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Unread 01-07-2011, 11:56 PM   #1
Nique
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WTF Mothers beware, this illness may effect your family
The local news says that football fever is spreading. How can I protect my family from these deadly fevers high enough to induce hallucinations about, I guess, sports? I've heard of 'fantasy football', is that related? Please respond right away I am very concerned for my family's health.
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Last edited by Nique; 01-08-2011 at 01:18 AM.
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Unread 01-08-2011, 12:05 AM   #2
Aldurin
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Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk. Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk. Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk. Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk. Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk. Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk. Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk. Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk. Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk. Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk. Aldurin is the 13th apostle of funk.
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Have whoever is suspected to be infected to think about nothing but Curling for several hours straight. Then their body will violently reject any sports related illness they ever come across.
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Unread 01-08-2011, 04:22 AM   #3
Hatake Kakashi
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Hatake Kakashi single-handedly slew a dragon. Hatake Kakashi single-handedly slew a dragon. Hatake Kakashi single-handedly slew a dragon. Hatake Kakashi single-handedly slew a dragon. Hatake Kakashi single-handedly slew a dragon. Hatake Kakashi single-handedly slew a dragon.
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My entire area's been cured. By the local fucking fox station acting like a bunch of assholes and forcing DirecTV to cease broadcasting their station in a dispute over money. They don't feel they're being paid enough, so to show their displeasure, they're fucking my quarter of the state out of the chance to watch the Super Bowl.
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Unread 01-08-2011, 05:09 AM   #4
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Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare. Fifthfiend has indicated, by your reading this, that they are now President and you have to fart gourmet mustard arugula into your Obamacare.
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Accorded to noted blacksmith, former news journalist, and occasional sci-fi/fantasy writer Terry Pratchett, the best cure is a knife to the face, followed by lemon dragged across the open wound.
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Unread 01-08-2011, 11:51 AM   #5
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Vast amounts of figure skating ought to do it. And if anyone says the words 'triple Salchow' outloud you're cured and inoculated forever
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The only foil I've ever seen to this is in the first Power Rangers movie, where after all of the posing and flipping, they realized, "Oh, snap! They actually ran away on us!" like it wasn't the reasonable thing to do and because it'd never happened before.
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Unread 01-08-2011, 12:18 PM   #6
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What if one likes both Figure Skating and Football?
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Unread 01-08-2011, 12:32 PM   #7
Aldurin
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What if one likes both Figure Skating and Football?
Nonstop Curling until they show signs of innoculation.
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Unread 01-08-2011, 01:08 PM   #8
Flarecobra
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They don't show it here. :P
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Unread 01-08-2011, 03:47 PM   #9
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They don't show it here. :P
Move to Saskatchewan. Curling is currently locked in a life-or-death struggle with football for the title of "Second most popular sport in Saskatchewan."


Thankfully, football fever is hard to get 'round these here parts. First because it's -25 C right now, so fever's are actually kind of handy. Second because the World Juniors just happened, so everyone, myself included, is officially in "Hockey all the time" mode.
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Unread 01-08-2011, 03:49 PM   #10
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Canadians nearly cured it with Hockey, it's like football but its cold so you can exert yourself more without overheating, you can fight, you have blades on your feet, a big stick in your hands, and you shoot hard disk-like objects at high speeds at your enemies, and if they don't step in front of it, you win.

Did I mention the entire field is in a cage match and is frozen solid?
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