It is very dark in this thread. You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

[Thadius]

In a fit of boredom/madness, I figured I'd try a game I haven't before. But not just that. Oh no. I decided to go back to where the adventure game genre started. Where the text adventure game genre started. Welcome...

...To Zork.

West of House
You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.

Zork was originally released in 1977 by Activision and four outstanding coders. Tim Anderson, Marc Blank, Bruce Daniels, and Dave Lebling. Little bit of trivia, Zork was originally slang for an unfinished program, and with how games have progressed today, it can still feel like one. Simple commands will work, like these.

>Open mailbox
Opening the mailbox reveals a leaflet

>Take leaflet
Taken

>Read leaflet
"WELCOME TO ZORK!
ZORK is a game of adventure, dange, and low cunning. In it you will explore some of the most amazing territory ever seen by mortals. No computer should ever be without one!"

>Put leaflet in mailbox
Done

>Close mailbox
Closed

Well that saves me the trouble of explaining what might be happening later on in the game. Now, if I'm not mistaken, there was a boarded up house nearby.

>East
The door is boarded and you can't remove the boards.

Bah. Maybe looking at the house?

>Look house
That sentence isn't one I recognize.

Okay, bad grammar aside, maybe now?...

>Look at house
The house is a beautiful colonial house which is painted white. It is clear the the owners must have been extremely wealthy.

Hmm. Perhaps attacking it from another angle...

>North
You are facing the north side of a white house. There is no door here, and all the windows are boarded up. To the north a narrow path winds through the trees.

>East
You are behind the white house. A path leads into the forest to the east. In one corner of the house there is a small window which is slightly ajar.

Aha! Entry is mine!

>Force open window
That sentence isn't one I recognize

And thus we come face-to-face with our greatest nemesis, a very old parser. Keeping things short and sweet will enable us to get things done faster.

>Open window
With great effort, you open the window far enough to allow entry.

>Enter window
Kitchen
You are in the kitchen of the white house. A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food. A passage leads to the west and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward. A dark chimney leads down and to the east is a small window which is open.
On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers.
A bottle is sitting on the table.
The glass bottle contains:
A quantity of water

Well, a passage = exploration, let's do that.

>West
Living Room
You are in the living room. There is a doorway to the east, a wooden door with strange gothic lettering to the west, which appears to be nailed shut, a trophy case, and a large oriental rug in the center of the room.
Above the trophy case hangs and elvish sword of great antiquity.
A battery-powered brass lantern is on the trophy case.

Well already this is shaping up to be a nice journey for me. But what was up those stairs in the kitchen?...

>East
Kitchen

>Up
Attic
You have moved into a dark place.
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

A wha? Tell me more, game.

>What is Grue
The Grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. It's favorite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light. No Grue has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale.

Poppycock. It's like the boogeyman. It doesn't exist. Now let's start feeling around for some fine lootable items.

>North
Oh, no! You have walked into the slavering fangs of a lurking grue!

**** You have died ****

Okay, maybe NOT so much of a myth. Fortunately, when this happens, I can just go...

>Restore
Ok.

And pretend it never happened. Now you see what Zork is all about. Finding treasure for the trophy case, dying while finding treasure for the trophy case, and one man's struggle against a very old parser.

Now you may be wondering what that 'we' and 'us' talk was earlier on. Simple. This is a Let's Play of Zork. Give me any command, be it in parser-talk or simple English, and I will make it happen. This means we will likely be dying a lot. However, this also means I will be saving a lot. Especially when stupid things are requested. Currently, we are in the...

>Living Room

So get to suggesting. I really don't want to play this game alone. It's dark in here.

[Krylo]

Go get eaten by a grue.

[Thadius]

Go get eaten by a grue.

Did that already.

>North
Oh, no! You have walked into the slavering fangs of a lurking grue!

**** You have died ****

[mauve]

Build an anti-grue defense system. I suggest guns. Lots of guns. Taped to a chainsaw. With a lasersight on the chainsaw.

[Thadius]

Build an anti-grue defense system. I suggest guns. Lots of guns. Taped to a chainsaw. With a lasersight on the chainsaw.

I can't do that, but I CAN take that lantern up on the trophy case. Grues hate light, and when I go in a dark area I can turn it on and be protected from their slavering fangs.

>Take lantern
Taken

>Look at lantern
The lamp is turned off

Also, the sword appears to be the only thing that remotely resembles a chainsaw, so I'll snag that too.

>Take sword
Taken

How much like a chainsaw, though?

>Look at sword
There's nothing special about the sword.

Apparently not much like one.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Go back and check out the rug. Might be a trapdoor under it, and you could always pawn it back in town otherwise.

EDIT: After that, grab the lantern, and then check out the big rune door. Use the sword to pry off the nails if need be.

[Thadius]

>Look at rug
There's nothing special about the carpet.

As if! Okay, let's try taking it.

>Take carpet
The rug is extremely heavy and cannot be carried.

Damn. Maybe we can move it out the window in the kitchen. Let's try...

>Move carpet.
With a great effort, the rug is moved to one side of the room, revealing the dusty cover of a closed trap door.

Well that worked out. Let's examine this thing.

>Look at trap door
The trap door is closed

Not for long it ain't!

>Open trap door
The door reluctantly opens to reveal a rickety staircase descending into darkness.

I get the feeling that going down there will require the use of my lantern. Should I? Should I not?

EDIT: Took me a moment to make the parser behave, but...

>Look door
Which door do you mean, the wooden door or the trap door?

>Wooden
The engravings translate to "This space intentionally left blank."

Also, I threw every word the parser understood about doors and verbs at the wooden door, but no go. Looks like the only way in and out of the house is the window.

[Flarecobra]

Attack the darkness.

[Thadius]

Attack the darkness.

To the depths then!

>Down
You have moved into a dark place.
The trap door crashes shut, and you hear someone barring it.

It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.

Well that bodes well. As a sidenote, I tried to fight the darkness, and this is as close as I got.

>Stab grue
I've known strange people, but fighting a lurking grue?

Time for more effective ways to attack the darkness. Like, say, with a lamp.

>Turn on lantern
The brass lantern is now on.

Cellar
You are in a dark and damp cellar with a narrow passageway leading north, and a crawlway to the south. On the west is the bottom of a steep metal ramp which is unclimbable.

[Vauron]

>Suicide

>North

[Doc ock rokc]

>Get meaning of life

[Shyria Dracnoir]

>Make friends with crawlspace

[Marc v4.0]

>duff up the ramp for looking funny atcha

[Fenris]

>Stop using code boxes

[Thadius]

>Suicide

>North

>Get meaning of life

>Make friends with crawlspace

>duff up the ramp for looking funny atcha

>Stop using code boxes

Let's see if I can't make everyone happy.

>Suicide
I don't know the word suicide.

Huh. Maybe something else?

>Kill self with sword
If you insist...Poof, you're dead!

**** You have died ****

It turns out that besides grues being able to kill you, so can you. Let's fix that.

>Restore
Ok.

>North
The Troll Room

I immediately dislike this room.

This is a small room with passages to the east and south and a forbidding hole leading west. Bloodstains and deep scratches (Perhaps made by an axe) mar the walls.
A nasty-looking troll, brandishing a bloody axe, blocks all passages out of the room.
Your sword has begun to glow very brightly.

Two things. First, I was unaware that elvish swords of great antiquity lit up for things other than orcs. Secondly, YE GODS, A TROLL! Mayhap I can kill it?

>Kill troll with sword
The troll is battered into unconsciousness.

>Again
The unarmed troll cannot defend himself: He dies.
Almost as soon as the troll breathes his last breath, a cloud of sinister black fog envelops him, and when the fog lifts, the carcass has disappeared.
Your sword is no longer glowing.

Well that's the north bit done. Now for the ramp and crawlspace.

>South
Cellar

>West
You try to ascend the ramp, but it is impossible, and you slide back down.

Tip: When they say something is unclimbable, they mean it. Crawlspace time!

>South
East of Chasm
You are on the east edge of a chasm, the bottom of which cannot be seen. A narrow passage goes north, and the path you are on continues to the east.

Also, we already know the meaning of life. The meaning of life is finding things for the trophy case! Which we haven't yet managed to do, but hey, we're working on it.

[Marc v4.0]

I am not happy because you failed to engage the ramp in fisticuffs

[Thadius]

I am not happy because you failed to engage the ramp in fisticuffs

I can do that when we return to the Cellar. Any other directions?

[akaSM]

You killed the poor unarmed Troll :(

[Thadius]

You killed the poor unarmed Troll :(

A nasty-looking troll, brandishing a bloody axe, blocks all passages out of the room.

No, he was NOT unarmed. This also means that I could go snag his axe if you wanted.

[akaSM]

No, he was NOT unarmed. This also means that I could go snag his axe if you wanted.

>Again
The unarmed troll cannot defend himself: He dies.

:P

Consume the troll...no wait, that's another game...then, snag the axe and go east.

[Aerozord]

am I the only one that finds it odd this is all in a "beautiful colonial house"

[Thadius]

Off to the north, then!

>North
Cellar

Oh hey, that thing I said I'd do.

>Stab ramp with sword
I've known strange people, but fighting a chute?

>Cut ramp with sword
Strange concept, cutting the chute

This is, sadly, the extent of the parser's understanding of fighting something. Oh well.

>North
The Troll Room
There is a bloody axe here

>Take axe
Taken.

Armed with an axe, we continue east...

>East
East-West Passage
This is a narrow east-west passageway. There is a narrow stairway leading down at the north end of the room.

More options! Okay, now which way do we go? To recap...

We've been south of the cellar, but not east from there.
We've been in the troll room, but not west from there.
Here in the east passage, there's stairs down, and we could keep going east.

[Magus]

>Look at axe

then

>Juggle axe and sword

[Azisien]

Okay this thread is so painful to read. Really taking me back to my MUD days.

[Flarecobra]

Dual-weild axe and sword. And go East.

[Thadius]

>Look at axe

then

>Juggle axe and sword

Dual-weild axe and sword. And go East.

>Look at axe
There's nothing special about the bloody axe.

Except all the blood.

>Juggle axe and sword
I don't know the word 'juggle'.

A circus member we ain't.

>East
Round Room
This is a circular stone room with passages in all directions. Several of them have unfortunately been blocked by cave-ins.

Whelp. What now, folks? Apologies for being absent for a while, but I had a small matter of my own to attend to.

>Eat dinner
You've already done that! It was quite delicious, too.

[Flarecobra]

Realize you need more bacon to proceed.

And always go East.

[Thadius]

And always go East.

>East
Loud Room
This is a large room with a ceiling which cannot be detected from the ground. There is a narrow passage from east to west and a stone stairway leading upward. The room is deafeningly loud with an undetermined rushing sound. The sound seems to reverberate from all of the walls, making it difficult even to think.
On the ground is a large platinum bar.

Argh, this room is so noi- oooh, shiny. Here be treasure!

>Take bar
Bar bar ...

Uh. Snag. Slight one.

[Vauron]

>Dance
>Take Platinum
>Take Metal Bar
>Take Metal
>Shout
>RAGE
>Kill Parser

[Thadius]

>Dance
>Take Platinum
>Take Metal Bar
>Take Metal
>Shout
>RAGE
>Kill Parser

>Dance
dance dance ...

>Take Platinum
platinum platinum ...

>Take metal bar
bar bar ...

>Take metal
metal metal ...

>Shout
shout shout ...

>Rage
rage rage ...

>Kill parser
parser parser ...

On the bright side, our move count isn't going up.

On the downside, these aren't working.

[Krylo]

You can't think think think with that echo echo echo.

Maybe you should do something about that?

[Thadius]

You can't think think think with that echo echo echo.

Maybe you should do something about that?

Darn right. Maybe naming my grievance will cause it to go away?

>Echo
The acoustics of the room change subtly.

Loud Room
On the ground is a large platinum bar.

Can it be?...

>Take bar
Taken.

Yeeeeeeeeeesss.

>Examine bar
There's nothing special about the platinum bar.

What? It caused our score to go up by ten! I'd say there's something special about it!

Aw well. Now we just have to find our way...back...

[Fifthfiend]

Put aside the ranger.

Become the King.

[Thadius]

Put aside the ranger.

Become the King.

The closest I can come to this is:

>Win
Naturally!

[Flarecobra]

Wagons East!

[Thadius]

Wagons East!

>East
Damp Cave
This cave has exits to the west and east, and narrows to a crack toward the south. The earth is particularly damp here.

Is there an...eastward limit you're looking for here? Cause we may be lost down here for a time...

[Shyria Dracnoir]

>South Path is the Best Path

[Flarecobra]

I question how we can be lost if we only go one direction.

Anyway, change of pace, look at the room. Why is it so damp?

Don't want to end up in a cavernious maw or something.

[Thadius]

>South Path is the Best Path

>South
It is too narrow for most insects.

Curse you Flare! We must go...

>East
White Cliffs Beach
You are on a narrow strip of beach which runs along the base of the White Cliffs. There is a narrow path heading south along the Cliffs and a tight passage leading west into the cliffs themselves.

Well we just came from the west, so...

>South
White Cliffs Beach
You are on a rocky, narrow strip of beach beside the Cliffs. A narrow path leads north along the shore.

Whoops. Looks like the eastern path is a dead end.

>Go back to Round Room
Done.

So here we are again. There are still many passages here to explore, and if we so wanted, we could go up in the formerly Loud Room.

I question how we can be lost if we only go one direction.

Anyway, change of pace, look at the room. Why is it so damp?

Don't want to end up in a cavernious maw or something.

Eh, >Look just gives us the room description again. We don't really need it, and I'm sure we'll find out later.

[Flarecobra]

Go back West, all the way.

[Thadius]

Go back West, all the way.

Twice nets us the troll room. Once more and-

>West
Maze
This is part of a maze of twisty little passages, all alike.

...

>Yell
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!

This maze. People have heard about this maze. Anyone who has ever played this game SHUDDERS at the mention of this maze. You see that description up there? That's all you get. For every single room. I'm going to try to navigate this maze for you, because you lot probably wouldn't be able to.

>...
Maze
This is part of a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. A skeleton, probably the remains of a luckless adventurer, lies here.
Beside the skeleton is a rusty knife.
The deceased adventurer's useless lantern is here.
There is a skeleton key here.
An old leather bag, bulging with coins, is here.

Oh hey, a waymark- Oooh. Come to papa!

>Take key, bag.
Your load is too heavy.

Damnation. Okay, what do we drop, and what do we take?

>Inventory
You are carrying:
A platinum bar
A bloody axe
A sword
A brass lantern (Providing light)

[mauve]

Drop either the sword or the axe. You probably can't dual-wield, so one instrument of killing-death is all you probably need for now.

[Krylo]

Drop the lantern.

[Thadius]

Drop either the sword or the axe. You probably can't dual-wield, so one instrument of killing-death is all you probably need for now.

Axe seems heavier, so we drop that.

>Drop axe
Dropped.

>Take key, bag.
Skeleton key: Taken.
Leather bag of coins: Taken.

Now to navigate out of here. If we can.

>...
Grating Room
You are in a small room near the maze. There are twisty passages in the immediate vicinity.
Above you is a grating locked with a skull-and-crossbones lock.

This little key of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!

>Unlock grating with key
The grate is unlocked.

>Open grating
The grating opens to reveal trees above you.
A pile of leaves falls onto your head and to the ground.

>Up
Clearing
You are in a clearing, with a forest surrounding you on all sides. A path leads south.
There is an open grating, descending into darkness.

Yeeeeeeesss. M'kay, let's find the house. The path looks good.

>South
Forest Path
This is a path winding through a dimly lit forest. The path heads north-south here. One particularly large tree with some low branches stands at the edge of the path.

I think the game is trying to point me somewhere...

Drop the lantern.

Ahahahahahahhahahahahno.

[Flarecobra]

>Home?

[Thadius]

>Home?

Can do!

>South
North of house

>East
Behind house

>West
Kitchen
On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of peppers.
A bottle is sitting on the table.
The bottle contains:
A quantity of water

>West
Living room

>Open case
Opened

>Put bar in case
Done

>Put bag in case
Done

>Close case
Done

>Drop key
Dropped

Finally got some in! Actually, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm gonna loot the house now.

>East
Kitchen
On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of peppers.
A bottle is sitting on the table.
The bottle contains:
A quantity of water

>Take all
Brown sack: Taken
Bottle: Taken

I'm even going into the attic now that I have a light!

>Up
You have moved into a dark place.
It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

>Turn on light
The brass lantern is now on.

Attic.
This is the attic. The only exit is a stairway leading down.
A large coil of rope is lying in the corner.
There is a table here.
On the table is a nasty-looking knife.

Yoink!

>Take all
Rope: Taken
Nasty-looking knife: Taken

>Down
Kitchen

>Turn off light
The brass lantern is now off.

>West
Living room

We're here again! Hey, wait, shouldn't that door be open for us?

>Open trap door
The door reluctantly opens to reveal a staircase leading down into the darkness.

I'm ready to go down when you lot are.

...Are you lot ready?...

[Magus]

Go back to skeleton.

>Take skull

>Hamlet

[Nikose Tyris]

>smash trophy case with sword

[Thadius]

Go back to skeleton.

>Take skull

>Hamlet

Well a-mazing I will go.

>...
Maze
This is part of a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. A skeleton, probably the remains of a luckless adventurer, lies here.
Beside the skeleton is a rusty knife.
The deceased adventurer's useless lantern is here.
There is a bloody axe here.

This can't possibly go wrong!

>Take skeleton
A ghost appears in the room and is appalled at your desecration of the remains of a fellow adventurer. He casts a curse on your valuables and banishes them to the Land of the Living Dead. The ghost leaves, muttering obscenities.

I think it went wrong. Lemme go back and check.

>Return to living room
Done

>Look at trophy case
Your collection of treasures consists of:
A leather bag of coins
A platinum bar

Looks like it was a misfire! However, I'm REALLY uncomfortable with disturbing the dead, because doing so is an easy way to render the game unwinable. So...

>Restore
Ok.

>Take axe
Your load is too heavy!

Damnation. Okay. Should I wander in the maze some more, or do you lot have other ideas?

>smash trophy case with sword

But where would we keep our treasures if we did that?

Anyway it's mostly scenery. Nothing we do would hurt it.

[akaSM]

Have you looted everything that isn't under the trapdoor?

If so, I think it's time to go down there :ohdear:. Otherwise, keep looting :3:

[Thadius]

Have you looted everything that isn't under the trapdoor?

If so, I think it's time to go down there :ohdear:. Otherwise, keep looting :3:

I did the math, going through the maze was faster.

>...
Forest Clearing

>South
Forest path

Now if I'm not mistaken, there's a tree here with low-hanging branches. And I do love to climb trees.

>Climb tree
Up a Tree
You are about 10 feet above the ground nestled among some large branches. The nearest branch above you is above your reach.
Beside you on the branch is a small bird's nest.
In the bird's nest is a large egg encrusted with precious jewels, apparently scavenged by a childless songbird. The egg is covered with fine gold inlay, and ornamented in lapis lazuli and mother-of-pearl. Unlike most eggs, this one is hinged and closed with a delicate looking clasp. The egg appears extremely fragile.

Oh that is so looted.

>Take egg
Taken

Maybe?...

>Open egg
You have neither the tools nor the expertise.

Rats. Okay, going home real fast to put things away.

>Down
Forest path

>South
North of house

>East
Behind house

>West
Kitchen

>West
Living room

>Put egg in case
Done

>Close case
Closed

>Drop sack, bottle, rope.
Dropped.

M'kay. We could explore the great outdoors some more or the great underground. Which shall it be, and what shall we take? Currently, we have...

A sword
A nasty knife
A brass lantern

And on the ground is...

A brown sack.
A glass bottle with water in it.
A rope.

[Flarecobra]

Outdoors!

And keep an eye on that egg.

[Thadius]

Outdoors!

And keep an eye on that egg.

Going light and with the egg, then. I shall only keep the essentials on me.

>Drop sword and knife, open case, take egg, close case.
Done

>East. East until you find the sunrise.
Canyon View
You are at the top of the Great Canyon on its west wall. From here there is a marvelous view of the canyon and parts of the Frigid River upstream. Across the canyon, the walls of the White Cliffs join the mighty ramparts of the Flathead Mountains to the east. Following the canyon upstream to the north, Aragain Falls may be seen, complete with rainbow. The mighty Frigid River flows out from a great dark cavern. To the west and south can be seen an immense forest, stretching for miles around. A path leads northwest. It is possible to climb down into the canyon from here.

What a majestic view. North west takes us back, so...

>Down
Rocky Ledge
You are on a ledge about halfway up the wall of the river canyon. You can see from here that the main flow from Aragain Falls twists along a passage which it is impossible for you to enter. Below you is the canyon bottom. Above you is more cliff, which appears climbable.

Still going down, I suppose.

>Down
Canyon Bottom
You are beneath the walls of the river canyon which may be climbable here. The lesser part of the runoff of Aragain Falls flows by below. To the north is a narrow path.

North, then!

>North
End of Rainbow
You are on a small, rocky beach on the continuation of the Frigid River past the Falls. The beach is narrow due to the presence of the White Cliffs. The river canyon opens here and sunlight shines in from above. A rainbow crosses over the falls to the east and a narrow path continues to the southwest.

Well I get the feeling the narrow path is where we just came from, and a skittles commercial this ain't, so...

>Up
You can't go that way

Darn. Well it looks like for now we're going back to the house to reclaim our fine weapons of war at least.

>Go home, young man
Done

>Take sword, knife
Taken

>Inventory
You are carrying:
A sword
A nasty knife
A brass lantern
A jewel-encrusted egg

And on the ground lies...

A brown sack
A bottle of water
A length of rope

Looks like the underground is where we're going. As-is, or with more stuff in our pack? Also, which path should we take? If memory serves, we've been south from the cellar, but not east from that room, we've been in the maze, but not everywhere in there, and the round room may have some surprises left for us.

[akaSM]

hmm, maybe you should take the rope instead of the knife and egg. I got a feeling that it may break if you do something like falling :/. Also, we may need the rope, it looks more useful than the knife.

Back to the maze, huh? then pick the axe, I think it was dropped there. Look for more loot in the maze and store everything in the trophy thing

[Shyria Dracnoir]

If you take the sack, can you use it to carry more things?

[Flarecobra]

>Level up Strength.

[Thadius]

>Level up Strength.

Technically, I've been doing that.

If you take the sack, can you use it to carry more things?

Currently, it already has a lunch in there, along with...

>Open brown bag
Opening the brown sack reveals a lunch, and a clove of garlic

Putting more stuff in there isn't likely, I think.

>Put egg in brown bag
There's no room.

I tried.

hmm, maybe you should take the rope instead of the knife and egg. I got a feeling that it may break if you do something like falling :/. Also, we may need the rope, it looks more useful than the knife.

Back to the maze, huh? then pick the axe, I think it was dropped there. Look for more loot in the maze and store everything in the trophy thing

Well the most direction I got out of that was 'Maze.' Flare already said to keep an eye on the egg, and I agree with her: Who knows WHEN it'll hatch? But I'll take the rope with me.

>Take rope
Taken

>Head to maze
Error

The Troll Room
Someone carrying a large bag is casually leaning against one of the walls here. He does not speak, but it is clear from his aspect that the bag will be taken only over his dead body.
Your sword has begun to glow very brightly.

Huh. What do you lot want to do here?

[Krylo]

Show him your stabs.

[Thadius]

Show him your stabs.

Avast, foul thief! Eat glowing antiquity!

>Kill thief with sword
The quickness of your thrust knocks the thief back, stunned.
The thief just left, still carrying his large bag. You may not have noticed he robbed you blind first.

Uh?

>Inventory
You are carrying:
A rope
A nasty knife
A brass lantern (Providing light)

...I think that backfired? Well what now?

[Flarecobra]

Told ya to keep an eye on that egg.

[akaSM]

This is an old game so, you might nor see that thief (and the egg) again.

>Restore

It seems carrying the egg attracted the thief, how about trying a different weapon (or item) on him?

[Thadius]

This is an old game so, you might nor see that thief (and the egg) again.

>Restore

It seems carrying the egg attracted the thief, how about trying a different weapon (or item) on him?

We'll be fine. I'm only worried about the fact that he stole our SWORD.

I still need a direction, guys.

[Nikose Tyris]

>Go get Axe

[Thadius]

>Go get Axe

Yoo wan' axe?

>Go maze
...
Maze
This is part of a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. A skeleton, probably the remains of a luckless adventurer, lies here.
Beside the skeleton is a rusty knife.
The deceased adventurer's useless lantern is here.
There is a bloody axe here.

>Take axe
Taken.

Yoo have axe.

[Nikose Tyris]

>Find Thief
>Use Axe on Thief

[Thadius]

>Find Thief
>Use Axe on Thief

Just gotta find my way outta this maze...

>Run maze, find cheese
Is this what you were after?

Cyclops Room
This room has an exit on the northwest, and a staircase leading up.
A cyclops, who looks prepared to eat horses (much less mere adventurers), blocks the staircase. From his state of health, and the bloodstains on the walls, you gather that he is not very friendly, though he likes people.

...
>Ask for suggestions

[Nikose Tyris]

>Kill Cyclops with Axe

[Thadius]

>Kill Cyclops with Axe

We have an axe and we wish to use it.

>Kill cyclops with axe
The cyclops shrugs but otherwise ignores your pitiful attempt.
The cyclops seems somewhat agitated.

>Again
The cyclops shrugs but otherwise ignores your pitiful attempt.
The cyclops seems to be getting more agitated.

>Again
The cyclops shrugs but otherwise ignores your pitiful attempt.
The cyclops is moving about the room, looking for something.

>Again
The cyclops shrugs but otherwise ignores your pitiful attempt.
The cyclops was looking for salt and pepper. No doubt they are condiments for his upcoming snack.

>Again
The cyclops shrugs but otherwise ignores your pitiful attempt.
The cyclops is moving towards you in an unfriendly manner.

>Again
The cyclops shrugs but otherwise ignores your pitiful attempt.
You have two choices: 1. Leave 2. Become dinner.

>Again
The cyclops shrugs but otherwise ignores your pitiful attempt.
The cyclops, tired of all your games and trickery, grabs you firmly. As he licks his chops, he says "Mmm. Just like Mom used to make 'em." It's nice to be appreciated.

**** You have died ****

>Restore
Ok.

It didn't work.

[Nikose Tyris]

>Offer Axe to Cyclops

[Thadius]

>Offer Axe to Cyclops

>Give axe to cyclops
The cyclops is not so stupid as to eat THAT!

Maybe he's misunderstood. Maybe he's just hungry.

[Nikose Tyris]

>Threaten medivial justice on Cyclops

>Offer to Shave Cyclops back with axe

>Pluck your eyebrows for Cyclops

>Find Horse

>Give Horse to Cyclops

>Ask about location of Theif

>Chop off arm, give to Cyclops

[Krylo]

Give him your bag lunch. Obviously.

[Aerozord]

>Offer cyclops a cold one

[akaSM]

Did we get our stuff back after the restoring?

If so, then we should give the cyclops our lunch.

[Thadius]

>Threaten medivial justice on Cyclops

>Offer to Shave Cyclops back with axe

>Pluck your eyebrows for Cyclops

>Find Horse

>Give Horse to Cyclops

>Ask about location of Theif

>Chop off arm, give to Cyclops

Half of those wouldn't work. Remember, we're fighting more than a cyclops and a thief. We're also up against a very old parser.

Give him your bag lunch. Obviously.

This I can do.

>Get out of maze
Forest clearing

>Go get the lunch
Taken

>Get back in maze
This is part of a maze of twisty little passages, all like.

>Find the cyclops
Cyclops room

>Give lunch to cyclops
The cyclops says "Mmm Mmm. I love hot peppers! But oh, could I use a drink. Perhaps I could drink the blood of that thing." From the gleam in his eye, it could be surmised that you are "that thing".
The cyclops appears to be getting more agitated.

Well.

>Offer cyclops a cold one

I think we have one. One moment, cyclops...

>Go back out of maze
Done

>Get ye flask
Gotten

>Return to maze
WHY?!

>Find cyclops again
Cyclops room
The cyclops is moving around the room, looking for something.

>Give cyclops bottle
The cyclops takes the bottle, checks that it's open, and drinks the water. A moment later, he lets out a yawn that nearly blows you over, and then falls fast asleep (what did you put in that drink anyway?).

Access up those stairs is ours!

>Up
You hear a scream of anguish as you violate the robber's hideaway. Using passages unknown to you, he rushes to its defense.
The thief gestures mysteriously, and the treasures in the room suddenly vanish.

Treasure Room
This is a large room, whose east wall is solid granite. A number of discarded bags, which crumble at your touch, are scattered about on the floor. There is an exit down a staircase.
There is a suspicious-looking individual, holding a large bag, leaning against one wall. He is armed with a deadly stiletto.
There is a silver chalice, intricately engrave, here.
The stiletto flashes faster than you can follow, and blood wells from your leg.

...

[Nikose Tyris]

>Offer Thief

[Aerozord]

>Give lunch to cyclops
The cyclops says "Mmm Mmm. I love hot peppers! But oh, could I use a drink. Perhaps I could drink the blood of that thing." From the gleam in his eye, it could be surmised that you are "that thing".
The cyclops appears to be getting more agitated.

Well.

told you, you should have gotten him a cold one from the fridge

[Flarecobra]

Flash Thief.

Barring that, give him the Axe. In the head.

And Aero, the house did not have a fridge, but we DID get him a drink.

[Thadius]

>Offer Thief

Barring that, give him the Axe. In the head.

Can do.

>Kill thief with axe
You charge, but the thief jumps nimbly aside.
The thief rams the haft of his blade into your stomach, leaving you out of breath.

>Again
You are still recovering from that last blow, so your attack is ineffective.
You dodge as the thief comes in low.

>Again
You charge, but the thief jumps nimbly aside.
You parry a low thrust, and your bloody axe slips out of your hand.
Fortunately, you still have a nasty knife.

>Kill thief with knife
The thief is staggered, and drops to his knees.
The thief slowly regains his feet.

>Again
The force of your blow knocks the thief back, stunned.
The thief slowly regains his feet.

>Again
The thief is disarmed by a subtle feint past his guard.
The robber, somewhat surprised at this turn of events, nimbly retrieves his stiletto.

>AGAIN
The thief takes a fatal blow and slumps to the floor dead.
Almost as soon as the thief breathes his last breath, a cloud of sinister black fog envelops him, and when the fog lifts, the carcass has disappeared. As the thief dies, the power of his magic decreases, and his treasures reappear:
A stiletto
A bloody axe
A sword
A jewel-encrusted egg, with a golden clockwork canary
The chalice is now safe to take.

Well we can't possibly escape with everything, but I feel AWESOME.

[Flarecobra]

Get the fabrege egg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fabrege_Egg). Lose the knife, take stelleto.

Sip wine from chalice.

[Nikose Tyris]

In order of importance:
Clockwork Canary
Egg
Stiletto
Sword
Axe

retrieve what you can and leave I guess

Edit: Offer Wine Chalice to Cyclops

[Thadius]

Get the fabrege egg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fabrege_Egg). Lose the knife, take stelleto.

Sip wine from chalice.

In order of importance:
Clockwork Canary
Egg
Stiletto
Sword
Axe

retrieve what you can and leave I guess

>Take the treasures
Taken

>Drink from chalice
How peculiar!

>Take axe, knife
Your load is too heavy, especially in light of your condition

>Diagnose
You have a light wound, which will be cured after 20 moves.
You can be killed by a serious wound.

Well our implements of killing will have to wait here. Except the sword, I think it counts as a treasure.

Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.

And a monster detector.

>Down
Cyclops room
There is a glass bottle here.
Your sword has begun to glow very brightly.

We need to do something about this cyclops. Any ideas? We know we can't kill it, and messing with it will likely get us eaten again. We need something...

[Flarecobra]

Tell him you know someone named "Ulysses"

[Thadius]

Tell him you know someone named "Ulysses"

>Wake cyclops
Really?

>Cyclops, ulysses
The cyclops, hearing the name of his father's deadly nemesis, flees the room by knocking down the wall on the east of the room.
Your sword is no longer glowing.

That's thinkin' outside the- wait. East wall?

>East
Strange Passage
This is a long passage. To the west is one entrance. On the east there is an old wooden door, with a large opening in it (about cyclops sized).

Huh.

>East
Living room

...Well. One moment while I put things away.

>Your collection of treasures consists of:
A golden clockwork canary
A jewel-encrusted egg
A chalice
A stiletto
A leather bag of coins
A platinum bar
A sword

There is a bloody axe here.
There is a clove of garlic here.
There is a glass bottle here
There is a nasty knife here.
There is a brown sack here.
There is a skeleton key here.

Well. It looks like we're going to the round room. Mainly because that's the only not-really-explored place left that we can access. What do we take, besides our currently-off lantern?

[akaSM]

We should, at the very least, take the rope and sword. Also, Ulysses? :raise:

[Thadius]

We should, at the very least, take the rope and sword. Also, Ulysses? :raise:

>Take rope, sword
Taken

>Go to round room
Done

Thanks to Flare, we've been east. West takes us back to the passage we used to get here, so that leaves a few directions. Plus we could try going up the the room formerly known as loud. Which way?

[Flarecobra]

We should, at the very least, take the rope and sword. Also, Ulysses? :raise:

Never heard of the writer Homer, have ya? (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Odyssey)

And go south.

[Dracorion]

Check the ceiling. Always check the ceiling.

[Thadius]

And go south.

>South
Narrow Passage
This is a long and narrow corridor where a long north-south passageway briefly narrows even further.

>South
Mirror Room
You are in a large square room with tall ceilings. On the south wall is an enormous mirror which fills the entire wall. There are exits on the other three sides of the room.

Ohshit I forgot my lucky rabbit's foot.

[Nikose Tyris]

>Smash Mirror

[Thadius]

>Smash Mirror

>Break mirror
What do you want to break the mirror with?

>Hands
Trying to destroy the mirror with the pair of hands is futile.

>Break mirror with sword.
You have broken the mirror. I hope you have a seven years' supply of good luck handy.

...Yup. Called it. Let's not do that.

>Restore
Ok.

[POS Industries]

Grab your junk and strut west like the pimp you know you are.

[Aerozord]

walk through the mirror?

[Thadius]

walk through the mirror?

>South
You can't go that way

>Walk through mirror
You hit your head on the mirror as you attempt this feat.

It would appear that the mirror is resilient to our efforts.

Grab your junk and strut west like the pimp you know you are.

Time for struttin'.

>West
Winding passage
This is a winding passage. It seems there are only exits on the east and north.

Guessing that we just came from the east...

>North
Mirror room

...Let's try that again.

>West
Winding passage

>East
Cave
This is a tiny cave with entrances west and north, and a dark, forbidding staircase leading down.
Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.

...Hey, whoever told me to take the sword? Thanks.

[Nikose Tyris]

>seppuku

[more to see if it actually accepts it as a suicide command]

[Krylo]

Charge down the stairs screaming bloody murder and immediately proceed to hack apart any living creatures.

[Thadius]

>seppuku

[more to see if it actually accepts it as a suicide command]

>Seppuku
I don't know the word 'seppuku'.

Charge down the stairs screaming bloody murder and immediately proceed to hack apart any living creatures.

>Down
Entrance to Hades
You are outside a large gateway, on which is inscribed

Abandon every hope all ye who enter here!

The gate is open; through it you can see a desolation, with a pile of mangled bodies in one corner. Thousands of voices, lamenting some hideous fate, can be heard.
The way through the gate is barred by evil spirits, who jeer at your attempts to pass.
Your sword has begun to glow very brightly.

Can we wait on the hacking? I think this is a dead end. Emphasis on 'dead'.

[Aerozord]

if there is any way to power up (items, levels, whatever) I say save exploring hell for another time. In fact

>close gate

probably where all this crap is coming from

[Flarecobra]

Wet yourself.

[Thadius]

if there is any way to power up (items, levels, whatever) I say save exploring hell for another time. In fact

>close gate

probably where all this crap is coming from

Wet yourself.

>Close gate

The gate is protected by an invisible force. It makes your teeth ache to touch it.
The lamp appears a bit dimmer.

>Wet self
I don't know the word "wet".

Can we leave now? Please?

[Nikose Tyris]

>Enter gate

[Thadius]

>Enter gate

>Enter gate
Some invisible force prevents you from passing through this gate.

Just as well, I didn't want to go to hell anyways.

Right?...

[Flarecobra]

Home.

[Krylo]

Pfft. Wuss. Figure out a way to get through that gate.

[POS Industries]

Grab your junk and strut through that gate like the pimp you know you are.

[Thadius]

Grab your junk and strut through that gate like the pimp you know you are.

Pfft. Wuss. Figure out a way to get through that gate.

We tried both of these, but some invisible force has barred the way to us.

Home.

M'kay. Lemme see if I know my way around here.

>Warp speed, Scotty!
Aye aye, captain!

>Round room

Eh. Close enough.

[Aerozord]

>Warp speed, Scotty!
Aye aye, captain!



was that the actual command response or did you ad-lib?

[Thadius]

was that the actual command response or did you ad-lib?

Would you rather I toss in a few dozen 'NORTH NORTH NORTH WEST' command lines along with room descriptions? It gets boring to read and type.

[Aerozord]

oh no, I was just going to say this game would automatically earn points with me if that was its actual responce

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Southeast! It's like Southwest only not!

[Flarecobra]

What directions are left?

[Thadius]

Southeast! It's like Southwest only not!

>Southeast
Engravings Cave
You have entered a low cave with passages leading northwest and east.
There are old engravings on the walls here.

>Look at engravings
The engravings were incised in the living rock of the cave wall by an unknown hand. They depict, in symbolic form, the beliefs of the ancient Zorkers.
Skillfully interwoven with the bas reliefs are excerpts illustrating the major religious tenets of that time. Unfortunately, a later age seems to have considered them blasphemous and just as skillfully excised them.

He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail at the- wait, what am I doing? Oh well, onwards.

>East
Dome Room
You are at the periphery of a large dome, which forms the ceiling of another room below. Protecting you from a precipitous drop is a wooden railing which circles the dome.

And these people never heard of stairs. Fortunately, we have our trusty rope...

>Tie rope to railing
The rope drops over the side and comes within ten feet of the floor

Hey, we can survive a drop of ten feet, right?

>Climb down rope
Torch room
This is a large room with a prominent doorway leading to a down staircase. Above you is a large dome. UP around the edge of the dome (20 feet up) is a wooden railing. In the center of the room sits a white marble pedestal.
A piece of rope descends from the railing above, ending some five feet above your head.
Sitting on the pedestal is a flaming torch, made of ivory.

SNAGGED.

>Take torch
Taken

Mainly because I can now do this-

>Turn off lantern
The brass lantern is now off

-and still not have to worry about the grues! Now I'm fairly sure we can't jump five feet, so...

>Down
Temple
This is the north end of a large temple. On the east wall is an ancient inscription, probably a prayer in a long-forgotten language. Below the prayer is a staircase leading down. The west wall is solid granite. The exit to the north end of the room is through huge marble pillars.
There is a brass bell here.

Options! Which do we take?

What directions are left?

Uh, well, if we can get back to the Round Room, we can try Southwest, Northwest, Northeast, and North. Along with up or down.

Currently we have other things to do, though.

[Aerozord]

North
marble = rich(er)

[Thadius]

North
marble = rich(er)

>North
Torch room

Well I guess 'North' is just another word for 'Up' here. Let's go back and try the other way then.

>Down
Temple
There is a brass bell here

...Maybe later when the people say, game.

>South
Altar
This is the south end of a large temple. In front of you is what appears to be an altar. In one corner is a small hole in the floor which leads into darkness. You could probably not get back up it.
On the two ends of the altar are burning candles.
On the altar is a large black book, open to page 569.

I've heard about this bug. If y'all don't mind, the candles are coming with us. Otherwise they could burn out, and if they do that, game over.

>Put out candles
(Taken)
The flame is extinguished.

Of course, now we need to find a way to light them again when we so please without using the torch, because...

>Light candles with torch
The heat from the torch is so intense that the candles are vaporized.

So let's be careful.

>Restore
Ok.

>Altar

[akaSM]

I've heard about this bug. If y'all don't mind, the candles are coming with us. Otherwise they could burn out, and if they do that, game over.



What does this bug do/cause?

Also, ring the bell or read the book, hmm...it doesn's seem we can go anywhere, right?

[Flarecobra]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-BiNhqY-rKqw/TemGBE1cr_I/AAAAAAAAFZ4/h7TrLcBc8J8/s1600/mail.google.com.jpg

[Thadius]

What does this bug do/cause?

Basically, even though I just put the candles out, if I leave them unsupervised, there's a chance they could relight and burn away to uselessness, even if we aren't here. Adventure game logic dictates we might need these later, so I'm just holding on to them to PREVENT that from happening.

Also, ring the bell or read the book, hmm...it doesn's seem we can go anywhere, right?

Not only can we interact with them, we can take them too! Also, in the room with the bell, there is an option to go down. There's one here too in the book room, but we can't go back up once we've taken it, or so the game says.

However, I really need to sleep, so y'all will have to suggest things for me to do while I do that.

[Thadius]

Doubleposting because you lot don't know how to give directions.

>Read book
(Taken)
Commandment #12592
Oh ye who go about saying unto each: "Hello sailor":
Dost thou know the magnitude of thy sin before the gods?
Yea, verily, thou shalt be ground between two stones.
Shall the angry gods cast thy body into the whirlpool?
Surely, thy eye shall be put out with a sharp stick!
Even unto the ends of the earth shalt thou wander and
Unto the land of the dead shalt thou be sent at last.
Surely thou shalt repent of thy cunning.

>North
Temple
There is a brass bell here.

>Ring bell
(Taken)
Ding, dong.

>Down
Egyptian Room
This is a room which looks like an Egyptian tomb. There is an ascending staircase to the west.
The solid-gold coffin used for the burial of Ramses II is here.

M'kay. Apparently the stairs contain a wormhole which teleport us to Egypt. While here, shall we loot?

[Aerozord]

makes as much sense as gates to hell being under a colonial home.

I say we inspect the coffin and if it seems to lack curses, crack it open.

[Flarecobra]

Wonder when you started to play "Stargate" and loot away. Keep an eye out for the mummy.

[Thadius]

I say we inspect the coffin

>Look at coffin
The coffin is closed.

and if it seems to lack curses, crack it open.

>Open coffin
The gold coffin opens.
A sceptre, possibly that of ancient Egypt itself, is in the coffin. The sceptre is ornamented with colored enamel, and tapers to a sharp point.

Wonder when you started to play "Stargate" and loot away. Keep an eye out for the mummy.

...Can we say looted? I think we can.

>TAKE ALL
Gold coffin: Your load is too heavy
Sceptre: Taken

Right, time for that forbidding staircase. We'll probably be back for that coffin later.

>To the stairs
Cave
Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow

...We're over hell again, aren't we? Okay, I'm gonna put things away, then ask what you lot want to do.

>Beam me up, Scotty.
Energizing...

>Living room

The scepter has been put away, and we're holding on to the torch because fuck you grues I have infinite light. We're also holding on to the candles because fuck bugs that render the game unwinnable. Everything else is on the floor. So now where do we go and what do we do?

[Nikose Tyris]

>Retrieve Coffin

[Thadius]

>Retrieve Coffin

Not an issue!

>Walk like an Egyptian!

>Egyptian room
The solid-gold coffin used for the burial of Ramses II is here.

>Take coffin
Taken

>Up
Temple

>South
Altar

>Down
You haven't a prayer of getting the coffin down there.

...Why is it you lot always seem to find the issues?

[Krylo]

Ask for divine transportation for your big clunky piece of shit.

You are at an altar and all.

[Thadius]

Ask for divine transportation for your big clunky piece of shit.

You are at an altar and all.

Oh great zorkian gods, please see fit to deliver me from the burden of having a huge coffin and not a wide enough hole to put it in.

>Pray
Forest

...Well. Time to get this back home!

>Run around in the forest like a loon until we get home
Living room

>Put coffin in case
Done

Another one down! Now which way do we go and what do we do when we get there, guys?

[Nikose Tyris]

>Take coffin out of case

>Get in coffin

[Thadius]

>Take coffin out of case

>Take coffin
Taken

I should tell you, treasures not being in the case lowers our score by five points.

>Get in coffin

>Get in coffin
You have a theory on how to board a gold coffin, perhaps?

Huh. Cryptic response. But since the coffin isn't a boat...

>Put coffin back in case
Done

Well that was amusing. Now what?

[Nikose Tyris]

Darn. I was hoping by actually crawling into the coffin, it'd be dark enough for a grue attack.

Shit, I dunno what to do now.

>Go Exploring somewhere you have never been before.

[Thadius]

Darn. I was hoping by actually crawling into the coffin, it'd be dark enough for a grue attack.

I have predicted this turn of events by never letting go of the torch ever.

>Go Exploring somewhere you have never been before.

That leaves us with the round room and its many potential exits, or the up stairs in the room formerly known as loud.

[Nikose Tyris]

>Up stairs in the room formerly known as loud

[Thadius]

>Up stairs in the room formerly known as loud

>These shoes were made for walkin'...
And that's just what they'll do...

Deep Canyon
You are on the south edge of a deep canyon. Passages lead off to the east, northwest, and southwest. A stairway leads down. You can hear the sound of flowing water from below.

Whelp. More choices.

[Nikose Tyris]

>Leap off canyon into water

[Flarecobra]

East.

[Thadius]

>Leap off canyon into water

>Jump
Wheeeeeeeeee!!!!!

East.

>East
Dam
You are standing on the top of the Flood Control Dam #3, which was quite a tourist attraction in times far distant. There are paths to the north, south, and west, and a scramble down.
The sluice gates on the dam are closed. Behind the dam, there can be seen a wide reservoir. Water is pouring over the top of the now abandoned dam.
There is a control panel here, on which a large metal bolt is mounted.
Directly above the bolt is a small green plastic bubble.

Machinery! Excitement! Wait, can we actually use this stuff?

[Aerozord]

I feel abit lost on navigation, is this house full of wormholes or something?

[Thadius]

Actually the first step in going, well, ANYWHERE, is to go 'down' through the trapdoor in the living room. So the house isn't full of wormholes. It's just above the start of a massive cave system.

That being said, navigation CAN be difficult. Maps are at once needed greatly and impossible to keep accurate without great pains.

[Aerozord]

Actually the first step in going, well, ANYWHERE, is to go 'down' through the trapdoor in the living room. So the house isn't full of wormholes. It's just above the start of a massive cave system.

That being said, navigation CAN be difficult. Maps are at once needed greatly and impossible to keep accurate without great pains.

oh, so less universal nexus, and more Umbrella Co.

[Nikose Tyris]

>RELEASE THE FLOODGATES

[Thadius]

>RELEASE THE FLOODGATES

>Push bubble
Pushing the green bubble doesn't seem to work.

>Turn bolt
What do you want to turn the bolt with?

>Hands
The bolt won't turn using the pair of hands.

Doesn't look like we can do that yet. Pick a direction and we'll come back for that, should flooding be in our future.

[Nikose Tyris]

>scramble down

[Thadius]

>scramble down

>Down
Dam Base
You are at the base of Flood Control Dam #3, which looms above you and to the north. The river Frigid is flowing by here. Along the river are the White Cliffs which seem to form giant walls stretching from north to south along the shores of the river as it winds its way downstream.
There is a folded pile of plastic here which has a small valve attached.

Oooh, an inflatable thing!

>Blow in valve
You don't have enough lung power to inflate it.

Aww, shucks. Well this was a bummer. We can't go any direction at all down here.

>North
Dam

So which way now?

[Nikose Tyris]

>South?

[Thadius]

>South?

>South
Deep canyon

Running out of directions, though!

>East
Dam

We haven't gone north or west yet. One of those must be helpful!

[Nikose Tyris]

>North; If wrong, West; If Wrong, Hurl self screaming off cliff

[Thadius]

>North

>North
Dam Lobby
This room appears to have been the waiting room for groups touring the dam. There are open doorways here to the north and east marked "Private", and there is a path leading south over the top of the dam.
Some guidebooks entitled "Flood Control Dam #3" are on the reception desk.
There is a matchbook whose cover says "Visit Beautiful FCD#3" here.

Matches! I think that's a thing we were looking for!

>Take matches
Taken

Private door time! North, we choose you!

>North
Maintenance Room
This is what appears to have been the maintenance room for Flood Control Dam #3. Apparently, this room has been ransacked recently, for most of the valuable equipment is gone. On the wall in front of you is a group of buttons colored blue, yellow, brown, and red. There are doorways to the west and south.
There is a group of tool chests here.
There is a wrench here.
There is an object which looks like a tube of toothpaste here.
There is a screwdriver here.

More loot! This stuff might actually be useful!

>Take all
Group of tool chest: The chests are so rusty and corroded that they crumble when you touch them.
Wrench: Taken.
Tube: Taken.
Screwdriver: Taken.

Now. We have buttons. Which ones shall we press?

[Nikose Tyris]

> BLUE

[Thadius]

> BLUE

>Push blue button
There is a rumbling sound and a stream of water appears to burst from the east wall of the room (apparently, a leak has occurred in a pipe).
The water level here is now up to your ankles.

This is bad.

[akaSM]

Play Dam Hero in what is obviously a Dam Hero console-thing

[Nikose Tyris]

>RED

>RED

>BLUE

>BROWN

>BROWN

>BLUE

>BLUE

>ALL AT ONCE

[Thadius]

>RED

>Push red button
The lights within the room come on.
The water level here is now up to your shin.

>RED

>Again
The lights within the room shut off.
The water level here is now up to your shin.

>BLUE

>Push blue button.
The blue button appears to be jammed.
The water level here is now up to your knees.

>BROWN

>Push brown button
Click.
The water level here is now up to your knees

>BROWN

>Again
Click.
The water level here is now up to your hips.

>BLUE

>Push blue button
The blue button appears to be jammed.
The water level here is now up to your hips.

>BLUE

>Again
The blue button appears to be jammed.
The water level here is now up to your waist.

>ALL AT ONCE

The game won't let us do that. It will, however, let us die.

Can we not do that? Please?

[Flarecobra]

> Yellow.

[Thadius]

> Yellow.

>Push yellow button
Click.
The water level here is now up to your waist.

...I'm fairly sure I didn't ask to drown this morning.

...Fairly sure.

[Flarecobra]

Can you move south?

[Thadius]

Can you move south?

Lemme see.

>South
Dam Lobby

Huh. It would appear so!

>South
Dam
The green bubble is glowing now.

[akaSM]

up up down down left right left right B A start

Or show your wrench to the blue button

[Flarecobra]

Poke the bubble.

[Thadius]

Poke the bubble.

>Poke bubble
What do you want to poke the bubble with?

>Hands
Trying to destroy the green bubble with the pair of hands is futile.

That's an...odd way to phrase that on the part of the game...

[Krylo]

Lick it. It is probably delicious.

[Thadius]

Lick it. It is probably delicious.

>Lick bubble
I don't know the word 'lick'

>Taste bubble
I don't think the green bubble would agree with you.

Probably not.

[Aerozord]

fine, do we still have a weapon? poke the bubble with that

[Thadius]

fine, do we still have a weapon? poke the bubble with that

We left our weapons of war back at the house. However, we recently got a wrench in the room of water. If y'all don't mind, Nik said a few posts back to unleash the flood. While I admit there was flooding in the room, I think this might also qualify.

>Turn bolt with wrench
The sluice gates open and water pours through the dam

That is also an awesome feeling. Do we drop things off at the house and reconsider what to do there, or do we explore what's behind the dam once the water drains?

[Red Mage Black]

Before you go on with the dam, maybe it would be safe to grab one of the weapons of war before exploring behind it? I can't see a wrench doing much damage.

[akaSM]

Preferably, the sword. It's a nice glowy monster detector that can kill them as well.

[Thadius]

Before you go on with the dam, maybe it would be safe to grab one of the weapons of war before exploring behind it? I can't see a wrench doing much damage.

Can do. How about our-

Preferably, the sword. It's a nice glowy monster detector that can kill them as well.

You lot are precognitive, I swear.

>Home, home on the range...
Where the deer and the antelope play...

>Drop junk
Dropped

>Take sword
Taken

>Dam the engines, full speed ahead!

>Dam

We return to the dam, and go the one way we haven't yet gone...

>West
Reservoir South
You are in a long room, to the north of which was formerly a lake. However, with the water level lowered, there is merely a wide stream running through the center of the room.
There is a path along the stream to the east or west, a steep pathway climbing southwest along the edge of a chasm, and a path leading into a canyon to the southeast.

More options than you can shake a sword at!

[Aerozord]

follow the stream, gotta lead to something

by follow it I mean to the source, not sure if thats east or west, guessing west

[Flarecobra]

Can you head north?

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Wagons, EAST!

[Thadius]

follow the stream, gotta lead to something

by follow it I mean to the source, not sure if thats east or west, guessing west

Technically this-

Can you head north?

-Is the same as this.

Wagons, EAST!

Sorry, you've been outvoted.

>North
Reservoir
You are on what used to be a large lake, but which is now a large mud pile.
There are "shores" to the north and south.
Lying half buried in the mud is an old trunk, bulging with jewels.

Shiiiiiiiiiiny.

>Take trunk
Taken

Continuing north in the spirit of exploration...

>North
Reservoir North
You are in a large cavernous room, the south of which was formerly a lake. However, with the water level lowered, there is merely a wide stream running through there.
There is a slimy stairway leaving the room to the north.
There is a hand-held pump here.

Another tool, another passage!

>Take pump
Your load is too heavy.

>Inventory
You are carrying:
A trunk of jewels
A sword
A pair of candles
A torch (Providing light)

[Flarecobra]

Can you drop the jewels off at the home? Or would that take too long?

[Thadius]

Can you drop the jewels off at the home? Or would that take too long?

>Ludicrous speed, GO!

>Take pump
Taken

That didn't take TOO long. Hey, there was a passage north, right?

>North
Atlantis Room
This is an ancient room, long under water. There is an exit to the south and a staircase leading up.
On the shore lies Poseidon's own crystal trident.

Woohoohoo!

>Take trident
Taken

I'm still trying to work out what IS too heavy and what isn't. So far the axe is the biggest thing around besides the coffin.

>Up
Cave
This is a tiny cave with entrances west and north, and a staircase leading down.

Hmm. Seems familiar. Okay, now what?

[Nikose Tyris]

> Go West, Young Thad!

[Thadius]

> Go West, Young Thad!

>West
Twisting passage
This is a twisting passage. It seems that there are only exits on the east and north.

>North
Mirror Room
You are in a large square room with tall ceilings. On the south wall is an enormous mirror which fills the entire wall. There are exits on the other three sides of the room.

Another one of these rooms? Huh. And me without my lucky horseshoe.

[Nikose Tyris]

...>Break Mirror?

[Krylo]

Fix your hair. And for god sake wipe that barbecue sauce off of your mouth. You are a mess.

It's a good thing you have a mirror.

[Thadius]

...>Break Mirror?

>Break mirror with sword
You have broken the mirror. I hope you have a seven years' supply of good luck handy.

>Restore
Ok

Fix your hair. And for god sake wipe that barbecue sauce off of your mouth. You are a mess.

It's a good thing you have a mirror.

>Look at mirror
There is an ugly person staring back at you

Hey! We don't deserve that!

...But we might need this mirror...

[Krylo]

There is something wrong here, we are not that ugly. Examine that person more closely. Perhaps poke it.

[Thadius]

There is something wrong here, we are not that ugly. Examine that person more closely. Perhaps poke it.

>Touch mirror
There is a rumble from deep within the earth and the room shakes

If you've summoned a Balrog on us, I will end you.

[Flarecobra]

Go north. Trust me.

[Thadius]

Go north. Trust me.

>North
Narrow passage

We've...been here?

>North
Round room

Huh. Okay so apparently touching the mirror transposes the mirror rooms or some crazy shit like that. I don't know. I'm not a mirror expert. What I am is a loot expert. I'm gonna go store this trident and tool that we picked up.

>1.21 jiggawats!

>Living room

While here, let's look at our score.

>Score
Your score is 214 (Total of 350) in 518 moves.
This gives you the rank of Adventurer.

Not bad. I'm feeling optimistic about this adventure!

>Look at case
Your collection of treasures consists of:
A crystal trident
A trunk of Jewels
A gold coffin
A scepter
A golden clockwork canary
A jewel-encrusted egg
A chalice
A stiletto
A leather bag of coins
A platinum bar

Little over half of the treasures! Not bad either!

>What tools do we have here?
A sword
A hand-held air pump
An object that looks like a tube of toothpaste
A wrench
A matchbook from Flood Control Dam #3
A screwdriver
A brass lantern
A black book
A brass bell
A clove of garlic
A bloody axe
A glass bottle
A nasty knife
A brown sack
A skeleton key

>Inventory
A torch (Providing light)
A pair of black candles

I feel confident in saying that 1/3 of those have been used and do not need to be used again. Maybe 3/8.

Now. There are passages near mirror rooms and round rooms. There are passages near dams and former reservoirs. There are puzzles we've yet to solve. Eight treasures are out there, thread!

Direct me to them post haste!

[akaSM]

Have we gone down the trapdoor? I'm really curious of what lies in there (hint: it's was Grue last time)

[Krylo]

Get out the book, the bell, and the matches, for tonight we dine in hell.

[Thadius]

Have we gone down the trapdoor? I'm really curious of what lies in there (hint: it's was Grue last time)

Down is the first move in any sequence of moves I do, because down leads me to the cavern system under the house to which all this crazy shenanigans are connected.

>Down
Cellar
You are in a dark and damp cellar with a narrow passageway leading north, and a crawlway to the south. On the west is the bottom of a steep metal ramp which is unclimbable.

See?

Get out the book, the bell, and the matches, for tonight we dine in hell.

Oh man. Are you...yes, you're sure. Okay.

>Up
Living room

>Take book, bell, matches
Taken

>Go to hell. Go directly to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 souls.

>Entrance to Hades

Okay. Now what?

[akaSM]

Well, Hell will have to do instead of a creepy basement :P

...enter hell Hades?

What are our options there?

[Krylo]

PERFORM THE RITUAL!

Perhaps it is in the book?

[Thadius]

Well, Hell will have to do instead of a creepy basement :P

...enter hell Hades?

What are our options there?

Well so long as we don't try to interact with the gate or the spirits guarding it, then we should be fine.

However, that just won't do. There should be something we could do, otherwise this wouldn't be a location.

PERFORM THE RITUAL!

Perhaps it is in the book?

Reading the book just tells me what it told me when I read it the first time. No new pages since we got it, apparently. Did you have a list of actions and an order in which you wanted them to be performed for this ritual?

[Krylo]

Well I understand the hint and know how to do it, but I know 'cause of experience so I wanna see if someone else can figure it out or at least piece together PART of it so:

Commandment #12592
Oh ye who go about saying unto each: "Hello sailor":
Dost thou know the magnitude of thy sin before the gods?
Yea, verily, thou shalt be ground between two stones.
Shall the angry gods cast thy body into the whirlpool?
Surely, thy eye shall be put out with a sharp stick!
Even unto the ends of the earth shalt thou wander and
Unto the land of the dead shalt thou be sent at last.
Surely thou shalt repent of thy cunning.

Book passage.

I'll suggest something soonish if no one else does.

[akaSM]

Odysseus? Didn't Flare mention that some time ago?

[Thadius]

Odysseus? Didn't Flare mention that some time ago?

>Odysseus
Wasn't he a sailor?

I know sometimes I may confuse you lot with all the ad-libbing I do, but trust me here. That one IS in the game.

[Flarecobra]

No. You're thinking Ulyssies. From The Odyssey by Homer.

[Thadius]

No. You're thinking Ulyssies. From The Odyssey by Homer.

>Ulysseus
Wasn't he a sailor?

Doesn't matter which name you go by, the game knows if you're a sailor or not.

[akaSM]

Popeye?

[Thadius]

Popeye?

>Popeye
I don't know the word "Popeye".

Aw. And we were just starting to have fun.

Wait. Having fun. Near hell. Um.

...We should be doing something about this...

[Krylo]

Ring the bell.

[Flarecobra]

How about "Bob?"

>Consult Journal left by ancesters. (http://www.gamefaqs.com/pc/564446-zork-i/faqs/13728)

[Krylo]

The journal is boooooring, just ring the bell, and record the effects!

[Thadius]

How about "Bob?"

>Bob
I don't know the word 'Bob'.

>Consult journal left by ancestors. (http://www.gamefaqs.com/pc/564446-zork-i/faqs/13728)

I'll be having none of that! You lot can make maps on your own, but I certainly won't be keeping one!

Ring the bell.

Diiiiiiiinner!

>Ring the bell
The bell suddenly becomes red hot and falls to the ground. The wraiths, as if paralyzed, stop their jeering and slowly turn to face you. On their ashen faces, the expression of a long-forgotten terror takes shape.
In your confusion, the candles drop to the ground (and they are out).

Ohfuck this is probably very bad.

[Krylo]

OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wait a little while. Record results.

Then restore and try again, but this time light the candles after picking them up! With the matches!

[Thadius]

OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wait a little while. Record results.

After five turns:

>Wait
Time passes...
The tension of the ceremony is broken, and the wraiths, amused but shaken at your clumsy attempt, resume their hideous jeering.

So we've got that long to do...something.

Then restore and try again, but this time light the candles after picking them up! With the matches!

This'll do!

>Restore
Ok.

>Ring bell

>Open matchbook
You have five matches

>Light match
The match starts to burn brightly

>Light candles with match
The candles are lit.
The match has gone out.

>Take candles
Taken
The flames flicker wildly and appear to dance. The earth beneath your feet trembles, and your legs nearly buckle beneath you. The spirits cower at your unearthly power.

This does not look like an improvement!

[Krylo]

>Cackle maniacally while reveling in your power!

>Wait this book seems kinda black magicky. . .

>Read the book!

>Cackle more!

[Thadius]

>Cackle maniacally while reveling in your power!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

>Wait this book seems kinda black magicky. . .

So doesn't the Necronomicon.

>Read the book!

If you say so.

>Read book
Each word of the prayer reverberates through the hall in a deafening confusion. As the last word fades, a voice, loud and commanding, speaks: "Begone, fiends!" A heart-stopping scream fills the cavern, and the spirits, sensing a greater power, flee through the walls.

>Cackle more!

.....

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

Now. Let's put these candles out and see what they were keeping me from.

>Put out candles
The flames is extinguished

>Go through gate
Land of the Dead
You have entered the Land of the Living Dead. Thousands of lost souls can be heard weeping and moaning. In the corner are stacked the remains of dozens of previous adventurers less fortunate than yourself. A passage exits to the north.
Lying in one corner of the room is a beautifully carved crystal skull. It appears to be grinning at you rather nastily.

Indiana Jones we aren't, but that skull has a date with our trophy case!

>Take skull
Taken

>North
Entrance to Hades
On the ground is a red hot bell.

No sense leaving it. I'll just wait for it to cool down and take it with me.

>Wait
Time passes...
The bell appears to have cooled down.

>Take bell
Taken

>Operator, get me the hell out of here!

>Living room

Whelp. Another one down. Oh and I just tested the stiletto, it too is not a treasure, but a killing implement. Apparently there's a difference. I still think of it as a trophy, anyways. Ten treasures in the case, one in my hands. Eight more out there.

Where to next, thread?

[Krylo]

Also, for the record, the book's passage is supposed to reference catholic excommunication, which is what we just did to those spirits. Well, more or less.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

>Go back and check out the basement. Surely nothing down there could spook us after the whole Land of the Living Dead

[Thadius]

>Go back and check out the basement. Surely nothing down there could spook us after the whole Land of the Living Dead

>Down
Cellar

>South
East of Chasm

>Look
You are on the east edge of a chasm, the bottom of which cannot be seen. A narrow passage goes north, and the path you are on continues to the east

>East
Gallery
This is an art gallery. Most of the paintings have been stolen by vandals with exceptional taste. The vandals left through either the north or west exits. Fortunately, there is still one chance for you to be a vandal, for on the far wall is a painting of unparalleled beauty.

Well. A DaVinci this isn't, but it's most likely a treasure.

>Take painting
Taken

>North
Studio
This appears to have been an artist's studio. The walls and floors are splattered with paints of 69 different colors. Strangely enough, nothing of value is hanging here. At the south end of the room is an open door (also covered with paint). A dark and narrow chimney leads up from a fireplace; although you might be able to get up it, it seems unlikely you could get back down.
Loosely attached to a wall is a small piece of paper.

Can we go up there with our load?

>Up
You can't get up there with what you're carrying.

Nope. I think it does a weight check, and the torch is ALWAYS too heavy. We might be able to do it with the lantern and just this treasure, but we don't have to do that anyways.

>South

>West

>North

>Up

>Put painting in case

Our list of areas to explore is becoming rapidly smaller.

[Shyria Dracnoir]

>Make like Bizzaro Santa and shimmy up that chimney

[Thadius]

>Make like Bizzaro Santa and shimmy up that chimney

>Get back down there
Done

>Up
You can't get up there with what you're carrying

>Inventory
You are carrying:
A torch (Providing light)

Not happening.

>Restore
Ok.

[Krylo]

Check that note.

[Thadius]

Check that note.

>Why do I keep going down there?!

>Read paper
(Taken)

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are the privileged owner of ZORK 1: The Great Underground Empire, a self-contained and self-maintaining universe. If used and maintained in accordance with normal operating practices for small universes, ZORK will provide many months of trouble-free operation.

I know we have infinite light and all, but we could think of something better to do.

>Restore
Ok.

>Living room

[Flarecobra]

Replace torch with lantern, lit of course.

Try going back up.

[Thadius]

Replace torch with lantern, lit of course.

Try going back up.

>Is it groundhog day in here?

>Up
Kitchen

...

...Can...can we stop now? We have a round room with half its exits left and a dam that's been drained we could be exploring.

[Flarecobra]

What exits have we not gone down in the round room then?

[Thadius]

What exits have we not gone down in the round room then?

Well let's see.

>Do the time warp

>NW
You can't go that way.

>NE
No.

>SW
Stop.

>Up
Nothing there.

>Down
Wrong!

Huh. Okay I guess we HAVE been everywhere in the Round room then.

>North
North-South Passage
This is a high north-south passage, which forks to the northeast.

Or...not? Okay, north or northeast?

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Northeast

[Thadius]

Northeast

>NE
Deep canyon

Thiiiiiiiis is above the Loud Room. No, I don't know how.

>SW

>N
Chasm
A chasm runs southwest to northeast and the path follows it. You are on the south side of the chasm, where a crack opens into a passage.

Following the path...

>NE

>Reservoir South

Taaaaaakes us back here. The one way we haven't been from here is west, so...

>West
Stream View
You are standing on a path beside a gently flowing stream. The path follows the stream, which flows from west to east.

Continuing!

>West
The stream emerges from a spot too small for you to enter

Or not. Okay, heading back to the reservoir now.

>Reservoir south

So we're at the great outdoors again. Now what?

[Flarecobra]

Look for a mine?

And prep for it obviously.

[Thadius]

Look for a mine?


I'm not sure this is a safe idea...

>Go to mirror room
Done

>Touch mirror
There is a rumble from deep within the earth and the room shakes

>North
Cold Passage
This is a cold and damp corridor where a long east-west passageway turns into a southward path.

Blind choices! Okay, I will continue to stumble until the mine is found.

>East
You can't go that way

Or maybe not so blind...

>West
Slide Room
This is a small chamber, which appears to have been part of a coal mine. On the south wall of the chamber the letters "Granite Wall" are etched in the rock. To the east is a long passage, and there is a steep metal slide twisting downward. To the north is a small opening.

>North
Mine Entrance
You are standing at the entrance of what might have been a coal mine. The shaft enters the west wall, and there is another exit on the south end of the room.

>West
Squeaky Room
You are in a small room. Strange squeaky sounds may be heard coming from the passage at the north end. You may also escape to the east.

>North
Bat Room
You are in a small room which has doors only to the east and south.
There is an exquisite jade figurine here.

Awesome! >Take figur-

A large vampire bat, hanging from the ceiling, swoops down at you!
Fweep!
Fweep!
Fweep!

The bat grabs you by the scruff of your neck and lifts you away....

Coal Mine
This is a non-descript part of a coal mine.

Not only did that bat keep us from the treasure, he dumped us in a maze! It's not as bad as the other one, and we have this eternally burning torch now.

>Run maze
Gas Room
This is a small room which smells strongly of coal gas. There is a short climb up some stairs and a narrow tunnel leading east.
There is a sapphire-encrusted bracelet here.

Treasure! Wait. Gas?

Oh dear. It appears that the smell coming from this room was coal gas. I would have thought twice about carrying flaming objects in here.

**BOOOOOOOOOOM**

****You have died****

Note to self, ditch eternally burning flame.

As you take your last breath, you feel relieved of your burdens. The feeling passes as you find yourself before the gates of Hell, where the spirits jeer at you and deny you entry. Your senses are disturbed. The objects in the dungeon appear indistinct, bleached of color, even unreal.

Great. Dead and in hell. And didn't we take care of those spirits? Ah well.

>Restore
No, really?

Fortunately, that slide room can be used like so:

>Down
Cellar

Hey, that's that unclimbable ramp! Which means-

>Up
Living room
There are many items here.

And prep for it obviously.

Ayup. Okay we saw a few distinct threats in that mine. We have all manner of tools at our disposal. Now. Present to me the answer to the RIDDLE OF THE EXPLOSIVE MINES!

[Shyria Dracnoir]

Vampires hate garlic. Therefore, you need to find the nearest clove of garlic and rub it all over yourself like it was a stick of Old Spice.

EDIT: Also, go back and exchange the everburning torch for the lantern. Batteries shouldn't spark the gases.

[Thadius]

Vampires hate garlic. Therefore, you need to find the nearest clove of garlic and rub it all over yourself like it was a stick of Old Spice.

EDIT: Also, go back and exchange the everburning torch for the lantern. Batteries shouldn't spark the gases.

Can do.

>Take garlic, lantern
Taken

>Drop torch
Dropped

>Go back to mines
Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go...

Bat Room
You are in a small room which has doors only to the east and south.
In the corner of the room on the ceiling is a large vampire bat who is obviously deranged and holding his nose.
There is an exquisite jade figurine here.

Take this, you silly bat!

>Drop garlic, take figurine
Garlic: dropped
Figurine: taken

And now to continue exploration of this mine.

>East
Shaft room

http://www.mediacircus.net/shaft__________1.jpg

This is a large room, in the middle of which is a small shaft descending through the floor into darkness below. To the west and north are exits from this room. Constructed over the top of the shaft is a metal framework to which a heavy iron chain is attached.
At the end of the chain is a basket.

Oh. Okay. Hmm. Well what now? Do I fiddle around with this basket or keep exploring?