Cullenism: Scientology Squared!

Tev · 12-24-2009, 06:18 PM

So I was wasting time at work today skimming through a never ending steam of TV Tropes tabs When I can across their page on Twilight. Things were going swell and I was enjoying the read until I came across this:

Quote:

Creator Worship - Both figurative and literal. While many hardcore fans will state outright that Meyer is the best author ever (and react with literal violence to disagreement, as noted under Fan Dumb), there is a sect of them that claims to have an actual religion based around them, "Cullenism". The religion states that the characters are real people, Stephanie Meyer is the greatest author ever, and that the Twilight books are their Bible.

And I was like "Wait, no.....really?" So I sent Google to retrieve a list on links that might make this phenomenon clearer to me. Sadly many of them were blocked out by the company's internet filter, but the listing in the Urban Dictionary was available and it didn't help make things better for me.

Quote:

1. cullenism 386 up, 74 down
A new religion based off the sappy Mormon-written Twilight series. It has no tax exempt status, very few members, a prayer ripped off from the Lord's Prayer, and the majority of the congregation are virginal girls (not of the hot kind, either).

Basically, cullenism is basically the Church Of Scientology except, would you believe it - their members are far more insane, you have to replace aliens with "sexeh vampires OMG TEAM EDWARD YAAAY!" and instead of being founded by a failure of a science-fiction writer, it's based off the masturbation fodder of a Mormon homemaker.
Girl 1: What religion do you believe in?
Girl 2: I'M A BELIEVE IN CULLENISM

So, what do you all think? I know Twilight is an easy dead horse to beat around here but what if it begins to grow into a Scientology-esque monster? What then!?

Krylo · 12-24-2009, 06:35 PM

Can't say I'm surprised.

Tev · 12-24-2009, 06:39 PM

Oh come on, when have the Jedi ever been a problem? They're like the nicest fake religion there ever was.

Krylo · 12-24-2009, 06:43 PM

You say that now, but just wait until one gets greedy or horny and we end up with the sith.

Tev · 12-24-2009, 06:50 PM

I'll take Sith over fake vampires anointed in glitter any day.

Melfice · 12-24-2009, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krylo

You say that now, but just wait until one gets greedy or horny and we end up with the sith.

At least the Sith have a straightforward goal.
Twilight fans are just... insane.

Gimme an angry Sith with a personal grudge against me over a Twilight fan.

krogothwolf · 12-24-2009, 06:56 PM

The Sith would at least destroy Scientology and Cullenism during their power struggle with the Jedi so it would be perfect.

Krylo · 12-24-2009, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Melfice

At least the Sith have a straightforward goal.
Twilight fans are just... insane.

Gimme an angry Sith with a personal grudge against me over a Twilight fan.

This may be true, but the Sith are ALSO insane about their goals, and they have lightsabers and force lightning. Twilight fans have... uh... a kinda heavish book?

I'm jus' sayin' I'm pretty sure I could take the average Twilight fan in a straight fight. Sith, though? Just a tad more uncertain on that one.

Hanuman · 12-24-2009, 08:38 PM

Twilight-esque obsessiveness is exactly like being goth... with more time spent on reading, which is not so much a single religion as it is a youth phase.
Besides, isn't the demograph a lot different? Sci Fi novels generally appeal to a much older lonelier crowd with a good earning ratio and nothing to spend it on, where as Twilight generally shoots for a crowd with little to no money who just think they are lonely and grow out of that within a few years.

Nightshine · 12-24-2009, 08:56 PM

And with every religion, comes a person similar to Hitler to attack said religion.

Except, I hope Twilight-Hitler wins this time around.

12-24-2009, 06:35 PM	#2
Krylo The Straightest Shota Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: It's a secret to everybody. Posts: 17,789	Can't say I'm surprised. __________________ I am very tired.

12-24-2009, 06:43 PM	#4
Krylo The Straightest Shota Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: It's a secret to everybody. Posts: 17,789	You say that now, but just wait until one gets greedy or horny and we end up with the sith. __________________ I am very tired.

12-24-2009, 06:56 PM	#7
krogothwolf Fetched the Candy Cane! Join Date: May 2009 Location: Calgary Posts: 4,278	The Sith would at least destroy Scientology and Cullenism during their power struggle with the Jedi so it would be perfect. __________________ Knowledge is Power, Power is Knowledge ╔╦╦══╦══╦═╦══╦══╦╗╔╦╦╦╦══╦╗╔═╗ ║═╣╠═║╔╗║╔╣╔╗╠╗╔╣╚╝║║║║╔╗║║║═╣ ║║║╔╗╣╚╝║║║╚╝║║║║╔╗║║║║╚╝║╚╣╔╝ ╚╩╩╝╚╩══╩═╩══╝╚╝╚╝╚╩══╩══╩═╩╝

12-24-2009, 08:38 PM	#9
Hanuman Love Is Strength Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Vancouver/BC/Canada Posts: 1,135	Twilight-esque obsessiveness is exactly like being goth... with more time spent on reading, which is not so much a single religion as it is a youth phase. Besides, isn't the demograph a lot different? Sci Fi novels generally appeal to a much older lonelier crowd with a good earning ratio and nothing to spend it on, where as Twilight generally shoots for a crowd with little to no money who just think they are lonely and grow out of that within a few years. __________________ If you want to stay connected send me a PM with your email. Last edited by Hanuman; 12-24-2009 at 08:44 PM.

12-24-2009, 08:56 PM	#10
Nightshine Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 283	And with every religion, comes a person similar to Hitler to attack said religion. Except, I hope Twilight-Hitler wins this time around.