How to Spot a Masturbator

[bluestarultor]

Originally Posted by Osterbaum

If you had a laptop, why not masturbate in bed?

Because you have to sleep in your bed.



Something that bothers me about the bed test: what about wet dreams? Seriously, part of puberty here. I'm sure a lot more guys whiten their sheets by accident than intentionally. And that's just as embarrassing for a teen to talk about. At least that's out of your control, though, rather than mucking it up on purpose.

[Kim]

Originally Posted by bluestarultor

Because you have to sleep in your bed.

A fair point, though that's kinda why people wash their sheets every once in a while. That, and all the dead skin that your body is constantly leaving behind I mean eeeeewwwwww. Dead skin is far grosser than semen.

I'm sure a lot more guys whiten their sheets by accident than intentionally.

I'm not sure I agree with your assessment.

[bluestarultor]

Originally Posted by NonCon

A fair point, though that's kinda why people wash their sheets every once in a while. That, and all the dead skin that your body is constantly leaving behind I mean eeeeewwwwww. Dead skin is far grosser than semen.

Dead skin isn't sticky.

I'm not sure I agree with your assessment.

Speaking from my own experience with a laptop, I'm sitting on my bed with it right now and the last thing I'd want is to put my elbow into something unsavory, much less sleep in it. Just a sample size of one for all it's worth.

[BloodyMage]

I don't think the point of the test is to actually smell the semen since the article directs the parent to smell the bed and then declare that it smells like semen regardless of whether it does or not. The point of the test is to gauge the reaction of the suspected masturbator, though that doesn't make it any less stupid since a smart child would just state that it was a wet dream. Seriously, who would run out of the room at that question?

[bluestarultor]

Originally Posted by BloodyMage

I don't think the point of the test is to actually smell the semen since the article directs the parent to smell the bed and then declare that it smells like semen regardless of whether it does or not. The point of the test is to gauge the reaction of the suspected masturbator, though that doesn't make it any less stupid since a smart child would just state that it was a wet dream. Seriously, who would run out of the room at that question?

A smart child would actually probably call them out on it unless he'd actually been doing so, and possibly even if he had. Unless there's actually an issue, why admit to anything at all?

[Kim]

A smart child would say, "I wouldn't know." Makes the parent feel embarassed for saying it, exonerates the child. Or at least does so as much as the child can be. To be honest, if you're smelling your kids mattress and saying "This smells like semen!" to try and get them to confess, you've already decided that they are masturbating, and nothing's going to convince you otherwise.

Originally Posted by From the comments section

Here is a simple method of physically restricting masturbation.
Some members of my church have used Super Glue to seal the entrance of their daughter?s vaginas and/or fastening down the hood on the little man-in-the-boat that dirty girls fiddle with. (This resulted in an infection for two of the girls because the urine hole was inadvertently pinched off ? so be aware not to restrict the salty squirt)
Super Glue has also been employed in controlling four randy young men in the congregation by affixing the penis to the scrotum such that the penis cannot rise upon sinful thought. This results in the added benefit of humiliating the masterbaters as they must sit to urinate. Young members of our church fully understand the consequence of sinful thought and no semen or honey has dripped in our church for almost two years now.
Praise God! and thank him for Super Glue.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH PLEASE BE A JOKE PLEASE BE A JOKE

[bluestarultor]

Okay, I just have to say this.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, PEOPLE! STOP MAKING PEOPLE OF FAITH LOOK BAD!

I am physically nauseated from reading that.

[The Artist Formerly Known as Hawk]

Ladies and gents, I present to you... Organised Religion! The most fucked up of human creations!!

Seriously this whole article is fucked up on so many levels I don't even know where to begin, so I'm classing it all as utterly terrible and trying to purge it from my mind. I just hope the entire thing is a fake site taking the piss out of religious beliefs but I honestly can't tell.

[Viridis]

You know this site is a joke, right guys?

Originally Posted by Other headlines

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Poe's law in effect here?

[krogothwolf]

Originally Posted by bluestarultor

Dead skin isn't sticky.

Dude, you are such a baby. Have you never had a Wet Dream before man? Shesh. Nothing wrong with Wankin it in the bed. Though in the Shower with a TV screen to play the porn be kinda cool too.


To NonCon's post: What, The, Fuck! Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK. I would have been happy not knowing that...Super Glue? Not only that, it should be considered abuse.

Man, I so hope Gat pets go to heaven. I think almost all male dog's are bisexual!