The Dreadful

Krylo · 03-02-2011, 01:00 AM

It is dreadfully wordy, but I think it works. Assuming the little lady there is prone to rambling monologues, that is. It's a matter of whether her giving a judge an impromptu speech like that is in character.

Right now I can only assume it is, and thus approve of it. If that's not the case, however, welp.

It's also a pretty decent vehicle to explain her past in a way that doesn't come off as an exposition dump, while still getting us all (or a lot, at least) of the important information. From the mention of 'her kind' to her explaining some of her motivations and her job.

You could have done some more back and forth between them over a couple of pages, but it would have slowed the pace, and it's entirely justifiable to want to condense the 'boring' exposition as much as possible.

OR TL;DR it's too early to judge whether it was too wordy. Need to know... Kit you said her name was? Need to know her better. It's a decent vehicle, though, assuming it's in character for her.

03-02-2011, 01:00 AM	#11
Krylo The Straightest Shota Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: It's a secret to everybody. Posts: 17,789	It is dreadfully wordy, but I think it works. Assuming the little lady there is prone to rambling monologues, that is. It's a matter of whether her giving a judge an impromptu speech like that is in character. Right now I can only assume it is, and thus approve of it. If that's not the case, however, welp. It's also a pretty decent vehicle to explain her past in a way that doesn't come off as an exposition dump, while still getting us all (or a lot, at least) of the important information. From the mention of 'her kind' to her explaining some of her motivations and her job. You could have done some more back and forth between them over a couple of pages, but it would have slowed the pace, and it's entirely justifiable to want to condense the 'boring' exposition as much as possible. OR TL;DR it's too early to judge whether it was too wordy. Need to know... Kit you said her name was? Need to know her better. It's a decent vehicle, though, assuming it's in character for her. __________________ I am very tired.