This barista is so beautiful it's not even funny. How can I win her heart?!?

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Bro, where abouts are you? I'll bring you a party right now. It'll be a rocking hobo party.

[Nikose Tyris]

Stay there, work all day, occasionally grunt at your computer, furiously type as often as possible, on your third coffee offhandedly mention how frustrated you are with your writing project.

When she asks what you're working on, tell her honestly and maybe make up a point that you're stuck on- and then ask what her opinion is of [POTENTIAL ANSWER A].

Listen to her advice, then thank her, tell her you really like that, possibly even add that to what you're working on, and then later on (probably 5th or 6th cup of coffee) thank her, compliment her intelligence, ask if she does any writing on the side. Mention that you're here to avoid distractions from other sources.

If she is still on shift when you go to pack up, then pack up first, and before leaving, ask if you can give her your phone number, and invite her to call you - you found her intelligent and charming, and you really admire that.

Do not compliment her on being jaw droppingly beautiful. That's second-date material. You're on "I don't even know her name" territory.


AND FOR GOD SAKE IF SHE IS WEARING A NAME TAG DO NOT JUST USE HER NAME. THAT SHIT BE CREEPY SON.

[Krylo]

OR OR OR

Here's an idea: Walk up to her and ask for her number. If she turns you down, just smile, shrug, and move on with life. Don't use any facades, don't try to be clever or funny or 'charming'. It's not a bar or a club or whatever else, and she's not there to listen to your lame attempts to get chicks.

Thus, if you absolutely must make your move on this poor woman, just do it quick and precise with minimal awkwardness for everyone involved.

Stuttering and sounding like a nervous moron is optional.

[Professor Smarmiarty]

Originally Posted by Krylo

OR OR OR

Here's an idea: Walk up to her and ask for her number. If she turns you down, just smile, shrug, and move on with life. Don't use any facades, don't try to be clever or funny or 'charming'. It's not a bar or a club or whatever else, and she's not there to listen to your lame attempts to get chicks.

Thus, if you absolutely must make your move on this poor woman, just do it quick and precise with minimal awkwardness for everyone involved.

Stuttering and sounding like a nervous moron is optional.

We are trying to emotionally scar him for life. Did you not get the memo?

[Kim]

Originally Posted by Krylo

OR OR OR

Here's an idea: Walk up to her and ask for her number. If she turns you down, just smile, shrug, and move on with life. Don't use any facades, don't try to be clever or funny or 'charming'. It's not a bar or a club or whatever else, and she's not there to listen to your lame attempts to get chicks.

Thus, if you absolutely must make your move on this poor woman, just do it quick and precise with minimal awkwardness for everyone involved.

Stuttering and sounding like a nervous moron is optional.

.

[Solid Snake]

Unlike you Krylo, I am not devilishly handsome, roguish and/or brazenly psychopathic enough to pull off such a trick!
Instead I am a skinny four-eyed freckled dork who has not fully mastered the art of moving my lips and making cognizable sounds in front of females.
If only my parents gave me better genes!

[Terex4]

I'd do what Nikose says. Besides that, casually asking her advice will also help you get to know her better. You're an intelligent guy, you probably won't be happy with a beautiful ditz in the long term, so give her the opportunity to show her intellect in a friendly setting.

That accomplishes several things, including banishing any thoughts that you're just a creepy guy who uses a laptop to hang out in her coffee shop.

The biggest problem in my opinion is the "try to win her heart" mentality. Relationships go both ways and she has to want it too in an honest and non-won over way. Your frustration with your work and need for a second opinion is a perfect way to break the ice and for the two of you to start to get to know each other.

I wouldn't grunt too much though, grunting is only attractive in construction workers and bikers.

[Mr.Bookworm]

Don't hit on her, just talk to her whenever you go up there sometime, be polite all of the time, and because physical beauty is only 99.99% of a relationship, you should probably make sure you actually like her for more than her looks.

Be patient. If she's as pretty as you say she is (take pictures), you don't want to be guy number 483 who chats her up and then asks her out.

My two cents anyway.

Or what Nikose said.

Or what Krylo said.

[Kim]

Originally Posted by Solid Snake

Unlike you Krylo, I am not devilishly handsome, roguish and/or brazenly psychopathic enough to pull off such a trick!
Instead I am a skinny four-eyed freckled dork who has not fully mastered the art of moving my lips and making cognizable sounds in front of females.
If only my parents gave me better genes!

Krylo's advice is pretty much the only decent advice in the entire thread, though I'm still an avid supporter of finding people and just getting drunk. If you can't take the good advice, I honestly don't know why you're asking for advice in the first place. It's not "Here's some good advice, but if you can't do that here are some other things you can try that might work." It's just "Here's some good advice. All other advice ends in failure and a really awkward time every time you go back to the coffee shop."

[Premmy]

Originally Posted by Solid Snake

Unlike you Krylo, I am not devilishly handsome, roguish and/or brazenly psychopathic enough to pull off such a trick!
Instead I am a skinny four-eyed freckled dork who has not fully mastered the art of moving my lips and making cognizable sounds in front of females.
If only my parents gave me better genes!

It took me a long time to realize I'm not as lame as I think I am, but you need to hurry up with that shit, seriously, just go talk to her.