Love is in the air and all up in here.

[A Zarkin' Frood]

Hello everyone, you may have been wondering why I have become somewhat less active these last few weeks. Or maybe months? I don't know. Anyway, I'd be too happy to share the reason with you: I'm in love! I'm completely smitten. Absolutely hopeless. This girl, she is amazing. No one gets me like her (and no one gets her like me if you know what I mean). This is the first time I truly love. And being loved just feels so awesome.

This may surprise most who know me here, but I'm actually a little old fashioned when it comes to confessing my feelings. I write love letters. I write them on nice paper with a fountain pen, put them in envelopes put a stamp on them and send them via mail. I know, most people would say it's a very personal thing, but I'm just so happy, I want to share my happiness with everyone. Because as Ghandi or some completely different fella once said „Happiness is the only thing that does not decrease when you share it“. Have my limitless supply of happiness!

This is actually the third letter I sent to her. The first was a poem about how I accidentally downloaded porn while I was looking for something for her and in the second one I just told her about my cat, but opened it as a „joke“ like a love letter. I made it look like a joke because I was not yet ready to truly confess how I felt. But now I am, and I still have that letter saved here, and since I'm just so glad I can have feelings like that for someone I want to share my love letter with you. Just bear in mind that I translated it from German, so there may be some conventions and expressions untypical for English letters, but I had to keep them in some cases, you'll probably be able to see why when something sounds off.

Anyway, yes. Here it is. Oh, wait. Just pretend that all the i-dots are hearts like in my actual letter, okay?

My dearest (her name)

I understand you were disappointed I didn't write you a love letter. I'm very sorry. I thought you would dislike such expression of my affection to you. But I want to make up for that by showing you all my innermost feelings. I started it in my last letter, but I'll just start over, okay?

I love you, you are the light of my live, your splendor is what makes me shine [Note: a more accurate translation would be "your shine makes me shine" but that sounds dumb, amirite???]. Without you my life has no meaning and I'd rather be dead than exist in a world without you. You can't separate us (without getting a F- in english). My love for you is like a truck and has six wheels. But with your love as a trailer we have ten!. [Note: Yes, this exclamation mark IS extra punctuated with a period] That's right, your love has fewer wheels, but all the cool stuff is in it. Like your inner values. Kinda like a purse, only a trailer. Man, I don't get this. Love is so complicated with all these containers of various sizes and I don't even have a license for trucks. I can probably connect the trailer to the car, but actually driving it? I don't know. Oh right, container, you put stuff into it, enclose it if you will (Best transition EVER). SD cards are containers of sorts too, and they are enclosed with this letter. Let me prove my love with their contents, because inner values are what matters!

To underline important they are to me I'll send you the first few seasons of a show starring two plastic surgeons and a movie in which people are sewn together at parts I will not name here. Isn't that romantic?

In eternal, neverending, borderless and ceaseless love
Your _______________________________________(my Name)
^Insert your own adjectives describing me here^

(attached are two SD cards, containing the first three seasons of Nip/Tuck and the movie Human Centipede)

And yes, I sent that letter. Yes, also the other two I mentioned.