To Our Valued Customers

[Mannix]

Luckily I've never worked customer-side in a retail establishment, though I saw some of the stuff the waiters and waitresses had to deal with while I was a dish washer.

One dude was trying to dicker down the price of his steak by saying he hadn't asked for the seasoning we cooked steaks with so he shouldn't have to pay for the less than one cent worth of salt.

Another dude walked up behind one of the waitresses while she was punching an order into the computer and started rubbing her back, then walked away.

One of my favorite waiters (for many reasons) had seated a young family at one of his tables and they were taking more than 30 minutes to figure out what they wanted to order. The last time he went to figure out if they were ready to order he said what was on his mind ("You guys have your shit together yet?") This guy also regularly turned the clock ahead 15 minutes just before closing time so he could turn away the assholes that would show up at the last minute and make everybody stay late. Oh, another rule to add to the mix: Don't go into a dining establishment if it's anything less than 30 minutes to closing time; so for example if closing time is 11:00, don't go in after 10:30.

[Fenris]

Dear Retarded Old Lady:

When a coupon says "10 for $1 on selected varieties," "selected varieties" does not mean "all varieties." In fact, that is the opposite of what it means.

Hugs and Lollipops,
Fenris

[bluestarultor]

Having worked deli, I have a few additions.

1. If the hot case is being taken down for the night, you have no right to complain that the food doesn't look fresh. It's not. That's why it's being taken down and thrown away. You are also not entitled to a discount because the food is not fresh. You're not even entitled to the food, especially after it's already been weighed up for inventory purposes. If the worker is nice enough to redo the books for you, do not bite the hand that is literally feeding you.

2. If the storefront does not say Wal-Mart on it, you are not at Wal-Mart. That means that the prices are probably going to be different. If you don't like them, go to Wal-Mart instead of coming in every week, asking about the prices, complaining Wal-Mart's are better, and leaving without buying anything, thereby wasting the workers' time.

3. Be advised that the deli is also not a get-rich-quick scheme. If you DO decide to go to Wal-Mart, do not try to return the goods to another store. Buying five pounds of potato salad and then trying to return it elsewhere to make a quick buck is not going to work because most stores will want to see a receipt. Arguing with the girl at the front desk is not going to help. It also helps to make sure you actually have a brand the store carries when one of the deli workers gets called over.

[Azisien]

Quotes of the night:

1)
Customer: "Hey, do you guys give change?"
Me: "Banks give change."

2)
Customer (kid): "I'd like to trade in these games."
Me: "Are you 18?" (legal requirement)
Customer: "No....but....last time I came the...the guy let me trade in."
Me: "Cool story bro, you're not trading with me unless you're 18."

3)
Customer: "What's the trade-in value of Halo 3?"
Me: *checks* "$5 in store credit."
Customer: "What?! Why so low? It's Halo 3!"
Me: "Halo is old news, BRO."
Customer: ...

4)
Customer (phone call): "Hi, I was wondering if you have any used Fifa Soccer 10 for the PS3?"
Me: *checks* "Nope, we have no used or new Fifa Soccer 10 for any systems."
Customer: "Oh...do you have any new copies?"
Me: "No."
Customer: "So you don't have any copies at all?"
Me (inside head: mixture of hang up urges and death threats): "No."

[Wigmund]

Linking Fifth's thread about the Greatest Flight Attendant Ever because that's how everyone being shit on by customers should deal with the assholes.