What have you learned?

[RickZarber]

After quoting one of Dave Barry's "25 things I have learned in 50 years" in another thread,25 things I have learned in 50 years by Dave Barry

1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.

2. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.

3. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they have no sense of humor.

4. The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment.

5. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

6. A penny saved is worthless.

7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be bitter enemies.

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.

9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

11. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

12. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that generates concepts for television sitcoms. When TV executives need a new concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept into a show. The next time they need an idea, the computer spits out, "SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." Then the next time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT." And so on. We need to locate this computer and destroy it with hammers.

14. Nobody is normal.

15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that:

* The universe is even bigger than they thought!
* There are even more subatomic particles than they thought!
* Whatever they announced last year about global warming is wrong.

16. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.

18. The value of advertising is that it tells you the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example:

* If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobiles, appeals primarily to old farts like your father.
* If Coke and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince you that there are significant differences between these two products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coke are virtually identical.
* If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants you to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability.
* If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the critical importance of a beer's "born-on" date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a beer tastes.

19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.

20. You should not confuse your career with your life.

21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.

24. Your friends love you anyway.

25. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

it got me thinking, "what have I learned (for myself), really?"

It's a bit of a tough question. Sure, you can treat it cynically (and spout things like "no good deed goes unpunished") or jokingly ("they will always be after your lucky charms") but trying to single out any truths you may have discovered in your own life is actually kind of difficult. So I wanted to post it to you guys to see what you'd come up with.

Here's a light-hearted one from me to get things started.

"If by a certain age (let's say, 15 for girls and 18 for boys) you have not yet seen Star Wars, odds are you won't like it once you do."

[Azisien]

Individual similarities vastly outweigh our differences.

On that note, we are all unified by our need to poop. Ethnicity, religion, gender, particular hole we like to fuck, either way we all gotta take a shit roughly the same way.


That if there is something you like and think is good. Someone else just completely fucking hates it and thinks it's the most horrible thing ever.

[Mirai Gen]

The greatest pleasure in life is telling someone senior to you to politely fuck off, but only if they really deserve it.

If you are good with computers, keep that fact secret and safe like it was the One Goddamn Ring.

Guilty pleasures are okay - the sooner you let everyone know you actually enjoyed Dude Where's My Car or Rocky IV or Commando, the better.

[Azisien]

Originally Posted by Mirai Gen

Guilty pleasures are okay - the sooner you let everyone know you actually enjoyed Dude Where's My Car or Rocky IV or Commando, the better.

Um Commando is one of the best cinematic achievements of mankind...

[Mirai Gen]

See, exactly what I mean right there.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

- What I learned is that no matter how dumb you or anyone is or how bad one fucks up, the sad truth is that it's very very likely it's still the average or even above.

- Most people are idiots until you get to know them better.

[Si Civa]

Pessimism isn't good for anybody. It makes everything seem worse than things really are and yet you think that that's how it's.

It's not easy to talk about things that would make people understand you whole lotta better.

Edit:// And George really was the best beatle.

[Amake]

1. No matter how many helicopters are in a movie, it'll never be as good as Apocalypse Now.

2. The purpse of daylight savings time is to make the daylight last until later in the evening. But I have yet to find a compelling argument for not using daylight savings time all year long.

3. If you don't think someone or something is funny, it's your sense of humor that's dull. A keen sense of humor will let you laugh at anything.

4. The most valuable service a government can offer is education.

5. Not all women are sensitive about their weight.

6. Pennies saved mount up.

7. If you complain about trouble in the middle east without any understanding of the people living there and without offering any solutions, you're a douche.

8. The most powerful force in the universe is gravity. I was going to be funny and say gossip is the fastest, but that's also gravity.

9. There are actually people who don't drive.

10. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to listen to you going on about asinine crap like how to celebrate birthdays. That time is age 5.

11. Every form of psychological activity can be considered mental illness.

12. If people are preaching their religion at you, it's your choice if you want to listen.

13. Watching television is a big fucking waste of time.

14. People may appear normal from a distance, but it's a trick of perspective.

15. There are scientists. They discover new things. Try to not let that frighten you.

16. Dilbert is occasionally funny and insightful.

17. Organized protesting has reduced the average workday from 16 to 8 hours, and will likely reduce it further. The increased quality of life this has afforded the workers of the industrialized world can hardly be measured.

18. The value of advertisement is entertainment, and to challenge your psychological fortitude. And occasionally information.

19. I already said not to watch TV. That especially includes televangelists.

20. You are not your job. Well said, Tyler Durden.

21. People can be judged by how they treat their pets, and a nation can be judged by how it treats its prisoners. Gandhi said that.

22. Life is not a joke, but if you take it too seriously you'll get in trouble. Neil Gaiman said that I think.

23. Insanity is a rational response to an irrational world.

24. Your friends are the most important thing in the world.

25. Dance like no one is watching. If you've made it this far and still care what people think about you, you'll just have to dance when no one is watching.

[TDK]

^22. No matter what happens, someone will find a way to take it way too seriously.

[bluestarultor]

- Friends are people who know you and like you anyway.

- A true friend is worth more than all the riches in the world.