Crap TV

[Satan's Onion]

Originally Posted by POS Industries

Frankly, all the CSI shows are all the same, aside from the sets. Basically, it follows the formula of main character who is at least intended to be awesome with a back-up squad of folks who really aren't terribly dissimilar from one another (and when one does try to stand out, oh god, the horrible acting that ensues!) and then some dumbass mystery that makes Scooby Doo look like Sherlock Holmes.

The resulting plot usually does everything it can to lead you in one obvious direction before trying some half-assed plot twist that would make M. Night Shyamalan cringe at the very end. Then they roll credits before the audience has time to go, "Hey, wait, that couldn't have worked at all!"

My point is Jerry Bruckheimer can go to hell.

Ah, yes, CSI:Whereeverthefuck. Did you also notice how the CSI team handles absolutely every part of the investigation, right down to interrogating and arresting the perps? Like they never, ever do in real life, 'cos that's a job for actual cops?

Also, their main character -- I think his name's Horatio. I dunno what his last name is, but I'm guessing it's Deusexmachina, because he's never, ever, ever at a loss to explain something, and if he is, it's 'cos he's missing the one piece of evidence that ties everything together and that he finds in the last five minutes or so of the episode, not because -- God forbid! -- he just doesn't know some things, like the rest of us mortals. Even when it's something the odds of which happening are inconceivably high (hurricane flinging a bullet into someone, remember?), or something that only ever happened once before in human history to a pig farmer in Bulgaria in 1679, he knows it; and lucky us that he's willing to bestow this knowledge on us wretched ignorants. Oh yeah, and his utter lack of believeable emotions is a scream. Really. After viewing dozens of grisly murders, he just gets more stoic and badass 'n' shit, with an even bigger hard-on for Justice than ever before -- except, of course, when his heartstrings are being tugged (in a stoic and badass way, natch) by a particularly affecting case. I, personally, am waiting for the episode where he snaps and guns down the entire CSI team before offing himself.

See, my tastes run more toward Law and Order and its many offshoots for my crime drama fix. It's also unrealistic, but in ways that I find much more palatable. (It's a damn shame Jerry Orbach died.)

Originally Posted by POS Industries

See, here's a show where, if I started writing it right now, I would have them all have them barred from practicing medicine for the past couple years worth of constant malpractice every single one of those idiots has performed on the show and then have them spend the next 10 years battling lawsuits until they were all out on the street living on a diet composed entirely of half-dead rats and meth amphetamine, because that's what would happen to them in real life.

This is a show where you need to give up and call it a day when the book was more entertaining.

You know, at least when Dr. House commits malpractice, he does it deliberately, on account of he's a genius and a sonuvabitch and all. I like Dr. House. I even liked him back when he was just good 'ol Bertie Wooster.

And now for my own Crap TV selection: Sex and the City. Of course, maybe it's just a matter of taste, but I find that shows that revolve just about entirely around shoes-n-clothes-n-acessories-n-hair and boyfriends' penises tee hee! instill in me the urge to hit someone. Look, I understand that humans are social animals and feel a need to feel/look attractive, but these are women doing to themselves what I bet they used to do to their Barbie dolls, then calling their dress-up game 'adult' and 'sophisticated' 'cos while they're doing it they're smoking and drinking and having lots and lots of sex and using the f-word like the total grown-ups they are.

Or maybe I just see things this way 'cos I'm fat and ugly and therefore must be totally jealous of how totally hip and grown up that show totally is. But I'd be willing to bet it's more 'cos it's fucking stupid.

[J-Watt]

Originally Posted by Meister
As far as I'm concerned this thread's title is a tautology.

First, I'd like to say that I thoroughly enjoyed Meister's quip (after looking up the definition for "tautology").

Secondly, I have to suggest that we place entire channels and networks into this thread.

I'll start with MTV because, for heaven's sake, that channel has done nothing but bring about the creation fungible musicians such as <insert band played on the radio here> and <insert skank who can't even so much as sing, yet still manages to win grammies here>.

Modern music has lost its edge, and artists who even attempt to push at standardized musical boundaries are pushed into the underground, which has itself already begun to sell its small record labels to large companies such as Virgin Records.

Screw you, MTV. Way to undercut decades of musical revolution for some quick cash, you fuckers.

[bananarama]

Whatever the hell is the name of the show with Carlos Mencia since the guy is retarded asshat with shitty jokes.

[Bells]

Just for thr Sake of CSI, Grissom was a great team leader, but they should stopped there... because horatio "i twist my neck like a owl" caine and the other who failled (CSI: NY) simply do suck...

Grissom at least was a nerd (Almost "Gordon Freeman" level of nerd...), so its a good change from the common hero on Cop shows...

Also... never spek the unholy name of G4, i see it on Youtube and it anger me! The dumb chick and the jackass with the white hair just shouldnt be allowed near cameras...

[42PETUNIAS]

Xplays pretty bad, but what really pisses me off on g4 is shows like cheat with people who obviously dont play video games.

[Roy_D_Mylote]

Originally Posted by Bellsouth Minion

I would like to declare that Smallville sucks...

While Lionel Luthor is more interesting than pretty much everyone else, Lex has Mental Conditions a few "well-placed" memory losses and a dumb atitude, Jor-El is a Dick, Clark is a semi-asshole, Jonathan Kent is dead (WTF?!), There are way too many especial guests (Funny enough, no female superhero yet), Lois sucks, lana REALLY sucks and Chloe is the "Filler Girl", and the Small town of Smallville is more advanced than many cities...

Nice

I'd like to be fair to Smallville here. In the first few seasons, it didn't suck. Chloe and Lana and Pete were interesting characters, and Lex was awesome. The guy who plays Clark can't act. (The weird thing is, in his film appearances he does fine. It's the show that he sucks in.) Jor-El has ALWAYS been kind of a dick, Lionel Luthor is awesome, although that's one of your complaints, and there's going to be female superheroes coming up soon, I believe.

Chloe is really Smallville's Lois. Seriously. One of the head guys of the show said that Chloe was pretty much Lois. Lois is just there to appease the fans who don't want Clark to get with someone out of continuity.

And I've been finding Lana more and more interesting as the show grows.

But yes, Lex's mental issues bite. And how cheap was it that they beat Zod in one freakin' episode?

[Kroze Gamegod]

Crap TV = Most of Adult Swim excluding Venture Bros.
Nuff said!

[WillyFourEyes]

Originally Posted by bananarama

Whatever the hell is the name of the show with Carlos Mencia since the guy is retarded asshat with shitty jokes.

Seconded. I stopped watching after the first season for two reasons:

1. It's simply a more offensive version of Chapelle's Show (which at its prime was the funniest thing on TV), and
2. ...someone revealed that Mencia took some of his "best" "jokes" (notice the two sets of double quotation marks) from other, better comedians.

Also, G4 has become the MTV of video game networks in a few short years. It's hard for me to watch anything on that network without having to sit through shows that have already been syndicated elsewhere (seriously, you guys...COPS??!!)

[Bells]

Is it safe to say that "The L Word" sucks?

Just because its a show about troubled hot lesbian girls does it HAVE to have more sex and kiss scenes then a porn movie usualy does?!

[Azisien]

Originally Posted by Bellsouth Minion

Is it safe to say that "The L Word" sucks?

Just because its a show about troubled hot lesbian girls does it HAVE to have more sex and kiss scenes then a porn movie usualy does?!

Actually, yeah, I think it does have to.