This barista is so beautiful it's not even funny. How can I win her heart?!? - Page 6

Professor Smarmiarty · 07-01-2010, 04:55 PM

Wait I've got a better idea- she is clearly a slave to corporate overlords explain to her that only by the form of blissful union can you overcome the patriacal bonds that hold her in her enforced serfdom and together your rebellion shall smash her chains.

Aldurin · 07-01-2010, 04:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smarty McBarrelpants

Wait I've got a better idea- she is clearly a slave to corporate overlords explain to her that only by the form of blissful union can you overcome the patriacal bonds that hold her in her enforced serfdom and together your rebellion shall smash her chains.

That only works if she's the correct political affilitation.

Amake · 07-01-2010, 05:07 PM

1000 to one she's poor enough to be the correct political affilation. And if she's not, would you really want to get it on with her? :p

Anyway I forgot if this has been mentioned in the thread, but the most reasonable thing to do would probably be giving an average tip and then asking when she gets off.* If she's up for shenanigans, it'll be better for everyone to wait until she's free from work and you can speak as equals. And if she's not, you'll probably know that from her reaction to the question.

*Smile gently and hopefully when you say this, maintain eye contact and try not to make it sound like innuendo.

Aldurin · 07-01-2010, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Invisible Queen

Anyway I forgot if this has been mentioned in the thread, but the most reasonable thing to do would probably be giving an average tip and then asking when she gets off.* If she's up for shenanigans, it'll be better for everyone to wait until she's free from work and you can speak as equals. And if she's not, you'll probably know that from her reaction to the question.

*Smile gently and hopefully when you say this, maintain eye contact and try not to make it sound like innuendo.

Quote:

Originally Posted by EvilEarl

4: Tip big so that she remembers you, and when you do it smile, look her in the eyes in a nice way and say "Have a good day." This shows that you care about her and her financial situation (and she'll be intrigued by the idea of a generous law student, as what they mature into is stereotyped as greedy and inhuman).

You don't treat beautiful women cheaply.

Professor Smarmiarty · 07-01-2010, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EvilEarl

That only works if she's the correct political affilitation.

She's either a communist or she's evilllll. If it don't work you're better off.

Amake · 07-01-2010, 05:20 PM

Quote:

You don't treat beautiful women cheaply.

Sure, if you want to give the impression you're trying to buy her. When someone you don't know gives you things, especially cash money, I think most of us would think "What does this person want from me?"

Oops, I missed the part of the thread where the girl left. But don't sweat it Snake, she'll probably still work there tomorrow!

BitVyper · 07-01-2010, 05:22 PM

What the hell, Snake? Did I not provide you with a positively foolproof method for picking up girls in Germany? You should be swimming in beautiful German stalkers by now. How did you fuck it up?

Anyway, if you absolutely must have this woman, without further information, I know of only one particular blind spot in the human barista's defenses. You must find the legendary Bloodwood, said in myth to be hidden in the rainforests of Brazil, beyond the reach of man's world. Adventurers have spent years wandering the jungles only to return empty handed, if they returned at all, but it is said that an old Aztec witch knows the secret paths, and I'm pretty sure she's listed on Google maps, but I can't spell her name. Anyway, you need to find the mightiest of the Bloodwood trees and take some of its sap in exchange for a bit of your own blood splashed on its roots (lest the forest close around and trap you forever). Distill the sap into a perfume and wear when next you meet your barista, and she will be helpless against your charms.

Failing that, you could simply overpower her senses with the well documented abilities of the Three Wolf Moon. But beware its power. Many have worn the shirt, seduced by the (very true) stories of its properties, but few ever imagined how dangerously subversive its power could be. Brimming with raw masculinity, they found themselves spent out, wasted away within weeks or even days. Yet still they invoked it until at last there was nothing left of them. You may have the recklessness to put the Three Wolf Moon on, but will you have the will to take it off?

Failing THAT, just tell her you're friends with BitVyper. All baristas owe me their fealty.

The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk · 07-01-2010, 07:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BitVyper

What the hell, Snake? Did I not provide you with a positively foolproof method for picking up girls in Germany? You should be swimming in beautiful German stalkers by now. How did you fuck it up?

Anyway, if you absolutely must have this woman, without further information, I know of only one particular blind spots in the human barista's defenses. You must find the legendary Bloodwood, said in myth to be hidden in the rainforests of Brazil, beyond the reach of man's world. Adventurers have spent years wandering the jungles only to return empty handed, if they returned at all, but it is said that an old Aztec witch knows the secret paths, and I'm pretty sure she's listed on Google maps, but I can't spell her name. Anyway, you need to find the mightiest of the Bloodwood trees and take some of its sap in exchange for a bit of your own blood splashed on its roots (lest the forest close around and trap you forever). Distill the sap into a perfume and wear when next you meet your barista, and she will be helpless against your charms.

Failing that, you could simply overpower her senses with the well documented abilities of the Three Wolf Moon. But beware its power. Many have worn the shirt, seduced by the (very true) stories of its properties, but few ever imagined how dangerously subversive its power could be. Brimming with raw masculinity, they found themselves spent out, wasted away within weeks or even days. Yet still they invoked it until at last there was nothing left of them. You may have the recklessness to put the Three Wolf Moon on, but will you have the will to take it off?

Failing THAT, just tell her you're friends with BitVyper. All baristas owe me their fealty.

Interesting. I find your ideas intriguing, and wish to subscribe to your news letter.

As for you Snake, just be cool and aloof. Speak to her if she happens to pass by and makes eye contact, but don't force the issue. Get to know her a little and take it from there.

Just for gods sake don't be creepy!

Aldurin · 07-01-2010, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hawk

Just for gods sake don't be creepy!

Name someone on the forum who isn't creepy.

The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk · 07-01-2010, 08:03 PM

On the forum it's ok, it's when it happens in real life that problems occur.

07-01-2010, 05:07 PM	#53
Amake Keeper of the new Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: A place without judgment Posts: 4,506	1000 to one she's poor enough to be the correct political affilation. And if she's not, would you really want to get it on with her? :p Anyway I forgot if this has been mentioned in the thread, but the most reasonable thing to do would probably be giving an average tip and then asking when she gets off.* If she's up for shenanigans, it'll be better for everyone to wait until she's free from work and you can speak as equals. And if she's not, you'll probably know that from her reaction to the question. Smile gently and hopefully when you say this, maintain eye contact and try not to make it sound like innuendo. __________________ Hope insistent, trust implicit, love inherent, life immersed* Last edited by Amake; 07-01-2010 at 05:10 PM. Reason: Wohoo repetition.

07-01-2010, 05:22 PM	#57
BitVyper History's Strongest Dilettante Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Arcadia Posts: 6,662	What the hell, Snake? Did I not provide you with a positively foolproof method for picking up girls in Germany? You should be swimming in beautiful German stalkers by now. How did you fuck it up? Anyway, if you absolutely must have this woman, without further information, I know of only one particular blind spot in the human barista's defenses. You must find the legendary Bloodwood, said in myth to be hidden in the rainforests of Brazil, beyond the reach of man's world. Adventurers have spent years wandering the jungles only to return empty handed, if they returned at all, but it is said that an old Aztec witch knows the secret paths, and I'm pretty sure she's listed on Google maps, but I can't spell her name. Anyway, you need to find the mightiest of the Bloodwood trees and take some of its sap in exchange for a bit of your own blood splashed on its roots (lest the forest close around and trap you forever). Distill the sap into a perfume and wear when next you meet your barista, and she will be helpless against your charms. Failing that, you could simply overpower her senses with the well documented abilities of the Three Wolf Moon. But beware its power. Many have worn the shirt, seduced by the (very true) stories of its properties, but few ever imagined how dangerously subversive its power could be. Brimming with raw masculinity, they found themselves spent out, wasted away within weeks or even days. Yet still they invoked it until at last there was nothing left of them. You may have the recklessness to put the Three Wolf Moon on, but will you have the will to take it off? Failing THAT, just tell her you're friends with BitVyper. All baristas owe me their fealty. __________________ "There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, and the sea is asleep, and the rivers dream. People made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice, somewhere else the tea's getting cold. Come on, Ace; we've got work to do!" Awesome art be here. Last edited by BitVyper; 07-01-2010 at 09:29 PM.

07-01-2010, 04:55 PM	#51
Professor Smarmiarty Sent to the cornfield Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: K-space Posts: 9,758	Wait I've got a better idea- she is clearly a slave to corporate overlords explain to her that only by the form of blissful union can you overcome the patriacal bonds that hold her in her enforced serfdom and together your rebellion shall smash her chains.