Cullenism: Scientology Squared!
 

So I was wasting time at work today skimming through a never ending steam of TV Tropes tabs When I can across their page on Twilight. Things were going swell and I was enjoying the read until I came across this:

And I was like "Wait, no.....really?" So I sent Google to retrieve a list on links that might make this phenomenon clearer to me. Sadly many of them were blocked out by the company's internet filter, but the listing in the Urban Dictionary was available and it didn't help make things better for me.

So, what do you all think? I know Twilight is an easy dead horse to beat around here but what if it begins to grow into a Scientology-esque monster? What then!?

Oh come on, when have the Jedi ever been a problem? They're like the nicest fake religion there ever was.

You say that now, but just wait until one gets greedy or horny and we end up with the sith.

I'll take Sith over fake vampires anointed in glitter any day.

At least the Sith have a straightforward goal.
Twilight fans are just... insane.

Gimme an angry Sith with a personal grudge against me over a Twilight fan.

The Sith would at least destroy Scientology and Cullenism during their power struggle with the Jedi so it would be perfect.

This may be true, but the Sith are ALSO insane about their goals, and they have lightsabers and force lightning. Twilight fans have... uh... a kinda heavish book?

I'm jus' sayin' I'm pretty sure I could take the average Twilight fan in a straight fight. Sith, though? Just a tad more uncertain on that one.

Twilight-esque obsessiveness is exactly like being goth... with more time spent on reading, which is not so much a single religion as it is a youth phase.
Besides, isn't the demograph a lot different? Sci Fi novels generally appeal to a much older lonelier crowd with a good earning ratio and nothing to spend it on, where as Twilight generally shoots for a crowd with little to no money who just think they are lonely and grow out of that within a few years.

And with every religion, comes a person similar to Hitler to attack said religion.

Except, I hope Twilight-Hitler wins this time around.

"Predominantly, we're secularised as a society, and when pushed, most people will write Jedi." - Bill Bailey on the English

Godwin's law in two hours/eight posts flat!

I've got nothing against non-fiction novels, but doesn't the characters being real people kind of take the focus away from the "greatest author ever" aspect? I mean it's a vampire novel aimed at teenagers, featuring a (at least superficially) novel take on vampires, so I always imaged that the praise of fans would center on how creative it's all is.

How are they different from Anne Rice fans, back in the day...?

Fuck... I just realized I can remember two vampire movements in America.

*chalks this up to the "getting old" thread*

Okay this whole Twilight craze is getting out of hand. Good god, I fear the day when they become a threat.

Hopefully this crazy shit will blow over soon.

I think even they can't call this stuff "Creative" so they rely on the "Reality is Unrealistic"* trope to justify the crappiness of the work.

*see how I referenced the trope without linking it? that's cause I'm a nice guy**
**except now you're gonna go looking for it, cause I'm a douchebag

Ancient weapons and hokey religions are no match for a good blaster in your hand.

No, see, Stephanie Meyer made Twilight real while writing the books. She's God, man.

Hmm, so authors have the power to warp reality now? Ok, I'm going to need a ship, an able bodied crew, couple of virgins, various sharp pointy objects, and someone who can navigate said ship to coordinates 47°9′S 126°43′W

This is NPF. We got virgins everywhere. You can't browse a thread without tripping over at least three virgins.
Sharp pointy objects? Easily done. We're not exactly the most safety minded.
Good strong crew? If you're going to call up Cthulu I'm sure that you could magic up Smarty's beard to be at least as strong as 30 men.

Probably a Twilight-Nietzsche, the hitlers of the 2000's are mostly accidental or subconscious, example would be the anon beast.

Not even close to the record.

Also, I submit that Stephen King is Twilight-Hitler.

Soooooooooo...

Harry Potter, Star Wars, Star Trek and now Twilight. All Ficiton products that created Cultisms of some sort.

Weirdly enough, now i feel that our bar has been lowered...

Jedi Cult: Noble and respectfull
Potter cult: Cultural and instrospective
Trek Cult: Scientific and curious
Cullen Cult: OOOOOOOOO MY GOOOOOOOOOD SPAAAAAAAAARKLES!