Funny quotes

32bit-RedMage · 01-20-2010, 02:24 PM

Post funny quotes!
It doesn't matter where they are from (books,tv-shows,movies,comics, mangas etc.), just post 'em !

I'll start with:
"Dear Lord, please give me the cheat codes for Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!. I have been stuck on Bald Bull for four years. I've tried left, left, up, b, dodge, uppercut, but he still knocks me out. And you know, they say you're supposed to go right, b, up, dodge, left, upperc-- heh, listen to me telling you how to play the game." (Petter Griffin- family guy)

TIME BOMB · 01-20-2010, 02:45 PM

"cuz i dont have a care if i dont have a load in my underwear" -mark hoppus of blink

Not so much a funny quote as a philosophy on life.

Toast · 01-20-2010, 04:27 PM

"Outside of Stalag 13, the word Klink doesn't mean anything other than the sound of two glasses knocking together." ~ Colonel Hogan (Hogan's Heroes)

I've got tons more, but they're on a file on my other computer.

Darth SS · 01-20-2010, 05:28 PM

"I want a Monterey Jack sandwich." "You want a cheese sandwich?" "No, I want meat." "What kind?" "MONTEREY JACK!"

- A good buddy of mine, quite drunk at Subway.

"I'm getting wheel-barrow drunk tonight." "Awesome, let's go get wheelchair'd."
- Another two friends.

Thadius · 01-20-2010, 05:31 PM

"For the purposes of this conversation, Satan isn't listening."

-Me and my brother have the most interesting conversations.

"Minions, no fighting!"
"Why does he get to be minion one?" "Because he listens."

-I met the most interesting people at college who agreed to work for me.

Bard The 5th LW · 01-20-2010, 06:08 PM

"My friend, now is not a time to be making enemies." - Commonly thought to be the last words of Voltaire, after a priest asked him if he renounced the devil. Not sure if he really said it, but I was amused by it.

"I can see that your years at m.i.t really pay for themself."-Barney Calhoun to Gordon Freeman in Half Life 2

Doc ock rokc · 01-20-2010, 06:29 PM

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
A classmate's advice to another classmate. Only he was serious.

"What do you think you are?"
"A smart ass"
"You have to be smart to be a smart ass, otherwise your just being an ass"
Teacher and stupid classmate at school.

Darth SS · 01-20-2010, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Doc ock rokc

"What do you think you are?"
"A smart ass"
"You have to be smart to be a smart ass, otherwise your just being an ass"
Teacher and stupid classmate at school.

Awesome exchange that my sister and I would have with our mom about 3 times a week.

"Stop being a smart ass." "Better than a dumb ass." "Keep it up, you can try being a dead ass."

CelesJessa · 01-20-2010, 07:45 PM

�Lesbian Nazi hookers, abducted by UFOs and forced into weight-loss programs, all that, tonight.� � UHF

Toast · 01-20-2010, 09:15 PM

“It would be impossible for you to steal a tiger tank, therefore I suspect you.” ~ Colonel Wilhelm Klink (Hogan's Heroes)

“I will throw those men into the cooler for the rest of their lives. Even after the war. Even if we lose!” ~ Colonel Wilhelm Klink (Hogan's Heroes)

“Giant rats? It's like the start of every bad adventure tale my grandfather used to tell.” ~ Ser Gilmore (Dragon Age)

Sten: People are not simple. They can not be defined for easy reference in the manner of: “the elves are a lithe, pointy-eared people who excel at poverty.”
(Dragon Age: Origins)

this is too much fun.

01-20-2010, 02:24 PM	#1
32bit-RedMage Sects Buddy Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Bikini Bottom Posts: 209	Funny quotes Post funny quotes! It doesn't matter where they are from (books,tv-shows,movies,comics, mangas etc.), just post 'em ! I'll start with: "Dear Lord, please give me the cheat codes for Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!. I have been stuck on Bald Bull for four years. I've tried left, left, up, b, dodge, uppercut, but he still knocks me out. And you know, they say you're supposed to go right, b, up, dodge, left, upperc-- heh, listen to me telling you how to play the game." (Petter Griffin- family guy) __________________ Meryl loves the Malboro

01-20-2010, 02:45 PM	#2
TIME BOMB make moves Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: central coast, cali Posts: 42	"cuz i dont have a care if i dont have a load in my underwear" -mark hoppus of blink Not so much a funny quote as a philosophy on life. __________________ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOpZ5ppKeMc

01-20-2010, 04:27 PM	#3
Toast Existential Toast Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Georgia Posts: 440	"Outside of Stalag 13, the word Klink doesn't mean anything other than the sound of two glasses knocking together." ~ Colonel Hogan (Hogan's Heroes) I've got tons more, but they're on a file on my other computer. __________________ “How dare you! How dare you stand there acting like your brand of suffering is worse than anybody else’s. Well, I guess that’s the only way you can justify treating the rest of us like dirt.” ~ Major Margaret Houlihan (Mash) “If we’re going to be damned, let’s be damned for what we really are.” ~ Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation)

01-20-2010, 05:31 PM	#5
Thadius BEARD IMPACT Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: MANLY ANGER Posts: 1,977	"For the purposes of this conversation, Satan isn't listening." -Me and my brother have the most interesting conversations. "Minions, no fighting!" "Why does he get to be minion one?" "Because he listens." -I met the most interesting people at college who agreed to work for me. __________________ ANGER HAS NEVER BEEN MORE MANLY THAN THIS.

01-20-2010, 06:29 PM	#7
Doc ock rokc ...Really? Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: in Theory. Everything works here Posts: 3,961	If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie. A classmate's advice to another classmate. Only he was serious. "What do you think you are?" "A smart ass" "You have to be smart to be a smart ass, otherwise your just being an ass" Teacher and stupid classmate at school. __________________ I have a Pesterchum its DangerousDoc I am ether fading out of Time, Space, or Reality...Or Simply my Typewriter is running out of ink

01-20-2010, 06:08 PM	#6
Bard The 5th LW Feelin' Super! Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 4,191	"My friend, now is not a time to be making enemies." - Commonly thought to be the last words of Voltaire, after a priest asked him if he renounced the devil. Not sure if he really said it, but I was amused by it. "I can see that your years at m.i.t really pay for themself."-Barney Calhoun to Gordon Freeman in Half Life 2

01-20-2010, 07:45 PM	#9
CelesJessa DA-DA-DA-DAA DAA DAA DA DA-DAAAAAA! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Zanzibar Land Posts: 6,531	�Lesbian Nazi hookers, abducted by UFOs and forced into weight-loss programs, all that, tonight.� � UHF __________________

01-20-2010, 09:15 PM	#10
Toast Existential Toast Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Georgia Posts: 440	“It would be impossible for you to steal a tiger tank, therefore I suspect you.” ~ Colonel Wilhelm Klink (Hogan's Heroes) “I will throw those men into the cooler for the rest of their lives. Even after the war. Even if we lose!” ~ Colonel Wilhelm Klink (Hogan's Heroes) “Giant rats? It's like the start of every bad adventure tale my grandfather used to tell.” ~ Ser Gilmore (Dragon Age) Sten: People are not simple. They can not be defined for easy reference in the manner of: “the elves are a lithe, pointy-eared people who excel at poverty.” (Dragon Age: Origins) this is too much fun. __________________ “How dare you! How dare you stand there acting like your brand of suffering is worse than anybody else’s. Well, I guess that’s the only way you can justify treating the rest of us like dirt.” ~ Major Margaret Houlihan (Mash) “If we’re going to be damned, let’s be damned for what we really are.” ~ Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation)