I am a huge jerk.

[Seil]

Blod blood murder death death murder dead dead dead murder kill blood gang warfare explosions.

...Looks like popular media is right!

[Archbio]

I learned that if a conversation goes badly, there's still a good chance you can just go back and start the dialog tree anew like nothing happened.

[Thadius]

I learned to fear the carp.

I also learned to fear the spider. For it has cousins. BIG cousins.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Things i learned from...

DMC3: I learned that guitars which shoot lightning bats can be devastating weapons if used right.

FPS Games: Don't bother with pistols, if a weapon doesn't exist in Painkiller it's not worth using anyway.

TimeSplitters: Don't fuck with monkeys.

RPGs: The power of friendship saves everything.

Horror: Abstract underground labyrinths are less scary than underground prisons.

Beat em ups: Using the environment to one's advantage is considered cheap. Because all strategies your opponent can't handle are cheap.

Metal Gear: Someone will always yell your name in a dramatic fashion while riding a robot. Or maybe a car, but those are a kind of robots too, right?

Metal Gear: Cars are robots.

Contra: Coop mode makes the game harder, no matter how good your partner is.

online play: People are scum. Griefing is the only answer.

[Melfice]

Uzi's/submachine guns are useless, unless you're Gordon Freeman or a member of the Left 4 Dead cast.

1) Submachine guns are equal in range, power and accuracy as almost any assault rifle, and the best part is: You can use two at the same time, with only a minor drop in accuracy. (Modern Warfare 2's UMP45 SMG.)

2) Sniper rifles should not be used as intended, but as a bolt-action or semi-automatic assault rifle. If you look through the scope to find your targets, you are doing it wrong and should be ridiculed for life. No matter if you need to use your entire magazine to kill a single person, you should never use the scope. (Modern Warfare 2's Quickscope and No-scope fads. Idiots, the lot of them.)

3) A single jet fighter can carry enough armaments in one go to take out several flights or even wings of enemy aircraft. (Ace Combat series)
3a) Even more impressive, stealth bombers are fitted with a machine gun and air-to-air missiles. (Ace Combat series)

That's about it for now.

[EVILNess]

I have learned that while the AI is a cheating bastard, this pales in comparison to a human opponent's unpredictability.

I have also learned that if you are thinking hard enough about the premise of a game to stop enjoying the game then you have defeated the purpose of playing the damn game and you should just go and watch Jeopardy or something.

[Arlia Janet]

I have learned:

That being blind has no effect on how difficult it is to hit something with a stick.

All barrels explode, even those water barrels that police put up for road blocks.

You cannot overdose on painkilling drugs.

Everyone who is sick turns green.

Once you reach a level of strength or fitness, you stay that way forever. You never have to exercise to maintain it.

Once you drive a new car off the lot, it loses half of its value.

Once you drive a used car off the lot, it loses half of its value.

There is no recoil on laser pistols even though the laws of physics say that something able to disintegrate matter should throw you halfway around the world.

Wind is only a factor if you are golfing or kicking a field goal.

Inertia is a lie.

There is sound in space.

Human romance is a straightforward process where conflicts are easily resolved by strangers.

[Aldurin]

Just because you can take a shitload of arrows and slashes doesn't necessarily justify running through all the traps in a dungeon before your rogue friend disables them.

No matter how retarded of a DDO player you are, you can always work off the effort of others for your own safety (see also, bard class).

If your arm can turn into a blade, you have to be retarded to die from that point on.

Carry a vial of the latest swine flu with yourself when a rogue section of the military tries to hunt you down and kill you.

Plot advancement is like a lemming. The slower it is, the more satisfying death becomes.

Through the technological breakthrough known as "patience", some people can buy a game for 1/3 of the price and still have equal chance to enjoy it as much as you if not more.

Pistols are the dumbest weapon ever, their only purpose is for you to beat the game with only them in order to show off.

When I die, time will just rewind to the last time I hit "save" on my computer.

No matter how mutated an enemy may be, they will always die when hit with enough bullets.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

You can evade the cops simply by getting your car resprayed.

Ammo, lockpicks, medkits, keys and important items that need to be given to other people have no weight. At all. Sometimes neither do weapons either, though sometimes they still take up "space".

No matter how many bullets you fire from each magazine you carry before reloading, you can ALWAYS reload a full mag. All excess bullets from previously half emptied mags are immediately recombined into full mags.

Nanites can do anything.

When sent out to fight a war, you will always have to first construct buildings such as factories, power generators and high tech research labs on the front line so as to construct your vehicles from scratch, instead of simply calling for reinforcements.

Infantry are also constructed in this way.

The resource for the two above statements must be collected on site during the battle and instantly grants you the money to (presumably) pay your factory workers and research scientists wages.

Laser and other directed energy weapons are inferior to standard kinetic weapons. Even more so if said energy weapons are clearly more advanced or of alien origin. Power cells will also be much, much rarer than bullets.

Nobody has long term memory. No matter how many times you set off an alarm, eventually everyone will forget there was ever a problem.

And finally, the most important lesson I have learnt;
The more people you kill, the more powerful you will become.

[mauve]

There will always be boxes of shotgun shells and medkits scattered around for you to find, even if you're in a thousand-year-old tomb that hasn't been visited in centuries.

Horses, chocobos, and other beasts of burden will always come when you call them, plot allowing, no matter how far away they may be.

Horses and chocobos can run nonstop for miles without needing to stop, change pace, or eat. They will also run into walls if you direct them to do so.

If you can't get into an area now, rest assured you will conveniently find a way to get in later, when it's most plot-convenient.

Eye drops can cure blindness.

Phoenix Down can resurrect the dead, unless your death is plot-important. Then you're pretty much screwed.

[Roland]

I learned that no matter how dire the situation, grabbing a flagpole will generally save the day.

Breaking the tape line between a goal post, though? Very hit or miss. You've gotta do your victory strut after that, and some jerk might have put a pit behind it just to screw with you.

[synkr0nized]

All power-ups are a trick to spawn more monsters at you.

[Kim]

I learned that no matter how dire the situation, grabbing a flagpole will generally save the day.

http://i35.tinypic.com/b3r1w0.jpg

[RobinStarwing]

http://i35.tinypic.com/b3r1w0.jpg

I, by the powers invested in me as the original poster...dub this response epic.

[synkr0nized]

http://home.comcast.net/~synkr0nized/random/eva_parody.jpg

[RobinStarwing]

http://home.comcast.net/~synkr0nized/random/eva_parody.jpg

And this one is EPIC above and beyond the call of epic!

*Cues Faith No More's "Epic" to play now*

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Some more I thought of;


If you are ever going up against a particularly dangerous foe, there will always be plenty of rockets/grenades/general ammo lieing about for you beforehand. This is also useful to detect when you might have to go up against a particularly dangerous foe.

You never need to sleep. Ever.

You also never need to use the toilet. This may be because quite often, you don't need to eat either.

Whenever you need to stop and check the map/your inventory, time will pause for you.

Hacking computers is incredibly easy, as it usually involves some rather mundane puzzle no more difficult than the sunday papers crossword or Su Doku, usually taking the form of a geometric tetris-esque task or rudimentery word puzzle.

Your greatest enemy will always have at least two forms. He will transform into the second (and more powerful) only once you beat the first one.

Your greatest enemy is not actually your greatest enemy. There will be some other enemy far more dangerous than your greatest enemy, but fortunately he/she/it is quite happy to sit around doing nothing until you show up to fight it.

The ocean goes on for ever. There is nothing beyond it, no matter how far you travel or how much you know there should be stuff beyond it.

Being shot/stabbed/set on fire/electrocuted/frozen isn't always immediately fatal.

Being crushed/falling too far/drowned is.

[Wigmund]

I have recently learned that Mountain Lions are not actually animals but demonic ninjas that plague the American West.

[Aldurin]

Even if a boss fights you on his terms, he will always have a weakness on himself or the environment.

Deploying a flying robot to do the shooting for you while you install turrets into the floor is just as advisable as aiming for the head.

You never fumble a grenade, and the only way to die from your grenade is to be dumb enough to pick a fight with a wall.

If you blow up all of the gas stations in a city (or whole country), there will still be civilian cars driving around.

If you kill a pedestrian when no one is looking and then quickly leave, there will be no long term investigation. If you are seen, then military helicopters will be firing at your ass within 30 seconds.

Certain guns can only be fired while standing still, despite the irony that only those guns are available in certain zombie situations.

It is okay to shoot monkeys, but it is not recommended when the stage features mutants.

[EVILNess]

I recently learned that the almighty Circle-Strafe > All.

EVE Online related:
If you speak in a Wormhole's local channel someone will hunt you down and kill you.

When in doubt assume the other guy is there to grief you.

[Jagos]

If you don't have any reason to be in water you WILL drown.

[akaSM]

For some reason I posted this in another thread :sweatdrop

I learned that cakes have a high chance of being a lie

Also, I can use tiny birds to fly from one side of a region to the other side

I can catch GOD in a tiny pocket sized ball

Computers are explodey and can kill you that way...specially if you punch them O_o

Getting infected by a parasite will give you extra abilities :D

Green flying mucus = missiles

[Freefall]

Gold coins the size of double eagles weights nothing.

Mines are easy to spot, just look for the glowing spot or the clearly visible line of light.

Mines are easy to diffuse you just poke them.

When the apocalypse comes sell your stamp collection and get bottlecaps instead.

Potions work equally well weather ingested or smashed against your head.

Waking around with a cellphone prevents you from ever using magic.

It does not however protects well against a ray of disintegration.

Shopkeepers are stupid, they don't see its the same plasma rifle you are selling to them for the fifth time 20 seconds you just stole it again.

Peoples head, arms, and legs fall of if you hit them with a .223 rifle in the torso.

[synkr0nized]

Also, at least one guy you meet no matter where you go will have Steve Blum's voice.

[Julford Hajime]

Also, at least one guy you meet no matter where you go will have Steve Blum's voice.

To be fair he CAN change his voice. See Leeron from Gurren Lagann. It's just that, if you have Steven Blum, you damn well BETTER use the voice most people would recognize.

[synkr0nized]

...why? That's boring and doesn't reveal much talent.

[Jagos]

I totally forgot:

Cherries fall up.

The moon hates everyone.

You lose all weapons on one life.

Enemies come at you in prearranged patterns, no matter how surrounded you feel.

[PhoenixFlame]

EVE Online related:
If you speak in a Wormhole's local channel someone will hunt you down and kill you.

YOU SPOKE in local?! You were too stupid to live, maintain radio silence in low/null sec, especially if alone.

Some more EVE-related notes:

You are your own worst enemy.

Never fly what you can't afford to lose.

Always target what your enemy can't afford to lose.
b.) Your allies too. They obviously weren't using it anyway.

You never have a big enough gang. You are not safe merely because you have 150 ships.

Tacklers have a more dangerous job than Suicide bombers, and often die faster.
b.) Frigate general: DON'T STOP. KEEP MOVING.
b2b.) Battleship general: DON'T MOVE, KEEP STOPPING.
b3c.) Cruiser general: Nannnooooooooo!

Dragon Quest:

Females have superior gear. Always.

A slime appears, command?

Metal enemies have figured out how to exceed the light-limit. Because of this, they are also completely defenseless and worth more XP than anything in the game.

The more puns your mage knows, the more powerful she is.

FPS:

Sniper rifles, by virtue of having scopes and being named 'sniper rifles', do more damage than other weapons, despite having no logical reason for this.

Sniper rifles are heavy combat rifles in disguise. No map is large enough to actually require you use them like they are intended.

Rocket Launchers are superior to all other forms of weapontry, except sniper rifles.

[Aldurin]

In terms of Assassin's Creed, which I recently started playing (a late start but I saved $50 on it).

No matter how much you or your victims bleed, your clothes will not have blood stains.

If surrounded, a short knife is better than a sword.

Diving into hay bales from 8 stories up is never fatal, even if you fall points to you breaking your neck on the side of the wagon (I've seen him do that like 5 times and come out alive).

The hidden blade is for use against unaware or knocked down guards only. It is apparently against your training to use it with the short blade or to slit someones wrists in a fist fight.

Even if your target can be killed discreetly, it is often more fun to chase them down or fight them to the death while surrounded by guards.

Trying to save the citizen in the wrong area will result in 15 guards plus a Templar trying to kick your ass at the same time.

All informers are assholes who will never give you the info without doing some stupid task first. It makes you wonder why you can't change it to an interrogation challenge.

[Viridis]

inFamous: Electricity can do anything and you'll look awesome doing it.

[Arcanum]

The hidden blade is for use against unaware or knocked down guards only. It is apparently against your training to use it with the short blade or to slit someones wrists in a fist fight.


When used in combat against 10+ guards, the hidden blade is the most satisfying weapon ever. (Hidden blade counter attacks were the best thing in that game.)

I also learned that hostile NPCs don't know how to look up (Batman: AA, Assassin's Creed) but passive NPCs do (Assassin's Creed ["What's he doing up there?" "He's going to break his neck!" etc.])

Shooting someone in the foot means you want to pick a fight with them, even if you have over 20 guns in your arsenal and they only have their fists (Fallout 3).

Eating food, going to sleep, or injecting yourself with drugs can cure any and all injuries, regardless of what they might be. (Fallout 3)

[Aldurin]

It is always good to have voice chat so that you can yell "Stop!! Trap!!" when your stupid barbarian tank party member starts to run ahead while thinking his damage reduction will save him.

Save someone's wife, and then that person and their friends will go in a suicidal fight to protect you.

Nothing is consistent, Jigglypuff is only for retarded trainers but can be nearly impossible to beat in Super Smash Bros. Brawl (it is so fun adding insult to injury).

Just because you have a sword doesn't mean you'll win against an unarmed person.

[RobinStarwing]

Your Master or Student will always betray you and you will have to fight them.

If your Master says they raised you from a baby and are part of a royal family. They are either your best friend and will die shortly or the main villian (see above).

When you are in an area over-hunted by bots, a broken dead stick is your friend and worth the comedy of watching the bots attack it and die in droves.

Giant warmachines are always no match for a smaller robotic war machine...unless you are piloting the bigger machine.

Dodging is never a bad thing in any game if you can do it.

Swords are awesome.