The Official Tinfoil Hat Conspiracy Theorists of NPF! [Archive]

RobinStarwing

07-06-2011, 11:06 PM

We invite you all to state anything crazy enough that it will get you a tinfoil hat. Just remember to specify what kind!

*holds up his tinfoil staff and puts on his tinfoil wizard's hat* We already know I am bouncing between Ice Age Civilizations and Ancient Alien theories and that they are being covered up by the world governments. That's my brand of crazy. ^_^

EDIT: I am also going to add that I believe Michelle Bachmann is an alien that sucks peoples brains out through her eyes.

EDIT2: Would it help to point out that this is just for fun and no one here (I hope) believes the crazy stuff they will spout?

CABAL49

07-06-2011, 11:43 PM

Everyone is all about this Jewish conspiracy and that Jewish conspiracy. The Zionist movement is all a lie perpetrated by the real secret society. You see, if they make up conspiracies, they can hide while the regular fools go around on their wild goose chases.

So who are the real villains? They are looking right at you right now! It's the aristocracy man! These people use sex and money to keep the masses ignorant and weak. This way they can do their experiments in secret. They are breeding people.

Not just any people though. Their own brand of supermen. I got to go now. I think they are looking at me.

Aldurin

07-06-2011, 11:55 PM

All of the Admins are really Brian himself.

Flarecobra

07-06-2011, 11:59 PM

Bill Nye is really an evil scientist who attempted to brainwash an entire generation into doing his deeds.

Oh, and you know those random helicopters you see flying around? That's me! :D

Bard The 5th LW

07-07-2011, 12:17 AM

I actually rule the world and mislead the uninformed masses with my false psychosis. The ruse is so strong even I am not sure of the truth.

Kyanbu The Legend

07-07-2011, 12:23 AM

All of the world's animals are really plotting to take over the world. Those zoos you people go to, yeah... those are secret bases in disguise where they develop super weapons designed to over through mankind.

And the insects. They are really super nanites designed to kill us all. KILL. US. ALL!

Just look at the Japanese Giant Hornet. It's just pure ultimate evil. The pinnacle of their research! They are already attacking Japan. Soon the rest of the world will be at their feet.

WE. ARE. ALL. GOING. TO. DIE!

The SSB Intern

07-07-2011, 12:33 AM

John Kerry is putting all of our beloved African American actors into dresses. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-6jPCF7tEU&feature=related)

Intern Nin

07-07-2011, 12:51 AM

The moon landing video was a fake, it was actually footage from the top secret mission to Pluto where they harvested vital materials from it's core, which were later used in the manufacturing of earthquake machines and novelty car horns. The loss of it's core caused Pluto to implode and shrink, thus making it too small to be considered a planet.

Paul McCartney is not dead, but he is not living either. He is one of the most high profile undead entities in the history of the music industry.

The Skull and Bones Society is actually a front for a much more insidious organization, whose prerogative is the upkeep and maintenance of a massive underground radio tower, that has since ancient times been sending out waves which scrambles the part of the human brain that would allow you to hear the humpback whales' telepathic messages. The order receives most its funding from the sale of shamwows and other such television advertised novelties.

Lee Harvey Oswald was not at the top of book repository building to shoot Kennedy, he was using that vantage point to snipe the gunmen #1-3 on the grassy knoll and gunman #4 on a Coca-Cola billboard. The locations of these assailants was given to him by his comic book artist friend, who himself received the information from an ancient bat-god.

Shyria Dracnoir

07-07-2011, 02:15 AM

Millions of years ago, an alien ship crash landed in what would later be known as Australia. To conceal themselves from the locals, the aliens retreated deep underground and began modifying the wildlife and climate to create an environment so inhospitable that even a complete idiot would take one look at it and immediately go home, buying them some time to repair their ship while using Earth as a research outpost.

In response, mankind created an even more complete idiot. The aliens refuse to reveal themselves to this day out of sheer embarrassment.

Thadius

07-07-2011, 02:34 AM

Spontaneous combustion is a total myth. The human body cannot get warm enough on its own to randomly burst into flames. No, you can thank one of NASA's secret projects for that. Some moron had the bright idea to put a giant magnifying glass into space so that he could see all the stars clearer. Problem being, when it gets in between the Earth and the Sun, somebody is going to fry. Of course, it's very hard to tell when it is and isn't safe to go out...

Aldurin

07-07-2011, 02:35 AM

Switzerland's population consists of the most powerful and wealthy people in the world. They remain neutral in wars by threatening to release the zombie virus on any aggressor regardless of the casualties, using various bank schemes they have amassed more money than even they calculated should exist, and they are the largest country by landmass and possess the largest seas (dimensional bending leaves outsiders unaware of the hidden 99.99999% of the area). They've even bribed every country possible into illegalizing the superdrug that is so secret that even it's street name is classified, merely because they don't want to share it's only side effect. Immortality.

Don't even get me started on what they put in their watches.

Ravashak

07-07-2011, 03:56 AM

And their pocketknives...

/shudder

Archbio

07-07-2011, 04:31 AM

The Official Tinfoil Hat Conspiracy Theorists of NPF! was created as a Think Tank by the Fourth Reich to theorize about their competitors' own conspiracies.

Shyria Dracnoir

07-07-2011, 12:09 PM

Archibo is secretly Fourth Reich Overgeneral Baron von Sssssssafrasssssss. His avatar is a self portrait.

Aldurin

07-07-2011, 12:16 PM

Archibo is secretly Fourth Reich Overgeneral Baron von Sssssssafrasssssss. His avatar is a self portrait.

Wrong thread. (http://www.nuklearforums.com/showthread.php?t=39180)

Oh yeah, and you know about that tunnel project going through the Swiss Alps? It's actual purpose is for adding more brainwave signatures to their database using instant-scanners on the passengers that go through. The secret fork in the tunnel is planned to be used as a launch point for their mechanical Death Worm to assault the European Dwarves, further increasing their hoard of precious metals.

Aerozord

07-07-2011, 01:16 PM

This guy (http://nuklearforums.com/member.php?u=25036) is not someone just being cute. This forum was secretly created by the almighty to find worthy warriors for his war on the anti-christ

Upon seeing the quality of the people here, the project was abandoned

Si Civa

07-07-2011, 01:17 PM

I would love to write something silly, but "Jesus Christ wasn't crucified" sounds better without explanation. It's the statement of a lifetime.

Edit:// For the love of Jesus Lamb, it took too much time to nail me. Gosh and damn.

Kyanbu The Legend

07-07-2011, 01:30 PM

President Barrack Obama is really Dracula king of Vampires. His medicare bill is really a ploy to gain more blood for his Vampire minions and himself.

Ecks

07-07-2011, 03:52 PM

The cake is not, in fact, a lie.

Windwaker and subsequent Zelda games in that timeline were all just a dream.

The last five minutes of That 70's Show is the last remnant of reality, with actual real life just a popular galactic television show.

RobinStarwing

07-07-2011, 08:04 PM

The cake is not, in fact, a lie.

I knew it! I knew Decepticons couldn't be that tasty!

Flare> I should of known! Land at my work sometime and pick me up so I can exist in your reality!

Oh, Walmart is a plot by two lab mice whose genes have been spliced to try and take over the world.

Flarecobra

07-07-2011, 08:23 PM

I could but then I'd have to kill you.

Kyanbu The Legend

07-10-2011, 03:07 PM

I've got a conspiracy for all of you.

Everyone you know does not give a shit about you or anything about you that does not benefit them. Because Humans are incapable of actually caring about something that does not benefit them without being Naive and/or insane. Even you, you might think you care but you don't because you cannot care about others unless there's a benefit for you.

Which means there are only 2 alignments, Neutral and Evil. There is no such thing as good, as good cannot exist in the real world.

This is the world's ultimate truth that all must face. Earth IS hell and we are its devils.

RobinStarwing

07-11-2011, 05:31 PM

Kyanbu The Legend

07-11-2011, 07:49 PM

That's not a conspiracy, that's fact.

Rupert Murdoch is an alien as well.

Ah, but If that were a fact then it'd be legal to kill and rape children in first world countries. In fact by my conspiracy, the public include you yourself would have to okay with murder,rape, theft, war, and greed (which is more a neutral trait) in the real world, which your not. Least for your sake mentally if you live in a first world country. ;)

It's a partial truth, the alignments them selves do not exist because there is nothing solid to base good or evil on. Just a bunch of Mass Opinions. This may be also due to human individuality making it hard to truly tell whose good and whose evil or what could be considered good or evil.

Humans are chaotic in nature. It's hard to predict exactly how a person my act or react to a situation or another person/place/thing. Hell the world itself is nothing but total chaos.

Karrrrrrrrrrrresche

07-11-2011, 07:58 PM

Ah, but If that were a fact then it'd be legal to kill and rape children in first world countries. In fact by my conspiracy, the public include you yourself would have to okay with murder,rape, theft, war, and greed (which is more a neutral trait) in the real world, which your not. Least for your sake mentally if you live in a first world country. ;)

It's a partial truth, the alignments them selves do not exist because there is nothing solid to base good or evil on. Just a bunch of Mass Opinions. This may be also due to human individuality making it hard to truly tell whose good and whose evil or what could be considered good or evil.

Humans are chaotic in nature. It's hard to predict exactly how a person my act or react to a situation or another person/place/thing. Hell the world itself is nothing but total chaos.

Those things aren't legal because nobody wants them to happen to themselves.

Shyria Dracnoir

07-11-2011, 08:08 PM

Time travelers exist and have been steadily correcting the timeline so that the overall quality of life remains as best as it could be in an imperfect universe.

We know them as eyelash mites.

Kyanbu The Legend

07-11-2011, 08:41 PM

Those things aren't legal because nobody wants them to happen to themselves.

However there are also people who don't want those things to happen to others too.

Though we shouldn't let this discussion continue. otherwise this thread will descend into hell like the others usually do.

RobinStarwing

07-11-2011, 09:07 PM

However there are also people who don't want those things to happen to others too.

Though we shouldn't let this discussion continue. otherwise this thread will descend into hell like the others usually do.

My secret intention from the start is a thread that was already in hell! That was the Conspiracy between me, myself, and I. ^_^

Oh and our world leaders are secretly Ponies in disguise!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lji67tRCLD1qid57mo1_400.jpg

Kyanbu The Legend

07-11-2011, 09:26 PM

My secret intention from the start is a thread that was already in hell! That was the Conspiracy between me, myself, and I. ^_^

Oh and our world leaders are secretly Ponies in disguise!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lji67tRCLD1qid57mo1_400.jpg

Ponies! PONIES EVERYWHERE! :ohdear:

Overcast

07-12-2011, 01:33 PM

All major pharmaceutical companies are secretly connected due to their origins in a cabal of alchemists. Nearly all drugs that are fully synthesized are actually made mostly out of magic and the remains of things that the government refuses to acknowledge exists because certain groups control them from the shadows. In such a way corporations are the only reason humanity has any place in the modern world, without them we'd just be puppets. And yet in a way we still are. Because we'll always need someone to watch over our heads.