Making Friends In Your Old Age - Page 4

Amake · 02-12-2010, 04:34 AM

Support groups is my solution. Get diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome or something, since you're asking this question on an internet forum you probably score pretty high, anyway it helps to have some kind of problem when you're looking for support groups. You will get professionals putting you in the right direction, and you'll have things in common with the people in the group. Heck, I've met around 80-100 people in this way in a four year period. That's how you meet friends.

Making and keeping friends is trickier. The key is to single out the one person in a hundred who tolerates you when you put away all facades and things you do to get people to like you; "be yourself" as it were. Be yourself as loudly as possible and don't be afraid to drive people away. Those who can stand you when you're at your worst will be your friends for life.

It can be useful to formalize the formation of your friendship, just so you're clear about what you're offering and what you want. Be unapologetically and shockingly honest. Say you're lonely, you haven't made a friend in so many years, you don't know how, but it would mean everything to you if you two could be friends. If you're a guy talking to a girl it helps to make clear you're not going to pretend to be her friend so you can eventually get in her pants; a friend is simply more important to you than a lover. (It helps even more if that is actually true.)

Then, if you start seeing each other outside of the group, it's going to sound like you're pursuing a romantic relationship anyway. Make time to see your new buddy at least two or three times a week. Call just to ask how they are. Go to the movies, to the park, anything. Make up ~~romantic~~ spontaneous little surprises and games. Surprise snowball/pillow/food fights are great, as long as you don't shoot to wound. Abuse Sir Pinkleton's advice from the other thread and touch their upper arm, maybe just to say "Tag, you're it". If they have some sort of lifestyle problem that you think you can solve by giving advice, don't do that; but if they have some problem that you can help with your hands, like moving house, that's a great opportunity for you to prove your loyalty. Action speaks louder than words, as it were.

Be not afraid to put all the time, space, money and emotions you possibly can into this relationship. You're at the bonding stage, and you want the bond to last. And it's not like there's a specific point when you can relax and let the relationship take care of itself; it'll always need feeding and nurturing. Or I dunno, maybe it'll grow slowly and in 20 years it'll pretty much have its own life. But if you've been nice to it it'll still call you and when the two of you grow old it'll be there to help you.

Damn, I've got to see my friends now.

Osterbaum · 02-12-2010, 04:48 AM

I always find new friends by joining different groups. For example: I have my childhood friends from before elementary until basically high-school. Then I have my high-school friends, my kendo friends, my uni. biology friends, my uni. representative / university politics friends etc. The point being that each "group of friends" originates from a different activity / group.

Funka Genocide · 02-12-2010, 11:41 AM

IQ, you're a crazy person. No, just very no.

And yes, I've followed that model myself Oster, but it kind of hit a stumbling block when I went from navy to jobs where everyone is at least 10years older than me. At my job right now I think there are 2 or 3 people in their early 30s, and that's the closest to my age group.

CelesJessa · 02-12-2010, 11:52 AM

Pretty much what Oster said although I just kind of let it happen. I'm not the type to go hunting for friends. They just happen naturally as you get involved in different classes/jobs/hobbies/etc.

Although I'm not in my mid-to-late 20s so I don't know if I count. XD

Funka Genocide · 02-12-2010, 12:03 PM

hardly any of you people are in the actual "look at me I have a career and a mortgage" bracket, ha ha.

College is like the undisputed best place to meet interesting people. unfortunately my college days were on the cheap at community and online courses where everyone else in the class was a single mother in her late 30s.

Maybe I'll just take up dancing and pretend to be gay.

pochercoaster · 02-12-2010, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krylo

Hookers, mostly.

Why else would he move there?

Or maybe it has to do with his career? >_>

How come no one's mentioned building an android yet? It's the most obvious solution.

Living in a village with a population smaller than a high school makes having a social life difficult. As far as I can see the easiest way to make friends is through school. Failing that you have to put in some effort and take up a hobby.

Or you can just not care and become an enlightened hermit.

Osterbaum · 02-12-2010, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Funka

hardly any of you people are in the actual "look at me I have a career and a mortgage" bracket, ha ha.

And I never will be! I'm a rebel! A revolutionary!

Magic_Marker · 02-12-2010, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Funka Genocide

I went from navy to jobs where everyone is at least 10years older than me. At my job right now I think there are 2 or 3 people in their early 30s, and that's the closest to my age group.

That's kind of like the holl I dug for myself at my job. It's kind of hard to relate to my co-workers when, having babies and rasing of said babies and aren't teenagers just annoying I know mine won't listen to me, is the dominate topic.

Professor Smarmiarty · 02-12-2010, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Osterbaum

And I never will be! I'm a rebel! A revolutionary!

Amateur!

Lyaer · 02-12-2010, 07:31 PM

You could try MeetUp or similar to find groups to join with whatever interest. Las Vegas is a big enough city that you should have some variety to choose from within whatever topics you imagine might attract tolerable people.

I've met some decent sorts, that way, though my problem is always making time to keep up with group events, so I can't share any long term success stories on that front.

02-12-2010, 04:34 AM	#31
Amake Keeper of the new Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: A place without judgment Posts: 4,506	How to make friends and influence enemies Support groups is my solution. Get diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome or something, since you're asking this question on an internet forum you probably score pretty high, anyway it helps to have some kind of problem when you're looking for support groups. You will get professionals putting you in the right direction, and you'll have things in common with the people in the group. Heck, I've met around 80-100 people in this way in a four year period. That's how you meet friends. Making and keeping friends is trickier. The key is to single out the one person in a hundred who tolerates you when you put away all facades and things you do to get people to like you; "be yourself" as it were. Be yourself as loudly as possible and don't be afraid to drive people away. Those who can stand you when you're at your worst will be your friends for life. It can be useful to formalize the formation of your friendship, just so you're clear about what you're offering and what you want. Be unapologetically and shockingly honest. Say you're lonely, you haven't made a friend in so many years, you don't know how, but it would mean everything to you if you two could be friends. If you're a guy talking to a girl it helps to make clear you're not going to pretend to be her friend so you can eventually get in her pants; a friend is simply more important to you than a lover. (It helps even more if that is actually true.) Then, if you start seeing each other outside of the group, it's going to sound like you're pursuing a romantic relationship anyway. Make time to see your new buddy at least two or three times a week. Call just to ask how they are. Go to the movies, to the park, anything. Make up ~~romantic~~ spontaneous little surprises and games. Surprise snowball/pillow/food fights are great, as long as you don't shoot to wound. Abuse Sir Pinkleton's advice from the other thread and touch their upper arm, maybe just to say "Tag, you're it". If they have some sort of lifestyle problem that you think you can solve by giving advice, don't do that; but if they have some problem that you can help with your hands, like moving house, that's a great opportunity for you to prove your loyalty. Action speaks louder than words, as it were. Be not afraid to put all the time, space, money and emotions you possibly can into this relationship. You're at the bonding stage, and you want the bond to last. And it's not like there's a specific point when you can relax and let the relationship take care of itself; it'll always need feeding and nurturing. Or I dunno, maybe it'll grow slowly and in 20 years it'll pretty much have its own life. But if you've been nice to it it'll still call you and when the two of you grow old it'll be there to help you. Damn, I've got to see my friends now. __________________ Hope insistent, trust implicit, love inherent, life immersed Last edited by Amake; 05-05-2010 at 03:49 AM. Reason: The tiniest typo.

02-12-2010, 04:48 AM	#32
Osterbaum The revolution will be memed! Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: FIN Posts: 5,967	I always find new friends by joining different groups. For example: I have my childhood friends from before elementary until basically high-school. Then I have my high-school friends, my kendo friends, my uni. biology friends, my uni. representative / university politics friends etc. The point being that each "group of friends" originates from a different activity / group. __________________ D is for Dirty Commie!

02-12-2010, 11:52 AM	#34
CelesJessa DA-DA-DA-DAA DAA DAA DA DA-DAAAAAA! Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Zanzibar Land Posts: 6,531	Pretty much what Oster said although I just kind of let it happen. I'm not the type to go hunting for friends. They just happen naturally as you get involved in different classes/jobs/hobbies/etc. Although I'm not in my mid-to-late 20s so I don't know if I count. XD __________________

02-12-2010, 11:41 AM	#33
Funka Genocide Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 4,566	IQ, you're a crazy person. No, just very no. And yes, I've followed that model myself Oster, but it kind of hit a stumbling block when I went from navy to jobs where everyone is at least 10years older than me. At my job right now I think there are 2 or 3 people in their early 30s, and that's the closest to my age group.

02-12-2010, 12:03 PM	#35
Funka Genocide Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 4,566	hardly any of you people are in the actual "look at me I have a career and a mortgage" bracket, ha ha. College is like the undisputed best place to meet interesting people. unfortunately my college days were on the cheap at community and online courses where everyone else in the class was a single mother in her late 30s. Maybe I'll just take up dancing and pretend to be gay.

02-12-2010, 07:31 PM	#40
Lyaer Troopa Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Portland, Oregon, United States Posts: 55	You could try MeetUp or similar to find groups to join with whatever interest. Las Vegas is a big enough city that you should have some variety to choose from within whatever topics you imagine might attract tolerable people. I've met some decent sorts, that way, though my problem is always making time to keep up with group events, so I can't share any long term success stories on that front.