Magical Landry Sign-Up Part Deux - The Landrying!

[Teal Mage]

Alright, time for more reviews. I will begin by saying, as much as I would like to put Rhiya and Lillium's submissions into this review, I don't believe I can manage that tonight. I'll tackle them when I'm fresh tomorrow. New characters are more difficult to review than old ones, so it may take me a while to finish me them anyway. Lot of things to weigh, and attempting to do so at 4:45 am after close to 10 hours of reviewing is not wise or fair.

So, in rough chronological order, here's what I have managed.

Relm, I am pleased to see you have been behaving yourself on the pad recently. However, I need to inform you that I have not forgotten your decision to add Gary Marshalls (one of Gemine's NPCs) to Alice Marshall's NPCs - without informing me. This addition will not be permitted. If I allowed it, Alice's backstory would cease to be acceptable. Oh, and while I have your attention? Gary's last name is different from Samuel's. This is balantly something you added on.

Therefore, I am issuing your first and only warning. As GM, any additions to approved character backstories must be run by me first. If I do not approve something, it does not exist. If you somehow slip something past me, this only means I will be very mad when I discover it. I am likely to reject it on principle at this point – and may expel you from the game. Fortunately, taking the fact that this was likely an unthinking mistake on your part into account, I feel a strong warning is sufficient – for the moment.

Step out of line like this again, or cause additional drama on the pad (as you have in the past) and I will expel you.

Now then, let us discuss your character and spells. I will start with a few miscellaneous comments:

First, Samuel Marshall has used magic to extend his life. This makes him a Non-Human. His race should be Ascended Human.

On an entirely different note, Capoeria really isn't Dance-Fighting. It's a kick-heavy Brazilian Martial-Art which uses music in its exercises and drills – but it really is not ‘Dance-Fighting.' I would recommend saying that she fights like a dancer and putting her in the Dance and/or Gymnastics club instead of Capoeria.

Moving onto spells.

Your Sigil concept is confused. Right now, it's classified as Wizardry. For that to work, Alice needs to draw a sigil, then enchant it with a spell-circle. Frankly, the spell circle does all the work and the sigil itself is unnecessary – and a bad idea. A millimeter's difference in the thickness or length of the lines (of the Sigil, I mean) would cause the enchantment to fail. You can either drop the Sigil part of this entirely or make Alice an Old Magic user. Old Magic users need to create physical things, like Sigils, for their magic to work. It fits the concept mildly better. However, it is ultimately your decision. Alice can be a Wizard without Sigils, or an Old Magic User with them. Decide.

That said, I'm able to discuss some specific aspects of your proposed spells. Most will be revisited after you decide if Alice uses Old Magic or Wizardry, but this set has been waiting for review for a while, so.

Inkfingers is excessive for a Wizard and impossible for an Old Magic User (humans can not secrete ink from their fingers). Drop the spell and use a marker instead. You can enchant the marker if you desire, but I think that would be excessive.

Rejuvenation Sigil does too much. Presently, it increases a target's natural regeneration rate, forcibly awakens an unconscious individual, increases their physical energy regeneration-rate and strengthens their resistance to mundane desires. These are different effects. Select one.

Knowledge Sigil can only be applied to a single object at a time. The enchanted object glows, though only the sensitive will notice this without actively searching for it.

Null Star Sigil will not be Grade 2. It can either reduce the Power rating of everyone within its area of influence (to cause large spells to hurt them too) or dampen all external magical effects within its area of influence. Alice is not immune to its effects. The specifics of how to set this spell up will vary heavily depending on her discipline, but I may entertain allowing this to be a Compound Spell, for viability reasons. That will be discussed later.

Keep The Rhythm is too adaptable. Rejected. A mode-shift for grace or fluidity, or a Flash Action for specific actions may be more suitable.

Skeletal Flux this ability does two things. It may either reinforce Alice's condition to that of a 'fit' individual, or she may use it to consume Will in order to keep going after her body should not be able to. If you're wondering, the latter option would not allow her to continue after being mortally wounded for long – the Will drain would be massive.

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Red Mage Black, two points. First, are you changing your backstory or not? You need to tell me if Nasir still (essentially) walked from the Middle East to Amaranth for two years, or took a plane and got there a lot faster.

This will affect my review of his powers.

Originally Posted by Red Mage Black

Yeah, while he was growing up, it was more priestly training and knowledge of the other Gods which made up their tribe.

Second point, his life seems to begin immediately after getting the Brand right now. There is some indication of abilities that don't relate to it (Deny Change and Whispers on the Wind), but you haven't talked about what Nasir was being trained to be before the Brand took him. Priests can do a lot of things! His family was dedicated to the Wind God, so perhaps he was being trained to work with the weather? Maybe a healer? He could also be a craftsman, or perhaps he was being groomed to take a seat on the Council of Priests? Alternatively, maybe he was more of a Squad Mage – a Priest trained to assist warriors. He could also have been a Warrior Priest!

You should also consider what hobbies Nasir may have had.

So, would you please tell me a bit about all that? Combinations of those backgrounds also work. Regardless, whatever he was training for should be reflected in his current spell set, journey or no.

I actually have some reviews of his spell set written up, but since all of them feature a comment about how 'his background and training may affect whether or not this is appropriate,' I think it would be premature to discuss them until you clarify these points. Please do.

Also put up a fully updated bio. Everything you've done is piecemeal to date.

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Originally Posted by Inbred Chocobo

I decided to go with instead multiple instructors that each teach him things something he needs, and his fandom of Secret Agent movies also plays into how he developed. I'm drawing a blank right now for any particular stand out instructors, but I can probably make some if you really need a couple. Also had martial arts training, so now he is in MMA.

Inbred, one teacher or five isn't the issue here. The part that bothers me about your bio is that the logic which underlies a key decision (his parents deciding to give him 'Secret Agent training' to keep him busy) is quite flimsy at the moment. Why not just send him to boarding school? Or put locks on the weapon-room door? Hire a Nanny?

As it stands, his parents have set-up an elaborate (and expensive) charade for…what purpose? Are his instructors supposed to be private tutors? I suppose it's logical enough that his parents want his education to be the best money can buy. But, the stuff you highlighted him learning doesn't make a lot of sense for someone who, presumably, will inherit a company. The parts that sound particularly out-of-left-field are the comments about him getting gun training, learning about royalty and (for no apparent reason!) getting an illegal hand-gun at the age of sixteen.

In short, clarify whether these lessons are home-schooling or he's also being sent to a normal/private school. Additionally, explain why his parents are springing for 'special' lessons in the first place. Oh, and cut the parts about guns and royals from his special training, please. He's getting enough handed to him on a silver platter (also there's really no reason to learn about royals in this day and age) without adding that stuff.

If you want him to have a gun-hobby, have him start going (of his own volition) to the local gun-club when it would be legal. I don't have an issue with him being taken under some War Veteran (or that James Walker guy's) wing by chance, while practicing his marksmanship. This also makes getting a handgun for a present logical - he'd need to be a serious gun-hobbyist to justify that.

Regarding the Desert Eagle specifically. I don't know if this weapon is outright illegal in the United States or just illegal for a sixteen year-old to have. Frankly, I don't care. What I do need to state is that, if the Desert Eagle is supposed to have some kind of special feature (say, reduced recoil, or armor piercing shots or a special lens) you need to tell me so. This may take up a spell slot. If you do not, it will be treated as any other gun in this setting. Also, you'll be limited to a set number of bullets – probably one full round normally (seven, I believe, is the number listed for his specific model). Spare rounds are permissible if your character is prepared for a confrontation, but please note that loading isn't a free action.

Spells can be discussed later.

Oh, and I haven't seen you on the pad for a while. Are you sure you have time/are committed to this game? Right now, spotty attendance isn't going to kill you, but once the game begins you need to keep up with the thread, post consistently (and meaningfully) or this isn't going to work.

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Originally Posted by Aldurin

Shatter Strike, _ Elemental:
Naomi charges up a projectile of raw force and fires it at the target. If the target is designated before firing, then the projectile will attempt to home in on it to increase the chance of actually hitting. Grade 2.

As a reminder, this spell has a charge up (gonna say a post-length's, but it'll probably be quicker in practice), but only a Moderate Will drain. Blue Elemental, since I don't see an incantation as necessary.

Originally Posted by Aldurin

Electronic Override, Green/Blue Elemental:
Naomi has learned to be able to use magic to turn on/off simple electronic devices without needing access to the key/lever/switch. Requires physical contact with the device in question.

Incantation is either required or optional. Blue (non-incanted, requires focus) or Green (incanted), pick one. Ability itself may actually command Electricity Spirits, mechanically, by the way.

Originally Posted by Aldurin

Dermal Steel, Yellow Elemental:
Naomi uses magic to summon an invisible layer of energy over herself that reduces the force of attacks against her.

A third battle-spell for a normal-girl with a healing focus? Reduce Shatter Strike's Grade, drop Strength Surge and make this spell into a skin-hardening/damage cushioning ability (see Red Mage Black's review above) instead of an invisible shield, and you might get away with it. As it stands though, it doesn't fit.

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Originally Posted by DanteFalcon

Few more edits in his backstory, trying to make the difference between "Charismatic" and "Nice" more clear. Changed Publicity club to Veterinary Club.

Also Ophiuchus is...just the most logical choice for him. Its been debated as the thirteenth zodiac for quite a long time so it would be the easiest to potentially bring into Astrology.

Alright Dante, I haven't much else to say. Possibly check to see if any one on the pad wants to have Ben as a roommate? Oh, No Time to Write only activates while he's under stress, if I haven't said so before.

Regarding your remaining prospective spell-slots. Tell me which of his four clubs Ben would focus on most and I'll suggest a few things. I should note that the Veterinary club requires you to raise a pet while you're in it, so he probably got a snake from them. Additionally, Writing club requires you to write a blog, if either of these details help.

Ah, actually. He's probably picked this trick up from Meditation.

Calm Down – Black Elemental.
Crazy mysticism or not, the Meditation club's breathing exercises work wonders. By focusing on a particular breathing pattern and willing himself to calm down, Ben is able to invoke a supernatural sense of calm on himself. This technique actually triggers a Mode-Shift, which remains active until the user stops the breathing pattern. Celestial Intuition still activates in combination with this ability.

I suppose a different breathing technique could be appropriate, but this seemed simple and useful, so I thought I'd offer it.

Right, that'll be it for me. Like I said, Rhiya and Lillium will be reviewed tomorrow. I may end up editing this post to add them in – will send PMs to notify you when I put something up, so don't worry about missing it.

Edit: Aw damnit, I forgot to answer _phil's question. Sorry. I'll get to it tomorrow.