Let's Play Dwarf Fortress - Skeletal WHAT?!

[Kerensky287]

Originally Posted by Thadius

By 'end' do you mean 'wipe the fort'?

By 'end' I mean 'wipe the Kerensky the Woodcutter.'

EDIT JAN 21: Last chapter's getting started now.

EDIT SLATE 18: Shit. I.... Shit. Umm. Fuck.

EDIT FINAL: Oookay, I think I've cleared everything up here.

__________________________________________________ _____

27th Granite

Those miners are useless buggers. I had been trying to create a hole deep down into the earth so our marksdwarves could shoot those damned undead in the underground river... but nooo, one of them just happened to sneak a peak down and now they won't dig any further. They're a full height level above the zombies, I don't see what there is to be worried about. But I have no talent in mining, so I guess that if they won't do it I'll have to figure something else out.


28th Granite



I figured something else out.

Looking at a map of the river, it seems that most of the undead are clustered near the end of the river. We've got a mining encampment near the head of it, and for some reason or another the area is pretty much devoid of threat. I've started a new digging project above there. Now, there are two issues with the new plan.

1) The new location is pretty far south of the fortress. The goblins appear to have set up camp on a nearby hill as well, meaning that we'll have to protect the miners as they work. I've got some masons set to construct a wall around the dig site, but there isn't any stone nearby so the soldiers we station as defenders will be on their own for a bit. Bob and his mercenaries have already volunteered to head out and provide whatever backup is necessary.

2) Crossbow bolts won't be as effective with no target anymore. But that's fine... the wall serves another purpose. It will be the scaffolding for my new super-project. It will be a massive suit of armour, powered by mechanisms, capable of walking on its own, wading through the river and crushing all opposition!



I call it the Gurrin' Log-On.

1) The armour's titular Log-On. A mighty wooden weapon useful for clubbing the zombies into dust.
2) The armour's titular "Grrr" sound effect. Not sure how to make it do this yet but it's unimportant.
3) The driver rests within the heavily shielded beard. The driver will be me.
4) A single support that the machine rests on. Once released, the machine will drop into the river, ready for action!

My plan is flawless. It goes into action starting tomorrow.


1st Slate



A temporary setback in the plan. One of Bob's redshirts arrived early and apparently decided it was in his best interests to perform some force reconnaissance. He managed to escape in time for Bob to back him up, and the two took care of the few goblin sentries that had given chase.



Apparently the horde took notice at this point.



Bob and that other guy naturally charged right into the enemy force, figuring that offense was the best defense. They were also smart enough to go straight for the ranged attacker. Bob's wrestler sidekick actually TORE THE CROSSBOW GOBLIN'S HAND OFF while Bob eviscerated every other creature within 10 feet.



There wasn't much left by the time backup arrived.



I told Bob and co. that they could go right back off duty because there were no longer any hostiles within sight of the fort. Construction has continued pretty well for the entire day and there doesn't appear to be anything that wants to kill us.


4th Slate



While waiting for the entire wall/hole project to be completed, I went to work trying to make sure Mauve's quarters were up to her ludicrously high standards. While forcing more statues into her dining room we accidentally trapped a pony on top of one of her treasure chests but I honestly don't think she'll mind.


5th Slate



Pony and statues don't add enough. Drafting plans to enlarge Her Highness's dining room to fit in more statues.


17th Slate

Queen Mauve is so goddamn picky.

__________________________________________________ __

CONVERSATION RECORDED ON 18TH SLATE

MAUVE: Why are you not making Us more treasure chests?

KERENSKY: Saywha?

MAUVE: We need at least 10. Give Us more treasure chests.

KERENSKY: But... you HAVE 10.

MAUVE: Yes, but two of them are behind statues. We can't reach them. And one of them can't even be opened because there's a pony on top of it. We need some actual useful chests.

KERENSKY: Oh, come on! What are you even going to DO with that many chests? It's like the statues! They're nice to look at but it's not like you need them all!

MAUVE: On the contrary, We need to store all of Our queenly outfits separately so they do not contaminate each other! Dinner wear cannot touch morning wear, and so forth!

KERENSKY: Look, I just DOUBLED the size of your dining room. I filled it with more wealth than is in the rest of the fort combined. And yet you still want more?!

MAUVE: As queen, We are entitled to-

KERENSKY: You're entitled to JACK SH-

*A loud crash resonates throughout the fortress.*

KERENSKY: ...What was that?

____________________________________________

18th Slate



It's almost poetic, really.

I mean, it's not even the new location that collapsed. It's the OLD one.

Some miner apparently got up the courage to dig through the hole again and miscalculated.

Gonna go see who it is.

__________________________________________________ ___________________



KERENSKY: What the HELL is wrong with you?! You trade your brains for balls or something?!

MINER: Hey, boss, it wasn't MY idea.

KERENSKY: ...Then who put you up to it?











KERENSKY: Oh no. Please tell me I'm seeing things.

MINER: Yeah, Thadius made me do it. Crazy gu-

KERENSKY: What the FUCK are you waiting for?! Get him out!



MINER: B-but it'll flood the fort! We'll lose a whole bunch of mines we never use anymore!

KERENSKY: Wall it off, I don't care! Just get him out!

MINER: Nobody can swim. What could we even do?

KERENSKY: *no response*

________________________________________

18th SLATE



...He passed out while fighting off the hordes of skeletal lizardmen around him. The miner who fell in with him survived for a little while, escaping while they tore Thadius to bits.



No point in flooding the fort anymore, I guess. Not like there ever really was.



Now we don't have any kind of leadership. The one guy who backed me from the start is gone and I'm one of two people who knows why. We're also down to one miner now. None at all if he talks.





Screw that megaproject. I've got one last idea and running the fort doesn't really factor into it.

Ciao.

*A large, circular hole is cut out of the next page.*

__________________________________________________ ______________________________________

CONVERSATION RECORDED ON 22nd SLATE

URIST MCGOSSIP: Where'd that overseer go off to?

URIST MCOBLIVIOUS: Not sure. Think it had something to do with that crash earlier?

MCGOSSIP: For certain! I heard the zombies crawled up from that hole and dragged him down!

MCOBLIVIOUS: What hole?

MCGOSSIP: You know, that hole that they were digging - hey, you! You worked on it, didn't you?

MINER: Nothing happened and you'd better stop talking about it or by Armok you'll meet the same fate as Thadius.

*MINER runs off, a terrified look in his eyes.*

MCOBLIVIOUS: Thadius? What, like, we'll end up locking ourselves in our rooms for hours on end? Nobody sees that guy anymore.

THADIUS: Nobody sees who anymore?

MCGOSSIP: Hey, what are you doing out and walking around, Mayor Thadius?

THADIUS: Please, call me Thadds. And I'm stepping down from the office of mayor for now.

MCOBLIVIOUS: Why?

THADIUS: Too much work.

MCOBLIVIOUS: No, why call you Thadds?

THADIUS: Too much work.

MCGOSSIP: So, what happened to that overseer you appointed?

THADIUS: Uh, he ran away. The new overseer is... that guy.

GREGNESS: Hmm? What?

THADIUS: You two, Urists! Show him around the fort. Teach him in the ways of overseeing. I have to go inspect... umm, my room.

MCGOSSIP: So, who gets the old boss's tower?

THADIUS: Doesn't matter to me. But I want the statues regardless. Anyway, I'd better be going. See you later!

MCGOSSIP: Hold up a second!

*THADIUS freezes.*

MCGOSSIP: You look different somehow.

THADIUS: What?

MCGOSSIP: Something about your face.

THADIUS: Oh, I caught a dwarf-cold. So I'm wearing a mask. I drew a picture of my face on it so you'd still know it was me.

MCOBLIVIOUS: Oh. Carry on then.

THADIUS: Ciao.





MCGOSSIP: What did you say?

THADIUS: ...It was my book. It said "Meow."

__________________________________________________ _________________________________________

THE SAVE FILE

My original intention was to end this by dropping the Gurrin' Log-On into the river with my dwarf inside it (probably after asking someone who the hell they thought he was), thus ending the story prematurely. But while I was paying attention to other stuff, Thadius went ahead and collapsed himself to death. I'm honestly not sure how it happened. I had cancelled most of the channels for the old hole...

But yeah, Gregness's turn. I don't want to cut his turn short thanks to my quitterness, so we should probably start and stop on either the 22nd of Slate (which is where the save ended) or the 1st of Felsite (start of the next month). Or we could continue as usual, ending on the 1st of Granite. Doesn't really matter to me.

For future overseers, you'll need to head into [your DF folder]/raw/objects/creature_standard.txt and add [PET_EXOTIC] to the entry on unicorns. I also added [TRAINABLE] to the entry on wolves in [your DF folder]/raw/objects/creature_large_template.txt but I don't think it did anything so I don't know if it's necessary to add.

Apologies to Thadius, this really didn't turn out as I had hoped. But I renamed my dwarf to Thadius in hopes of maybe giving the real Thadius a possibility of playing again when his turn rolls around. Having an imposter allows for plenty of options - he could play as a ghost who haunts/possesses the imposter, or play as the imposter who is slowly being driven mad by the Economicon, or... I dunno, whatever else.

You could always kill him off if you don't like the ideas, too.

But yeah, sorry.

[OhnoesFlanked]

I know in other succession games if an overseer quits they revert to the previous overseer's save file.

[Kerensky287]

Originally Posted by OhnoesFlanked

I know in other succession games if an overseer quits they revert to the previous overseer's save file.

'Twould solve a multitude of problems, verily.

[PyrosNine]

No! Not the bookholder! He has died! He held the Economicon all nicely, and never bent the spine! Now who will bear the brunt of Meow, mumble to himself, then work to maximize profits?

The Economicon will hold a brief moment of silence for the fallen Thadius, before meowing again.

Dwarven Damnation: + 20 enraged Elephants.
Damnation Level: Easy Bake Urist.

[Sir Pinkleton]

Originally Posted by OhnoesFlanked

I know in other succession games if an overseer quits they revert to the previous overseer's save file.

So Kerensky's role as overseer was a hypothetical, parallel universe, where the Economicon is destroyed, perhaps leading to a less-madness induced future? Inconceivable!

I assume it was destroyed anyway because Thad always is carrying it, no? Unless the book told him to sacrifice himself? But why...

Either way, this story is really interesting. I hope it's picked up sooner rather than later.

[Yumil]

Originally Posted by Sir Pinkleton

So Kerensky's role as overseer was a hypothetical, parallel universe, where the Economicon is destroyed, perhaps leading to a less-madness induced future? Inconceivable!

I assume it was destroyed anyway because Thad always is carrying it, no? Unless the book told him to sacrifice himself? But why...

Either way, this story is really interesting. I hope it's picked up sooner rather than later.

Kerensky murdered him for the book. The book still exists, it just liked Kerensky's madness more.

[mauve]

NOOOOOO, NOT THE CRAZY MAYOR!! D:

Awww, I'm sorry this didn't work out with your schedule, Kerensky. I enjoyed reading your entries!

-----------------------
FROM THE DIARY OF HER ROYAL MAJESTY QUEEN MAUVE, RULER OF WORKGILL AND SURROUNDING AREAS, AND EMPRESS OF ALL SHE SEES


4th SLATE

We are pleased that the new Overseer has finally understood the importance of statuary in Our royal rooms. We believe we are also the only Queen in the world to own a Royal Pony Treasure Chest. Clearly, having one of Our Royal Ponies fused to the lid of a treasure chest improves its fanciness by a significant amount.

We shall celebrate Our accomplishment with booze now.

5th SLATE

We take back what we said yesterday. This whole Pony thing is stupid and useless. For one thing, the pony is now significantly taller than Us, and We don't like that kind of uppity attitude in our Royal Pony Squad. Secondly, the pony is not actually fused to the lid. It's just sort of standing there, refusing to come down. We will not tolerate such shoddy craftsdwarfship in Our kingdom! And thirdly, in addition to the mess the pony makes, it also renders the chest useless, as We cannot open it with the added weight to the lid. This infuriates Us. If We remember, We will have the insolent wretch-pony put to death for its insubordination tomorrow.

We'd do it now, but the Overseer has decided to acknowledge Our very subtle hints that Our dining hall is getting cramped and needs more wealth stashed in it. Took him long enough.

Yay, bigger dining hall! A booze celebration is in order!

18th SLATE

There was something We were supposed to do today... Whaaaaat was it? Putting something to death? Oh well. We are too angry to be bothered with that right now.

This Overseer has no respect for his Queen. How dare he suggest that We use the treasure chests We already have instead of forcing him to make Us some new ones? The nerve! And then he just runs off in the middle of our conversation just because some tunnel collapsed somewhere. Who cares if someone died?! WE ARE QUEEN AND WE DEMAND RESPECT!

Oh, he is so totally going on Our "To-Kill" list! Right after We go yell at that craftsdwarf over there. He's not making treasure chests nearly quickly enough!

18th SLATE--- later

Where did that Overseer go?
Our dining hall won't decorate itself!

Also, that creepy fellow with the book seems less creepy all of a sudden. Maybe we'll take his name off the Kill list and move Kerensky's up one.

[Sir Pinkleton]

Originally Posted by Yumil

Kerensky murdered him for the book. The book still exists, it just liked Kerensky's madness more.

But it's a cave collapse. Unless Kerensky the wood-worker, through the power of the book, subconsciously kept up the mining of the pit, he had no part in Thad's death.

What was Thad doing there anyway?

[Thadius]

Diary of Thadius, Mayor of Workgill.

17th Slate, 60

Once more, the book speaks to me. But this time, not in numbers or by meowing. No, this time it has shown me what will be, should I remain and continue to possess it.

This cannot come to pass. The book, it is a thing of evil, and for the first night in many a year, my head is clear again. I am free of the corrupting influence of the book, and now I know what I must do.

Mauve, forgive me, but if I remain, then I shall only put the fort at greater risk...

I merely hope that this thing will not ensnare another. That the next Overseer has the sense of mind to recognize that book for what it is and toss it into the lava.

I...I can't do it. It won't let me. Every time I try, I feel the urge to count more stones, or demand nickle silver...

It is the book, I am sure, that drives me to act irrationally. It seeks out those that would lead forts, attaches itself to them, and subsumes their will to serve it for its own protection. I have checked the list of overseers, and a dwarf by the name of Gregness is next.

He has not been touched by the book. He must destroy it.

For all our sakes...

The note drifts down the river Styx, ignored by all...

[Loyal]

There is no reason why any miner should have to be exposed to unnecessary danger (not counting the underground river). All mineshafts are accessible from within the fort.

Also, Statues really aren't very good decoration, unless they're REALLY expensive statues. They block the view (and thus the value) of any floor they're placed on, and any wall they're adjacent to... and of course, they block movement. Mechanisms (as levers or gear assemblies) work better and have a higher value multiplier (x30 as opposed to a statue's x25).

The queen's dining room floor is mostly engraved with zero-quality engravings, so get rid of those (by building floors over them and then deconstructing them) and get a more potent engraver on the job to do it right (I believe there's a legendary engraver somewhere in the fort). Worst case scenario, you could just build an armor stand or something out of all those adamantine ores we have lying around, and that'll probably do the job all by itself what with all those good masons we have.