"So I'm Seeing A Psychiatrist" or "I'm Scared"

[Seil]

So on the fifteenth, I'm seeing a psychiatrist for the first time, a CAMH doctor that my family doctor referred me to. I've been struggling with a few issues for a while and I think it's long past the time where I should see someone.

As terrible as it sounds, I want something to be wrong with me.

If something is wrong, it means that it can be fixed. If there's no problem, and this is my normal, then that's worrying. I won't pretend that I haven't been reading about different afflictions and ticking off a mental checklist as I go down the symptoms lists, but recently a friend shared this list of challenges faced by those with autism, and I nearly burst into tears because of how closely I identify with them.

I've been on anti-depressants for a few months, and while I know there's no reason to worry before I actually talk to the doctor, but I can't help but worry. At the risk of sounding insensitive, I would struggle with some diagnoses - maybe the stigma of developmental disabilities versus psychological ones, but I am worried.

Nikose has been a dear and recommended help. Alcohol and marijuana, while not reacting well with my current medication (Trintellix) also help. (As much as alcohol and drugs help mental problems, I know.)

My second worry is that I know that psychiatrists don't cure things, they just provide you with the tools you need to work through it. I'm just worried about fighting a lifelong battle armed with expensive medication.

[mauve]

It's ok to be scared, and it's ok to want a diagnosis so you can start on the path of management and recovery. And you know, even if you don't get a firm diagnosis one way or the other, you can still get help for the problems you're dealing with. It sounds like whatever you're going through is bothering you to a point where it's affecting your life, which is exactly what mental health professionals are trained to help with. So regardless of whether you get a firm yes or no in terms of being on the autism spectrum or anything else, I hope this person will be able to help you!



I know how you feel about wanting some kind of diagnosis, though. I started therapy last month and part of me was hoping for a label, because then I would feel less like a failure, or less like a weak and lazy shit, if I knew there was actually a medical reason for me to act or think the way I do. Sort of like a verification for my feelings, I guess. I worried that maybe there wasn't really anything wrong with me; maybe I'm just too sensitive or too much of a sheltered little whiner. I've only had one session so far, and seeing as I'm talking to a licensed social worker and not a psychologist, I'm not likely to get a diagnosis any time soon. But the nice thing I've found is that she listens and validates my feelings. I've only seen her once, so at this point I can't even say if I'll stick with her or look for a different therapist, but it was honestly nice just to be able to talk about what's going on to someone who seems to understand my thought process and not treat me like a sample under a microscope. I dunno, I'm rambling now. But I hope you find answers you're looking for.

[Seil]

Yeah.

As much as it's trashed, the internet and social media have also been a big help in discovering that you're not alone and erasing stigma, and as someone who's isolated themselves as much as I have, finding information that's not someone telling me to just "man up and deal with it" is golden.





---------- Post added at 01:49 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:50 AM ----------

maybe I'm just too sensitive or too much of a sheltered little whiner

Read an article, this isn't it, where a psychiatrist was talking about how most of their patients had mentioned that there were many people worse off than them. Their patients criticized themselves because others were worse off. There are refugees coming in from Syria, there are staving children in Africa, there's hurt all over. The point of the article was to articulate that what's happening to you is important, and your health shouldn't be constrained by what others are suffering. You are important.

Will try to find article. Hrm.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

I needed to read this as a couple of weekends ago I had a major meltdown. They are not fun and prompted me to go to a councillor to see them again.

[Seil]

If I'm not back by this time tomorrow, it was nice knowing you all.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

Originally Posted by Seil

If I'm not back by this time tomorrow, it was nice knowing you all.

Don't say stuff like that >=(

[Seil]

So it's suspected generalized anxiety disorder, and I'm going to stay on the anti depressants and start behavioral cognitive therapy.

Hrm.

[pochercoaster]

Hey Seil,

It's great that you are starting treatment/therapy. Speaking from my own experience with depression/anxiety, seeing a professional is probably the best thing you can do when dealing with issues of mental health.

As terrible as it sounds, I want something to be wrong with me.

There's nothing wrong with wanting a diagnosis. If you had some more obviously physical ailment- like, I dunno, a weird skin problem or chronic pain- you would want a diagnosis, because it's a problem that's making your life harder and it deserves treatment.

The same is true when it comes to mental health. We are just deceived into believing that it's not the same kind of health problem as "physical" ailments. But mental health is profoundly important. It can impact you just as much as a disease or chronic pain. So it's great that you're taking steps to treat it.

[Daimo Mac, The Blue Light of Hope]

I am glad you are seeing help Seil. There is no shame in wanting to be better. God knows I do not want to go see the psychologist tomorrow morning, but I have to

[mauve]

I'm glad you went, Seil.