This is me not giving a gosh-god-darn

[Nique]

Originally Posted by Krylo

Course the downside to this world view is that it leads to a lot of personal apathy, but... ehhhhhhhh.

heh. I can't tell you how much this cheered me up.

Last I checked he had a wife. That MIGHT slow down the whole 'sell everything and run away' plan. Assuming he still has one and he likes her. That's what I'm assuming.

If she wasn't going to school this might be less of an issue.

I'm enjoying everyone's expieriences/ advice even if I don't exactly agree with all of it. By way of update: I have shifted from 'freaking out' to 'bored', which may be becuase I am at work on a Sunday.

That does not mean I am not contemplating the whole running away thing. Tiffany (wife) has expressed interest in moving to South Korea. I don't know about that exactly but who knows by the time I'm 30 I could be having crazy adventures while teaching english to a bunch of asian kids.

The thing that bothers me is that I don't think I should be having episodes like this at all, esspecially when things are on a general upswing. Could be that brownie I had before bed, although chocolate usually induces something more like a nightmare.

[Funka Genocide]

I forgot to mention blowjobs.

[Amake]

Originally Posted by Lev

blah blah blah

Ah, the old feelings are chemicals spiel. It's true, as far as it goes, but it's no good to deny feelings are also spiritual things.

Having lived a great deal of my life with undiagnosed Asperger's, I've thought variously that I had no feelings, had great control over my feelings and that feelings were small, meaningless illusions caused by chemicals. It turns out I just didn't have any idea what feelings were. I didn't know what to look for, how to experience or sense feelings occurring in me. I could start crying and from that draw the conclusion I must be sad, without knowing why or how to deal with it. I'm still all figuring that out.

So anyway, I think feelings are awesome. It's fun to feel, try to feel as strongly as possible, explore your feelings, go with them, not be ruled entirely by one's intellect. I feel it's important to warn against reducing the importance of feelings.

This post has been brought to you by the crazy.

[Green Spanner]

Originally Posted by Nique

The thing that bothers me is that I don't think I should be having episodes like this at all, especially when things are on a general upswing.

That's the thing though: there's rarely any reason for it. It just happens, which is why there's not much point getting bent out of shape about it.

[The Sevenshot Kid]

Every now and then I feel myself going a bit crazy when the idea of nothing after death is brought up. That thought scares the hell out of me and I hate feeling like my life is meaningless.

I've decided to try and make a difference in the world. It doesn't matter how small it is as long as I can do something. Its why I've decided to join the army after high school and law enforcement after that. If there is nothingness then I'd like to spend my own life keeping people away from it as long as possible.

[Bob The Mercenary]

Originally Posted by Green Spanner

That's the thing though: there's rarely any reason for it. It just happens, which is why there's not much point getting bent out of shape about it.

Well...

There has to be a point to it. Whichever world view you hold. It's either a Darwinian mechanism or a message.

[Green Spanner]

Originally Posted by Bob the Mercenary

Well...

There has to be a point to it. Whichever world view you hold. It's either a Darwinian mechanism or a message.

Sometimes, not everything has a point. Sometimes things just happen.

[Amake]

The hour is none and night pushes against the windows and reminds me there is darkness behind all things, pushing against life's surfaces and telling us that time is short, time is very fucking short.

So I'm feeling a little deep, what with all the talk of the meaning of life. I'll tell you a secret: Everything is meaningful. Every single thing, every atom, every dream, every sin, every forgotten love letter, every pizza crust, every cloud of cigarette smoke, everyone and everything in the entire history of the universe is alive and glowing with meaning and utterly magical revelatory relevance. If you look close enough.

Pay attention, and the world will pay you back, every flickering moment of every irreplacible day. You don't even have to try to do anything special, or be anyone special. Being is special enough. Like the fortune from a teabag from the orient posted on the inside of the bathroom door of a friend of mine says, "We are spiritual beings having a human experience".

Of course it's not cheap. You have to give yourself, your sense of self, everything you are, to get everything else. You have to sell all your past and all your future to buy the present. You have to care about things to make them meaningful, and there is nothing more dangerous than that.

On the plus side, Nique, that somewhere you wanted to go may not require you to leave your house. You can theoretically travel to the center of the universe through a handful of pocket lint. What does that poem say,

To see a world in a grain of sand
And the universe in a flower
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
And eternity in an hour

That's pointless doggerel if you think about it, self-fulfilling tautology of the cheapest kind. But besides rhyming nicely, it's a starting point. An initiation.

[Green Spanner]

The only meaning we see is that which we choose to interpose on it ourselves after having stared at it for too long.

I feel that we should admire life for what it is. Can't we just admire, say, a sunset without having to glean whatever meaning or purpose it's supposed to fulfil? Can't we just enjoy life without having to fret over the purpose of our existence?

(LOOKIT ME I'M PRETENDING I'M ALL DEEP LIKE)

[Amake]

Sure you can. Sunsets are pretty. It doesn't have to have a deep meaning to be meaningful.

And really, drifting on the surface of life is the only way to bear it most of the time.

If only we were stronger. . .