Let's Play - Golden Sun

[Thadius]

Chapter two - Lasers! Traps! Rapists!



It's not MY fault the roof is broken, mom! And I only just learned my cool powers yesterday! You know I get a headache when I use them!



Razzenfrazzen...

Suddenly, something else catches my attention. I listen in on Beef and OMNOM talking, but this is all I can hear.



"Beefdoken! No, wait..."



"You really should take up something simpler. Like embroidery."



"BEEFDOKEN! There, maybe that was enough yelling..."



This is why Beef is awesome. He can use Move, an Earth spell, and he's Fire-aligned.



"I mean, gawd. Couldn't you have picked up something more your nature, like Fireball or something?"



In all honesty, no, I am not.



I'm stuck doing this bloody roof.



"Now I don't have to call the carpenters and spend your allowance fixing the roof. Now I can spend it on booze."



Great, can I leave?



Yaaaaaaay.



...They're doing a bit more than playing...Don't worry, Beef, I'll explain later...



Wait...I know that voice.



IT IS! It's those jerks again!



"I mean, honestly, it's getting boring with just you, I think a third person would liven up the Jerkitude."



That could be taken SO many ways...



At this point in time they detect a disturbance in the Force and rush over to see...



Uh, not listening to you?



I ask myself that question more times than I should, really.



Naw, but you do need to take classes in how to whisper. Y'know, be considerate of those that don't have any weed.



...Wait, engagement? I...I'm not sure...Is anyone here meant to marry Kraden?



Oh! OH! I really should think a bit more. Or carry a thesaurus around with me.



Um...Obviously. Otherwise you'd still be talking with him, and not me.



"...I guess we'll just have to kill you."



Wait...You're NOT being dicks about this?



"This is totally gonna wreck our Jerkitude."



That's...That's downright nice of them.



Yeah, I'm with you there, Beef. Let's go before the world takes this as a sign of the Apocalypse.



They're watching me...They're nice, but creepy.



Kraden has an attack of Old here that manifests as him talking to himself.



We walk up and pester him to snap him out of it.



"Just KFC's Secret Recipe."



Pfft. Thieves in the sanctum. When was the last time that-

Oh. Right. Three years ago.



Damn right, Beef! We'd hate to have someone else's parents harmed!



"I have to use the bathroom!"



"Mostly it was about a giant spaghetti monster..."



"Besides the obvious."



Ayep. That's what starts this whole mess.



...Actually, why don't we pay someone else to do it for us? I mean, that way-



Oh. Okay, so it wouldn't matter either way.



I'd have to say that features prominently, yes.



"We'll look for the 'JERKS WERE HERE' graffiti."



Actually, I'd rather not go at all...



...Oh god, Beef's turned into a rapist. I'm gonna have to keep a close eye on him.



OMNOM's in on it...I...I don't want to go! Stop conspiring against me!



NO IT'S NOT.



Oh, sure, heap the blame on ME.



Just making a point.



Suddenly Kraden darts into his house to grab...are those metallic condoms?

I hope not...they'd really hurt.



"This way nobody will contract any diseases!"



The Expedition of Fail has begun.



Failure #1: We were seen going up the mountain.



Failure #2: The guard is a moron.



Okay, the entrance is freaking awesome. I give it points for that.



Yup, but it's okay, I'm prepared to lead this expedition to the very end!



Meh. It's not like the place is gonna blow up or anything.



Hmm. A jumping puzzle...



Easily cleared.



Okay, the hallway is cool-looking.



And another one.



We'll check out what's on the end of path #3 first.



Hah. These bats...



Are easily fried thanks to OMNOM. She's good at taking these guys out.



Huh. Odd-looking statue. Probably plot-important. Let's take path #1 this time.



...Why would they build a path that leads nowhere? Okay, path number two.



I instantly raid the chest and find a small emerald. I know where this goes!



Ka-click. Gimme my prize.



An earthquake is not a prize!



Woohoo!

GET EQUIPPED
-with-
QUAKE



Oh hey, path number one is open now. Wonder where it goes.



"Oh, I'm just about to have a heart attack."



Then wouldn't it be, y'know, hidden?



"I mean, honestly, white and purple? What were they thinking? I would have done it in greens and blues."



"Oh, I don't know, the secret stash from the people who built this place."



These stones indicate something they contain is moveable. I move the pillar and find a stairway up...



And instantly I'm a rat in a maze.



Fortunately my jewel-detection sense isn't acting up. Now, what about my exit-detecting sense?



Huh. More pillars.



Oh goddammit, I'm gonna get a headache if I try to Move- wait a minute.



I start on the left end and have Beef Move the statue. We find another plot-statue, and he gets his eyeball back...



...A small earthquake later, and we find this door has opened. Once again, thanks to Beef, the statue Moves.



We also find ghosts, but no Ghostbusters.



Is...is this all there is for a stash? Damn. Well, let's check out what was down that other path...



So, what, is our quest at an end?



Yes, we're done here!



"Oh, it's just my bowels acting up. Cover your noses!"



Yes, so we're done here, ri-



...Is there more you want to see? The liver of Sol Sanctum? The appendix?



"...have come this far and not meddled. That's what us old folk do, you know."



If only to get away from the smell, yes.



I know, the fumes will knock us out any second now...



Huh. Nice Aurora Borealis effect.



...Lemme think about tha- DURRRRR.



Hey! A chance to get away from Oldy McGeezer! I'll take it!



Upstairs I find a room with a moon and a view. So, what, are we at the top now?



This one, unsurprisingly, has a sun in it. But what's that up there?



OH MY GOD. GIANT PIE. I MUST HAVE IT.



I have Beef Move the pie closer, but I still can't grab it. Figuring it must have something to do with the other statues in the room, I begin pushing them into their clearly-marked positions.



Um. That doesn't look conducive to the act of pie-grabbing.



Aww. Now I'll never get my pie.



"Am I hearing voices again? I really need to stop getting old. Well, older."



"Or I could be hallucinating."



Thanks, now let me get back to it.



...MT. ALEPH! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

...I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

Clearly that is the only reason this room has so many spotlights.



Huh. Who'da thunk it?



...It was at this point I was tempted to stab the old man.



Oh, besides the giant laser?



DON'T STARE DIRECTLY INTO THE BEAM!

Next time on Let's Play Golden Sun - We get pursued by an angry mob! We find a pet! And the dead walk among us!