The Subspoiler Emissary: A SUPER SMASH BROS. BRAWL THREAD

[Mirai Gen]

Tim Rogers really needs to start out all reviews for all his game with "I hate not-RPGs" because it would be easier to understand instead of this long-winded "I hate Things that are Not RPGs". For example:

Going back to play Smash Bros. was kind of exasperating and floaty after that. All of the little weird things started popping out — like, the core mechanic of the game is that every time you hit someone their meter goes up, right? If it’s higher than 100%, then they’ll fly off the edge of the stage when hit with a strong attack. As they’re flying off, they can use a lovingly fetishistic mid-air jump plus a crispily implemented upward-thrusting special attack to grab on to the edge of the stage and get back in the game. This works really well, on the stages comprised of floating islands. The game goes ahead and vomits on its own gimmick’s shoes, though, with the multiple stages wherein the “edge” is just an edge of the screen. All it takes to die on these stages is to be knocked off, and out of sight. All of the friends I’ve played this game with have just shrugged and said “That’s how it was in some of the stages of Super Smash Bros. Melee, dude!” Oh? I suppose, in Nintendo’s case, that makes it alright to just do over and over again. Oh, well. Sometimes, though, you’ll be playing the game, and I swear that your damage meter will be at less than 80%, and some bastard like Ice Climber Kid will come up and whomp you with a hammer and you’ll just fly out into the background and “die”. What the hell is up with that? After a certain amount of single-player practice, I was getting to like the regular rules — try to get someone to fall off the edge, line up a brilliant smash attack to hit them just after they do their save move and before they touch the ground (so as to leave them helplessly flying, since they can only do the save once per flight). And then I start playing against people, and I’m on an FPS-worthy Killing Spree, and I’m barely getting touched, and then the game just throws me off into the distance after a random hit. What the hell is up with that? It’s like the inverse of Mario Party, where any player without any stars at the end of the game gets a star for achieving the worthwhile task of not getting any stars. It’s tacky and weird, and in a “hardcore” action game like this, it feels vaguely like Snickers suddenly announcing that their wrappers have always been edible — and delicious!

He acts like the properties of the game are so blindingly random that things just happen and he has no control over it! It's like he's spent so much time playing RPGs, when numbers don't pop out of his characters he simply can't understand what happens.

Here's my favorite line;

Would this game be worth any time at all with characters I didn’t recognize? Is this game just another Mario Golf, pulling Mario-addicted gamers to a completely different genre?

Does it really matter?

[Meister]

Originally Posted by Mirai Gen

He acts like the properties of the game are so blindingly random that things just happen and he has no control over it!

To be fair, that's absolutely how I experience Smash Bros. But it's still fun.

[phil_]

Concerning the review, my eyes just kinda glazed over when he started talking about the crap he took while playing it. In a way, it brings me back to the earlier days of my childhood, when video game reviewers put humor before serious reviewing. However, it also takes me back to the letters sections of those magazines, filled with pathetic attempts by nine-year-olds to emulate the humor in the magazine.

This review, in my opinion, belongs next to little Rodney's review of NBA Jam where Rodney makes jokes about how big the players heads are.

Oh, and let me add how he tries to make things like:

Originally Posted by Tim?

...stuffing it full of more playable characters, more collectible items, more gameplay modes, and more Kingdom Hearts-influenced scenario...

...giant Castlevania-like “exploration” maze...

sound like a bad thing. The hell? Man, he's almost got me nerd-raging.

And then, at the very end, he says he's been playing it for several hours a day and hasn't gotten bored with it? That's what a good game is!

In summary, the guy wrote a bad review for Brawl to get his site some hits. Oh boy, isn't he a super special internet super-star with such an original idea? Man, now I'm embarrassed to have even commented. I'm embarrassed to have gone back and read the rest after my first attempt.

[Regulus Tera]

...he does have a point with the Kingdom Hearts parallel, you gotta admit.

Originally Posted by phil_

In summary, the guy wrote a bad review for Brawl to get his site some hits. Oh boy, isn't he a super special internet super-star with such an original idea? Man, now I'm embarrassed to have even commented. I'm embarrassed to have gone back and read the rest after my first attempt.

And we wouldn't like him in any other way.

[Moynahand]

Earlier in the thread, when the 100 Kirbies picture was posted, someone said they wanted a Red Mage Kirby.

Well, it's not the best quality, but here:

[Arhra]

Meh, some internet blowhard doesn't like Brawl.

That review was terrible. It took him long enough rambling about some crap before actually getting into the game and then started going on and on and on about how he doesn't like the single player mode when he already said the multiplayer was the important part.

I couldn't be bothered to finish it.

Now to give my post some actual relevance, that new Flying Slam move of Bowser's certainly looks intriguing, especially how both players can influence it. I always loved using the Koopa Klaw in Melee, so I hope it'll be fun to play around with.

[01d55]

I note that Sakurai specifically states that the Flying slam can deliver a win if the mutual KO occurs on the last stock - has anyone tested this? I'm suspicious because you would think that it would work the same as Ganondorf's forward b spike, which also holds the victim below, but forces sudden death on the last stock.

[Loyal]

It's a Sudden Death. Note that Bowser was definately on top with the last one.

Still seems pretty overpowered all things considered though.

[Demonlink2]

RT, the ONLY point I grant this man is the KH2 Parallel, mostly because I noticed that too.

"OH HEY ENEMIES APPEAR FROM DARKNESS TO CONSUME AND KILL YOUR MAIN CHARACTER"

"DARKNESS"

*Bad KH/KH2 Memories go here*

---------------------------

So anyways, I gotta ask: Why is it that the underappreciative assholes get games before people who might, y'know, enjoy the game within its own genre?

[Regulus Tera]

Originally Posted by Demonlink2

RT, the ONLY point I grant this man is the KH2 Parallel, mostly because I noticed that too.

"OH HEY ENEMIES APPEAR FROM DARKNESS TO CONSUME AND KILL YOUR MAIN CHARACTER"

"DARKNESS"

*Bad KH/KH2 Memories go here*

Really? I see crappy story whose pretentiousness involving darkness is to make it seem more mature while not disguising at all the fact that the whole story is a bunch of fanwankery directed to touch the fans heartstrings without any sort of literary reward.

To be fair, Kingdom Hearts II did it worse than what I spoiled myself of the Subspace Emissary (meaning the fucking ending).

Originally Posted by Demonlink2

So anyways, I gotta ask: Why is it that the underappreciative assholes get games before people who might, y'know, enjoy the game within its own genre.

The guy lives in Japan and is one of the few game reviewers who rate the medium based on its artistic value rather than whether your money was worth it or not. He just dropped the ball with this one and Galaxy.