Fuck it.

[adamark]

This has been the shittiest day of my life. Got into a fight with the girl I've been seeing and came to the conclusion that we have no future together. Went swimming and while jumping into the pond/lake, sliced my toes open and landed flat on my back. When I went to leave, I found my car broken into with almost $1000 worth of parts stripped from it!! Had to make a police report and get it towed since it no longer works because they popped the hood and literally took every expensive part out of the engine.

Wow, what a shitty day. What depresses me EVEN more is that there are so many SHITTIER days I will have to live through in my life. The day my dad dies is at some point in the future. The day *I* die is sometime in the future. Car accidents, divorces, bankruptcy, house fires, deaths of friends... there are so many shitty things which WILL or MAY happen in the future. Why should I care to experience it?

[DFM]

You shouldn't there is no reason to live.

[Major Blood]

Shitty.

At least you've still got us.

Oh wait, you want to be LESS depressed right?

[adamark]

I am trying to concentrate on people who have much shittier days...

Liiiike, someone on the top floor of WTC on 9/11. That's a helluva day.

Orrrr, someone who goes skydiving and their parachute just doesn't open. Sucks.

Maybe, that family in Cheshire, CT who were raped and murdered. Yikes.

Ummm, someone who got diagnosed with cancer today. Wow that sucks.


Compared to those people, I actually had a pretty AWESOME day.

[Mashirosen]

Not that I think you'd do it, but just so you know? Killing yourself over one bad day or the expectation of further bad days is a pretty crappy thing to do to the people who care about you, as they will then have a very large number of shitty days to cope with for the rest of their lives whenever they think about the hole you left behind. Our lives don't belong to us.

Anyway. Don't look at the internet when you're miserable, it never helps. I won't close this unless you'd like me to, but this is the part where I do the discreet Jeeves cough and meekly suggest that sir go do something soothing, like playing "Freebird" in super-slow practice mode in Guitar Hero. Possibly after a drink or two.

[Althane]

...

I'm just laughing over the thought of someone wanting to kill themselves because of a bad day.

Okay, you think $1,000 dollars gettin' stripped from your car is bad, along with slicing various parts of your body open?

I totaled a car.

There, try saying your day was shittier than that. I totaled a car when I was 16, and it was my DAD'S car.

So, yeah. It's only a thousand dollars, your toes will heal, as will your back. Your feelings will heal, that's probably the easiest thing over all of it. Just listen to Ben Folds "Song for the Dumped"

(Or No Doubt's "PAulina". Anything for a good laugh)

[adamark]

Oh, no. I wasn't hinting suicide.

But I just want to not care. About anything. I want to be like "meh?" and be unaffected. I don't know how to be like that. Maybe Buddhism?

[Krylo]

More pain. That's how.

[CelesJessa]

Originally Posted by adamark

But I just want to not care. About anything. I want to be like "meh?" and be unaffected. I don't know how to be like that. Maybe Buddhism?

Doubt it will work.

To not care about the bad means you probably would have to give up the good. Not to get all cheesy on you, but for every bad thing that happens there's something good too.
To fight with a girlfriend means you had one that you cared about in the first place.
To have something stolen from your car means you had a car to begin with.
To have someone's death effect you so much means that they meant a lot to you during life.

For all of the bad, shitty days, there are sure a lot more awesome days. We just tend to ignore them.


And, in my personal opinion, if that day is the shittiest day you've had in however many years you've been alive, than you are one lucky individual.

[PyrosNine]

Because life is bittersweet, because much of life is suffering, that those tiny glimmers of happyness that are so rare (or perhaps we just don't notice them) are worth waiting around to find.

It may also just be a matter of perspective though. When we lose our cars, we never think how happy we are to still be able to walk, when we lose our loves, we never think of how happy we are to still have someone out there who loves us unconditionally, and when we get injured we never think how happy we are to have time to heal. Like you never notice how healthy you are, until you're sick.

And saying "fuck it" certainly won't help anything. The very phrase denotes a desire to drop everything, and that has never helped, because we end up dropping those really important things in our grasp.

For instance, i have been having a very 'low' day. One of those days where I lie in bed all day, and as Charlie Brown said, wonder if anyone, dear god, anyone would even care or notice that didn't get out of bed. I know how you feel. I'm going away to college in a year, and I am entirely unready for it. I'm already one foot into an entirely new, adult life and I am scared shitless. I realize that becoming an adult, i am one step closer to old age and death, and so too is my mom, and my grandparents, and everyone else that I love. And if any of them die, especially my mom, I will die. I don't want to go to college, I don't want to be a mature, self sufficient adult. I don't want to die. Don't even want to drive a damned car, but that's another story. I have a great amount of doubt towards my future, largely because I am a spineless dog who doesn't even have the confidence to look his own mother in the eye consistently.

AT the same time though, I still want to get ahead in life. Move on up. Find some way of living to my liking, maybe even some way i can work it out so that I can lie in bed all day and people will make sure to tell me they care if I don't get up. A large part of who I am is to try and make others not as sad and miserable as I am, and I realize that me doing all these things will make the people I love happy. I know my mom wants me to finish college and move on with life, and Me driving and taking care of things always makes my sister and brother happy. And my dog literally needs me to survive, so in some ways I have no choice but to do these things that scare and sicken me, and even moreso no choice but to try and be happy about it.

And tonight, I'm kicking myself for dropping everything today, because by not getting up I missed out on a thousand interactions with the people I know in my life, neglected to spend some time with my brother, to take my dog for a walk, or even help take care of my baby niece, who needs someone to raise her with standards and ideals, something which my sister lacks.

I realized I had a shitty day and a shitty life because I am a shitty person, and my outlook on life suffers because of it. You can't just bitch and moan about things and try to make it all stop, becuase it won't make things better. And even though things won't get better the way you want them to, they can still get back to some level of "good".

I realize I'm having my own bit a rant here, and it's probably not coherent at all, and I don't even know where I'm going here. I'm not too good with endings, I hate them, in fact, but at the very least I don't think you should "Fuck it". Maybe fuck yourself, or fuck over the person who broke into your car, but never blast your life or your future as a whole.