This barista is so beautiful it's not even funny. How can I win her heart?!?

[Krylo]

Originally Posted by Smarty McBarrelpants

We are trying to emotionally scar him for life. Did you not get the memo?

Isn't Snake like the male version of Drew Barrymore from Never Been Kissed?

I'm pretty sure there's no more we can do to emotionally scar him in the way of women.

Originally Posted by Solid Snake

Unlike you Krylo, I am not devilishly handsome, roguish and/or brazenly psychopathic enough to pull off such a trick!
Instead I am a skinny four-eyed freckled dork who has not fully mastered the art of moving my lips and making cognizable sounds in front of females.
If only my parents gave me better genes!

I did say the stutt-t-t-t-t-ering was optional.

Originally Posted by Mr.Bookworm

Be patient. If she's as pretty as you say she is (take pictures), you don't want to be guy number 483 who chats her up and then asks her out.

Which is why he should skip the chatting her up and just head straight for his inevitable rejection. Or acceptance, as unlikely as that may seem.

The chatting every day/all day while he works thing builds up a repertoire with her and increases chances of success, sure, but if she's a pretty barista she hears it about a million times a day from hipsters and the like, I'm sure, so it's not like the chances of acceptance are going to be super-high, anyway, if he does the same thing as every other dude who walks in there, and it's also going to make it much more awkward if/when she rejects him due to said repertoire.

[Kim]

More adviceMore bad advice: Go up to her and start rapping about law school. Throw in clever references to the Ace Attorney franchise.

[Bells]

What i can offer you is that if she is THAT alluring that just staring at her breaks your game, then, if you get an opening, just be flat out honest and talk about how you were feeling awkward cause she is actually so beautiful you had trouble not looking at her.

That usually dials the creepiness down to cuteness if the girl is receptive.

[Solid Snake]

Originally Posted by NonCon

: Go up to her and start rapping about law school. Throw in clever references to the Ace Attorney franchise.

This is the best advice ever.
I think I'll throw in a few subtle comparisons between her and Franziska von Karma and how they're both extraordinarily charming and intelligent individuals worthy of affection.

But the rap should generally be about how both Phoenix and I struggle with understanding the Law and yet we will both persevere with the assistance of underage girls.
...I think that will go over very well. Don't you?

[Seil]

What are you doing for lunch today?

[Loyal]

Originally Posted by Solid Snake

This is the best advice ever.
I think I'll throw in a few subtle comparisons between her and Franziska von Karma and how they're both extraordinarily charming and intelligent individuals worthy of affection.

But the rap should generally be about how both Phoenix and I struggle with understanding the Law and yet we will both persevere with the assistance of underage girls.
...I think that will go over very well. Don't you?

Before you run off to your barista, you should check it with us first to make sure those rhymes are stupid fresh.

Show us what you're made of, bro.

[Solid Snake]

*sigh*

She's gone. It's over. False alarm, peoples. Solid Snake had his chance, as he always has and forever will, but as usual he found a way to lose everything because he is a pathetic wuss who always fucks everything up and doesn't deserve to be happy. =(

Now I'll just let the inevitable depression sink in as I continue reading this statute and pretending my lackluster life has meaning. =( =( =(

[Rejected Again]

Dude, she works there. She has to come back some time. Then just......I can't belive I'm about to say it. Listen to Krylo. Besides, it could just be a lunch break. Deep breaths man.

[Jagos]

Is it just something about the wiring?

Are there really no other people able to give advice save Krylo?

Go up to her, say these words here:

Hi, I noticed that you're very alluring. Are you single?

Just see if she's looking, if not, no harm done, you can shrug it off and she may respect you more for coming off as a man. Who knows? She may have a sister.

[Lumenskir]

I'm roadtripping up to DC for 4th of July. Assuming this is where you still are, just PM the name of the place and an appropriate time and we can do a variation on the beach bully caper (Me: Assholish and lechy, You: Defending her honor).

Countless old teeny bopper beach movies can't be wrong.