I mean, you can't have labia without Snake

[Solid Snake]

It occurs to me that a few of you who've recently posted in the "GENERAL NPF PERSONAL PROBLEM" thread may actually mistakenly believe, in some temporary bout of depression or anxiety, that you are the lowest of the low in human society.

I am here to cheer you up.
I am here to enlighten you as to just how amazing you truly are.
Reading this thread will cause you to thank the Gods above that, while you may face many trials and debacles in life, at least you are not Solid Snake.

I have realized in a rare moment of actual rational thought that there must be a reason for my complete and abject failure in All Things Dating. The reason is this: To make you all feel better, by account of sharing my tales of ceaseless stupidity and enabling you to take personal joy in the fact that you are not me. For no matter who you are or where you're from or what you believe or how you live, surely, you have known love, or at least you will know it.

I will not.
Ever.
Ever.

Yesterday I went on a date with a girl. We'll call her A, to contrast her with another story I have to share. A was a fairly attractive and intelligent blonde who works for a major government agency. We had a few chats about Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson on OKC and there were a few lines about our faith that I mistakenly interpreted as just fluff and that she later relied upon to make my life miserable. At one point she basically said "Hey Snake, we should totally go out and chat over coffee!" Yes in this circumstance she was actually the one who initiated the date.

We scheduled for Sunday and I was fairly excited, in part because I had not expected such 'good fortune' (note to self: nothing Snake actually ever does in any capacity with any woman should ever be referred to as 'good fortune') and in part because I figured if nothing else this date would be a great practice one for a longer-standing date I had scheduled today.

A showed up about ten minutes late. She had a slightly annoying voice and a tendency to dominate the conversation, but I figured maybe a more assertive girl would be a good potential match for me. We chatted for about a half hour over useless and unimportant shallow stuff like favorite TV shows and books and hobbies and why Thoreau was better than Emerson (or why Emerson was better than Thoreau.)

...And then she brought up Rick Perry.
(Well, more specifically, she asked me if I'd support Obama in 2012 and when I said I probably would, she brought up Rick Perry.)

I knew A had labeled herself a conservative but her profile really didn't dwell on politics and so I thought maybe she's a moderate or somewhat half-hearted in her beliefs. Nope! She went on for a good ten minutes about how foolish I was to support Obama and why Rick Perry was the right candidate to turn Washington around and bring jobs back to America and how he supported 'conservative cultural values' that Obama was attempting to erode that made America the country it was.

She then proceeded to articulate that as a 'man of faith' I undoubtedly supported traditional marriage values, so why as a Christian would I support a candidate like Obama that supported gay marriage? I profusely attempted to change the subject but she then proceeded to tell me how Rick Perry was going to enforce cultural Christian values and ensure gays couldn't get married. She never quite sufficiently articulated what gigantic stick she had up her ass that made her 'hate the gays', but her position on the matter was rather clear, and she apparently misinterpreted my own "Yeah I'm a Christian" comments on OKC as "Yeah I'm a Christian who hates gays."

I ended the date about fifteen minutes later before my blood literally boiled and I was consumed with a rage, making up some excuse of someplace I desperately needed to be. I told her I'd contact her, but I haven't contacted her yet.

...Maybe I should contact her though, as Girl B was about to remind me today of exactly why I should probably just settle on the first girl who actually expresses any sort of interest in me whatsoever regardless of what she may think or believe.

B and I had been talking on OKC longer, and it's safe to say I liked her more. I considered her the most physically attractive girl I was pursuing, though, so I really didn't have high hopes that anything spectacular was going to happen. We had a series of great conversations about our respective work and school histories, ambitions, hopes, etc. She also read a poem I wrote (not for her, just a generic not-a-love-poem that I shared her that showcased my writing abilities) and told me she loved it. I was quite happy with that.

Anyway I met her at a coffeeshop halfway across town that I had heard about, but never been to. First mistake: I was late, albeit only 3 minutes late due to Metro issues. I should have been fifteen minutes early. I was hoping to be early, as I hate to be late under any circumstance whatsoever.

The second problem immediately became apparent: B was gorgeous.
Okay the more appropriate way to put it is probably 'she was really my type.' But she was the absolutely rare case of a girl who looked far more attractive IRL than she had in her pictures. Admittingly I was also biased because, in person especially and in tandem with her voice, she reminded me of a slightly darker-haired, more-freckled version of a girl I had a huge crush on in college. And whether they were contacts or not, she had the loveliest blue eyes. I seriously probably had not dated a girl this physically attractive in years and the fact that I knew she was also smart based on our OKC conversations.

I immediately proceeded to abandon about 90% of the Dating Rules I'd studied about making such to touch a girl's hand X times during the date and taking initiative and acting like I owned the place and instead promptly acted like a passive dolt who forgot to even open the door for her into the shop. My attempt to offer to pay for her consisted of me whipping out my credit card and almost grunting instead of actually saying anything recognizable as a sound. At one point she asked me whether we'd like to sit outside or inside and I couldn't even make up my damned mind because I was too busy wondering what the hell cosmic lottery I won.

Still I tried to have decent conversation with her and I had a few halfway decent moments of engaging her like an actual human being.

Then strike three (I'm out) came when we began to discuss schools and she laughed and sheepishly confessed she graduated from [Insert Top 5 Ivy League School Far Better Than I'd Ever Go To Here].

At this juncture I did what any reasonable human male with my lack of self-confidence would do. I privately said to myself "If I pretend for a moment that I even have the slightest chance in hell with this girl she will hate me. We can only be friends. Do not compliment her appearance or she will feel awkward. Do not touch her or she will feel awkward. Just treat this like meeting a platonic friend so you don't come off stupid."

So I did! I proceeded to have completely boring conversation with her about our respective families and career choices and whatnot while asking a few platonic questions and never once expressing interest in her or following any one of the 101 Dating Rules About What Men Need to Do To Attract Women. I never touched her hand, I never complimented her, I never asked her questions about the kind of man she'd want to date or her ideal relationship or whatever, I tried not to stare, I never expressed interest in seeing her again. She meanwhile told me lovely things about her childhood and family and how she got into her career because she wanted to help people in need.

The one Rule of Dating I did follow was to make up an excuse to leave after ninety minutes because some stupid book about dating I read said "You should never have a first date more than ninety minutes long" and I thought to myself "This poor girl has to be so bored, stuck here wasting time with a guy several leagues below her."

...And then as we were getting ready to leave she reminded me that she had nothing to do for the next two weeks until her PhD program started.
DID I REALIZE ANY HINT? No I just said "Oh that's cool, I also have two weeks off now until my schooling begins."
Then she said: "I'm sorry you have to go so soon. I really enjoyed spending time with you. I hope we can do this again."
AND WHAT DID I DO?
Did I say to myself "Wait she might actually like me somehow for some reason" and then say aloud "Oh yes! I really enjoyed spending time with you too, you're incredible! I can't wait to see you again!" Or "Let's go out Friday night, I know just the place?" Or "I'm really glad I met you" or "Would you like to go dancing" or "to the movies" OR ANYTHING RATIONAL?!?!?!?

No.
I just stood there privately shocked and the only thing I could say was "Uhhh...Sure" so softly she may not have even heard it.
"Well, goodbye!" She said.

LSDFKJLKQWEIWQRBNANSAFGWQEHGQWNBNASKA aklfjdsaklfjskfdjakls

SHOOT ME NOW
...Welp that's over. There's no way she could possibly be attracted to me now unless she had some secret fetish for guys well below her league so submissive and passive they can't even think straight when she says something nice to them.

And the worst part is? For some stupid reason I've actually already asked two other girls if they'd like to go out for coffee and/or lunch for me at certain times over the next week.
Yes that's right. You thought my nightmares of absolute pathetic failure seriously God should kill me now under some 'Not worthy to exist' clause would end.

...But they're only just beginning. Knowing me, one thing is certainly true: I will fuck up the next two dates just as I've fucked up these two, and every date before those, and just as I'll fuck up every date afterwards, until the moment Death takes pity on my tortured soul and invites me into the underworld so that I can finally rest, while the rest of the Earth perpetually reflects on Solid Snake as the single most repulsively incompetent dater in the universe.

So here you go. Take pity on me, fellow vastly superior NPFians. Take pity on me and take a moment, each and every day, to reflect upon the occasional updates in this thread and bask in the glory that no matter how sad or angry or foolish or jaded you are, you are not me.

[RobinStarwing]

Piece of advice Snake.


CALL BACK GIRL B YOU FREAKING <BLEEP>!!!!

I would so do so and ask her what she wants to do for the next two weeks! You got a gal who is obviously interested in you and wants to spend time with you. Do not walk away or I will come and hunt you down on behalf of all us guys who don't even get a quarter of the chance you just got ever!

[Bob The Mercenary]

I still haven't been kissed. You will never be the lowest form of life.

[Solid Snake]

I forgot to add one additional detail that takes this all into the Territory of the Perpetually Damned
At one point I asked B a rehearsed question about what dorky hobbies she was into because her OKC profile included a reference to liking dorky things
She confessed she had read the Expanded Universe Star Wars books when she was 12
She knew who Grand Admiral Thrawn was
And she hated the prequels

Why did I...
why
why
Do you know how many attractive girls you'll meet in your lifetime who even know what the Expanded Universe of Star Wars is?
...Apparently you meet one such girl.
Like I did today.
And I still blew it.
Because that's what I always do.

[Nikose Tyris]

I still haven't been kissed. You will never be the lowest form of life.

......

...you mean you've forgotten about our moment we shared, under the CN tower? </3


@Snake: God damn it Snake, just, no. I thought we agreed no more of this.

[Kim]

Don't have much to say other than just call her back.

I don't care how badly you think you fucked up the date. Not calling her back is a far bigger mistake and I won't have any patience to listen to you cry and moan when you haven't taken the single reasonable action there is for you to take in this situation.

Seriously, I'm telling you this for your own good and this harshly for your own good. Either you call her back or you shut the fuck up. Whining won't solve anything and will only make you feel worse.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

CALL BACK GIRL B YOU FREAKING <BLEEP>!!!!


^

[The SSB Intern]

Oh, Snake. I always do love reading these threads.

I think I might be a terrible person.

[Nikose Tyris]

Also you are going to call girl B on her cell phone and ask her on a second date- perferably somewhere dim so your brain won't get jammed with stupid from looking at her.

[Flarecobra]

At least you don't have two dead girlfriends.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

I still haven't been kissed. You will never be the lowest form of life.

Advice. If you're a guy on a date, never be kissed. You have to instigate the kiss. If she reciprocates, awesome. If she doesn't, well you took the chance so you can't regret not doing it.

Also Snake, I second the calling of B. She sounds cool and you sound cool so you two should be cool together. Got it? Cool.

[Solid Snake]

Also you are going to call girl B on her cell phone and ask her on a second date- perferably somewhere dim so your brain won't get jammed with stupid from looking at her.

Fine I'll call her tomorrow and then update the thread she inevitably says "Well I was interested until you proved incapable of forming sentences on our date yesterday."
Also Nik c'mon. She's a very attractive, affable Ivy Leaguer. I am mediocre looking and incapable of articulating attraction to an attractive woman with English words. She wants nothing to do with me.

[Kim]

Apparently Snake spent the whole date watching her pupils to see if they dialated because he read a book that said that means she likes you and worrying what her messing with her hair meant and shit like that.

If you would all like to continue wasting your time indulging him after learning that, feel free. I will not.

[Nikose Tyris]

Snake fuck you you are fucking gorgeous.

[Solid Snake]

Not the whole date Nonny.
Or even half of it. >.<

[Osterbaum]

Snake, call me crazy but maybe you should just, I don't know; blow off all other dates, ask "B" out again, explain to her that you might have been acting a bit weird and/or distant last time because you were nervous.

e: ninja'd several times

[CABAL49]

Snake, I've had many experiences with girl B. Well, not your girl B but very similar circumstances. And to that I say, I was a pussy too. I chickened out and lost out on an opportunity. And if you don't call her, I will nicknamed you Seil jr. The biggest mistake you will make with that attitude will make her think that you are not interested her. Confidence lad. Confidence.

[pochercoaster]

Snake, call me crazy but maybe you should just, I don't know; blow off all other dates, ask "B" out again, explain to her that you might have been acting a bit weird and/or distant last time because you were nervous.

e: ninja'd several times

Do this but don't explain that you were acting weird because that will make things awkward. If she agrees to another date then it doesn't matter, right? IMO...

[Osterbaum]

Still might be a good idea to say that "Sorry if I seemed distant, I was just nervous." Of course, no need to explain anything if you just act differently on the second date.

Also don't stress too much and don't take advice from books on dating at face value.

[Kim]

I'd only bring up being nervous if she mentions it, honestly.

[Ryanderman]

I would bet money that not only did your subdued, lack of interest response to her not cause her to lose interest in you, but that she has spent much of the time since your date wondering what she did wrong, hoping you'll call her back.

She expressed interest in you! She wanted to see you again! That's not going to go away just because you didn't immediately do the smart thing and reciprocate. She's not some perfect being who you have to impress at every moment or face rejection. She's a person, just like you, with insecurities and fears. She likes you! She's not sitting in haughty judgement waiting to be impressed by you, she's trying to impress you! Call her back!


This is more personal opinion, but don't do all those things you read about how to date women. Or more acurately, don't do them because you read about them, do them only if they're a natural part of who you are and of how the date is going. Don't hold a checklist in your head of all the things you should and shouldn't do, that just sounds like it'll make you stilted and fake. Just be yourself. Be long winded, be passionate, be awkward. She likes you, she likes all of that.

My first date with my wife (so awesome to say that!) was 9.5 hours long. It started with lunch at a sub shop, moved to walking around her shool's campus, exploring the arcitecture of the chapel. Then we went to a TSO concert (my excuse to ask her out after a couple months of long winded letters on OKC (I'm awkward and cowardly too)), and had dinner at Olive Garden. Finished up by wander in her school's paths and the library, before I called at 9:30 cause I had a 2 hour drive home. I was awkward. Terribly awkward. I stuttered. I forgot to hold the door for her. I held it akwardly and caused mass confusion. I went blank when trying to find topics of conversaion. I ordered spaghetti and proceeded to spill it all over myself! Twice!

And at the end, I was awkward. Unbeknownst to me, she really wanted to hug me. I felt too awkward for even that, sure she wasn't interested (she'd been willing to spend 9 hours with me, without once making an excuse to end it, and yet I was sure I'd blown it. I'm ridiculous). I didn't know what to do, so I said goodnight, and left. Found out months later that it left her confused and wondering what she'd done wrong. Thankfully, I wrote her a note that night thanking her, and expressed hope she might be intrested in doing something again sometime. I didn't dare hope she would be. She didn't dare hope I would be. We're now married.

That kind of got away from me, but the point is this: Call her, you haven't blown anything. Stop overthinking things. If you can. Have another date, and just enjoy yourself.

EDIT: Also, watching her eyes to see if the dialate? Snake, that's stupid. Stop that. Don't read any more books on dating. And stop trying to impress her or make her like you. You can't. You cannot do certain tricks to manipulate her into falling for you. That's horrible and disgusting. Just be you, stop thinking, and she'll fall for you all on her own. And you'll be a better person.

[Azisien]

Get drunk like six days in a row and spam text her every day all the time

[Ryanderman]

Also, she was twirling her hair because she was nervous, wanting to impress you, and wondering what you thought of her. Mystery solved.

[Terex4]

The best advice ever...of all time.
Listen to this man. He said it better than any of us could ever hope to.

[Token]

You do not even half half the romance-baggage that I do, and you're nowhere near as pathetic as I am. So call her. Worry less. For fuck's sake, don't pay attention to all the "eyed dilating, hair touchy" crap, pay attention to her.

[Gregness]

Jumping in to add that if you don't call her back I will actually crawl through the internet, jump out of your router and strangle you with my three year dry spell.

[CABAL49]

Also, what is OKC?

[Kerensky287]

I would like to humbly offer the suggestion that you are spending far too much time trying to decide whether she's interested in you or not. A better plan is to actually, uh, be interesting. It's like a job interview, sort of. Rather than going "do u like me y/n", go "Hey, I'm interested in you, and you should feel the same way about me because of this and this and this and this".

Because hey, you somehow keep getting dates, even if you apparently "screw them up" every time. Perhaps you're attractive, or have a great personality, or both. Half the work is done for you. Just stop kicking yourself after every misstep; one screwup does not constitute a failure, and all this moping and self-hating you do means that you aren't looking for ways to improve for next time.

Girl A seems like someone simply incompatible with you. Oh well, better luck next time.

Girl B seems fantastic, and it's possible (if not likely) that she didn't even notice all the crap you focus on like "not holding the door." Call her, be enthusiastic about meeting up again, and for pete's sake, stop acting as if you need 100% to pass this date.

[CelesJessa]

WORDS

All of that. Just talk to her like she's a normal person because that's exactly what she is. If you want to apologize for acting nervous, than apologize, people get nervous! Chances are, she was nervous too. Relationships aren't going to be like flawless storybook romances where you are suave all of the time.

[Solid Snake]

You people are far too kind and nice and supportive of me when I act stupid.
Thanks.

[Osterbaum]

Thank us by taking our advice. Mainly calling her to see if you can set-up another date. You've got nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

[Kerensky287]

You people are far too kind and nice and supportive of me when I act stupid.

It's because you aren't acting stupid.

Next time you act stupid in my presence, I'll tell you. I promise.

[Solid Snake]

Thank us by taking our advice. Mainly calling her to see if you can set-up another date. You've got nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

How do I explain away the "whoops I'm late to another engagement and I'm not going to be effusive in my goodbyes" thing. =/
I don't really think there is a halfway decent explanation that doesn't make me sound either A: shy and nervous to the point of self-destruction (truthful answer, doesn't sound good) or B: uninterested in her (not true, sounds even worse.)

[Terex4]

Shy and nervous, yes. To the point of self-destruction, no.

Edit: You said she liked Thrawn, tell her you made an error but you refuse to let it become a mistake. If she understands, marry her.

[Kerensky287]

How do I explain away the "whoops I'm late to another engagement and I'm not going to be effusive in my goodbyes" thing. =/
I don't really think there is a halfway decent explanation that doesn't make me sound either A: shy and nervous to the point of self-destruction (truthful answer, doesn't sound good) or B: uninterested in her (not true, sounds even worse.)

Be honest. Tell her that you heard it was a good idea somewhere, and you did it because you really didn't want to screw it up. Avoid the "I'm so nervooous" angle because it makes you sound bad; aim for the "I wanted to impress you" angle because it makes HER sound GOOD.

But if I were you I wouldn't bring the subject up anyway. If she asks what happened last time with your hasty exit, then yes, be honest, but don't go into it next time saying "Hi, sorry about last time, I heard that a first date should never go beyond 90 minutes so I cut it off because I really don't want to mess this up with you."

And if you say that by accident for some reason, then don't panic. It's not over 'til it's over.

EDIT: Just in case you want to know what people are saying about you behind your back:

Me: man, I don't know what's up with snake
Me: aside from his bizarre focus on his own failures
Me: he keeps getting dates with (apparently) crazy desirable women
Me: then he like, forgets to tie his shoelaces or something and goes IT'S ALL OVER I FUCKED UP and then ragequits
Me: but he KEEPS GETTING DATES, which means he's obviously doing something right
Ryong: you
Ryong: post that

[Ryong]

Hey, I'm not saying it behind his back, I went and repped some people here for posts which I should've made.

Edit: I mean, really, I'm not a whole lot better off on the dating department, but Snake at least gets dates.

[Ecks]

Snake, take advice from a guy who knows how important it is to NOT LIVE WITH A STICK UP YOUR ASS.

BE YOURSELF ON DATES, YOU FUCKING ANUS. Take the passive advice from the books, but otherwise just throw it out the window. No girl wants to date a facade.

Also, dude, total fucking 10s are BORED TO DEATH by hot. Being averagely attractive is a good thing.

[Loyal]

How do I explain away the "whoops I'm late to another engagement and I'm not going to be effusive in my goodbyes" thing. =/ You don't unless she asks you.

She won't ask you by the way. She's not going to care about an incredibly minor messup if she likes the rest of you well enough. Which she obviously does.

[Darth SS]

Anyway I met her at a coffeeshop halfway across town that I had heard about, but never been to. First mistake: I was late, albeit only 3 minutes late due to Metro issues. I should have been fifteen minutes early. I was hoping to be early, as I hate to be late under any circumstance whatsoever.

You're doing well so far. I don't see the problem.

The second problem immediately became apparent: B was gorgeous.

Awesome.

Okay the more appropriate way to put it is probably 'she was really my type.' But she was the absolutely rare case of a girl who looked far more attractive...whether they were contacts or not, she had the loveliest blue eyes...

This is like eating a cheesequake blizzard from DQ. It's going really good, but there's still that awesome cheesecake core coming up, and it's going to be better.

immediately proceeded to abandon about 90% of the Dating Rules I'd studied

Awesome. Ad libbing. Like a boss.

...And then as we were getting ready to leave she reminded me that she had nothing to do for the next two weeks until her PhD program started.
DID I REALIZE ANY HINT? No I just said "Oh that's cool, I also have two weeks off now until my schooling begins."
Then she said: "I'm sorry you have to go so soon. I really enjoyed spending time with you. I hope we can do this again."

Aw, see, a happy ending. I like happy endi-
I just stood there privately shocked and the only thing I could say was "Uhhh...Sure" so softly she may not have even heard it.
"Well, goodbye!" She said.

http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/012011/pauly-angry.gif


Come on buddy. You are literally the product of millions of years of evolutionary strife, struggle and progress. You are a machine damn near perfected for the purpose of fighting off bears, surviving the elements and obtaining a mate. You're a fucking lion that is being way too tame. You call this girl back, you get a second date and you don't even acknowledge how intimidated you were back then, because you sure as hell are not intimidated now.

[Krylo]

Snake, you never let me down. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtYzsRMaQpo&playnext=1&list=PL31E06F47751B4399)

[Nique]

ITT: Solid Snake goes on a date with Megyn Kelly and Danica McKellar, (A and B, respectively)

[synkr0nized]

Internet Forum Posts: reminding me my life is actually pretty great.

Thanks, Internets!

[Solid Snake]

Internet Forum Posts: reminding me my life is actually pretty great.

Thanks, Internets!

No problem, Synk! =)

[Meister]

Yep looks like you guys already said pretty much everything I was going to.

Piece of advice about the dating guides though, and remember this is coming from a man whose chosen profession is preserving books and making them publically available: they are worthless chuck them onto a bonfire.

[Sithdarth]

Snake you need to be more like me. I'm 27 never been on a date and don't give a crap. Mostly because while yes I feel lonely from time to time I deal with it and don't let it dating (or my lack thereof) to become an obsession. I guess what I'm saying and this isn't so much dating advice as life advice is that you should be doing something because you like doing something and not because you think you should be doing it. That is to say date the girl because you like the girl not because you think you should be dating or that dating will somehow make you happy. Mostly because if you don't like what you're doing and who you're doing it with it won't make you happy. This is probably the second biggest reason I've never been on a date because I've never really met someone of the opposite sex that has invoked those kinds of feelings (And despite what my parents might think at this point, I'm definitely not gay. It would be so much easier on me if I could explain it away like that but sadly it just isn't true). The biggest reason is because I'm a hermit that's never bothered to really look all that hard for that.

Forget about success or failure and concentrate on just having fun as much as possible. I know of course that is nearly impossible but just keeping it in the back of your head should help.

[Nique]

And despite what my parents might think at this point, I'm definitely not gay.

I'm beginning to think that all parents secretly want their son to be gay. Like, I shopped at Pier 1 Imports ONCE in my entire life, and my grandma still asks if I'm sure that I'm not gay.

[Satan's Onion]

Yep looks like you guys already said pretty much everything I was going to.

Piece of advice about the dating guides though, and remember this is coming from a man whose chosen profession is preserving books and making them publically available: they are worthless chuck them onto a bonfire.

For safety's sake I would also re-burn the ashes, then piss on the re-burnt ashes. You seem to have enough of a habit of overthinking this whole dating business without a gussied-up FAQ encouraging you to all but break out the calipers and tape measure because if she's twiddling her thumbs just so, then she's clearly not at her Optimal Interest Threshold yet which means I can't execute Phase B of my overall Seduction Strategy without surpassing my Estimated Unattractive Behavior Quotient which would indicate that I've made myself a Category III Unlikeable (Spineless, Possibly Castrated) rendering this entire date a Complete Failure and therefore null and void which in turn puts me over my Calculated Acceptable Failure Rate which means I WILL NEVER FIND LOVE MY GOD I'M A MONSTER AAAAAAAAIIIIGH WHERE'S MY SEPPUKU KNIFE.

No but seriously, just call her. At the risk of overgeneralizing about my double-X-chromosomed peers, she's not likely to worry about it overmuch beyond "Oh hey, a second date! Schweet. I wonder if he likes Chinese food? Or should we go for pizza instead?" So why sweat it too much yourself?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Snake, just get her real boozed problem solved.

[Overcast]

Also stop hating every decision you ever make. But keep telling us every one of them so we can tell you what you did wrong. We'll hate your decisions for you.

[Eltargrim]

Also stop hating every decision you ever make. But keep telling us every one of them so we can tell you what you did wrong. We'll hate your decisions for you.

Hey Snake, hey Snake! Listen to this guy.

Also, remember how you called Nik out for basically asking for advice and not taking it? You don't want to be Nik, do you? Because there's some pretty rad advice in this thread.

My two cents? Don't worry about fucking up on a date. Why not? You have proven that getting dates isn't a problem. If you fuck up, you will get another. I know this.

But right now the bigger fuck-up would be not calling her back. Look at it this way: on a FIRST DATE she was talking Star Wars. She is looking for someone like you, who knows who Thrawn is. Call her. For the love of god.

EDIT: I need to emphasize how important it is that she said that. You may think you fucked up, but she felt comfortable enough with you to admit to massive nerddom. That's huge. Call her back.

[32bit-RedMage]

Come on, snake ! You are cool dude.
Don't feel bad, you had a couple of bad dates .. so what ?
A cute girl is interested in you, it's still not too late. Don't give up.

Dude, you shoudn't feel so bad about yourself,
to use your own words, "at least you aren't me".

Let me regale with stories about my romance life:

I met a girl once who was somewhat interested in me., but she was clinically insane. Sometimes she would flirt with me and other times she would treat me like dirt. I stopped talking to her but she started stalking me. To make a long story short .... I was hanging out with a couple of friends once and she shows up yelling like the crazy person she was. Accussing me of being gay because I was hanging out with my buddies instead of her.
She woudn't stop yelling and I told her to fuck off, that she was crazy and that didn't want to have anything to do with her.
What does she do ?
She starts crying, and yells "You Bastard ! Why are you so mean ?! What about our children ?!"
....after that things just got crazier.

Yeaaahh ...... and that was one of the "nice" experiences I had with girls.
I hope my tale of weirdness and crap gives makes you feel better about yourself :)

Wow ..... my first post in like 2 years ..... :ohdear:

[Bobbey]

Snake.

Call her back. Send her a message on OKC. Anything, for the love of god.

Ryanderman gave you the best advice in this thread that you could ever use. There are no rules to dating, just be yourself. Who gives a fuck about the Ivy League school she went to or whatever. She's awesome and you like her, and she definitely likes you back and wants to see you again. If you do not call her back, she'll be the one who thinks she's fucked up.

Call her back. Arrange another date. Cancel the other dates, it is not a big deal, it happens and I've done it before on that site.

My first date with my current boyfriend (that I met on OKC) lasted 7 hours. We ate at Juliette et Chocolat, one of the most awesome little restaurants in Montreal, and then we walked around the city, all the way back to the nearest metro to my place. I was afraid I screwed up something during the date or something (like me talking way too much because I was nervous. People get nervous on dates, it's normal). You know what? He texted me like an hour after our date was done, asking if he could see me THE NEXT DAY. I was so happy, and of course I said yes. Now we've been together over a year.

I'm saying this as your friend. PLEASE call her back. You've got nothing to lose, and a lot to gain, like someone else said before.

[shiney]

Snake, for all the times you do this, everyone is always in lockstep about what to do. Either you're gonna take the advice or not but quit dragigng it out every time. I mean apart from SnarkyMcBarrelParents there's a consistent "call her" trend. Of course this obviously means "obsess over what to do or not do" and then "obsess over the failure to act" and then "obsess over what might have been but never will be because I'm a loser" and then "start cycle at point A, repeat all steps with different person".

At some point you might just need to sack up and do something.

But, at this point I'm seriously considering making a "Snake can't figure out how to do something incredibly simple, please shower him with advice" forum.

[Darth SS]

At some point you might just need to sack up and do something.

But, at this point I'm seriously considering making a "Snake can't figure out how to do something incredibly simple, please shower him with advice" forum.

BOOM. Roasted.

I guess the question that needs to be asked now is...since this rush of people telling you to make the freaking call, have you done it yet? Because you should have.

[Nikose Tyris]

Snake seriously I will blow up your phone with texts if you don't. Or make someone else do it so it's free.

[rpgdemon]

Could use google phone, or whatever that's called.

[Solid Snake]

Snake, for all the times you do this, everyone is always in lockstep about what to do. Either you're gonna take the advice or not but quit dragigng it out every time. I mean apart from SnarkyMcBarrelParents there's a consistent "call her" trend. Of course this obviously means "obsess over what to do or not do" and then "obsess over the failure to act" and then "obsess over what might have been but never will be because I'm a loser" and then "start cycle at point A, repeat all steps with different person".

At some point you might just need to sack up and do something.

But, at this point I'm seriously considering making a "Snake can't figure out how to do something incredibly simple, please shower him with advice" forum.

No need to get so snappy.
I already alluded to the fact that I had decided I'd call her back. I did. Left her a message just about thirty minutes ago. We'll see what happens.

[Solid Snake]

Guys

Guys

I am very confused
Very, very confused

She wants to see me again
How is that even possible
That is humanly impossible
What kind of deep-seated magicks is at play here
What kind of sorcery has been cast
This was clearly a mistake

[Bob The Mercenary]

Was the message a minute of static and heavy breathing?

Edit: YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

[Dracorion]

*Sob, wipes tear*

Our little boy's all growed up.

I'm so proud.

[Kim]

Told ya.

[Red Fighter 1073]

Thank god.. There's a line between asking for advice because you feel nervous, and asking for advice on every little thing while you shit on yourself constantly for no reason whatsoever. Either you really do feel like every minor screw-up you make is the end of the world or you just really love the attention you get from each of your failure threads (I'm honestly beginning to think the latter).

But regardless you STILL keep getting dates so stop beating yourself up over every single mistake you make and realize that you'd be getting farther than like 1/4 of this entire forum relationship-wise if you would just stop shitting on yourself all the time and have a little confidence.

[pochercoaster]

Told you so! Also, congrats or something.

Edit: Ninja'd by NonCon.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

We can safely say everyone told him so.

In the name of everyone: Told ya so.

[Melfice]

Snake, just for the record.

You are managing to get into contact with single girls.
THAT IS 100% MORE THAN WHAT I MANAGE.

Seriously. Every girl I like ends up being spoken for.

SO YEAH. Anyway, grats. Now, don't trip up and do stupid stuff on your date.

[RobinStarwing]

Snake, just for the record.

You are managing to get into contact with single girls.
THAT IS 100% MORE THAN WHAT I MANAGE.

Seriously. Every girl I like ends up being spoken for.

SO YEAH. Anyway, grats. Now, don't trip up and do stupid stuff on your date.

I second this post and add that just be yourself. ^_^

[Darth SS]

She wants to see me again
How is that even possible
That is humanly impossible
What kind of deep-seated magicks is at play here
What kind of sorcery has been cast
This was clearly a mistake


http://legacy-cdn.smosh.com/smosh-pit/012011/situation-omg.gif

Yeah buddy! See? Everyone was right and you were bashful and wrong, and you should always cave in to peer pressure because peer pressure always leads you down the right path.

Now who wants some heroin?

[rpgdemon]

We can safely say everyone told him so.

In the name of everyone: Told ya so.

Ahem, I believe that is my privilege.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Privileges are what's wrong with society.

[Kerensky287]

Man, I was hoping she'd say no, so I could be like, "Oh, well could you send her my way then?" My evening is RUINED.


On a serious note though, USE THIS. Use it for motivation. You listed all these things that "went wrong" on the first date and it didn't make a bit of difference! Obviously all threat of failure is gone. Just don't do anything that could get you arrested and you'll be fine OOPS I JINXED IT

[shiney]

How long you been here Snake? Snappy is what I do.

Now go get her you pink bastard.

[Fifthfiend]

Oh god

Opened OP expecting fantasticness

Was rewarded beyond my wildest expectations

[Fifthfiend]

I wonder what it's like to be Solid Snake, constantly searching for ways to fail to get together with the endless succession of hotties throwing themselves at you at every turn.

[synkr0nized]

No need to get so snappy.

He's offering to make a forum just for you. That should help serve all the attention-grabbing needs you have. I wouldn't complain.

[Fifthfiend]

She wants nothing to do with me.

Like a woman could literally grab Snake by the ears and be like

SNAKE

I WANT YOU TO FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF ME

HERE, IN THIS COFFESHOP

And he would still find a way to convince himself of this

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I wonder what it's like to be Solid Snake, constantly searching for ways to fail to get together with the endless succession of hotties throwing themselves at you at every turn.

I like to think of it as a hilarious sitcom. It's set in the 50s and Snake is a flamboyant gay man who must hide this fact from his father who is also his boss in order to keep intact his inheritance- ie the lawfirm his father owns. His dastardly rival keeps setting him up with forward woman to get him to blow his cover and he must come up with more and more elaborate excuses to turn them down.

E: Also Snake, I'm a chemist. I can make you some roofies.

[synkr0nized]

Piggybacking on Fifth's thoughts: Snake should memorize this song (coitus). He can wonder if she does or does not like him up to and through intercourse before the realization will hit him in a similar manner.

[shiney]

Like a woman could literally grab Snake by the ears and be like

SNAKE

I WANT YOU TO FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF ME

HERE, IN THIS COFFESHOP

And he would still find a way to convince himself of this

"She grabbed me by the ears! But she should have grabbed me by the shoulders! She thinks I have huge ears! I DO have huge ears! Don't I? Does she like ears? She probably hates my ears, that's why she grabbed them.

God, I have terrible ears. I can't do this right now. And with ears like this, she wants to see me naked? This has got to be some kind of joke."

Also I actually didn't bother reading anything of substance in the thread before my first response, just saw it was a Snake thread, and some people said "call her", and I'm pleased to see my response was still dead on.

<3 Snake

[Fifthfiend]

The best part of these things is imagining the lady sitting there across from Snake furiously flirting at him and getting nowhere and just increasingly going WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO HERE, JESUS CHRIST

[Professor Smarmiarty]

I'm going to move to Snake's town. There will be a stable of women with confidence issues after being rejected by Snake- I can just hoover them all up.

[Karrrrrrrrrrrresche]

The best part of these things is imagining the lady sitting there across from Snake furiously flirting at him and getting nowhere and just increasingly going WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO HERE, JESUS CHRIST

Imagine how she might be feeling as her incredibly obvious advances are met with increasing panic and worry.

And then like a carefully balanced deck of cards, some random innocuous action brings them both over the edge and they simultaneously snap.

[Fifthfiend]

I'm going to move to Snake's town. There will be a stable of women with confidence issues after being rejected by Snake- I can just hoover them all up.

Just how many women HAVE cried themselves to sleep atop a tear-stained pillow after Snake loutishly crushed their heartfelt dreams?

Dozens?

Hundreds?

The world may never know!

[Sithdarth]

Seriously if I ever by some miracle stumble into a date if I start to feel in anyway nervous I'm totally just going to think of this thread. It is so hilariously outrageous it will instant cure anyone. I'll just have to be careful not to start laughing out loud. Hell you know what anytime I get nervous at all I'm just going to think of this thread. It'll be the new imagining the audience naked trick.

[Azisien]

This just heals any self-doubt I had in regards to attracting women. This thread is actually a real world buff, duration 1 hour/poster level. Snake's pretty high level.

[Osterbaum]

HOT SINGLE GURLS... AWESOME, AM I RITE

[Azisien]

Not here. They all have HPV.

[Bells]

God damnit i always miss the best threads!!

Snake, you thing you don't have a thing to lose cause you don't have a chance of winning, right?

So, here is what you will do... send her via e-mail the link to this thread.

now.

Do it.

C'MON YOU GORGEOUS ROMEO BASTARD DOOOOOOOOOOO IT!

[Azisien]

She has HPV.

[Osterbaum]

Snake could be our Densha Otoko (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Densha_Otoko)!

[pochercoaster]

So when is the next date?

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Snake, just for the record.

You are managing to get into contact with single girls.
THAT IS 100% MORE THAN WHAT I MANAGE.

Seriously. Every girl I like ends up being spoken for.

SO YEAH. Anyway, grats. Now, don't trip up and do stupid stuff on your date.

Oh dear god do I know that pain all too well. :(

I'm not looking but it still hurts when I find a girl that could have been a match only to find out she's already seeing someone.

Congrats Snake on being one more step closer to building a strong relationship with that fine young women. :dance:

[Solid Snake]

I "love" (note: not really) how so many of you indulge in this ludicrously untrue mythology wherein the women I interact with on a regular basis are actually attracted to me.

I mean I understand I can be unduly harsh on myself at times, but I assure you, the exact opposite of what I often report is equally untrue, perhaps even more so. When I spoke with 'B' earlier today, she did not seem quite as genuinely excited about the second date as I was. Sure she accepted, but her voice was stoic and betrayed nothing. And if you had been a fly on the wall during the course of our date, you'd see that while our interactions may not have been as dismal as I reported, they certainly were not the passionate exchanges of two star-crossed lovers, either.

I mean at one point during our date, I asked B what her biggest pet peeve was. She said she wasn't sure and suggested that while she thought over the question, I should share mine. I sat there vacantly mumbling for several moments too long, clearly caught having asked some generic question I found in a Dating Book as I had no answer of my own in mind, and a short awkward while later I settled on the answer that my pet peeve was the sound of silverware scratching against plates.

Yes, that was my pet peeve.
Guys whatever image or vision you have should be shattered by now. In dating, I'm socially inept enough to say stupid things that other people simply wouldn't say. Given my inability to form coherent thoughts in such a context it's no wonder I'd be concerned.

And if past experience is any likely indicator, 'B' simply wants to establish a friendship with me and views me as 'just a friend.' That's what often happens when I'm in these types of situations.
I don't want you all building my hopes up only to laugh at me the moment your ridiculous predictions are proven untrue and it all comes crashing down. >.>

[pochercoaster]

I "love" (note: not really) how so many of you indulge in this ludicrously untrue mythology wherein the women I interact with on a regular basis are actually attracted to me.

I mean I understand I can be unduly harsh on myself at times, but I assure you, the exact opposite of what I often report is equally untrue, perhaps even more so. When I spoke with 'B' earlier today, she did not seem quite as genuinely excited about the second date as I was. Sure she accepted, but her voice was stoic and betrayed nothing. And if you had been a fly on the wall during the course of our date, you'd see that while our interactions may not have been as dismal as I reported, they certainly were not the passionate exchanges of two star-crossed lovers, either.

I mean at one point during our date, I asked B what her biggest pet peeve was. She said she wasn't sure and suggested that while she thought over the question, I should share mine. I sat there vacantly mumbling for several moments too long, clearly caught having asked some generic question I found in a Dating Book as I had no answer of my own in mind, and a short awkward while later I settled on the answer that my pet peeve was the sound of silverware scratching against plates.

Yes, that was my pet peeve.
Guys whatever image or vision you have should be shattered by now. In dating, I'm socially inept enough to say stupid things that other people simply wouldn't say. Given my inability to form coherent thoughts in such a context it's no wonder I'd be concerned.

And if past experience is any likely indicator, 'B' simply wants to establish a friendship with me and views me as 'just a friend.' That's what often happens when I'm in these types of situations.
I don't want you all building my hopes up only to laugh at me the moment your ridiculous predictions are proven untrue and it all comes crashing down. >.>

->

So when is the next date?

[Solid Snake]

Friday.

[Kyanbu The Legend]

Good luck Soild. Remember, always keep a positive out look on life. Things will work out great eventually if you keep on going strong and keep on trying.

[Ryanderman]

Ridiculouness

Nope.

Quite simply, nope.

Snake, it doesn't work that way.

Maybe, maybe if you knew each other through other people socially, and would continue to see each other anyway, she could be trying to establish a friendship, and not understand your other intentions. But you met through a dating site. You're both looking for someone to date, and eventually marry. Neither of you have time, nor interest in finding friends on OKC. She's looking for a mate. She's not going to waste time on someone she isn't interested in. The fact that you are seeing her again means she's interested.

And she does not care what answer you gave about your pet peeve. She is almost certainly mad at herself for freezing and not being able to come up with an interesting answer for you.

And she didn't seem all that interested, because she, like you, is awkward and nervous and is afraid to seem too interested because she might scare you off.

[Arcanum]

some generic question I found in a Dating Book

I hope these books have been burnt and buried (I would say scattered in the wind but there's a chance somebody might breathe or touch the ashes, and we wouldn't want that) as was suggested earlier.

Just stop being so hard on yourself. If you have the mentality that any girl you interact with just wants to be friends with you, then that's all you will ever get. I'd give you more advice but everyone else has said anything I would have said.

As for your next date: Break a leg!

[Solid Snake]

@Ryanderman
Psh.
She's new to the area, doesn't know many people in town and her profile explicitly states that she's looking for not only dating partners but also 'friends.'
I understand y'all think I'm very, very stupid but I'm not as crazy as you think. Sometimes my opinions are actually informed by the evidence.

[Azisien]

And remember, the last thing you want to try is showing her your Solid Snake.

[Ryanderman]

@Ryanderman
Psh.
She's new to the area, doesn't know many people in town and her profile explicitly states that she's looking for not only dating partners but also 'friends.'
I understand y'all think I'm very, very stupid but I'm not as crazy as you think. Sometimes my opinions are actually informed by the evidence.

Not stupid, but weighed down by a crushing lack of self confidence, which causes you to interpret everything in the most negative light possible. I know where you're coming from, because I was there. Maybe not so publicly spectacularly, but I was in the exact same place, self perspective wise. So exact, the parallels are scary.

And I was completely wrong.

Yes, your interpretations could technically be true.

But they're not.

[Ecks]

Or maybe that's the first thing he wants.

Snake, I'm going to save up some money, take a couple weeks off from work, and accompany you on one of these dates covertly.

Then, when the date is over, I will explain away your insecurities as nonsensical attempts to sabotage yourself.

[Dracorion]

I'm willing to bet his Snake is more Liquid than Solid.

[Magus]

It's a date if it's just you and her, man. Don't overthink this.

EDIT: Like I literally cannot think of a situation where I would be taking out an unrelated woman my age for dinner, with no one else tagging along, where it is not a date.

[Solid Snake]

Saying "Don't overthink this" to Solid Snake is like saying "Don't swim" to Michael Phelps.
Or saying "Don't write" to William Shakespeare.
Or saying "Don't imagine" to Leonardo Da Vinci.

[Eltargrim]

Snake, dating is like free will.

You know how we might not actually have free will, but if we don't act like we do, we're screwed? That's a date. It might not actually be going well, but you need to act like it is, because if you don't, you're screwed.

Also, stoic voice? She's confused. She probably wasn't expecting you to call. Now you called, and everything will go well.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Snake <3
You are pathetic.
Not for the reasons you'd think, though. You know what pisses me off every time you open a thread like this? Sorry, still can't laugh at that. Contrary to popular belief I actually have a good sense of humor [citation needed].

You are the only person I know who thinks less of his social abilities than I do of mine. AND I AM ASOCIAL, I HAVE NO REAL FRIENDS AND ALL THE GIRLS I'VE BEEN WITH DECIDED TO BE "JUST FRIENDS" SOONER OR LATER, AND THEN I'M HAPPY BECAUSE THAT MEANS I HAVE A FRIEND AT LEAST BUT THEN I MANAGE TO RUIN IT ALL. And no, I don't take that as evidence that I am a waste of organic matter. I try to stay as positive as possible.

Meanwhile: All you do is make yourself miserable over the fact you got a date that didn't go as absolutely fantastic as you'd dreamed it to be. Don't have unreal expectations. Either you have a genuine inferiority complex of some kind or you are attention whoring, in that latter case, fuck you.

You cry over milk you think you've spilled. Life is not a movie. And if it's one it's poorly written because all the characters are awkward. In one way or another all of them are. And if you were an exception somehow, you'd be the most awkward by default. When someone tries to tell you that things aren't as bad as you perceive them, not to lift you up, not even out of fucking pity, just to tell you to get real, you look for excuses every-fucking-where, present them as cold-hard facts. So, there's a possibility she doesn't want a relationship? Don't worry about that unless she brings a friend to your next date, unless she does that you still have good chances, it's not like she's going to see you again because she didn't like you, no matter how she acted on the phone. Then she'd just have said no. I mean, sure, I do think about things like that a lot too, sooo many possibilities, and it gotta be the worst one, right? It's called pessimism and it's not very good.

Next time you think a girl is not interested in you after accepting your invitation to meet a second time you should probably think about how stupid that is really hard and then drink yourself into a coma because you aren't going to be of much more use awake.

No Snake, I don't hate you now. I'm just being honest.

If she doesn't want you refer her to me.

[Azisien]

Maybe she was stoic because she was having a mediocre day. Everybody has mediocre days. Even sexy single chicks that clearly want you.

[Magus]

Is there this new trend of being friends with women? Like in college the closest I can come to to a situation where I went and ate dinner with women that were just friends was when I went to a dinner party with my teaching classmates, most of whom were women. I just can't conceive of asking a woman to dinner and expecting her to think I just want to be friends. All the girlfriends I've had have had friends, and they were all girls. I don't think chicks hang out with guys a lot, maybe they'll be at a function with their boyfriend who has friends who are guys, and she'll have friends who are girls, and they'll all be there together, of course, but all in all there just doesn't seem to be that kind of platonic relationship going on between straight women and straight men.

People who are far more social than me may have had a different experience but when I go out with a girl it's a date. At best I've had a girl bring her friends with her, but I figured she wanted to get to know me first or something. I've never been under the impression she wanted to become buddies.

[The SSB Intern]

Saying "Don't overthink this" to Solid Snake is like saying "Don't swim" to Michael Phelps.

If Phelps had started a thread wherein he swims a whole bunch and doing this is making him miserable, we'd be all like how are you swimming in word form on the internet?

But then we'd tell him this swimming is messing with you Mikey. You need to stop wallowing in the chlorinated water of self-pity, get out of the pool of despair, and go out and score some ladies. Except we don't need to tell him to score women, because he already knows. He's Micheal Goddamn Phelps.

And you're Solid Fucking Snake. Go get 'em.

[Token]

Is there this new trend of being friends with women? Like in college the closest I can come to to a situation where I went and ate dinner with women that were just friends was when I went to a dinner party with my teaching classmates, most of whom were women. I just can't conceive of asking a woman to dinner and expecting her to think I just want to be friends. All the girlfriends I've had have had friends, and they were all girls. I don't think chicks hang out with guys a lot, maybe they'll be at a function with their boyfriend who has friends who are guys, and she'll have friends who are girls, and they'll all be there together, of course, but all in all there just doesn't seem to be that kind of platonic relationship going on between straight women and straight men.

People who are far more social than me may have had a different experience but when I go out with a girl it's a date. At best I've had a girl bring her friends with her, but I figured she wanted to get to know me first or something. I've never been under the impression she wanted to become buddies.

I...I do this all the time. I mean yeah, I'm basically the sassy gay friend for pretty much everyone I'm on speaking terms with, but I can spend an entire day hanging out with a woman and it's not a date. Hell, I've done that about six times in the past two weeks and I didn't even think they might be considered dates until I read this thread. It is entirely possible to just want to be friends with people. Either that or I've been unintentionally leading on about twelve women this summer. ._.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

I've done that about six times in the past two weeks and I didn't even think they might be considered dates until I read this thread. It is entirely possible to just want to be friends with people. Either that or I've been unintentionally leading a secret life as a pimp.

FTFY

[MuMu]

Saying "Don't overthink this" to Solid Snake is like saying "Don't swim" to Michael Phelps.

This is more like Phelps getting a gold medal but not breaking a world record and he decides to give up on his swimmer career once and for all due to being a tremendous human failure. He then spends the rest of his days in a desert cursing his rotten arms for shaming him when he needed them the most.

[pochercoaster]

Is there this new trend of being friends with women? Like in college the closest I can come to to a situation where I went and ate dinner with women that were just friends was when I went to a dinner party with my teaching classmates, most of whom were women. I just can't conceive of asking a woman to dinner and expecting her to think I just want to be friends. All the girlfriends I've had have had friends, and they were all girls. I don't think chicks hang out with guys a lot, maybe they'll be at a function with their boyfriend who has friends who are guys, and she'll have friends who are girls, and they'll all be there together, of course, but all in all there just doesn't seem to be that kind of platonic relationship going on between straight women and straight men.

People who are far more social than me may have had a different experience but when I go out with a girl it's a date. At best I've had a girl bring her friends with her, but I figured she wanted to get to know me first or something. I've never been under the impression she wanted to become buddies.

Er, I've gone out with non-gay male friends and they weren't dates. Also, what are you supposed to do if you're with an opposite gender friend and you're both hungry or there's a movie you both want to see? You do dinner and a movie. You make opposite gender friends the same way as same gender friends. Also why would you want to exclude half the population from your potential friends pool?

[mauve]

Er, I've gone out with non-gay male friends and they weren't dates. Also, what are you supposed to do if you're with an opposite gender friend and you're both hungry or there's a movie you both want to see? You do dinner and a movie. You make opposite gender friends the same way as same gender friends. Also why would you want to exclude half the population from your potential friends pool?

I'll second this. There's nothing wrong with having platonic friends of the opposite gender.

[shiney]

YES THERE IS GODDAMMIT

[Token]

YES THERE IS GODDAMMIT

You aren't qualified to say that until you can make friends of either gender.

[Krylo]

Platonic friends are just one drunken night of loneliness away from a lifetime of regret.

[Fifthfiend]

Saying "Don't overthink this" to Solid Snake is like saying "Don't swim" to Michael Phelps.
Or saying "Don't write" to William Shakespeare.
Or saying "Don't imagine" to Leonardo Da Vinci.

or "Don't be so paranoid" to Nixon

or "Don't let your egos get in the way" to John, Paul, George and Ringo

or "Don't dismiss your bodyguards" to Caesar

or "Don't do fucking heroin all the time" to Janis Joplin

[Krylo]

"Don't be Charlie Sheen" to Charlie Sheen?

[Fifthfiend]

"Don't be Charlie Sheen" to Charlie Sheen?

In fairness it seems to work out more or less okay for Charlie Sheen

[Fifthfiend]

"Don't keep getting sent to prison" to Robert Downey Jr.

[Osterbaum]

or "Don't be such a dick" to Fifthfiend

[Nikose Tyris]

Or "Stop hatin'" to haters.

[synkr0nized]

or "Don't be such a dick" to Fifthfiend

Fifth is a ball of sunshine, and if you disagree I will see to it that your favourite possession is devoured by toasters.

[Magus]

Oh, there's nothing wrong with having platonic friends of the opposite gender, it's just more that if I found a woman on a dating site I'd assume she wants to date and eventually do completely unplatonic things. The end goal of dating is to eventually do romantic things. If women have a completely different perspective on dating sites, I dunno, but I suspect they generally do not.

That being said, personally I don't have a lot of female friends, like I said. I had a lot of nice female friends in college but that was more a product of being around them for two or three hours a day and then that expanding into off-hours activities, more of a forced occurrence in a way. I can't imagine going on a dating site and finding a woman to be just friends with, and I would hope that women feel the same way. It's a dating site, it's for establishing romantic relationships. It's not a site for finding friends. You don't make friends at dinners for two or dark theaters.

[Solid Snake]

I've had a fair deal of female friends in the past but it's almost always been the case that in such a friendship either she harbored a secret interest in the friendship ultimately becoming 'something more,' or I did.

Like, very rarely has there been a time where I've gone out on friendly excursions with a woman I intend to just be friends with and we'll openly agree to the fact that neither one of us considers each other remotely 'our type' and we're totally satisfied just being friends. And a couple times in the past I've even had that exact conversation with a woman only to be proven wrong when she eventually slipped and confessed. And a couple times in the past I've also lied myself and responded to a girl's "We're such good friends" spiel with "Oh yeah I'd totally never feel any romantic intention with you!" When I'm secretly like "FFFUUUCCCKKK"

So I do have doubts. The rare times I have made solid friendships with women it's generally been when the woman's either in a relationship, or I'm in a relationship (believe it or not I had a girlfriend...twice!) or there's just such a seismic degree of physical distance between us that it's just implicitly known that no dating opportunity would possibly arise. (Which is why it's somewhat easier to befriend women platonically on the interwebs. But not always. Sometimes even the distance argument is ineffective and I'll still find myself...well, now I'm ranting.)

[Fifthfiend]

Fifth is a ball of sunshine

Burning impossibly hot, a light-years wide radius around me a death zone which no living thing can survive, will blind you just for looking at it directly?

edit: haha but no yeah you know I am a teddy bear.

[Solid Snake]

Every time I read what Fifthfiend posts I'm just like: The avatar. The avatar is so perfect.

Fifth I hereby personally ban you from ever changing your avatar to anything else ever again.

[Token]

You don't make friends at dinners for two or dark theaters.

I do that. :ohdear:

[Solid Snake]

I do that. :ohdear:

I can totally see going to the movie theater with a friend of the opposite gender and having it mean totally nothing, but dinner?

...Please at least tell me you don't pay for their meals.
(And please also tell me it's a cheap restaurant.)

[Token]

...sometimes? maybe? And yeah, dinner's nothing big. i mean it's just a meal. and i'm just being nice. my friends and i usually all take turns to treat each other. i don't see why it'd be different with just one other person at a time when they're in that same group of friends.

[rpgdemon]

And remember, the last thing you want to try is showing her your Solid Snake.

But you do want to show her you're Solid Snake!

Is there this new trend of being friends with women? Like in college the closest I can come to to a situation where I went and ate dinner with women that were just friends was when I went to a dinner party with my teaching classmates, most of whom were women. I just can't conceive of asking a woman to dinner and expecting her to think I just want to be friends. All the girlfriends I've had have had friends, and they were all girls. I don't think chicks hang out with guys a lot, maybe they'll be at a function with their boyfriend who has friends who are guys, and she'll have friends who are girls, and they'll all be there together, of course, but all in all there just doesn't seem to be that kind of platonic relationship going on between straight women and straight men.

People who are far more social than me may have had a different experience but when I go out with a girl it's a date. At best I've had a girl bring her friends with her, but I figured she wanted to get to know me first or something. I've never been under the impression she wanted to become buddies.

I took a long walk in the woods and talked with a girl who I'm just friends with, since we were both bored/wanted to do something. Being the opposite gender doesn't mean anything, really.

[Premmy]

Because apparently you can't have an open amorous interest in your friends? I mean, I'm pretty sure all my female friends are aware that I would, at the drop of a hat, fuck them. And we still remain friends.

[Arcanum]

Because apparently you can't have an open amorous interest in your friends? I mean, I'm pretty sure all my female friends are aware that I would, at the drop of a hat, fuck them. And we still remain friends.

And in the end isn't that what friendship is all about?

[shiney]

This admin says yes.

[Amake]

Didn't we have this long talk about how guys need to realize and get over their conditioning to perceive any positive regard they feel for a woman as wanting to have sex with her? I mean getting Snake laid is nice and all but let's not get carried away.

[Gregness]

Unless we're getting carried away into someone's bed.

[The SSB Intern]

Didn't we have this long talk about how guys need to realize and get over their conditioning to perceive any positive regard they feel for a woman as wanting to have sex with her? I mean getting Snake laid is nice and all but let's not get carried away.

You misunderstand. The feeling of friendship with a lady and the desire to get into her pants can be two separate phenomena for the male. In very much the same way, I consider Natalie Portman to be a fine actress, but also wish to kidnap her and force her to become my bride.

[Solid Snake]

...what happened to the thread title, I wonder

[The SSB Intern]

For everyone else who had no idea what it means, it's apparently a Family Guy reference, mixed up with slang for jerking off. I spent a good 5 minutes of googling to figure that.

[shiney]

Or a reference to QQing.

Edit: in case it wasn't already glaringly obvious, it was me! As I phrased elsewhere, Snake is outputting Seil levels of derp, so he will receive Seil levels of teasing. At least from me.

[The SSB Intern]

Stop making me go to Urban Dictionary.

[shiney]

This is the part where I refer you to your avatar.

[The SSB Intern]

http://www.fohguild.org/forums/attachments/screenshots/163739d1297656899-animated-gif-thread-oh-no-you-didnt.gif

[Fifthfiend]

You know 90% of snake's problems would be solved by getting him super, super high.

[Kim]

oh man yeah

I feel like there's an MGS joke to be made that I'm missing.

[shiney]

Fifth do you REALLY want to deal with the inevitable weed paranoia?

"THE COPS ARE HERE" no they are across the entire city "LOOKING FOR ME"

[Kim]

Fifth do you REALLY want to deal with the inevitable weed paranoia?


Yes. Yes we do.

[Bells]

I don't think snake should drink coffe on dates. It's just going to make him more Hyper. which could just as well put his 'Noia into Overdrive. Why not some Tea? Or some sooting drink. Something that would make you relax, but not make her think you are a drunktard or a loser (so, no warm milk).

This calls for experimentation! FOR SCIENCE!

[Fifthfiend]

"THE COPS ARE HERE" no they are across the entire city "LOOKING FOR ME"

My secret plan is to wait for this to happen

then

suggest that, out of all of those officers, at least one of them, in all likelihood

is an attractive lady who might consider going on a date with him

[shiney]

That may be a good way to create a singularity.

Snake fear: CLEAN ENERGY???

[synkr0nized]

You know 90% of snake's problems would be solved by getting him super, super high.

I have no doubt that were Snake and I to hang out in person we would have a really good time being really, really chill.

But these threads. Man these threads.

[krogothwolf]

My secret plan is to wait for this to happen

then

suggest that, out of all of those officers, at least one of them, in all likelihood

is an attractive lady who might consider going on a date with him

Balderdash! Even snake wouldn't fall for that.

[The SSB Intern]

it would be true

because Fifth is the attractive lady

[krogothwolf]

it would be true

because Fifth is the attractive lady

Okay, I'm willing to admit Fifth is an attractive lady, but surely he has higher standards then Snake right?

[The SSB Intern]

Fifth has standards
Ahahahaha

[Solid Snake]

I have no doubt that were Snake and I to hang out in person we would have a really good time being really, really chill.

But these threads. Man these threads.

Only about the last 70% of the content in these threads have been you joking about my issues and refusing to let it go long after I calmed down and was totally chill with everything

[shiney]

NPF

SERIOUS BUSINESS

[Token]

Only about the last 70% of the content in these threads have been you joking about my issues and refusing to let it go long after I calmed down and was totally chill with everything

One could argue that the fact that we've had so many of these threads means you've never really let things go or been chill yourself. :T

[CABAL49]

MAGENTA

It would've helped if you hadn't lowered yourself afterwords. You flip out and make this thread. We call you a pussy. You man up and call B back, and then you flip out again. It is for your own good.

[synkr0nized]

Only about the last 70% of the content in these threads have been you joking about my issues and refusing to let it go long after I calmed down and was totally chill with everything

'e: Nevermind. Any response I put to this is just going to be construed by you negatively, so poo poo to that.

[Solid Snake]

It would've helped if you hadn't lowered yourself afterwords. You flip out and make this thread. We call you a pussy. You man up and call B back, and then you flip out again. It is for your own good.

When the hell have I seriously 'flipped out' since calling her
At this point y'all are just dogpiling
Yeah I'm sure you're all just perfect
And yeah I should feel terrible for ever asking you for advice and being honest instead of fucking up on my own by refusing to seek help when I knew I needed it

[Krylo]

Yeah I'm sure you're all just perfect

Well, I am.

[Solid Snake]

'e: Nevermind. Any response I put to this is just going to be construed by you negatively, so poo poo to that.

Your original response was certainly not anything that could be remotely construed as positive, no.

[Token]

When the hell have I seriously 'flipped out' since calling her
At this point y'all are just dogpiling
Yeah I'm sure you're all just perfect
And yeah I should feel terrible for ever asking you for advice and being honest instead of fucking up on my own by refusing to seek help when I knew I needed it

When it's the same self-loathing shit over and over and you never even attempt to take a lesson, yeah, people can be expected to be just a tad less sympathetic.


At one point or another you just want to shout "YOU SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN TO ME ABOUT THIS IF YOU WON'T DO WHAT I TELL YOU!" Because as a friend it actually starts to get a little taxing and emotionally draining for us, y'know, hearing the same story over and over, and feeling the same degree of pain and empathy for someone they care about ... while privately concerned that the issue will never be resolved.

Basically this, but less "abuse," more "self-loathing wangst."

[synkr0nized]

Your original response was certainly not anything that could be remotely construed as positive, no.

Sorry for pointing out that you've done this before, I guess?


e: At least it's got you talking to me!

[CABAL49]

When the hell have I seriously 'flipped out' since calling her

Guys

Guys

I am very confused
Very, very confused

She wants to see me again
How is that even possible
That is humanly impossible
What kind of deep-seated magicks is at play here
What kind of sorcery has been cast
This was clearly a mistake



At this point y'all are just dogpiling
Yeah I'm sure you're all just perfect
And yeah I should feel terrible for ever asking you for advice and being honest instead of fucking up on my own by refusing to seek help when I knew I needed it[/COLOR]

It is not about making you feel terrible. It is trying to raise your self-esteem by degrading you. Cause you are a good person and deserve all this abuse for thinking that you are not.

Take the advice we gave you, as in stop overthinking this. You never needed our help, you knew what to do the entire time. All the knowledge and tools(by tools I mean penis) you had this entire time. You just need confidence.

Snake, B deserves you. You need to accept that. She is good enough for you. You are a nice guy, intelligent(most of the time) and you are a geek. You said that she was a geek yourself.

We berate you because we are not perfect, because we have made mistakes and have our own problems. If you want stories about girl problems, I have stories about girl problems. But I can tell you are making the same mistake I have made. And believe me I have further ground to cover. I am from a backwater state that no one believes has any intelligence whatsoever. And you know what I do to a girl I like? Overthink everything. I have flipped out myself. I have done I have been there. The worst was getting her a gift. Should I spend this much? What if she doesn't like it? What if her gift to me is better than mine to her? It is maddening.

It happens. We deal with it. But you are not thinking about what she wants when you overthink things. What she wants is you. Your quirkiness, your rugged good looks, your conversation, your geekiness. She wants Solid Snake. But if you keep acting like a Liquid Snake, THAT is what is going to be what drives her away.

Not pursing this to the best of your ability will cause you more harm than if this were to fuck up for you. You will be wondering what if, which is the most infuriating question of all.

So calm down, think logically like to are supposed to and pursue her. Otherwise you will end up with A.

And if there are kids, I declare that we get naming rights.

[Archbio]

Everytime someone uses the word dogpiling, the mental image gets a little less funny.

[rpgdemon]

It is not about making you feel terrible. It is trying to raise your self-esteem by degrading you. Cause you are a good person and deserve all this abuse for thinking that you are not.

"Naw man, we're being HELPFUL by beating you up. We're beating the pansy out of you."

[Solid Snake]

When it's the same self-loathing shit over and over and you never even attempt to take a lesson, yeah, people can be expected to be just a tad less sympathetic.

Yeah because I totally did not call her.
Oh wait no I did actually call her, and I did in fact accurately credit NPF for giving me the correct advice to call her, because had I not made such a fool of myself by posting my insecurities in the form I did in this thread I would not, in fact, have called this woman.

...So yeah that's an invalid comparison, but thanks anyway?

[Token]

Except here's the thing. You're inevitably gonna come back complaining because you're overthinking things again. Just like you have every time this bullshit has come up. You're welcome.

[Solid Snake]

Except here's the thing. You're inevitably gonna come back complaining because you're overthinking things again. Just like you have every time this bullshit has come up. You're welcome.

Remind me to never feel any sympathy for any sad-sack exaggerated melodramatic post you ever make on Facebook ever again

[Token]

Remind me to never feel any sympathy for any sad-sack exaggerated melodramatic post you ever make on Facebook ever again

Will do, kiddo.

[Meister]

Snake posts a thread about what a failure he is at dating and, heavily implied, therefore in general.
Everyone goes, Snake, that's nonsense, you did totally okay now do this helpful thing.
Snake does this helpful thing and posts to tell everyone that holy shit, it totally worked, in a tongue-in-cheek "how could this be" sort of way.
Everyone is happy and a lot of people roll with the tongue-in-cheek thing and maybe a few take it a little too seriously.
Snake takes offense to this and gets very serious, and a few people also get very serious, and the conversation shifts from dating help to "you did something wrong" "no you did something wrong."

Somehow it gives me a feeling of reassurance, of all things being right and taking their natural course, demonstrated in this little microcosm. It's like the change of seasons. Except what's on the horizon right now is best described as the winter of discontent so I'm gonna go ahead and play rider of the apocalypse and close this thing down before people say things that don't hold up to close scrutiny.

[Satan's Onion]

Snake posts a thread about what a failure he is at dating and, heavily implied, therefore in general.
Everyone goes, Snake, that's nonsense, you did totally okay now do this helpful thing.
Snake does this helpful thing and posts to tell everyone that holy shit, it totally worked, in a tongue-in-cheek "how could this be" sort of way.
Everyone is happy and a lot of people roll with the tongue-in-cheek thing and maybe a few take it a little too seriously.
Snake takes offense to this and gets very serious, and a few people also get very serious, and the conversation shifts from dating help to "you did something wrong" "no you did something wrong."

Somehow it gives me a feeling of reassurance, of all things being right and taking their natural course, demonstrated in this little microcosm. It's like the change of seasons. ...

Or like this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwmYs-lQeD4) only Rafiki's presenting the gathered throngs with a girl's phone number.

[POS Industries]

Just noting in this thread since it was the last place he posted that Token has requested a temp ban because you're not cool unless you've got a temp ban.

So, like, he's not being punished for something, in case anyone were to start wondering.

[shiney]

Except for the part where he is, for undisclosed reasons.