Okay, I hate to break this to you, news media...

[Magus]

Recently there have been something like a hundred news segments on this subject, all acting as if this is news, something to be concerned about, flip out about, so I'll just come out and say it:

Everything has some fecal matter and bacteria on it, in microscopic amounts. Every time you flush the toilet some it goes into the air and spread all over the place, for example. Everything in your house has some fecal matter on it. The food you eat has some fecal matter on it. Everything. EVERYTHING.

The reason we can function is we don't think about this everyday.

But you insist on making news stories about this every day.

Quit making news stories about this, please.

Thank you for your time.

P.S. Please don't replace "there is fecal matter in your soda" stories with "there is semen in your burger" stories unless it is literally about some dude jacking off into the mayonnaise.