Corrupted Wishes

[ChaoticBrain]

Originally Posted by BardTheFifthLightWarrior

Granted, but no one cares.

...HEY WAIT A MINUTE. You didn't really grant my wish! Why, you're not a real genie at all!

Originally Posted by BardTheFifthLightWarrior

I wish I had a sassy gay friend.

Granted. You are now a character in a hit sitcom, and are doomed to living a life of idiot plots and zero character development, where you never get a girlfriend that stays longer than a week because a trivial misunderstanding about a perfectly normal character flaw drives each one away, where any fortune that comes into your life will just as quickly leave so that the status quo is maintained, and where true happiness is always out of your grasp because, after all, the audiences find your suffering absolutely hilarious.

Also, your sassy gay friend never stops making smart remarks.

I wish I had a Bag of Holding.

[Aldurin]

Granted, but you accidentally turn the bag inside-out and sinch it shut, creating a black hole and making yourself the first victim.

I wish I could cast Mass Heal whenever I wanted to (great for disasters and zombie apocalypses).

[Geminex]

Granted. Unfortunately you also get an aura of magic immunity, preventing anyone from being affected by magic of any kind.

I wish Hussie would finish the flash animation.

[ChaoticBrain]

Granted, but it's so bad that it becomes a fountain of internet memes, and no one will shut up about it.

I wish the Distant Worlds tour would come back to Chicago soon.

[Bard The 5th LW]

Granted, but there is a fire that week. They are in no shape to perform.

I wish I was a wizard.

[ChaoticBrain]

Granted. You and Sarda switch lives. You go through all the torment and suffering of his slightly-longer-than-the-universe life, only to become a sock puppet for Chaos.

I wish my classes started later in the day.

[Aldurin]

Originally Posted by ChaoticBrain

I wish my classes started later in the day.

Granted. But now your classes are twice as long and occupy all of the time that you used to not have classes.

(Note to ChaoticBrain, wait for 4 other people to reply before you do another)

I wish I could channel one-way telepathic control over my computer and code anything I want faster than EA, Nintendo and SEGA combined.

[Geminex]

Granted. But you can only code in ~ATH. Also, you become really terrible at coding.

Also also, the game was stagnating, so I guess it's fine that Brain posted.

I wish I was omniscient.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Granted, you now know everything there is to know in the entire universe. You know the composition and arrangement of every element, the location of every galaxy, star, planet, asteroid, comet, gas cloud and fleck of dust. You understand every scientific principle and mathematical equation. You know the names, locations, thoughts and actions of every biological being in creation and the location of every cell within each of their beings and the location of every other biological cell right down the most insignificant single cell microbe. You can sense the speed, direction and location of every atom in existence from the birth of the universe onwards until the end of time and can accurately predict everything that ever was, is and shall be.

The information fries your simple human mind and leaves you less than a gibbering wreck of a man, your very soul destroyed.


I wish I didn't have this damn cold any more.

[Rejected Again]

Granted, you go to the doctor and he gives you meds.
The side effects include:
Headaches, upset stomach, nausea, problems with sexual health, dizziness, problems sleeping, drowsiness, weight changes, anxiety/agitation, decreased or blurred vision, vertigo, random detaching of limbs, full dilation of the right pupil, heart reversal, navel discharge, skin failure, full body shrinkage, spontaneous combustion, planned combustion, male pregnancy, post-modern apathy, black plague, deja vu, alien abduction, prenatal baldness, homicidal mania, dry mouth, dry blood, sissyness, loss of all emotion and assimilation into the hive mind, addiction, bad hair days, severe addiction, the need to sell your body on the street to feed that addiction, deja vu, lumbago, Saint Vitus dance, "permanent winky retreat", oily discharge, fecal complexion, fear of clowns, molting or shedding of exoskeleton, inbreeding, Presbyterianism, inability to use spoons, mystic enlightenment, funk, devil's haircut, stinkfist, electric head, x-ray vision and super strength, demagoguery, piano legs, change in complexion, change in ethnicity, Russian accent, deja vu, entropy, tin ear, comical Jesse Helms like jowls, Siamese twin, Vietnam War flashbacks, loss of balance, the munchies, crab lice, explosive diarrhea, explosive (literally) diarrhea, evil eye and this product has also been known to cause the dead to rise and eat human flesh.

Colds not so bad now is it?

I wish I got paid more.